January 12, 2012

Park-a-palooza at Santana Row!

Today’s find is from Burbed reader Swan, and what a find it is.  Have you always hankered to create a side business, where you simply find a need and fill it?  This house will have carloads of cash leaping into your pockets!  Ka-ching!


San Jose, CA 95128


SQ. FT.: 1,880
$/SQ. FT.: $239
LOT SIZE: 6,534 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
VIEW: Neighborhood
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81043492
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 495 days


imageAnd here’s why Swan brought this domestic discovery to discussion:

Here’s a listing longing for some Burbed lovin’!

What’s not to love?

ALL CAPS, 460 days on Redfin, concrete front yard, what was the realtard thinking photos, proximity to the famed Santa Row (never worry about finding parking again – you’re within walking distance), and the always fun, “BUYER TO VERIFY USE.”

imageConcrete front yard?  You see a front yard, I see satellite parking lot.  This is all about location, location, location.  Santana Row is somewhere in the same timezone, and you could probably park eight cars in front of the house.  Set up a few orange cones and reserve street parking for your concession as well.

And there’s a backyard too!  No wonder you have to verify use!

Look, when opportunity like this knocks, you had better fling that door wide open.  You never know what’s going to be on the other side.

Comments (20) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:06 am

20 Responses to “Park-a-palooza at Santana Row!”

  1. AstroWallaby Says:

    Uhm, wow. That’s not just “close” to Santana Row, it’s practically within field goal range.

    (Now of course my question is “How is that a good thing?”, but then I absolutely despise Santana Row and all that it stands for so I’m probably the wrong person to be asking about it.)

  2. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    This would actually be a viable business model up in SF.

    I got a motorcycle again just to defeat the parking problem.

    Sadly, it turns out that apparently some of these things are called “muscle bikes” because it takes some muscle to ride ’em. After recovering from the pre-buy test-ride, I’m looking forward to just riding up to the coffee shop and back w/o being sore as hell after. Santa Row is off in the future, just one question, Why does anyone go there?

  3. Metalhead Says:

    Seems like you have to be really thin to consider this house. Corridors and doorways are the way to go if you are going for the slimming look (no stripes to make the house look fat). I like having laundry facilities outside though.

  4. DreamT Says:

    “Why does anyone go there?”
    Pasta Pomodoro: kids eat free Tuesday + free desert if you fill out their online survey at a previous visit

  5. AstroWallaby Says:

    “Why does anyone go there?” (Continued)

    Don’t forget, in addition to the random collection of “Look, we’re hip and trendy! Our lousy-yet-pretentious food and atrocious service proves it” restaurants on the main strip you can also treat yourself to the absolutely worst Chili’s in town. You just haven’t lived until you’ve had an undercooked onion blossom served to you on a sticky table AT SANTANA ROW.

    Seriously, I just don’t know how to even comprehend the place. Going there is like visiting some sort of bad Yuppie-meets-Hipster-based theme park, complete with obnoxious costumed characters and “Hey, look, I can poke my finger right through the paper mache” buildings.

  6. Divasm Says:

    Wow these photos are super sucktastic! It’s like the Realtard is saying “ALLEYS ALLEYS ALLEYS!” with them, although I’m not sure what’s so great about alleys near Santana Row, perhaps you can sublet them to a hipster to practice guitar in or something?

    I must assume either this was a short sale or the Realtard had to stalk the seller just to get the photos, otherwise there might be one that is inside the house that makes sense.

  7. DreamT Says:

    AstroWallaby – Santana Row does have some atrocious restaurants (who buy the right to discard negative yelp reviews) and major building construction issues (such as sewage), but it also attracts local families who are neither ‘hip’ nor ‘trendy’, and simply want to enjoy an afternoon break on a sunny day. Local alternatives such as strip malls on Stevens Creek Bd. or St. Tomas Expw., or the empty Santa Clara downtown aren’t conducive to leisurely strolls. You show much more snobbery in your post than the typical SR dweller by condemning the entire area in one stroke.

  8. nomadic Says:

    C’mon, DreamT. You have to admit that going to Santa Row in the evening is like going to the hipster zoo (that is, to people watch a certain demographic). I wonder how the retailers stay in business, but maybe that’s because I’m just a hippie.

    This short sale is finally pending. Here’s lead for the new owner’s park-a-palooza:

    Maybe they can start a local edition.

  9. madhaus Says:

    Oh boy, a snob-off! I’m gonna make popcorn. I mean, I shall fetch the brie at once.

    parkatmyhouse.com is up and running. Nothing in San Jose, but there’s a driveway in San Francisco for $120 a month.

  10. DreamT Says:

    #8 – I wouldn’t know, we only go there weekday lunchtime. Saratoga’s got my vote for dinners.

  11. SiO2 Says:

    DreamT, where do you go in Saratoga? I’ve had my fill of La Fondue. La Mer Michelle is good. But these aren’t really family friendly, and I guess you care about it from your comment about Pasta Pommodoro.

  12. DreamT Says:

    Neg 5 comments for calling Mr. “I absolutely despise Santana Row” a snob? Thanks guys, I get the drift…

    SiO2, a recent favorite of ours is Casa de Cobre, with the crab enchiladas (when they’re not out) and a sinful molten chocolate cake. They’re family friendly.

  13. AstroWallaby Says:

    #7/12: Eh. If it helps *slightly* to abate the flame war, add emphasis to the parts of my comments which state that *I* just don’t get it. Clearly there must be some sort of appeal to the place, otherwise it wouldn’t be the frenetic circus that it is every time I have the misfortune of being dragged there.

    (Which is inevitably dinner-time, when in addition to the heaving and obnoxious sidewalk traffic every single square inch of space that *could* hold a car is occupied by one including the criss-crossing interior streets where you as a pedestrian get to enjoy a rousing game of street-tag as you slog to your destination. It’s just like going to a regular mall except you get to experience exhaust fumes and frustrated motorists the whole time you’re there!)

    Also note that I have a great love of hyperbole and relish any chance to use it when describing things that aren’t on my A-list. If were actually being *seriously snobbish* I’d launch into some sort of diatribe about how the whole place is fake from top to bottom, a mishmash of clashing McMansion-esque buildings dripping with sad attempts to paint a thin veneer of “local culture” over a corporate-designed “Experience” exactly as organic and authentic as Disney’s EPCOT Center but… no. For all I know the self -consciously shallow “Yupster” image the place oozes might actually be an authentic sample of South Bay culture and all Santana Row does is up the concentration to a potentially toxic-to-beginners level. I’m sure someone who “fits” at Santana Row would find themselves equally put off by one of those cheesy Old West-themed tourist trap downtowns that are so popular a few hundred miles east of here.

    (Bad scene all around, really. No Apple store for miles, the only Diesel you can find is pooling under a rusty pickup truck out in the lot, and if there’s anything worse than a fake cowboy it’s a real one, right?)

    Maybe the place isn’t so bad when it’s not crowded to overload capacity and you have sufficient forewarning to steer the party away from “that cute little restaurant” that’s actually a portal to the world of the damned. (Or maybe it’s wonderful all the time and there’s a bug in the Matrix that’s keeping me from seeing it. I forget, was it the Blue pill I take to fix that?) But I dunno, personally, for a family-friendly pedestrian outing I would strongly recommend “a park” over a mutant shopping mall. But then my kid much prefers playing with dinosaurs to window-shopping at places we can’t (or won’t) afford, so again, what do I know?

  14. DreamT Says:

    Parks and residential streets are great too, but it doesn’t have to be either/or. Nearby Valley Fair mall attracts its fair share of daytime idle strollers who don’t intend to actually purchase. Santana Row is maybe oversold, for lack of other “tourist attractions” (and I’d have to see it when it’s a “zoo”) but this side of Sunnyvale there is no other outdoor “mixed” area where people drive to walk idly. The city of Santa Clara is thinking of copying the 2-story ship+residence architecture for its revamped downtown, and they’re also looking to replicate this in some El Camino strip malls. As plastic as SR can feel, the current local alternatives don’t feel rosier to me.

  15. A. Lewis Says:

    13/14 – I think you both have valid commentary.

    And when DreamT says “As plastic as SR can feel, the current local alternatives don’t feel rosier to me.” that is a brutal indictment. The area is no better than Orange County. Nice weather, but would you really want to live there? (Oceanfront property excepted).

    So the mystery to me is, why are the local housing prices so high? I really hate crowds, and when it gets to the SR level, I just don’t go at all. If considering moving to the general area, I’d be trying to get away from SR…

    So how come so many people feel differently?

    IMHO, the mass delusion of silicon valley continues.

  16. madhaus Says:

    A Lewis (can I still call you A?), you’re just jealous. I can see this is going to turn into Class Warfare, only it’s going to be more like Traditional Warfare in that Each Place Believes It’s The Most Special. You don’t get why our houses are worth more than your houses. AstroWallaby, being a space marsupial, finds the gravity too strong at Santa Row. And DreamT doesn’t want to be part of the hipster zoo by showing up at Santa Row while the sun still shines. Silly DT, the hipsters only come out at night!

    I am glad to see a good faith attempt at easing the flame war, though. It’s the true Real Bay Area spirit (if we can ever agree where it is)!

  17. DreamT Says:

    Aa. These are rhetorical questions, right? After five years of Newport Beach, in my view Santana Row isn’t even a gritty stepchild. Yes, daytime.
    If Santana Row only had idle & rich blue-eyes blondes who behave the same at 20 and at 80, and nobody walking further than one block, and more specialty stores for pets than for people, then you would have a point.
    Local housing prices are high because jobs are plentiful and you can clear already six figures as a random revenue accountant. It’s no fun trying to hire right now 🙁

  18. nomadic Says:

    Jobs are plentiful for a very narrow range of specific skills. The demand for some technical skills never went away at all during the slump. However, local unemployment (Santa Clara County) is still 9.1% – higher than the national average of 8.5%. Most people wouldn’t say jobs are plentiful until the rate gets down to 4-5%.

  19. Petsmart groomer Says:

    > Most people wouldn’t say jobs are plentiful until the rate gets down to 4-5%.

    We’re talking about Real™ jobs here.

  20. DreamT Says:

    Jobs are plentiful and remain unfilled, be it in sales, marketing, accounting or software. In this county, the unemployment rate describes a mismatch offer-demand rather than a dearth of jobs.

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