March 10, 2011

Accentuate the Pristine Granite Countertops

This house has it all!  Not just granite countertops, spacious closets and a marble fireplace, but location, location, location, and talk about history!  If you want a home of historical interest, this one is for you!  Our thanks to Burbed reader SEA for finding this winner… winner of the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butchered award for overdone listing copy.

1324 Modoc Ave, Menlo Park, CA 94025
$399,900

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BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,020
$/SQ. FT.: $392
LOT SIZE: 4,900 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1950
COMMUNITY: East of U.S. 101
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81104404
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 33 days

Completely remodeled home. Vacant and ready to move in. Brand new beautiful hardwood floors throughout which accentuate the pristine granite countertops in the kitchen. Spacious closets including walk-in closet in main BR. A marble fireplace in the living room will keep you and your family warm for years to come. Fenced backyard fully equipped with a storage shed and a cheery, mature lemon tree!

imageSo, location, location, location?  Maybe not, as the listing copy sings the praises of the house rather than the ‘hood.  When the agent sells you on cocooning, better check if the mulberry grove is healthy… um, East of US 101? 

But that cheery, mature lemon tree is going to be the cherry on top of this domestic sundae!  Have you ever read such beautiful listing copy?  Vacant and ready to move in!  Maybe this agent is a frustrated novelist, and anyone trying to buy his house is going to find it a real thriller.  Yes, I said his house.  See this in the listing features?

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Just expect that contract to be a real page-turner.  And speaking of lots of pages, did I mention historical interest?  Have a gander at THIS!

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imageNot only is the current owner trying to flip this place for a $100K profit (how much did those granite countertops cost, anyway?), it’s been in foreclosure not once, not twice, but three different times.  Three times within four years.  Okay, maybe twice; it’s a little suspicious that it foreclosed at the exact same price in both April and November 2004, despite yet another couple sales between them.

Perhaps this house has such an interesting financial history because it’s haunted by a banker.  But no problem, just head to the backyard and take comfort from the cheery, mature lemon tree!  Because when you have lemon-painted lien-bait like this lulzicious listing, all you can do is make lemonade.

Comments (8) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

8 Responses to “Accentuate the Pristine Granite Countertops”

  1. waiting_for_the_fall Says:

    Is that a two-story shed?

  2. marty Says:

    The shed must be where they keep the wheels for that double wide.

  3. madhaus Says:

    This house is the flip side of the insanely overbuilt one on Ramona with all-caps abbreviations and misspelled copy. I wonder if this agent is playing a joke on the others at his agency and seeing how many people will show up for a tour based on the copy alone.

  4. nomadic Says:

    If the listing didn’t say this was built in 1950, I would have guessed it’s one of those new concept houses built from a few shipping containers. Just think how easy it could be if the next owner decided to take a job in China for a couple of years! They could pull it up and take the whole house.

  5. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    Personally, I like the fact that the front door is larger than the garage door. You could park 2 smart cars in the garage and 3 in the living room! That’s 5 inside parking spaces! Plus the driveway and street parking! HURRY! ACT NOW!

  6. gallileo Says:

    I’m no interior designer, but usually the color with less square footage accents the color with more. So the counter-tops should be accenting the floors, rather than the other way around.

    Of course getting that right would require a Realtor that wasn’t just blowing flowery smoke, but actually knew what he was talking about.

  7. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    Historic? Who was killed there?

  8. SFBilly Says:

    The shed is the panic room, for this war zone of a hood.


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