Next Tuesday will be Primary Election Day in California. Not only will voters get to select partisan candidates, there will also be some ballot measures to vote on. Here are our recommendations on how to vote if you value living in the Real Bay Area.
Primary election procedure has changed this year. Before Proposition 14, which passed in 2010, one winning candidate per party appeared on the November ballot. Now all primary elections are a free-for-all whittled down to the top two finishers, who will duke it out in November for the contested office. Burbed officially disapproves of this method. Instead, primary elections should be more like buying a house. Whoever offers the most money with the fewest contingencies should be chosen as the winner, although a plate of chocolate cookies and a family photo may also do the trick.
Federal, State & Local Candidates
President: Does it matter? Is the White House in the Real Bay Area? No, it is not. Is Barack Obama from the Real Bay Area? No. Is Mitt Romney? No, and he owns enough houses that he should be! Neither Ron Paul nor Gary Johnson qualify either.
Senate: Does it matter? Is the Senate Building in the Real Bay Area? No, it is not. But wait, you may say. While the Senate Building is in Washington, DC, many of the Senatorial candidates actually do live in the Real Bay Area. To which we say, and? You want to vote for someone who lives in the RBA and is willing to move to a job somewhere else? This disqualifies them by definition!
House of Representatives: See Senate.
State and Local Offices: As none of them requested our endorsement, we offer no recommendations. Then again, if anyone had requested our endorsement, that would disqualify by definition. Who would ask for a real estate website’s endorsement? Well, who other than Gary Miller?
Proposition 28: Term limit modification. Vote NO. This does not affect property values, although it may lead to more turnover of Sacramento property. Since Sacramento isn’t in the RBA, this won’t affect prices here.
Proposition 29: Tobacco tax. Vote YES. Burbed is in favor of taxing things that are not housing in order to avoid unnecessarily raising property taxes instead. Also we are opposed to any industry spending $40 million on misleading advertising. Did you really think those actors in lab coats were actual scientists?
Santa Clara County Measures
Measure A: County Jail operations. Vote NO. This looks like an opportunity to let any number of agencies get their fingers in the jail pie, and by “opportunity” we actually mean “payola, corruption, and graft, oh my!” Do we really need a County Jail anymore? There are so many foreclosed homes in East San Jose we should just use them instead.
Measure B: San Jose pensions. Burbed does not have an official position on this, but has enjoyed the complete disconnect between how the SJ Mercury News has been covering this (Chuck Reed walks on water and raises the dead) versus NBC11 (Chuck Reed is a lying scumbag who eats babies for breakfast). The truth is probably that there is nothing in the pension fund at all because it was all invested in that downtown condo tower that didn’t work out so well.
Various school bond measures (C, E, G, H): Vote YES, except for Measure E, because who do you think you’re fooling, Milpitas? Better funded schools ensure your property values remain high (and if you live in Milpitas, this clearly does not apply). If you’re a rentard, vote YES anyway. Someday you’ll own. (Keep believing that.) You may object that we said above to vote for taxes for other things because we don’t want higher property taxes. To which we reply, are you some kind of rentard idiot? These are school BONDS, not school TAXES. Bonds mean borrow and spend, not tax and spend. Note: School bonds must receive 55% YES votes to pass.
Plenty more County Ballot Measures inside! Click on through!