September 14, 2011

Well Maintan, move-in ready home. With dude.

Here’s a great find from comments by Burbed reader Swan!  Thanks for keeping Burbed to its low-priced roots with this San Jose charmer that’s selling shortly, now listed for less than it sold for nine years ago.  At least it should probably maintain its value well above when it was first sold in 1950.

 

2495 WALNUT GROVE Ave, San Jose, CA 95128
$440,000

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BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,040
$/SQ. FT.: $423
LOT SIZE: 6,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1950
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81137964
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 3 days

Well Maintan, move-in ready home. Walking distance to SANTANA ROW AND VALLY FAIR MALL. CLOSE TO FREEWAY 880-280

Props to the agent who, despite mangling Valley Fair, managed to miss the “Santa Row” goof.  Also I do not consider this place “close to freeway.”  This house is more my idea of “close to freeway.”

imageHere’s what Swan had to say about this listing:

I don’t know what the Dudes are up to these days, but this house has a dude who could use a friend. Check out the pic of one of the bedrooms. You can only see his knee, but it’s still a DHO! The realtard’s write up and the other pics are worth a look and a laugh too. When you are ready for another laugh, head to Zillow and check out the price history.

My friend went to one of the many open houses and told me that the realtard is the owner’s sister.  The owners always have a garage sale before it hits the market, after a long time a "Sale Pending" sign goes up, that stays up a long time, they have another garage sale, and then the sign comes down.  imageRinse and repeat.  The house is on the corner of Winchester Blvd., and is located near senior housing, a convalescent hospital, The Casket Store, and a cemetery.  I thought, "I’ll never have to leave a 1/2 mile radius from my home!" Oh, and the church directly across the street recently put a cell phone tower up in its front yard!

Let’s see those other pictures, then, because I thought the exterior shot of the house was actually pretty nice!  Remember, we are looking at a “The Contemporary” model from “Orchard Park,” and the original floor plan is a whopping 1034 square foot 3/1.  Looks like they gained 6 feet somehow.

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What’s the expression?  Oh yeah, “needs updating.”  But like I said, the grounds are well-kept.

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So well-kept, the house is irrelevant really.  What do you want for under half a million, anyway?  A fountain that isn’t in the way of the basketball court?

Here’s some more comments from Swan about this house.

imageWe went to the open house on Walnut Grove yesterday.  The interior is much different from the pictures online.  The turquoise room (the one with the Dude) is now a dark green with a hand painted mural on the wall.  The gold wallpaper, purple bedspread, and scarves above the bed are gone too.  The walls are just white now.  No dude hanging out watching TV either. 

imageHowever, the realtor and her niece were surfing the internet in the dining room.  The house is horribly full of clutter – furniture, boxes, knick-nacks, you name it.  There was even a goldfish in a bowl on the kitchen counter and a dog sleeping in a bed on the patio! 

Basically, it violates EVERY show I’ve watched on HGTV.

I didn’t take any pics though I wanted to.  There was sooo much much clutter I didn’t know where to start with photos.  The goldfish was great, the mural so tacky, the shiny gold chairs all over the living room…it was overwhelming!

Finally, Swan asked us to check out the price history on Zillow:

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Tsk, tsk.  Pending twice.  It’s almost as if the bank would rather keep the house.  And the dude.

Comments (21) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:04 am

21 Responses to “Well Maintan, move-in ready home. With dude.”

  1. SEA Says:

    Is he watching porn?

  2. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    Now that you said that, I can’t get my mind to NOT think he’s watching porn, and I stared at the dang photo for a good 2 minutes trying to figure out what it could be that WASN’T porn.

  3. Divasm Says:

    I can’t decide if they’ve been holding seances or quickie Vegas-style weddings in that dining room. Probably weddings or the cawlums would be black, huh?

  4. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    Dude Rubbing One Out.

    How many stains lurk in all that clutter?

  5. madhaus Says:

    Not only do we need a DHO number, we now need a DWP (Dudes Watching Porn) index?

  6. Divasm Says:

    Alex, I don’t see a box of tissues on that end table, so I’m guessing that going through that room with luminol (or whatever they call it on CSI) and a black light would be a good idea before purchasing.

  7. bmwman91 Says:

    Haha, gross…

  8. Swan Says:

    Stop already! I was in that room during the open house…

  9. nomadic Says:

    …yes? And? The dude was stuck to the bed?

  10. Divasm Says:

    Did you see a seance or wedding in the dining room?

  11. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    I’m not sure you need anything else, such as some substance called Luminol, to show up urine and umm …. semen. I think it just shows up under UV light.

  12. madhaus Says:

    Urine and semen and porn! Oh my!

  13. Divasm Says:

    I investigated a bit (by that I mean I went to Wikipedia for like 30 seconds): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luminol

    I guess if you spray luminol it reacts with copper in blood (and presumably other fluids) and emits a blue light that can been seen when lights are dimmed. Its appears to be used mostly for blood spatter analysis by forensics. See, now we’ve learned something today!

  14. Sunny(vale) Kim Says:

    First of all, I don’t understand why the homeowner has old CRT computer monitor and TV. He is a homeowner. He should have 52 inch flat screen TV. Remember, homeowner wins flat-screen TV every month?

    Secondly, I loved this middle eastern style bedroom decoration (that’s a bonus when the wife is in boutique business……like Pari’s Boutique at Pacific Grove). Once you buy this home, all you need is to fill up the bedroom with golden raisins. And yes, a good looking petite belly dancer who is going to entertain in this beautiful bedroom setting. Now that’s called enjoying the pride of homeownership!

  15. SEA Says:

    #14- This is clearly not owner-occupied. If so, it’d look like Costco, full of flat-screen televisions, one for each month of occupancy.

  16. SEA Says:

    Infidelity UV Light (to locate body fluid stains)

    “locates and illuminates body fluid stains, invisible to naked eye, caused from either inexplicable seminal and/or vaginal fluid in under garments, clothing, bedsheets, furniture, etc.”

    $14.95 plus shipping.

  17. Swan Says:

    Perhaps the “gold” bedroom was used as the honeymoon suite after being married in the dining room.

  18. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    Oh this thread is wonderful.

    OK I too looked up Luminol and it reacts with the *iron* in blood, making it visible. Pee and well, watch my spellcheck NOT underline it in red, cum, show up fine on their own under UV light.

    I think that dude is the kid-dude of the dude who “owns” the house. He might actually be 35 years old. In any case, in this economy lots of dudes are re-living their teenage days, by moving back in with the parents, into the same room, with the same ol’ CRT TV they had back then. And the same porno stash under the bed, all lovingly preserved by Mom.

  19. madhaus Says:

    What Gilroy Alex says is true. Some new census figures out showing more young adults living with their parents. As in 25-34 year olds.

    Remember that show “Get a Life”? How old was Chris Elliot supposed to be, anyway?

    (Wikipedia is my best bud and says he was supposed to be a 30 year old paperboy.)

  20. Sunny(vale) Kim Says:

    Indeed, the dude in front of TV is probably owner’s son – most likely a spoiled one, for cultural reason.

    Talk about Boomerang Generation. More and more young adults are living with parents – it has been a long term trend in America for awhile (and Western Europe too). The present recession just exacerbated the situation.

  21. Divasm Says:

    Yes, sorry Alex, I stand corrected. Somehow I thought iron and typed copper??

    I worked at a college for a while and saw lots of what I call “30 is the new 20″ phenomenon, so I’m also voting that Dude is the son of the owner. But ladies, he’s probably single and his hobbies include smoking pot, drinking beer, and watching…adult entertainment! In Realtard language, he’s a great opportunity! A fixer-upper!!


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