July 20, 2011

Ennui in Atherton

197 Ravenswood Ave, Atherton, CA

Beds: 4
Baths: 3
Sq. Ft.: 2,820
$/Sq. Ft.: $709
Lot Size: 1 Acres
On Redfin: 127 days
Excellent opportunity to build your estate home in Atherton. Lot is 43,700 sq ft and all level. House needs work and is in original condition. Great potential. Property is currently rented on a month-to-month basis. Beautiful grounds with pool and one bedroom guest house. Property is across from Menlo-Atherton High School Performing Arts Center.

You’ve worked hard, you’ve saved every last penny, you fought for the promotions and finally you’ve made it.  Okay, not really.  You’re a trust fund baby and you know it.  But if anything, that means you’re even MORE entitled to the good life, right?  So let’s head to Atherton and pick up a slice of the good life!  Surely a street name like Ravenswood couldn’t portend anything dire, right?  A 3k manse on an acre seems like just the thing to snap up!  You smile jauntily as you walk into your new home to relax in your…. dark dungeon of a living room?

You blink myopically as you watch the light being sucked out of the room, not sure just where it’s going.  Lethargy seeps into your bones and you only want to collapse on the couch and wonder about the futility of existence.  Wait, you must snap out of it!  Surely a nice bright paint job will fix… whatever it is… that seems to eat light and joy in the living room.  You quickly move into the kitchen to surround yourself in gleaming white tile and paint.

You feel the building tension ease off as you reach the kitchen.   You start to relax until you realize that the bright sunlight streaming through your small window only reaches the sink before evaporating into the house’s gloam.Surely this can’t be right.  Surely there must be a spot in this sanctuary from the hard knock life of idle aristocracy must have a bright spot!  Some place to uplift your soul and allow you to relax in your castle!  After all, this is Atherton, dammit, and Daddy worked long and hard for you to live here!  Your face becomes a rictus of strident indignation and you summon the tenacity that got you through Stanford after Mommy signed a check for a cool hundred grand and stalk out of the ever dimming kitchen into the dining room.  Here you will bask in the warming sun streaming through your floor to ceiling windows!  The entire wall of glorious glass will allow the sun to blast this malingering discontent from your mind!  Passing through the doorway you are greeted by what seems like acres of glass.   Your glorious aerie of windows and sun awaits!

The room tails away from you into darkness.  The sun gamely tries to banish the darkness, but like the oft scrubbed blood spatters on Lady MacBeth, this is a fight that cannot be won.  Your legs give a wobble and your knees nearly hit the floor as darkness spreads from the house outwards.  It even seems like the house is try to shove another wall against the windows to make the dankness complete.  Surely this is a demon house that hates the light!  You begin to shake uncontrollably, overcome by an urge to flee the house, to seek the sun, to escape the darkness!  Fumbling at your single pane sliding glass doors, you finally yank them open and stumble out onto your acre of golden fields and trees!  You take a deep breath of air only slightly tainted by the nearby bay sloughs, your eyes closed tight, waiting for the perfect moment to open them to the glory that is your land, the one thing that will embrace the sun and your spirit, like a high end skymall hammock for your soul.  You shade your eyes and open them, expecting to be blinded by the sun and find yourself staring at a landscape of lush… bleakness?

The blue sky above mocks you.  The trees bob and weave blocking all warmth.  The cold shadows reach across the grounds to drag you down into the bleakness of existence.  The grass darkens to near black, the trees oily blobs of shadow.  Only a spattering of sun is allowed through, to mock you with the utter futility of seeking warmth, companionship, fulfillment, or the last ice cream sandwich because the maid snagged it when she was cleaning up yesterday.

Beaten, you stare around you at the noose you happily bought and secured around your neck.  You wonder how many days and nights living in every deepening darkness in Atherton it will take before the pool becomes the one beacon of light in your life.  You feel certain soon it will be your only friend, a magnet drawing you to it like a dark iron filing drawn to the magnetic allure of despair and grief.  Surely the pool will have a solution to your dilemma.  Soon it will be time to dive in and discover the warm embrace of certainty.

Comments (18) -- Posted by: sfbubblebuyer @ 4:56 am

18 Responses to “Ennui in Atherton”

  1. SEA Says:

    We need to get back to the RBA.

    For example, 1184 Palo Alto Ave, from $4.3M to $6.3M in under 4 years.

    I’m sure you know what I’m thinking… The so-called overbidding will bring the price right up to where it needs to be.

    Or possibly you want to be on the left side of wrong streets when you’re driving right. If so, I propose:

    959 Waverly St, which has more than doubled in less than 10 years, although there is the ‘STUNNING RESTORATION & ADDITION COMPLETED IN 2007.’

  2. SEA Says:

    “Investors are bidding up Zillow Inc. stock, even though the Seattle company has never posted an annual profit.”

    Do the investors understand that Seattle is no longer part of the RBA?

  3. bmwman91 Says:

    Excellent writing! I was chuckling all the way through.

  4. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    The whole article hinged on random guy staring contemplatively at the pool. The ridiculously dark pictures just set the tone.

    And seriously, WTF is up with the pictures? 120,000 dollars in potential commission, and THAT is the best they can do?

  5. madhaus Says:

    Please welcome Burbed’s newest guest editor with this awesome piece. Too bad there was only one dude by the pool; if he had invited his buddy they could be chilling… In that chilly shade.

    Don’t forget the house has a tenant to get rid of. Maybe it’s the dude by the pool and he won’t go gentle into that good night.

  6. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    It’s probably camera settings. Otherwise, it’s amazing how white/light paint can darken over time. New paint can do wonders.

    If there were *two* guys in the pool they’d be …. I’m gonna stop here.

  7. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    #6: My point is that for 60k (half of 120k) they can pay to have somebody who knows how to use a camera take the photos.

  8. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    Hell, I’ll do it for $30k.

  9. madhaus Says:

    Check out the price history, too! First, they raised the price $50K after a week. How’s that working for you guys?

    On Redfin: 127 days

    Next, sold in 2002 for $1.85M. So I guess this part of Atherton isn’t in the RBA because it didn’t almost double in 9 years.

  10. bmwman91 Says:

    This is clearly an example of how BA houses just need light bulbs. Not sure about DrainO in this case, but being outside of the RBA, that rule probably applies differently.

  11. very amused Says:

    Bubble, congratulations for joining Team Burbed. May I suggest next editor be someone less in need of the TL;DR tag? Between Bubble and Madhaus I see a mood analysis of zip+4 codes coming.

    I would be very amused if Real Estater had a regular column here.

  12. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    #11: Thanks! I’m not always suicidally depressed, sometimes I’m just frothing angry! Perhaps a Burbed therapy group is in order?

  13. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    HAHAHA so I was in a coffee shop in Morgan Hill today, and in came this short, NY looking (and sounding) kinda guy, and his slightly taller but still dumpy wife, and they’re looking at the pastries etc. and making all these comments about “when did you buy from from CostCo” and and in general looking sour and cheap. The crumb bought his wife a crumb cake (after all she’s bigger’n him and could turn him over her knee) and they sat ‘n’ sniped for a while. Anyone remember McHale’s Navy? This guy sounded like Bighamton.

    So in the midst of all the CostCo comments, I said it’d be funny to have signs saying “Home-made…. and brought in on the bus!” yummy-yum! So Sgt. Bilko here and I got talking, and he was going on about how it’s time to buy, and I said, No, 5 years from now MAY be…. in general I’d expect to get a house for 5 years’ back taxes. This did not cheer Sourpuss up.

    Sourpuss went on about owning in Hollister but woops sold it … or something…. now Los Gatos …. woops, no wait …. anyway putting the tard in Realtard, he gave me his card, the fool.

    He’s Vincent “Vince!” Emma, working for Coldwell Bankster, DRE # 00365449 so be sure to send all your lowball offers his way!

  14. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    #12: Man, I love dirtbiking, so I love me some hollister. But I wouldn’t pay to live there. Nope nope!

  15. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    I agree. I’d have to be paid fairly well to live in Hollister. And have lots of vacation time out of there.

    Plus it’s really seismically active.

    I have a feeling Mr. Cheep lives right here in Gilroy and hasn’t sold a house in a long while.

  16. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    #12, you need to get you some dirt biking. In Hollister.

  17. Sunny(vale) Kim Says:

    Soon it will be time to dive in and discover the warm embrace of certainty.

    Silicon Valley people are not that philosophical. In reality he guy standing there was thinking:

    Next Monday is 4th of July and the obnoxious family from Palo Alto is going to come. I am going to add some extra chlorine in pool water. Their eyes are going to burn like hell. That’s the Bay Area spirit.

  18. SiO2 Says:

    BMWman, are you also posting on patrick.net? Just curious, I remember seeing the same handle.
    PS E30s are cool. Even 20 years later they still look great.

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