June 29, 2011

What does a $649k house in Milpitas look like?

Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,260
$/Sq. Ft.: $515
Lot Size: 6,392 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Traditional
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1960
Community: Milpitas
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81118300
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active

On Redfin: 39 days

Now, you could be dismayed that this the first photo in this listing is of the backyard. Or that the photos are tiny. Or that there’s no detailed description extolling the virtues of this house.

But let’s face it – this is house is a mere $649k! What do you expect? A full service, high quality listing?

Look, if all you can afford is $649k, that means you’re probably making less than $100k. Should you really be living in the Bay Area if you make less than $100k? Probably not.

So yeah. Take it if you want it. Leave it if you don’t. We probably don’t want your kind here anyway.

Comments (10) -- Posted by: burbed @ 5:02 am

10 Responses to “What does a $649k house in Milpitas look like?”

  1. ES Says:

    This can’t be a genuine effort to sell this house, right?

  2. madhaus Says:

    Tiny pictures and ridiculously overpriced for the neighborhood. That’s how to market a short sale! The underbidding will take the price right where it needs to be.

  3. nomadic Says:

    Eeyore-the-realtard probably thought “it won’t sell anyway, so why bother?”

    Seriously, over $500/sf for Milpitas???

  4. nomadic Says:

    Looking at neighborhood comps, this place should sell for $350k-$400k.

  5. Sunny(vale) Kim Says:

    Looks like the agent wasn’t even allowed to enter inside house. Why would he be allowed? The homeowner squatter is enjoying the Pride of Homeownership Squattership inside house. Probably he stopped paying mortgage one year back. And the bank can’t find all the documents to start foreclosure. So the squatter is living happily. Why bother to help the agent to sell this house? No picture please.

  6. madhaus Says:

    Even more laffs at Zillow:

    Make Me Move: $799K
    Zestimate: $395,500

    Zillow doesn’t seem to know it’s for sale, either.

  7. nomadic Says:

    Yeah, today’s headline is quite deceiving. This isn’t what a $649k house in Milpitas looks like; it’s what a $375k Milpitas house looks like.

  8. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    One of these squatters needs to work a “moon” into these lousy realtard photos, if they don’t notice 5 or 6 extra cars, garbage piles, or Two Dudes Hanging Out, they’re not going to notice a butt.

  9. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    I bet they have a bag of dog poo to sprinkle around the driveway/yard on the off chance the realtor calls to set up a showing.

  10. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    #9 you know, everyone jokes about doing various pranks with dog poop, but no one ever actually does it. And you know why? Because no one wants to look like the neighborhood Jeffery Dahmer in the making out collecting dog scat. And the big, imposing, stuff from big, imposing dogs, is best to use anyway.

    I refer readers to “Cat Sh!t, A Simple Tutorial” by RedBoxChiliPepper and Rotary Girl, a video that despite being done with a VHS recorder around 1990, is hilarious. And that was just cat poop.

    So, in the world of RE, going that extra bit is essential. Just eat dog food for a week, collect the um, proceeds, and leave around for those realtard visits. Extra points if you somehow inadvertently leave a plop in a flaming paper bag at the front door.

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