May 25, 2012

One will quickly realize what a truly special property this is

Many thanks to Burbed reader Tom Paine for this superb spread in Sebastopol.  This listing proves the old adage that any house that wins a major architectural award will be selling quickly.  That’s not to lock in a high price in confirmation of its awesomeness.  That’s because award-winning houses usually aren’t very livable.

1160 Pleasant Hill Rd
Sebastopol, CA 95472
$2,200,000

120523-pleasant-redfin

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4
SQ. FT.: 3,750
$/SQ. FT.: $587
LOT SIZE: 5.28 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Residential, Detached, Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary, Modern/Hi-Tech
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Hills, Orchard, Ridge, Valley, Vineyard
YEAR BUILT: 2006
COMMUNITY: Sebastopol
COUNTY: Sonoma
MLS#: 21210997
SOURCE: BAREIS
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 16 days

Architecturally Organic. Spectacular Dwell Cover home. Winning an AIA award in 2006, being in numerous publications and magazines, one will quickly realize what a truly special property this is. 4br/3ba main house, 1br/1ba legal second unit, radiant heat, solar heated salt water pool, pinot vineyard, lavender field, 100yr old apple orchard, certified organic property. Concrete and glass structures with woodwork from old red wine barrels.

120523-pleasant-indoorsHere’s why Tom Paine sent this property in:

The fireplace is huge, at least 8 feet across with lots of soot stains and a motorized spit that looks perfect for roasting any neighborhood kids you caught on the lawn two at a time. It’s colder than an ex wife’s smile. It won awards, probably for the imaginative use of straight lines which combine to form squares and rectangles. Whoever this was built for was happy 120523-pleasant-poolwith it and I don’t want to meet them in a sunny alley let alone a dark one.

When we hear the word “Dwell,” our word association response is always Unhappy Hipsters.  After seeing this property, it’s going to be “Unhappy Hipsters with organic red wine barrels.”

Or maybe “bunker in a vineyard.”  Seriously, What. The. Fuck.  Because when we hear the word “Sebastopol” our usual associations are more like “Gravenstein apples” or “meth lab” or “killer weed, dude.”  But not “100 tons of poured concrete.”

120523-pleasant-frontdoor

And definitely not “Please enter the Launch Key Sequence after confirming with your superior officer that the Authorization Codes have been verified with NORAD.”

But first, let’s pick a hundred bushels of apples and then we’re going to stomp on today’s pinot harvest in old red wine barrels.

Wash your feet before running through the lavender field.

120523-pleasant-patio

Hoe. Lee. Crap.  Even the backyard patio looks as menacing as possible.  The two yellow chairs are going to double-team anyone who sits in a white one or turns their back.

Have you ever seen a property listing before that contains the words “concrete and glass structures” but also uses “organic” twice?  This is just too easy.  Did some of these listings came straight from The Onion?

Comments (20) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am

20 Responses to “One will quickly realize what a truly special property this is”

  1. very amused Says:

    Where’s Gilroy Alex? This house looks quite defensible.

  2. AstroWallaby Says:

    Have to say, I really like the fossilized lightning bolt/alien tentacles looming over the dining room table.

    If your dinner parties regularly devolve into mobs of desperate and fearful men dipping hot wires into pools of blood to determine who is or *is not* human this house merits some serious consideration. Those concrete and metal walls should stand up nicely to a little flamethrower action,and the surrounding vineyard provides a lovely background contrast for your constant life-and-death struggles against Eldritch abominations.

  3. Real Estater Says:

    New research shows that property values is tied to risk of obesity:

    For each 238,000 drop in property values, obesity rates went up 80 percent among women, and the differences in obesity rates were as gradual as the values, the researchers found.

  4. mabeldu Says:

    yeesh! i love minimalism and modern architecture, but this place makes me twitchy. i’d have to re-do my wardrobe to include lots of orange jumpers, and then buy a new license plate stamping machine.

    think of the creepy echoes in that place; better not get a dog or it’ll sound like you have 10.

    looking at the additional pix on redfin– WTF is “organic architecture” and where is it in this house?!? the only thing i see that’s remotely organic is in picture #11 – that god-awful, oversized stone(?) table with blue legs in the kitchen. and that monstrosity has another table-like-thingy crammed with pottery stuffed underneath it like a trundle bed. it looks like a mad potter went on a bender one weekend to ‘test the new kiln”, then realized he had stow all the resulting crap somewhere.

    and the bathroom in pic #12… (again, yeesh!)… the inmates would riot ‘cuz that room is ‘cruel and unusual punishment’. although it does come with the lame shower curtain to warm up the ambiance. for $2million+ they couldn’t spring for glass doors??? tho, i do sorta like the idea of the escape hatch window in the shower; it provides another egress when the rioting starts.

    the only warm & inviting pic is the long, shaded driveway. the long, long shaded driveway up the flag lot to your private prison. at $2mil+, i guess this one qualifies as an executive white collar prison. i can almost see madoff & skilling skipping thru the lavender field holding hands and giggling.

    maybe i’m too snarky & cynical. nope! this could be the new classroom site for “A New Career Option for Ex-Cons: White-Collar Jail Prep Tutor” http://www.dailyfinance.com/2012/03/26/new-career-for-ex-cons-jail-prep-tutor-for-white-collar-crimina/

  5. AstroWallaby Says:

    #3: Everyone who finds it “news” that poor people eat cheaper and less healthy food than rich people raise their hands. Anyone?

    Studies have also found that the rate of obesity among homeless people, particularly women, is as high or higher than the general population. How fat are the beggars in Palo Alto? There are plenty of chubby ones in San Francisco despite the high Real Estate prices, which would sort of argue against the apparent contention that expensive buildings intrinsically emit anti-fat beams.

  6. Faux Estater Says:

    New research shows that property values is tied to risk of obesity:
    —-

    That explains why my brother’s two kids are “fatter” (in Asian standard) than the kids living in nearby mansions.

  7. madhaus Says:

    He enjoyed starting his day with a reminder of the warm childhood memories of State Prison.

  8. Real Estater Says:

    >>poor people eat cheaper and less healthy food

    That doesn’t even make sense. Vegetable is cheap, but very healthy. Steak is very expensive, but not necessarily healthy.

  9. Faux Estater Says:

    That doesn’t even make sense.
    —–

    My brother is known to be an ignorant, on certain facts.

  10. Faux Estater Says:

    Correct link to certain facts.

  11. AstroWallaby Says:

    #8: I’m… speechless. Congratulations sir, you win the Internet. Would you like it deep fried as part of a value meal or ala carte?

    I now *require* a tee shirt that says “Vegetable is cheap, but very healthy” over a picture of a grotesquely muscled carrot-shaped hobo *FLEXING*. It goes without saying that the opposite side has unhealthy-but-monocle-sporting Mr. Steak confined to a recliner sucking down 100-year-old Scotch and smoking a Cuban cigar through the tracheotomy hole bored through his T-bone.

    (All fancy/expensive people wear monocles, right?)

  12. Real Estater Says:

    You’re speechless over the obvious facts, so what’s your point?

  13. Real Estater Says:

    Pralay,

    Any luck with having kids yet? or you’re not even looking? :)

  14. AstroWallaby Says:

    You’re right, RE. With everything concerning you the facts speak for themselves.

  15. SEA Says:

    We all know Chef Real Estater, world renown nutritionist, knows best.

  16. Tom Stone Says:

    When I see close up pictures of apple blossoms and a blueberry bush, it’s a clue. The same for the pictures of that nice gravel drive. That’s a professional Real Estate photographer when a listing is more than $1MM. If you see a picture of a cute doe or fawn it’s an even worse sign.Think about it, a pro photographer spent an hour or more on site and these were the most attractive pictures…BTW I saw this place last year, these pictures are flattering.

  17. Crissa Says:

    ‘Organic Architecture’ means when you add onto a structure repeatedly, like the Winchester House. It does not mean large, pre-planned rectilinear blocks of concrete and steel.

  18. nomadic Says:

    #8: troll of the day!

    This house is perfect for any cold war buff. Why live in a missile silo when you can actually have windows?

  19. Faux Estater Says:

    Any luck with having kids yet?
    —–

    I need to ask my brother’s wife.

  20. The Gilroy Alex Says:

    Here I am!

    I’d buy it to turn into my dream




    Wait for it …


    gravimetrics lab


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