Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy for today’s featured house!

3121 PRUNERIDGE Ave, Santa Clara, CA 95051
$679,950

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,760
$/SQ. FT.: $386
LOT SIZE: 6,900 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1962
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY:Santa Clara
MLS#: 81104472
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 76 days

EXCELLENT SANTA CLARA LOCATION WITHIN A “STONE’S THROW” OF MAYWOOD PARK. KITCHEN, DINING AREA, AND SEPARATE FAMILY ROOM PROVIDE AN EXELLENT HOME LAYOUT. FORMAL DINING AND A BEAUTIFUL LIVING ROOM FEATURING LOVELY VIEWS OF THE BACKYARD. HARDWOOD FLOORING, DUAL PANE WINDOWS, COPPER PIPES, AND HARDWOOD UNDER THE EXISTING CARPET MAKE THIS HOME READY FOR YOU TO MOVE IN! NOT A SHORT OR REO PROPERTY.

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this listing:

“Subject: Stoned home.  I think the realtor was smoking when they wrote this one…”

Oh come on, just because the Realtard spelled “excellent” two different ways in the same paragraph, note that he got one of them right.  Plus he didn’t make any capitalization errors by the clever tactic of using only capitals.  That’s innovative thinking!  Best of all this is NOT A SHORT OR REO PROPERTY, which is good news.  I hate it when I buy a house and find out it’s actually in Brazil.

Perhaps this issue is that the house is within a “STONE’S THROW” OF MAYWOOD PARK.  Don’t worry about neighborhood hooligans breaking your windows and hiding in the park.  As you can see, the house is conveniently situated on a busy street, so there will be plenty of witnesses to any rock-throwing attempts.

Plus I question whether the house is really a STONE’S THROW from the Park.  There’s a piece of property in the way, so a park-based vandal would have to loft the stone over several houses as well as all that Pruneridge Avenue traffic to hit the front windows of this place.

Also, from where the house sits, I can tell you without having to look it up that it has Santa Clara schools!  Now we know residents of The Mission City love their utilities because they’re cheap.  So you’ll love these schools too, they make the house much cheaper than the ones across the street in that effete Cupertino Union district.

Pride of ownership: make sure the utilities match the schools and the carpets match the drapes.  Need I say more?  It’s got HARDWOOD underneath!