September 28, 2011

Fully Functional but Desperate

Here’s another fine listing from Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer, who appreciates this agent’s honesty in listing copy.


2362 LAURA Ln, Mountain View, CA 94043


SQ. FT.: 1,104
$/SQ. FT.: $575
LOT SIZE: 5,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81138357
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 4 days

Fixer-upper – situated in a pleasant setting on a tree shaded cul-de-sac lot. Improvements in progress. Fully functional, but desperate for a kitchen makeover, and a remodeled master bath.

imageIs the house desperate for both a kitchen makeover and a remodeled master bath?  Is it desperate for a kitchen makeover, and it HAS a remodeled master bath?  How desperate are you?  How desperate is the agent to sell this place, when he only gave us three photos to help make up our minds?

As to the existing kitchen: WOW.  Colors that POP and appliances that STAND OUT.  I swear, I’ve seen appliances on porches in Kentucky that are more up to date than this range.

imageMaybe the agent isn’t being as honest as Petsmart Groomer suggests.  Maybe just as when an agent says “up to date” and you observe a kitchen with the latest 1974 fixtures, when this agent says “desperate” he really meant “If you don’t rebuild it the split second you remove the contingencies, someone’s toddler will sneeze on these single-pane windows and the whole house will pancake.”

Mmmm, pancakes!  Better makeover the kitchen if you want some!

Meanwhile, I’m hoping this agent takes more photos of the house.  A few more of them should help hold the house together.  They’d have to be stronger than those windows.


Comments (21) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:11 am

21 Responses to “Fully Functional but Desperate”

  1. SEA Says:

    Must be the good schools!

  2. z2amiller Says:

    This is right down the street from Too Many Upgrades To List. ( Apparently my house took more than the fair share of upgrades for the neighborhood, leaving this house with too few.

    This house has been sitting empty for a long time. I’d say at least 6 months, since we started looking for a place around this neighborhood early in the year this year and drove by this place wondering if it was for sale. But even back in March it looked like it had been sitting empty for a long time.

    Crazy thing is, if the structure of the house is solid, $635k is a pretty good deal for this neighborhood. Even the somewhat shabby houses sell for around 700k. I’m guessing the carpet in the other rooms is a wreck since there are only photos of the kitchen, and that is saying something given that you can plainly see in photo #3 that the linoleum is coming up at the edges.

    Actually a lot of this house might even be original 1950’s (I think that mondrian-style kitchen was popular in the 1950’s so is probably mostly original except for that awful linoleum). The sales tax history on Zillow seems to show that the current tax assessment is only ~$62K, which is approximately the same as the tax assessment of the house across the street from mine which has had the same owners since 1956. So I don’t think this house has changed hands since it was built in 1955, and because of that it may have never been extensively remodeled. Someone who was a big Midcentury Modern/Atomic Ranch fan might jump on this place as a “period” restoration to prevent it from getting the stainless steel/granite flip treatment.

  3. SEA Says:

    #2- You paid $621/Sq. Ft.

    Today’s feature, which does not have ‘too many upgrades to list,’ is $1,100/Sq. Ft.

  4. nomadic Says:

    …given that you can plainly see in photo #3 that the linoleum is coming up at the edges.

    Oh, I don’t think it’s coming up because of neglect. I think it’s that lovely “let’s save on baseboards” approach that’s supposed to make it easier to clean.

    The other day we had a house that was hiding (or shy) behind some trees. This one looks like its cowering.

  5. nomadic Says:

    #3, $575/sf. You were looking at the total square footage.

  6. SEA Says:

    I took both numbers directly from Redfin.

  7. SEA Says:

    #5, gah, you’re right- $575 psf, without the upgrades.

  8. gallileo Says:

    “Fully functional but desperate?”

    Where is Real Estater when his description comes up?

    Except for the “Fully functional” part.

  9. sfbubblebuyer Says:

    We haven’t seen too much or Real Estater around at all lately. Maybe the spring selling fizzle has finally scared him off.

  10. madhaus Says:

    nomadic, that house on Friday wasn’t shy. It was guilty, guilty, guilty. You’re only feeling sorry for it because the agent put up some pictures after I had written it up.

    Looks like one thing the seller did to “spruce” this place up was remove the dead tree you can see in the Streetview. In its place is another dead tree holding up the For Sale sign.

  11. SEA Says:

    #9- He claimed that he has two rental checks to cash each month.

  12. madhaus Says:

    sfbb, he’s much too busy cashing all those rent checks. It takes him all month to handle

    a) opening two envelopes
    b) removing two checks
    c) verifying that the check was signed
    d) verifying that the check was for the agreed amount of rent
    e) verifying the check was payable to him
    f) finding the deposit slips
    g) endorsing two checks (must look up bank account number)
    i) adding up the two checks for a total deposit amount
    j) writing the amount of each check on the deposit slip
    k) writing the total on the deposit slip
    l) writing the date on the deposit slip
    m) writing the amount of the deposit in the check register
    n) writing the details of the deposit next to the deposit itself in the check register
    o) remembering to go to the bank
    p) actually going to the bank
    q) finding a parking space (this could take all day)
    r) walking into the bank
    s) finding out he left one check at home and having to repeat o-r
    t) finding out the bank has now closed and having to repeat o-s the next day
    u) waiting in line for a teller
    v) handing the teller two checks and one deposit slip
    w) being told he forget to endorse one check, trying to endorse it on the spot, forgetting his account number and having teller remind him it’s printed on the depost slip
    x) lecturing the teller on how he’s a busy man and knows how to handle money
    y) waiting for teller to complete the transaction
    z) losing deposit receipt at Star Bucks.

    Completely unrelated comment: Burbed just went down after I wrote this. I found I do not lose my comments if I just keep the window open and go BACK when Burbed returns, my message field is still filled out. Might be a function of the browser and add-ons I’m using, but wanted to mention that for any of you frustrated about losing an epic comment. I’m afraid there’s no possibility of switching hosts anytime in the near future, due to burbed’s other commitments.

  13. Divasm Says:

    I have to say I would expect to hear the phrase “Fully functional but desperate” in a frat house at last call, not in a MLS listing. Why not just say “Meth house potential!!”

  14. Sunny(vale) Kim Says:

    Sunny(vale) Kim, the real estate investor, likes this property.
    Light bulbs were changed. Drano was used regularly. What else do you need for maintenance? After all, house does not have a moving part.

  15. sonarrat Says:

    We have a new Burbed classic in the making. This one’s in the path of progress! Why, you ask? They’re building a stairway to Google!

  16. SEA Says:

    #12- Are you kidding me? You think he can process in parallel?

    Also when I hit BACK I find an empty message field.

  17. z2amiller Says:

    @15 – in the path of progress, I guess that is why all of the construction equipment is there

  18. madhaus Says:

    SEA, of course not, that’s why it takes a month to do those 26 steps.

    Aw, sonarrat, you should have written that one up! It’s also steps away from our favorite townhouse plex!

  19. sonarrat Says:

    I work 4 jobs to make my monthly nut, if you get two writeups out of me per month that’s pretty good!

  20. ms Says:

    The remodeled master bath is missing from the pictures.

  21. Petsmart groomer Says:

    Sold for $635K.

    $50 over asking. Mountain View is hot hot hot!

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