June 9, 2012

When your home won’t sell: An electrifying solution

As regular readers of this site already know, homes in the Real Bay Area don’t need to convince buyers of their value.  No matter how inept the Realtard representing it, even a turkey of a home within RBA limits will go pending quickly.

This isn’t the case for homes far, far away from the RBA. Thanks to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for this example of how to sell a house that has the misfortune of not being anywhere near Google or Facebook.

$1,149,000 (Reduced from $1,490,000)


120608-guthrie-theaterBATHS: 5
SQ. FT.: 6,757
$/SQ. FT.: $170
HOA DUES: $17/month
LOT SIZE: 1.03 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family, 2 Stories
STYLE: Traditional
EXPOSURE: East, West
COMMUNITY: Inverness
MLS#: 08047047
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 46 days

Wide open floor plan with granite, stainless, and maple kitchen w/ viking range and commercial hood. Hardwood floors throughout much of the home. !st flr. Theater, office, and sun room! Dining room is perfect for large dinner parties. All bedrooms with private baths and walk-in’s. luxurious master suite with sitting room, and high end master bath with vaulted ceilings, cherry cabinets, and marble. Huge deck.

120608-guthrie-kitchenWhat can you do if you own a ginormous housing tumor in flyover country and no longer wish to have it sap your precious bodily fluids?  You list it for sale and more than 30 days go by, which means, according to Jim the Realtor, that the price is more than 10% too high.  In this case, probably way more than 10%, as you’ve already cut it 23% without any takers.  It could mean that nobody wants your expensive mistake.

Clearly, more drastic marketing measures are needed.  Have a look at them by clicking on through.


Quick Facts:

120608-guthrie-gymList Price: $1,149,000 (Reduced from $1,490,000 in 2011)

New 2012 Tesla Model S Electric Car Included

Size: 6,757 sq. ft. on 1+ acre lot
Built: 2001

I got it.  Houses are hard to sell these days.  That’s why I reduced the price by $350,000, and I’m including a brand new 2012 Tesla Model S electric car.  As you may know, there is a waiting list of over 6,000 on this car.  My reservation is #300+, so you will get the car quick.  All reasonable offers are considered.  Don’t miss out on this great opportunity!

Obviously nobody wants to buy the house.  Look what the FB is reduced to saying on this website (domain name getafreetesla.com):


More House For Your Money

120608-guthrie-livingroomAs you compare shop for your dream home, I challenge you to find a similar size and age house with this amount of amenities for the same amount of money.

Reduced $350,000

In today’s market, you need a margin of safety when making such a major purchase. This house gives you the peace of mind that you’re getting one of the best deals around.

And Yes, That FREE Tesla Model S!

This is probably the first offer in the world that includes a high-end electric car in a house purchase. Mind you this is not just any car, it’s one of the hottest cars to come out this decade. Featuring 100% electric power, maximum torque all the time, and a huge 17" iPad style control panel – you won’t want to drive anything else!

Do you get the impression that the seller is probably more upset about losing out on the car than the house?  What’s also intriguing is there isn’t a link to Tesla on this website called getafreetesla.com.  Instead there is this photo gallery that has an interesting fail in how the embedded YouTube video and the photos interact.  Even better, it fails one way in Chrome (here we want to see the car photo but the video won’t go away):


Furthermore, we hope you didn’t plan on looking at all of the photos, as once you click on two or three, you can’t access the thumbnails anymore.  They’re not only invisible once clicked, any under the existing photos are just completely inaccessible.


Contrast this with how it fails in Firefox. When we want to watch the video, the photo won’t gracefully step aside:


Of course, your mileage may vary, depending on what add-ins you’re using.  And if you use IE, you don’t deserve a Tesla.


Maybe having to give up the house AND the car is too much for this seller.  They should have bought in the RBA.  Then they could visit Tesla’s headquarters any time, and ask Elon Musk personally if they could cadge a cup of lithium ions.

Comments (17) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:01 am

17 Responses to “When your home won’t sell: An electrifying solution”

  1. Zak Says:

    I have always wondered how the flyover country has better builders than RBA?

    Why is RBA dotted with crapboxes that are not being torn down and rebuild?

    RBA has way too much money so that is not the issue.

  2. SEA Says:

    “And Yes, That FREE Tesla Model S!”

    You can drive your spavings, because we all know the price paid would be the same without the ‘FREE’ car.

  3. nomadic Says:

    #1, just off the top of my head I would say it’s the long, painful permit process and the resulting increase in assessed value. Remember, Prop 13 is a sacred cow.

  4. Real Estater Says:

    This car is actually a copycat design one of the Mazda crap boxes.

  5. Real Estater Says:

    Just as the Tesla Roadster is a copycat of a Lotus design.

  6. Real Estater Says:

    >>Why is RBA dotted with crapboxes that are not being torn down and rebuild?

    The fact is many people “run out of gas” once their housing cost is paid for.

  7. Crissa Says:

    Well, at least you’d be paying off the (minimum) $80K car at home-loan rates.

  8. Crissa Says:

    Since that million dollar house has the same cabinets as my 100K home in the redwoods, I think they don’t have better builders.

  9. Tom Stone Says:

    Lame. And unless you make sure the sales contract specifies the amount of personal property you are buying you will pay property tax on that tesla forever.

  10. Crissa Says:

    PPS, doesn’t work at all in Safari. I get little nots of text and images with a link to the javascript’s website ad.

    Yeah, great ad, guys.

  11. Real Estater Says:

    One million dollars! That’s a lot of money.

  12. madhaus Says:

    I’m a big fan of Tesla, but I’m sure there’s an easier way to buy a Model S than this.

  13. washington irving Says:

    Did anyone notice how the front of the house is in spring: nice green lawn, tulips in bloom etc, the back of the house is in snowed down winter! You better believe it, this house is a huge house, either end of it is in different seasons. It’s like the house extends from Chicago in to northern Canada. You need that electric car so you don’t run out of gas going from the front of your house to the rear.

  14. Crissa Says:

    Why would someone call a Model S a copycat of the Lotus…

    …When in fact, it’s an authorized licensed chassis, which reduced the to-market time for a new car considerably?

    The Mode S, when introduced, actually had more acceleration and could beat the Lotus it was designed off of in 0-60 or the quarter mile. (Because of the weight of the engine and their specific design).

    Not that I’m a car geek at all.

  15. nomadic Says:

    Do you mean the Roadster, Crissa? The Model S is a sedan.

  16. nomadic Says:

    Did anyone notice the property taxes on this thing? Over $24k. Ouch.

  17. Petsmart groomer Says:

    It’s been reduced twice since nomadic’s last comment. Now $995K on redfin, but still $1,149,000 on getafreetesla.com. $154K for a free Tesla Model S… It’s like buying a Facebook share for $38!

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