Burbed reader sonarrat called me over and slowly opened the trenchcoat.  What illicit product could I buy?  Darn, no chocolate, just real estate.  Here’s what sonarrat has to say about today’s amazing listing:

I don’t have the time to get into why this is so great, but isn’t this a far better use of the money than some crap shack in Cupertino??

Indeed it is!  For one, crapshacks in Cupertino are reachable by anybody.  But this place is boat access only.  For two, move here and don’t worry about truant officers! “Nearby schools are unavailable” per Redfin.

20251 W Bacon Island Dr  Stockton, CA 95201
$799,000

Beds: –
Baths: –
Sq. Ft.: –
Lot Size: 348 Acres
Property Type: Agricultural/Residential Land
View: Bay, Lake
Community: San Joaquin County
County: San Joaquin
MLS#: 81026676
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 134 days

SPORTSMAN’S PARADISE. The island is flooded with 350 acres of lake water from 8′ to 12′ and surrounded by nearly 4 miles of levee frontage. High recreational use for boating, fishing & hunting. Incredible bass fishing! Unique opportunity, call for complete brochure. High unused mitigation benefits. One owner, one island, one reclamation district. Big tax benefits. Possible Mitigation.

When a property listing mentions mitigation twice that’s never a good sign.  348 acres, 350 acres of lake water.  That means two acres are flooded twice.  No wonder it has a lake view, plus “water available at site” yet “Sewer not available.”

Let’s have a look at this SPORTSMAN’S PARADISE, with high recreational use for boating, fishing and hunting with incredible bass fishing.  Perhaps the listing agent thinks the island is in Louisiana.

Unfortunately when the map is sufficiently pulled out to show the entire property (above), the lot lines vanish.  It’s shaped like a wide rectangle running from the water curve on the right to the inlet on the left where the little tree marker is.  Here’s a closer-in view created by merging two map images together.

Doesn’t look like much of an island, and doesn’t look flooded either.  But why not pick this one up instead of a Cupertino crapshack in Rancho Rinkydinky?  Then you can truthfully tell your friends and family that all your bass are belong to us.