September 23, 2010

Needs Much Updating and Restoration and Soundproofing and Relocating

Usually a property gets featured on burbed because it’s incredibly overpriced or a complete and utter disaster.  It’s rare to find a listing that’s both.  Thanks to burbed reader sonarrat, who has absolutely broken the mold by finding us this house.

342 Bonita Ave  Piedmont, CA 94611
$2,000,000

image

Beds: 4
Baths: 1.5
Sq. Ft.: 2,524
$/Sq. Ft.: $792
Lot Size: 0.28 Acres
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Victorian
STORIES: 1
Year Built: 1878
Community: Central
County: Alameda
MLS#: 40367236
Source: EBRD
Status: Active
On Redfin: 745 days

The Wetmore House, Piedmont’s oldest home. Folk Victorian with much original detail. On Nat. Reg. of Hist. Places. Includes sep. “barn” , a 1+ bedroom LEGAL rental w/ $2000/mo. income. Lovely garden with fruit trees; well on the property keeps everything green. Needs much updating & restoration

This property has way more than merely a sky-high price and poor condition.  Not only does it need extensive repairs, but you have absolutely no say in how to improve it because it’s on the National Registry of Historic Places!  But this gets even better.

Do you like a bargain?  This house has had a 42% haircut so far!  That’s $1.5 million of instant equity right there!  And it’s been on MLS for two years!  Now what would you pay?

How about a big house on a quarter acre with no garage?  Because in 1878 nobody needed a garage.  There’s a “barn” for your “horses,” and if that was how rich people lived in 1878, then why should you complain?  This house is on the National Registry of Historic Places!  Be grateful they’re not making you dress in period costume!  And speaking of complaining…

Are you thinking location, location, location?  Well this two-million-dollar sinkhole is located in a place where the residents think they live in the Real Bay Area but they can’t possibly… because it’s in (gasp) THE EAST BAY.  Not only is Piedmont in the East Bay…. it’s completely surrounded by Oakland. And wait, there’s even more to love about this listing!

When I said location, location, location, I wasn’t kidding.

image

You’re not going to have to worry about emergency response time if you live here, because the only fire station in the whole town is located right next door!  Hope you’re a sound sleeper!

Plus you’ve got an elementary school across the street to ensure you can’t drive anywhere during the beginning or end of the school day, and forget about having any friends over because every parking space within five blocks will be taken by the suburban assault vehicles.  And just in case the school has a teacher-out-of-service day, the high school is conveniently nearby too.

Yes, this house is smack-dab in downtown Piedmont, so you’re right in the middle of ALL the action!  At least you can ensure you’ll always be first in line to sign up for classes at the Rec Center!

Plus, buy this house and not only will you have an insanely high monthly mortgage payment, you can also partake in the joy of being a landlord!  The agent said the rental onsite is LEGAL, and have you ever heard of a real estate agent being dishonest?

This has got to be the best burbed listing EVER!  So please buy it, because it’s only assessed for $104,000.  Everyone at the Fire Department will come over and thank you personally.

Comments (47) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am

47 Responses to “Needs Much Updating and Restoration and Soundproofing and Relocating”

  1. Joe Says:

    “Be grateful they’re not making you dress in period costume!”

    Thanks for the laugh out loud this morning Burbed :)

  2. maryjane Says:

    No pictures of the bathroom (outhouse?) or kitchen (walk-in fireplace?). Are they on the historically registered too?

  3. SillyOaklandPerson Says:

    So, before this place went on the market it was for rent, or maybe the barn was for rent, I can’t remember. We were looking to rent in Piedmont for the schools. The BARN was the cheapest place to rent in Piedmont. I remember the listing saying, you will be living in the OLDEST HOUSE IN PIEDMONT. Personally, I did not take that as a positive. I believe the ernt was $2600 at the time. Needless to say, we passed on it. The neighborhood is actually fine, and the PFD rarely has calls.

  4. nomadic Says:

    madhaus, the _one_ positive thing you could say is that because it is on the Nat’l Register of Historic Places, it should have the tax benefits that go along with it. The new assessment will be very low. The tax break is the one good thing about them making you do everything but dress in period costume – and use a horse & buggy for transportation.

  5. BK Says:

    I think the only value of this property is to use it as a place to hold weddings. You could charge about 20k per wedding. Convert the kitchen to a ‘gourmet’ kitchen, build a small gazebo on that lawn and set out some chairs. BOOOM!!!!!

  6. SEA Says:

    $24k per year in rent? That ought to be worth an extra $600k, right? Yes, that’s right, it’s an easy 4%, even if the cost of capital is 3.75%, or more. What could possibly go wrong?

  7. nomadic Says:

    I think for once Zillow is right. They have its market value pegged at $910,000. Maybe the Oakland can buy it to use as a half-way house.

  8. madAlexhaus Says:

    #7, that’s not being creative enough. With the profits from the overbidding, they could run a horse and buggy in from West Oakland to take the residents to and from their usual stomping grounds. Plus, if they dress in period costume they can get tax credits.

    Win-win-win!

  9. TheGilroyAlex Says:

    Hey in 1870-odd opium, pot, all that good stuff was legal. Speed and ectasy etc also if they’d invented them. They were partway there, drink a stiff pot of Mormon Tea (ephedra). Absinthe at tea, then stagger outside where it’s Oakland and start giving order to all the ….

    OK this has gone far enough.

    Halfway house or meth lab.

  10. AlexGroomer Says:

    Piedmont? Really? Are we aiming that low now?

    Cool apartment complex across the street. They made it look like tennis courts.

  11. sonarrat Says:

    I was surprised when surfing City-Data.com once and saw that Piedmont has the nation’s second oldest housing stock. Everything else in the top 25 was on the East Coast. Now that’s some hardcore anti-development policy.

  12. Alexomadic Says:

    If those hoity-toity Piedmont folks don’t like the halfway house idea, then maybe it could be a women’s shelter. But then Alex (plain Alex) would hang around looking for sandwiches.

  13. madAlexhaus Says:

    There’s a perfectly good sandwich place only 3 blocks away. Seriously, you have to read this copy without gagging. This place is even more self-satisfied than the purveyors in downtown Palo Alto.

    Also I suspect they’re too politically correct to sell Alex the sandwich he wants to buy. Or get for free.

  14. Truly Unique Property in its Original Condition | Burbed.com Says:

    [...] continue our slumming in the East Bay one more day.  When sonarrat sent in yesterday’s property, also enclosed was this one as a little PS.  As in PS, this self-satisfied enclave, [...]

  15. Stan Bunger Says:

    “Usually a property gets featured on burbed (sic)because it’s incredibly overpriced or a complete and utter disaster”

    Nah, they’re featured because the webmasters themselves are failed realtors who have multiple axes to grind.

    Negative cash flow = bitterness in perpetuity. Right, Ms. Burbed?

  16. maryjane Says:

    #15 –

    Some people just realize the absurdity of paying a fortune for a POS. A lot of people seem too dumb to recognize when they’re being ripped off and others are consumed by greed. I prefer to think of burbers as a select group of sane and rational people who have more common sense than 99% of the easily led masses. Every now and then a rare masterpiece will come on the market and may be worth paying more for but you need to be able to tell the difference between something special and something a realtor is trying to convince you is special and honey, this ain’t it.

  17. Real Estater Says:

    maryjane,

    It’s not always so cut and dry. For something in this price range, the valued is usually in the land. POS can very well stand for Potential, Opportunity, and Savings!

  18. Real Estater Says:

    Dow up nearly 200 today. What we know by now is that the economy has its up and downs, but the economy is not out nor is it in trouble.

  19. SEA Says:

    maryjane- “Some people just realize the absurdity of paying a fortune for a POS.”

    Clearly you’re only thinking about the non-RBA, which, being an enclave of Oakland, Piedmont clearly is outside of the RBA. Yes, I know the RBA is not contiguous, but having to travel through a third-world country to get to the RBA? NO WAY!

    In the RBA two things are true:

    1. No POS.
    2. It’s not possible to pay too much.

    As a reminder, it’s much better to live on PB&J in the RBA than live in the non-RBA. Besides, in the RBA, your house does all the hard work for you.

  20. SEA Says:

    “Dow up nearly 200 today.”

    While I am not sure about causation, I am quite sure there is a correlation between Real Estater’s posts about the DOW and magnitude and direction.

    First test: Did it go up? If yes, continue.
    Second test: How much did it go up?

    The likelihood of Real Estater mentioning the DOW is directly proportional to the amount it went up.

    For example, DOW went up by a great amount, then the likelihood that Real Estater makes a post about it is a great amount. DOW went up by very little? Very little chance that Real Estater mentions it.

  21. John Says:

    In that case, I hope to see RE post a lot!

  22. maryjane Says:

    Can anyone estimate the half-life of an ungaraged Porsche in Piedmont?

  23. AlexGroomer Says:

    > Negative cash flow = bitterness in perpetuity. Right, Ms. Burbed?

    You know, I was never able to put my finger on burbed. Literally or figuratively. I think burbed is Real Estater’s wife, who created this website to quench RE’s thirst for investment properties.

  24. DreamT Says:

    That certainly would explain the pink house fetish

  25. A. Lewis Says:

    East Bay Posting! East Bay Posting! Yeah! Go East Bay! EB #1!!

    Seriously, Piedmont is definitely in the RBA. And you can safely access it via Hwy 13 and Hwy 24, so you can entirely avoid Oakland. Hey – Palo Alto is RBA even though it’s next to East Palo Alto.

    This is such an epic posting. One thing this shows is how ridiculously overpriced housing is in the Bay Area – all you peninsula folks can easily see why this isn’t worth it – which tells you why I can look at all the Peninsula properties and see why they are not worth the wishing prices.

    You actually see RE defending this lot – because he wants to keep believing in the myth of neighborhoods so super-special people would pay $800/sqft for 130-year crap with 1.5 bathrooms.

  26. Alexomadic Says:

    #18 is classic. “The economy is not in trouble.” Now we know where RE actually lives: an alternate universe.

    There a real flaw in #15’s theory – burbed has been around since the early bubble days. Even the most socially-challenged and illiterate realtards could earn six figures back then, yet this site was mocking overpriced property.

  27. Real Estater Says:

    A says,
    >>You actually see RE defending this lot – because he wants to keep believing in the myth of neighborhoods so super-special people would pay $800/sqft for 130-year crap with 1.5 bathrooms.

    Actually, what I see is you defending your ignorance about real estate. Real estate is never just about the house, but about the land and the location.

  28. Real Estater Says:

    For example, living in a million dollar “shack” on the right side of the Bay beats living in the East Bay any day!

  29. A. Lewis Says:

    #28 – HAHAHAHAHA….ROTFLMAO.

    Wow – it’s amazing you actually let such things come straight out. I must have hit a nerve! Let me say I’m glad you despise the East Bay so much – please, don’t ever come here. We don’t need people like you.

    You are the one showing ignorance – about the East Bay. Do you EVER leave Palo Alto? You have absolutely no clue if you believe that any $1M shack on the ‘right’ side is better than anywhere in the East Bay. Truly ignorant.

    You might want to talk with your Realtor friends who sell properties in the East Bay and try to educate yourself a little bit…

  30. Real Estater Says:

    A,

    I wasn’t even talking about Palo Alto. Looks like I hit a nerve and led you jumping to conclusions. Who is the only person here constantly referring to her million dollar place as “the shack”? Hint: She plays air guitar.

  31. madhaus Says:

    #25, about time you showed up! I told you last week I had a listing just for you!

    Who is #30 talking about? The only female on the board who mentioned guitar is me, and all of mine are quite tangible. Plus my shack hasn’t been worth a million in a year and a half at least. You might want to look at some neighborhood comps… In your own Wrong Side of Middlefield location. Your place is now under one point five. What’s it like to have your home’s value drop more than 33%? Since I’m on the Right Side, at least I’m only down 20%. See? Location does matter!

  32. SEA Says:

    John- “In that case, I hope to see RE post a lot!”

    The problem is that often the DOW goes down right before going up the 100-200 that Real Estater chants, parades about.

    What was it, a couple Fridays ago he was happy it went up about 165, if I remember right, but for the week it was slightly down, so he mentioned it was up YoY.

    SSDD

  33. SEA Says:

    I wish I could make up stuff like this:

    “For example, living in a million dollar “shack” on the right side of the Bay beats living in the East Bay any day!” -Real Estater

    CRAZY!

  34. Real Estater Says:

    SEA,

    I guess reality is crazier than fiction. Obviously, our air guitar hero has chosen to live in a shack on the right side of the Bay instead of trading for a mansion in the other side. Are you calling her crazy?

  35. SEA Says:

    “Obviously, our air guitar hero has chosen to live in a shack on the right side of the Bay instead of trading for a mansion in the other side. Are you calling her crazy?”

    No way could I call an air guitar player crazy–air guitar is serious business.

  36. Real Estater Says:

    Let’s close out the night by saying:

    – Weight challenged 50 year old mom playing air guitar is crazy
    – Wasting your life in the east bay is crazy
    – Owning an RBA address is not crazy. Actually, it is credibility.

  37. Real Creator Of Craiglist Says:

    Owning an RBA address is not crazy. Actually, it is credibility.
    —-

    Considering the fact that Uncle Estater does not have any credibility, he does need to borrow it from RBA address.

  38. madhaus Says:

    Wow, #36 is really getting away from the RBA spirit. No need to be destructive just because your house dropped so much.

  39. A. Lewis Says:

    #36 – you’re really losing it! You think all the people who live in all of the East Bay are wasting their lives! Do you hear yourself?

    Maybe you think that everyone who doesn’t own a house in 94301 should just shoot themselves because they’ve failed in life? Go ahead and say it if that’s what you think.

  40. Real Creator Of Craiglist Says:

    Maybe you think that everyone who doesn’t own a house in 94301 should just shoot themselves because they’ve failed in life?
    —-

    This is what happens when the only achievement of someone’s life is buying an one car garage crapbox on the wrong side of Middlefield.

    But hey, at least he lives walking distance from someone who has lots of achievements – Apple II, iPhone, iPad etc. Now that’s a “walking distance” achievement.

  41. Real Estater Says:

    >>Maybe you think that everyone who doesn’t own a house in 94301 should just shoot themselves because they’ve failed in life?

    I would expect such made-up statement coming out of Pralay, but I guess I over-estimated your mental maturity.

  42. Real Creator Of Craiglist Says:

    I would expect such made-up statement coming out of Pralay
    —–

    Pralay provides link to Uncle Estater’s old posts. E.g. #40. Unless of course Uncle Estater thinks his own comments are made up (which is true, of course, most of the time).

  43. Real Estater Says:

    Unfortunately, Pralay does not provide links to his own made-up, imaginary, or distorted statements. However, it does not take much to see that he was wrong all along. Case in point: when the market was down during the financial crisis, he drew a straight line projection to predict what would happen in the future.

  44. Real Creator Of Craiglist Says:

    Case in point: when the market was down during the financial crisis, he drew a straight line projection to predict what would happen in the future.

    :) Now that’s called made-up statement.

  45. A. Lewis Says:

    “…but I guess I over-estimated your mental maturity.”

    Thanks for the laugh on this one, too. So when you were calling me “crazy” for “wasting” my life in the East Bay, that was when you thought I had more mental maturity?

    You’re a real sweetheart!

  46. A. Lewis Says:

    Real Estater – I’ve never figured out your plan completely. You’d do a lot better winning people over to your (utterly wrong) ideas if you could stick to the high road – but you inevitably succumb to a desire to insult people, make outrageously offensive personal comments, and exhibit racism, sexism, elitism, and engage in class-warfare.

    You seem awfully angry. Are you in therapy? I think it might help. Group therapy as well – I think you should really spend more time listening to others and trying to expand your worldview.

  47. Real Creator Of Craiglist Says:

    You seem awfully angry.
    —-

    It has been two years since economy grew 3.3%, Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac problem got solved, gas price settled down and we were all clear for take-off. Instead of flying high with double digit appreciation, his home value is dropping everyday. Definitely a reason to be angry. Who wouldn’t?


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