November 13, 2012

DO NOT DISTURBE THE OCCUPANT(S) *** Only drive by

Can you judge a book by its cover?  You’re going to have to if you’re interested in this beauty in Belmont!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader alyson for sending this foreclosed fortress in.

121112-hiller-movoto612 Hiller St
Belmont, CA 94002 
Price:  $624,900

Loan Payment:  $2,094/mo
Bedrooms:  3
Bathrooms:  2
Size:  1,970 sqft
$/Sqft:  $317/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  1953
Lot Size:  7,072
Days on Movoto:  15 days
MLS#:  81239349
Status:  Pending – Do Not Show
Go See This Home Make an Offer

Great opportunity to own a home in Belmont! Walking distance to schools, shopping and easy freeway access. This is great for 1st time buyers or investors. Only cash buyers for this property, the buyer(s) are to take possession with the occupant(s) in possession. There will be NO interior inspections for this property, only drive by.*** DO NOT DISTURBE THE OCCUPANT(S) *** Thank You.

Here’s why alyson sent us this listing:

“great for 1st time buyers” but you can only drive by before buying!

121112-hiller-streetview

121112-hiller-mission-impWho says you can only drive by?  You have many other options!  You could also walk by, jog by, bike by, skateboard by, rollerblade by, or wait for the next snowstorm and cross-country ski by.

Also, if you’re really feeling adventurous, you could descend down the chimney wearing a cable harness like in Mission: Impossible, to avoid the laser-activated alarms this house is obviously secured by.  That’s why there’s no photos inside.

121112-hiller-satellite

We do like how Movoto encourages us to Go See This Home when the listing copy tells us we can’t.

Bunus: Home sold for $640K in… 2004!

Comments (11) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:04 am

11 Responses to “DO NOT DISTURBE THE OCCUPANT(S) *** Only drive by”

  1. DonnieJ Says:

    This house was listed on Redfin about two weeks ago. I knew it was going to go in a heartbeat. It’s a flippers dream, they could care less about the inside. A 3/2 up the block sold for $850k recently.

  2. nomadic Says:

    “Great for first time buyers” who happen to have $625k in cash lying around. Must be for foreigners and their magic suitcases.

  3. SEA Says:

    Two doors down: 608 Hiller St

  4. Divasm Says:

    That settles it, we’re back in an RBA frenzy! Those houses are on the other side of the Great Wall of El Camino, 2 blocks from 101. Is everybody taking crazy pills again?

  5. AstroWallaby Says:

    Man, I should feel really guilty over how that description makes me envision a really culturally-insensitive caricature of a burly man of non-specific Mediterranean descent browbeating a buyer mercilessly for daring to think that the prospect of paying $625,000 earns them the right to see the interior.

    “Heya now, no disturb-E da occupants! Whattaya think, you gonna live in the place or somethin?! You gimmie the monies or you hit teh road! You buys it it’s yours but teese guys gonna stay here whaatever you doos so you stay da fudge out! Stooopeeedo!” *slaps forehead in disgust and walks away as the potential buyer falls to his knees to beg forgiveness*

    I do hope whoever buys it replaces those dull posts on the porch with Mawbel Kawlums. Without disturbe-ing the occupant(s), of course.

  6. DonnieJ Says:

    It’s more like this.

    Nobody who is going to live here, will purchase this home, so what’s the point of viewing it.

    Buy it, and redo it. A Google/Facebook employee will be along with $950k in no time.

    This is the market, this is the prospectus, so it is written, so it is said.

  7. AstroWallaby Says:

    The question is, how much of your redo budget are you going to spend evicting the mysterious “OCCUPANT(S)”? Assuming they’re actually corporeal/sentient beings which can be evicted at all. From the listing you sort of have to assume they’re either evil spirits bound to the pirate graves buried underneath the garage slab or a family of drooling CHUD which have a bad habit of skeletonizing landlords, paperboys, and anyone else fool enough to ring the doorbell.

    (I haven’t read it in ages, but I always remember the Redfin forums as being the most entertaining when there was a active thread detailing the horrors of evicting inherited tenants.)

  8. SEA Says:

    “(I haven’t read it in ages, but I always remember the Redfin forums as being the most entertaining when there was a active thread detailing the horrors of evicting inherited tenants.)”

    So many buyers have such unreasonable expectations–they think the existing occupants should move in an instant with little to no encouragement. It’s like, “Sure you’ve been living here for the last few years, but I purchased this property yesterday, so could you be out by noon tomorrow?”

    If I want someone out, I show up at the door with a cash offer; you may be surprised how quickly (and easily) I’ve gotten some occupants to move for a relatively small amount of cash.

    Of course, I realize that not all will take the cash, so I am fully prepared to take other action, and I understand it will take longer, and often cost more.

  9. Divasm Says:

    I think #8 should take on some of the #5 advice for dealing with tenants: “Look, see, you can decide to move, or Vito here can make you some cement galoshes, see? Or maybe a piano ‘accidentally’ falls on your head, see? You pickin’ up what I’m throwin’ down?”

  10. nomadic Says:

    You pickin’ up what I’m throwin’ down?

    I heard a funny variation on this phrase yesterday. “I’m smellin’ what you’re stepping in.”

  11. SEA Says:

    #9- I’d love to read the active Redfin thread detailing the horrors of that evicting!


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