Translating Realtardese to English as She is Spoken
Movoto’s blog has some pictures today that illustrate the disconnect between listing copy and what the house actually looks like. They’ve encouraged other blogs to share it so here it is.
Are there any phrasings you’ve noticed particular to Bay Area homes? The first one we’ve noticed right away, having moved here from somewhere else. And almost everywhere else this expression does not mean what they think it means.
The others are just part of the pleasure of living in the RBA, like paying more for the same groceries.
Some RBA Realtardese
| Lingo | What you think it means | What it actually means |
|---|---|---|
| Huge Yard | 
Acres and acres of space |
There IS a yard. At least a yard wide. |
| Close to transportation! |
Three blocks from the bus |
Close to freeway. Real close. |
| Location, Location, Location! |
Best part of town |
Convenient to emergency psych ward |
Now it’s your turn! If you can provide pictures as well, we’ll add them into your comments for you.
July 22nd, 2012 at 9:32 am
Morning Sun or Evening Sun or ‘Great for Morning Person’ etc – a large building or hill blocks all sunlight except for one time of day. But finding… Hmm.
July 22nd, 2012 at 9:56 am
i also moved here from somewhere else… in my current neighborhood, anything over 5000′ is called a HUGE YARD. we have different understandings of what that word huge means. the word origin must go way back in time to men explaining size discrepancies.
another gems –
grand entrance or grand room – so small you only need to spend a grand
gourmet kitchen – personnally, i don’t eat kitchens so i don’t know what one would taste like
designer paint – names like Wind Swept or Stormy Dusk instead of grey, or Big Sur Dawn instead of golden yellow
pet friendly – stains & smells already waiting for you
July 22nd, 2012 at 10:01 am
Actual listing copy: “Now is the time to buy”
What it means: Pharmaceutical Opportunity.
July 22nd, 2012 at 10:17 am
By the way, that Movoto blog is entertaining. In one entry, David Cross writes, “You’re Making Your Landlord Rich” the methodology is:
“For Math Enthusiasts Only
To complete the cost analysis, we compared the average monthly mortgage cost and associated taxes of a 3-bedroom, single-family residence to the average monthly cost of renting an apartment.”
This can loosely be translated to “just trust us, since you’re not a math enthusiast.” There is a hint toward the “automatic price increase,” since Cross included, “The analysis only compared the current cost of renting to the current monthly cost of buying and does not include the benefit of avoiding future rent increases or gaining property appreciation over the ownership period.”
All Cross had to suggest was, “The pride of ownership is worth it, no matter how much the cost.”
July 22nd, 2012 at 12:38 pm
“Kitchen awaiting buyer’s own ideas.”
http://www.redfin.com/CA/Sunnyvale/1491-Lewiston-Dr-94087/home/1754658
July 22nd, 2012 at 3:29 pm
“Kitchen awaiting buyer’s own ideas.”
Really means: place is complete with a console television.
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:32 pm
“Kitchen awaiting buyer’s own ideas.”
As long as your idea includes gutting it. That floor is something else!
July 22nd, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Bay Area Home Buying Thesaurus!
Unique Architecture – A Ranch
Classical Styling – A Ranch
Postmodern – A Ranch
Stylish Facade – A Ranch
Large House – 1,400+ Square Foot Ranch
July 22nd, 2012 at 9:21 pm
pk wins the prize. brilliant!
July 22nd, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Sorry for this off-topic question.
Does anyone know of a Bay Area (town) *individual* income percentile or distribution data / calculator?
July 22nd, 2012 at 9:50 pm
“Close to shopping” = Forget being able to park in front of your house during Christmas season.
July 23rd, 2012 at 12:02 am
“House with a character” = No renovation, no update, no maintenance in last 50 years.
“TLC” = Need a fat checkbook
“Quiet/peaceful neighborhood” = You won’t know your neighbor in next five years, other than saying “hi” on driveway once a month. It’s suburb after all.
No mention of neighborhood = You don’t want to know your neighbors.
July 23rd, 2012 at 8:11 am
#10 What town? If it’s one of the big targets like PA or something I can probably calculate it for you – but I don’t know how useful it would be (retirees, renters, etc.).
July 23rd, 2012 at 9:15 am
Following Sunnyvale Kim’s lead…
“Fixer” = would be condemned in 38 states
July 23rd, 2012 at 10:17 am
You can download some of that from the 2010 Census, Name.
July 23rd, 2012 at 11:37 am
“Bonus Room” = converted garage
“Mother-in-law unit” = converted garage
“Possible Rental” = converted garage
“Do Not Disturb Tenants” = converted garage, attic, crawl space and shed.
And of course don’t forget:
“(Any mention of permits)” = freaking illegal