If the Bay Area Were a High School…
Found while perusing The Atlantic Cities and submitted for your consideration need for a weekend giggle:
‘Rich Kid Who Wears Pastel Shirts’ of the Day: Connecticut
HENRY GRABAR | The Atlantic CITIES | MAR 11, 2013
Sometimes, the hive mind just does it better.
This weekend, thousands of Redditors brainstormed an exciting new method of stereotyping American regional identity. If the U.S. were a high school, which states would fulfill which high school stereotypes?
A few of the top answers:
Oregon, by DVDAmoog: "Oregon is that white dude with dreadlocks."
Washington by GoopyCheese: "Washington would be that awesome kid who’s cool enough to roll with the cool kids, but not too cool to hangout with the weird kids."
Alaska, by JoeTromboni: "Alaska is the fat kid with a beard who wears flannel, and gets A’s in shop class."
Okay, you get the idea: let your worst stereotypes run wild. We’ve included the link to Reddit so you can find more, but while this is a fun game, we need remember that on Burbed, all real estate is local. What would each city or neighborhood in the Bay Area be like if they were a typical high school kid?
Let’s see…
Alviso is the runty guy on reduced lunch who lets off Silent But Deadlies on the staircases. Even Milpitas won’t sit next to him anymore.
Emerald Hills (Redwood City) are twin girls. One wears Juicy Couture and tries to hang out with Woodside and his gang but they usually blow her off. The other Emerald Hills girl buys her clothes at Goodwill, cuts most of her classes, and spends all day in the Art studio. Nobody can figure out what she’s making.
Mission San Jose (Fremont) used to be a pretty fun dude but once he got those 2380 SATs back he’s just unbearable.
Go.
March 17th, 2013 at 2:11 pm
Awww, nobody wants to play. Guess I gotta start in comments, too.
Woodside, the one who doesn’t want Emerald Hills tagging along, is the Trust Fund Baby who assumed he was going to Andover until his dad’s company’s IPO failed. Now he and Portola Valley sit at their reserved corner of the cafeteria, plotting their escape from public high school.
Palo Alto would be more than welcome to join them, but she’s too busy running 9 clubs to socialize for the sake of socializing. Also, got to get that Stanford appplication PERFECT so she’s on her sixth re-write.
South San Francisco is pretty miffed they’re not offering Auto Shop anymore.
Do not ask Vallejo what happened to her dad. The last kid who asked hasn’t been seen in weeks.
March 17th, 2013 at 3:24 pm
RICHMOND – the girl who got kicked out of regular school and sent to an alternative school, then gets knocked up on purpose, ‘cuz it’s cool.
OAKLAND – the nasty bully who picked on everyone who couldn’t fight back, then ended up in prison, then caught himself dead.
PIEDMONT – the cute, bubble-headed blonde cheerleader who figured that marrying the star athlete would take care of all her needs for life, then the guy dumps her for a younger bubble head.
ATHERTON – richie rich who got his own beemer for his 16th, but isn’t nearly as cool & smart as he thinks he is. without daddy’s money, he’d be a wanna-be wage slave like the rest of us.
APTOS – similar to atherton, but he surfs and can roll joints one-handed.
CAMPBELL – thinks driving dad’s 2002 beemer makes him hot shit. but he’s just a wanker and will fall into addiction in his 30′s.
March 17th, 2013 at 3:53 pm
Downtown San Jose keeps running for President of the Student Body and loses every time to Downtown San Francisco. He’s really teed off, because should have way more supporters. He went to the bigger Middle School. However, he also lost the election for President of Future Business Leaders of America to Mountain View.
Also someone (shhh! Cupertino) hacked into his lunch money account.
March 17th, 2013 at 11:20 pm
Of course Berkely is that guy who wears birkenstocks and drives a VW van to school – we assume he’s smoking out at lunch.
Emeryville used to smoke out with Berkeley until he discovered the Drama Club and got the lead in the school play, and now everyone wants to talk to him.
Cupertino is that super-annoying nerd that everyone wants to cheat off of but nobody wants to pretend to be his friend to do so.
San Carlos is still miffed she lost Homecoming Queen to Burlingame.