Burbed gets some pretty amusing listings sent in, but this one stands head and shoulders above most of them. Or should I say it made quite an impact. Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for sharing it.
21431 BERTRAM Rd, San Jose, CA 95120
SQ. FT.: 852
$/SQ. FT.: $205
LOT SIZE: 6,348 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
YEAR BUILT: 1927
COMMUNITY: Almaden Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 56 days
SHORT SALE. Contractor Special!!! Beautiful Creek Setting. Tree Fell On Home. Buyer to Verify Allowable Re-Build With County. In A Historical District. Do Not Go On The Property!!! View From The Street. Offers are still being taken. They will be presented to 1st lender when negotiations are completed with second.
I really appreciate truth in advertising, and real estate is one field where creative descriptions (which is a rather fancy way to say “lies”) are the norm. So a listing that calls it like it sees it is truly more than a breath of fresh air. Observe the economy of prose that tells nothing but the unvarnished truth.
Beautiful Creek Setting. That’s true, and here’s a nice picture of the beautiful creek setting. So far, this listing reads like most of the distressed properties we’ve seen FBs lose when they couldn’t pay their bubblicious loan payments. So, no surprises yet, but wait, there’s more!
Buyer to Verify Allowable Re-Build With County. Beautiful. A few choice words with just a hint of endless bureaucracy and red tape. This property is a complete crapshoot: you pays your money and you may not get to do anything with it. We’ve moved from Hemingway to Kafka.
Do Not Go On The Property!!! View From The Street. Now the writer injects a note of warning into what had been informative and down-to-earth beforehand. The plot thickens! Plus they don’t want you on the property because this is one ginormous liability suit just waiting to happen.
They will be presented to 1st lender when negotiations are completed with second. Hope, with a bemused eyeroll. This admitted disaster is not only a short sale, there are negotiations with not one, but two banks. That’s going to make dealing with the county planning department as easy as falling off a log.
Wow! Now tell us the bad news.
This listing spoke the whole truth. This is definitely a Contractor Special, in the sense that certain kids are “Special.” View it from The Street!
Here’s what the tree house looks like now. I didn’t take a long shot to show that 2/3 of the house wasn’t crushed – it appears that the front room (main living area) was flattened, but not the rest. Too bad another picture I took was too dark to show the kitchen where one wall was missing. There were GRANITE countertops!
In the background you can see how massive the fallen branch was. There is more of the same tree hanging over the next door neighbor’s house. To be fair, I’m not sure the owner would have known what a risk there was. The tree doesn’t look completely dead. It’s one of those scrubby looking oaks or something. There are many huge trees all along that street and nearly every home could have one fall on it.
Here’s the firewood pile nearby; I’m pretty certain it was the fallen branch.
The firewood had better be included for $175,000.