January 25, 2011

With all three Good Cupertino schools!

You remember the phrase “the value is in the land”?  Usually that’s said when calling the house a crapbox is an insult to outdoor toilets everywhere. Let’s just say that today’s land isn’t much to talk about, either.  So, where is the value?  Because today’s house is a value!  Read on to find out if it’s a positive or a negative value.

1586 S Bernardo Ave, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$929,999

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BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,603
$/SQ. FT.: $580
LOT SIZE: 7,956 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch, Contemporary
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81100512
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 19 days

Charming home with all three good Cupertino Schools- West Valley, Cupertino Middle, Homestead High. Double Pane windows * Bright Kitchen with Family room * Hardwood Floor * Central Heat and A/C * Spacious living room w/ fireplace, sliding doors to fruit tree large yard * Los Altos border * Must see to appreciate. Compare the price to other homes with all three Good schools!

Does this house have Cupertino schools?  It does?  Great!  Just checking, as the Realtard only mentioned it a few times. Does the house have anything else, in case I might want to consider living in it rather than merely taking advantage of all three Good schools?

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Well, it has a kitchen.  At least I think this is a kitchen.  It’s hard to tell because while it has cabinetry and counter-like fixtures, this room seems decidedly short on luxury kitchen-type appliances. You know, such as, say, an oven or a refrigerator.

It’s got a sink, okay?  Plug in a microwave next to it and you can make all the ramen you want.  And you don’t need a fridge for PB&J.  What’s that?  You do?  You’re just not being flexible enough.  There should be room to keep a small ice chest in one of those cabinets.  Store the peanut butter and jelly jars in the cooler.  Problem solved.

What?  You’re worried about where to get more ice for the cooler?  Right here:

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imageSee that circled area at the bottom?  That’s a Mini-Mart at the gas station.  See that school between your future house and the Mini-Mart?  That school is the reason this architectural armpit has a wishing price of $930,000.  You are not buying this house unless you have at least one child who will attend every one of those Three Good Schools.  So make the little brat bring home ten pounds of ice for the cooler every day.  It’s the least the ungrateful wretch can do for you after you spent almost a million dollars for public school.

imageThe value of this place is not in the land, as the backyard demonstrates.  The value is obviously in The Three Good Schools.  And proximity to the Mini-Mart.  And so convenient to the freeway and the Los Altos Border!  Why, Caltrans has installed a handball court right across the street!  So not only will your kids attend The Three Good Schools, you need not waste money on sports leagues or appliances!

imageYou know those other homes with all three Good schools you’re supposed to compare to this one?  They not only cost more, the kids living there will have to travel much further to play handball for free.  Every time you look at this sound wall handball court (which means whenever you leave this house), you can pretend you’re living in an exclusive, ivied walled compound, just like in Atherton.  A very, very large one, because it’s so Full of Win.

Comments (19) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

19 Responses to “With all three Good Cupertino schools!”

  1. sprezzatura Says:

    Price dropped to $899,999 on the 24th, so now you can even afford to buy a fridge for the place!

  2. Alex Says:

    Dammit.

    Brevity, madhouse, brevity! Didn’t Santa bring you any gifts?

  3. SiO2 Says:

    We’re #1!
    http://finance.yahoo.com/real-estate/article/111915/the-best-and-worst-cities-for-home-values-in-2011

    Forecast 2% house price growth over the next 3 years.

    Of course, forecasts may not be right.

  4. nomadic Says:

    2%? That’s it? I want my guaranteed 7.2%!

    What a gyp this RBA turned out to be!

  5. SEA Says:

    That 2% is useless aggregate data. We all know that 7.2%, minimum, is the right number for the correct real properties.

  6. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    Pulled off the market! The sellers couldn’t stomach that price drop, so they’re waiting for market conditions to improve!

  7. madhaus Says:

    #6, it’s relisted again! That way it’s a “new listing” instead of chasing the market down since 2010. Sellers pulled the listing when they reduced wishing price from original $959k as well. And it sold in 2006 for $830k.

    However, Sunnyvale / CUSD peaked in May, 2008. How come they didn’t put some 8s in the price? Everyone knows that’s how you market Cupertino schools! I suppose it could be worse, they could price it at $899,444.

  8. anon Says:

    Crapbox, madhaus? Crapbox? That can’t be… this house has hard wood floors. Hard wood floors. Let me say that again – hard. wood. floors. Gosh – some people. I’m sure every family bringing in $299,999.66 a year is going to be jumping at the chance to snap this up. If you don’t agree, well, that’s just sour grapes.

    The price of eight hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine dollars just reeks class. If the MLS listed had room for cents in the wishing price field, no doubt these smart and sophisticated sellers would require their agent add “and ninety-nine cents” Because, like every good homeowner broke shit bag, these people know to tap every source of income they possibly can for as much as they can squeeze out.

  9. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    I call it Slummyvale for a reason.

  10. SEA Says:

    “I’m sure every family bringing in $299,999.66 a year is going to be jumping at the chance to snap this up.”

    A 3x price-to-annual income is way too old. You know the new America has high finance [=affordability for everyone] where people making $50k [=far less after taxes] are the ones ‘jumping at the chance to snap this up.’ Remember, income really doesn’t matter anymore–interest rates are low, low, low–that’s why the unemployment rate should be ignored.

  11. bob Says:

    Man oh man- I always wanted to live right next to the freeway and breathe exhaust fumes all day and night. And for only $929,000? Is that all? What a steal!

  12. San Jose Craig Says:

    If it weren’t for the location this house would be over a million dollars.

  13. madhaus Says:

    #12, or should I call you San Jose Roger, precisely why would this house be over a million if it weren’t located in CUSD/Homestead? If it were in Milpitas, it wouldn’t go for half this amount.

  14. nomadic Says:

    I think he meant “away from the freeway” it would be worth over a million. Like your shack, right?

  15. madhaus Says:

    #14, don’t be ridiculous. MY shack has an oven and a refrigerator.

  16. Real Alex Says:

    Speaking of hardwood. Friend of mine just flipped a crapbox by tearing old carpet and making some minor updates to the kitchen. Suprisingly he found oak hardwood floor under the carpet in very good condition! He spent pennies on restoring and painting it and made easy $100k. If you need to get rid of your carpet, ask me how to find my friend. He will happily remove it for $100k. :P

  17. madhaus Says:

    Sold for $875,000 on 3/10/11.

  18. nomadic Says:

    Not too shabby. Well, the house might be. And it’s location also. But that price ain’t bad.

  19. Robert Says:

    With+parcel+taxes+getting+larger+and+larger,+people+may+not+be+able+to+afford+these+homes+much+longer!+http://noonmeasurec.blogspot.com/


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