December 19, 2011

Realtard Geography: Foxworthy is now in Willow Glen

Today we have a Guest Post from Burbed reader bmwman91.  There’s some new construction in Willow Glen (okay, within 2 miles of it), and we’re going to get a detailed look.  Very detailed.  I’m just disappointed that all the listings changed from the bogus claim that these places were in a “better” zip than it was built in.

Please give bmwman91 a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger.


Prelude, August 2011

imageThere is (was) a huge lot at 1345 Foxworthy Avenue. It was purchased in 2008 and construction started on five McMansions early this year. There does not seem to be much information about what they will be listing these for (yet), but my parents live in that area and heard that the smallest house (2500SF) will be listed at $899k. I believe that all lots are 5000SF.

The funny part is that, in order to extort more money from buyers (idiots), they are building a new 100 foot long "road" off of Foxworthy so that these can bask in the prestige of 95125, rather than be subjected to 95118 with all the other uncultured peasants of Robertsville.

image

Robertsville…dear god, who would ever raise a child in a place with such an inorganic name. It sounds like some sort of brand you would find at Safeway. Willow Glen…now there’s something worthy of the shelves at Whole Foods! Think about the children!

image

imageI plan to keep tabs on these monstrosities when I visit my folks in San Jose (since I am being a rentard in more RBA-esque Mountain View). All I can really do is sit & wait, hoping to see the absurd initial listing prices go untaken & these houses sit empty for a long time until [whoever] built them loses their ass and has to accept reality. It won’t happen because Willow Glen High is still a magnet for people that must have suffered brain damage when they became parents and they will gladly mortgage their lives for "the children." Surely it is worth it. Lincoln Avenue is so quaint and European (until you wander too far and cross the train tracks).

Anyway, I will try to snap a few photos of these abortions-in-progress next time I am in that area. Hopefully this will provide some delightful entertainment for Burbed readers!

Keep reading to find out what happened when a couple of these new homes were put up for sale!  –Ed.


2988 FOXSTONE COURT (Unable to map) San Jose, CA 95118
$899,000

image

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 2,406
$/SQ. FT.: $374
LOT SIZE: 4,198 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 2011
COMMUNITY: Willow Glen
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81140999
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 80 days

Enjoy being the first to own! Enclave at Foxworthy features 5 new custom homes situated on a private paver lined courtyard. Exceptional finishes; two tone paint, hardwood floors, slab granite, Kitchen Aide Stainless Steel appliances, walk-in pantry and designer touches throughout. Great location near shopping. Schallenberger Elementary, Willow Glen Middle and High School. EnclaveatFoxworthy. cam

image

There will be 5 houses built, 3 of which seem to be done, on a new street in San Jose. Foxstone Court is: The ENCLAVE at Foxworthy. "Enclave" is one of those words that seems to be all the rage these days for overcrowded housing developments…errr, spacious luxury homes!

imageThis lot was the remains of a large family orchard, and over the decades it got whittled down to the lot that was finally bought near the RE peak by a developer. The first thing you will notice about this development is the warm, welcoming feeling you get as you walk up to it!

image

You will also notice that these southwestern-accented houses blend in perfectly with the rest of the neighborhood.

I mean, these are totally unobtrusive!

Value add: Cracking the drapes in your second floor window and watching your neighbors BBQ through the crack. Who needs THAT mess when you can just watch their every move and imagine having an actual back yard for yourself?!

image

image

image

image

image

As an added bonus, see how many column-like features you can identify.

image

image

imageIf you get enough column-like features, you can make a great maze for rapists, muggers and homeless people to hide in as you come home! I consider this to be a safety feature. Nobody will dare to enter your property at night with who-knows-what waiting in the columaze! At the very least, it is a good spot for random dudes to hang out & do their business.

I also want to point out two additional, great features of these properties. One is the dirt lots adjacent to the completed units. This is a wonderful place to raise children. They can stare out the windows and learn how to build houses for a year or two, but you had better HURRY!

image

imageAnd, that was not enough of an incentive, there are even rustic wrought-iron things on strange, opaque windows. I believe that those brownish windows actually conceal the room with the Portal to Hell, but I can’t be certain. They probably covered them to keep the demand low and manageable. I assume that the wrought-iron bars are actually for containing the demon spawn that sometimes try to creep out of the portal.

You can see two of the units listed online. The smaller one is above, for a low, low $900k. Notice that it is listed in 95118, which explains the super low price. I mean, you have to cut SOMETHING if you expect people to live with the other non-Willow Glen peasants. Will they even be allowed to grace the fine sidewalks of the quaint Lincoln Ave.? Who knows, but for $900k you can’t really expect too much.

The other property is listed for a cool $1.288 million. Coincidence that it has multiple 8′s in it?

image

$1.3M is more or less Bay Area chump-change, so it would probably be overstating things to use more than two 8′s anyway. This house is larger than the first, but the REAL win here is that it is listed in 95125. BOOM BABY! Instant equity. In a year or so you’ll have a $2.576M property on your hands once the market "recovers." The price is probably so low because you will have to live within eyesight of 95118 peons, but just enjoy the instant equity that is surely locked away in this sucker. Also notice, there is a really-conveniently-placed MAWBUL KAWLUM inside this luxury box, as shown on Trulia.

And some more comments:

Actually, the second house shows as being in 95118 on Trulia, and 95125 on other sites if you put the street address into Google. That must be the secret for the low price. It gets multiple zip codes…pay for 95118, get 95125?!

image

BAHAHAHAHA No f’ing way it is pending. If someone is dumb enough to buy at the list price on those, I do not want to live on this planet anymore. Either way too many other people are retarded, or I am just too poor & stupid to see how the game "really" works.

Comments (6) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:09 am

6 Responses to “Realtard Geography: Foxworthy is now in Willow Glen”

  1. bmwman91 Says:

    Wow, all of the email correspondence DID get posted? This looks like some sort of word-count record for a guest blogger!

    I know what sort of comments I would get from the very last sentence…let’s see what happens here. Madhaus, why did you have to go & scare away R.Excretor?

    (and for the record, I am not quite as cynical as I may seem above. These houses are just so over-the-top in comparison to the rest of the neighborhood that I grew up in that I experienced some insta-loathing!)

  2. madhaus Says:

    I didn’t scare RE away! I just removed some of his more offensive posts (but I repeat myself) and he started simultaneously ranting about censorship while praising the Chinese government. Maybe his head exploded from the cognitive dissonance.

  3. bmwman91 Says:

    Wow, where was I during this? THAT would have been entertaining.

  4. SEA Says:

    After RE suggested he had two rentals, he no longer posted.

  5. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    RE’s been coming back around? He must be so ronerey since Kim Jong Il kicked the bucket.

    For real, epic, abandoned projects of HUNDREDS of acres, come out to sunny Gilroy! We’ve got some real doozies. The most haunting one, my favorite really, is out along Santa Theresa, along the #68 bus route, and might total 1000 acres or so. There are sidewalks put in where no one walks, big, grand, corner brick things, etc. It looks like a fail from the 1970s actually. And … Nothing … Done … Since.

  6. Dewane Says:

    Foxworthy is such an apt name for this street. It’s way more Jeff Foxworthy than Willow Glen. Maybe they could rename it “you might be a redneck-ville.”


Leave a Reply

Please be nice. No name calling, no personal attacks, no racist stuff, no baiting, etc. Let's be nice to each other in the true Bay Area spirit! (Comments may be edited/removed without notice.)