I long contemplated whether or not I should write a voter’s guide for this election year. The fact is that I’m pretty jaded about the election process because of the rampant voter fraud.
Yes. Rampant voter fraud.
What?? You don’t know about the rampant voter fraud? Well, in that case, like my friend in this video says: “All you have to do is study it out.”
The short version is this: Why do we allow renters to vote?
As we all know, renters are the collection of every worse stereotype you can imagine. Take everything we all hate about the poors, the gays, the blacks, the rich, the asians, the breeders, the hispanics, the liberals, the non-hispanic whites, the conservatives, the rednecks, the lazy youth, the elites, and the greedy boomers – put them in the blender you bought at Costco, and boom: Renters.
It is an absolute travesty that we allow these people who smell, are snobby, are flamboyant, don’t value education, drive too fast, keep popping out babies, drive too slow, do drugs, are close minded, are too green, are too lazy, strive too hard, ruin our schools, are here illegally, pretend to be victims, oppress others, pay by check, make our schools too competitive, and are (UGH) vegan take part in our political process. First it was renters… what next? Should we let cougars (the mountain lion kind, not the aggressive kind) vote?
Fraud. That’s what it is.
Now, there are some who would argue that making home ownership a prerequisite discriminates against poor people. To that I have two points:
- This is exactly what our Founding Fathers wanted. They only wanted propertied people to vote. Trust me, I saw a documentary on the Declaration of Independence (Nicholas Cage did a fantastic job.)
- Poor people can own homes. Strawberry pickers buy a $720,000 houses all the time.
BOOM. The argument store is now closed.
But, as a journalist, it is my responsibility to educate you. And educate you I will.
So despite my reservations, I will indeed publish a voter’s guide tomorrow.
However, this guide will be limited only to the state-wide propositions.
I cannot endorse Obama or Romney. Neither of them support my plan to restore our economy by taking the Mortgage Interest Deduction, and turning it into the Mortgage Interest Tax Credit. That’s right… under my plan, you wouldn’t be able to deduct interest – instead you would get that money back directly. This would help our starving banks who, as we all know, are doing God’s work.
Before I publish this guide tomorrow some questions for the Burbians:
- What are the (true) stereotypes that you hate the most about renters?
- Should homeowners get one vote, while condo owners get .5 votes? Discuss.
- What should I recommend for each of the propositions?
-Your humble Burbed