Today’s contribution is from burbed reader nomadic. This property certainly has all the key features we know and love: listing copy in all-caps, problems galore neatly omitted, and a series of grudgingly small reductions on a WTF wishing price pretending to be a bargain.
SQ. FT.: 9,000
$/SQ. FT.: $367
LOT SIZE: 0.53 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
YEAR BUILT: 1975
COMMUNITY: Los Altos Hills
COUNTY: Santa Clara
ON REDFIN: 93 days
$350K PRICE REDUCTION ON HUGE CUSTOM CONTEMPORARY HOME + 2100SF ATTACHED GUEST HOUSE = $300/SF IN LAH!!! * * * PERFECT FOR LARGE OR EXTENDED FAMILY NEEDING PLENTY OF SPACE * * * EXPANSIVE LIST OF AMENITIES INCL LIMESTONE FLRS, CUSTOM FAUX PAINT, LRG MASTER BED SUITE W/ SITTING ROOM, GOURMET KITCHEN W/ GRANITE, WINE CELLAR, TASTING AREA, 5ZONE HVAC, 4FPs * * (2)2 CAR GARAGES INCL OVERSIZED HEIGHT FOR R/V/WORKSHOP * *
Here’s what nomadic had to say about this house:
OMG. It’s a freak of nature. The noise from 280 is loud. Very loud – it’s right across from the house and elevated for maximum annoyance. It’s like two houses were glued together with a hallway or two. The listing says “2100sf guest house,” but you can hardly tell where one ends and the other begins because it’s just a double interior door, and then there’s a second kitchen back there. The floor plan wanders from room to room with no sense whatsoever.
On the front, there are stairs with access to a roof top deck (see aerial view). It’s like having turrets on an old house; you could set up a reporting station for traffic on 280. It’s the weirdest house I have ever seen. It could be Winchester West. But what would you expect for just $367/sf in Los Altos Hills?
Thanks, nomadic! Let’s take a look at that aerial view.
Yowza. A half-acre parcel and the house seems to take up most of it. And what little isn’t built over seems to be paved over. Viewing the grounds from a little higher up shows this lot has been somewhat… subdivided. And yet, no spec homes have sprouted yet. Think of the excitement in buying this house, knowing a future neighbor could begin construction on another monster house just a few feet away from yours! You’d better snatch that parcel up and put in Sarah’s Cafe West next door. If the neighborhood improvement committee complains, give them all 25% off coupons.
Oh yes, the noise from 280. This is an easy remedy. If only the agent had the sense to use a more attractive map:
Problem solved! Lovely riverside setting!
Besides, if the freeway is inconveniently elevated for maximum annoyance, that means it’s conveniently sited for tourists to see the large signage you’re going to put on the roof deck. Remember, the original Winchester Mystery House is also atop I-280, but isn’t in the Real Bay Area part. This house is full of freeway WIN!