March 29, 2013

This home is a work of art by true artist’s artistry

We’ve made comments about certain property listings where the photos seem more suited to an art gallery than a home website. Today’s house, though, is in a class by itself for serious WTFness. This San Jose museum masterpiece is so moved miles more than the masonry mainstream that it was nominated by two different Burbed readers within 24 hours: z2amiller and mtv-renter.

Grab your AudioTour listening device, slip on your headphones, and enjoy these curated images from a Cambrian townhouse available right now through your favorite real estate professional.  Or pick your least favorite realtard just to make ‘em have to look at it.

130328-hollyleaf-redfin5692 HOLLYLEAF Ln
San Jose, CA 95118
$485,000

HOA Dues: $329/mo.
2 Beds
2 Baths
1,102 Sq. Ft.
$440 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1973
Lot Size: 2,120 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 9 days
HOA Dues: $329/month
Style: Traditional
Community: Cambrian
MLS#: 81308592
Property Type: Townhouse
View: Green Belt, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

This home is a work of art! Upon entering you will be amazed at the artistry of the tile floors and walls These amazing mosaics were designed by a true artist. This colorful home features a remodeled kitchen with granite counters updated appliances copper sink double pane windows 2 spacious patios 2 car garage and a great location in the complex across from a green belt Must See one of kind Home!

Tile? That roof above looks just fine for a place in California.  Although somebody please give this listing agent some punctuation.

130328-hollyleaf-patio130328-hollyleaf-patio2

Ooooookay, the patio is just a touch on the loud side.  Things are about to get louder, so click on through. Warning, eye protection is strongly recommended.

130328-hollyleaf-sun

Um, say, Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please please go away.

130328-hollyleaf-sun-close130328-hollyleaf-clash

On your left: detail from the Sun King. On your right: bricks, tile floor, and tile… what… coffee table inset? all vie for roomwide domination.

130328-hollyleaf-bluefloor130328-hollyleaf-monk

Left: Having difficulty deciding if a red, orange, blue and green floor goes with a magenta and crimson kitchen? We’re not.  Right: St. Francis of Assisi (or Yuri Milner with a bird in hand) meets an example of low-contrast user documentation.

130328-hollyleaf-kitchen

Whoops. Remember what we said about the other floor not going with the kitchen colors? This one is so much better.

130328-hollyleaf-bedroom-blue130328-hollyleaf-bedroom-blue2

Tired of all that red? Here’s your blue retreat, just keep the door shut so it doesn’t clash with the browns and yellows in the hallway.

130328-hollyleaf-blue-detail130328-hollyleaf-green-something

Detail from the blue room shows an artist inspired by religion. We’re not sure which one, yet. The green room on the right can be used as office space or a handy sacrificial chamber.

130328-hollyleaf-turtle

Choose the best caption for this green room detail.

  1. You bet your sweet ass I am!
  2. I like turtles
  3. It’s turtles all the way down
  4. The Great A’Tuin has heard your prayer and is ignoring it

130328-hollyleaf-bath130328-hollyleaf-bath2

We found three good things to say about the bathrooms. First, this is a room where tile is expected.  Second, the agent made sure the toilet seats were down.  And finally, the pattern on the right makes its second appearance after waylaying us on the patio.

130328-hollyleaf-masterbed

Let’s finish up in the master bedroom, because we need a lie-down now.  If you need to see even larger versions of these pictures (clicking them embiggens) there’s a virtual tour available.

Bunus: Old listing also available! Looks like the artistic artistry of the artist dates back further than the current seller.  The previous agent was in full command of commas and periods but didn’t know how to turn off the CAPS LOCK.

Comments (25) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am

25 Responses to “This home is a work of art by true artist’s artistry”

  1. Mole Man Says:

    I saw a turtle.

  2. SEA Says:

    All that work and the listing price is less than ‘not a lot of money.’

  3. DonnieJ Says:

    Nothing says fabulous like a $2750 sink, and a $299 stove!

  4. nomadic Says:

    Turtles all the way down, for sure. Haven’t heard that in ages.

    I actually like the patio. The rest should have a hot date with a jackhammer.

    I’m a bit relieved to learn that the “art” pre-dates the current seller.

  5. z2amiller Says:

    I would like to think that it is the Great A’Tuin, though there seems to be a distinct lack of elephants.

  6. sonarrat Says:

    This is a townhouse, too, so they had to keep the common areas muted. Otherwise I sense it would have wound up looking like the Machu Picchu.

  7. Real Estater Says:

    Here’s a guy who read the market completely wrong and is now giving advice about a crash. Imagine this: He thought a 3/2 for $510K in Mountain View was too expensive, and instead wasted $2400/month on rent (essentially giving away a flat screen TV every month [… third-party personal attack removed … –ed.]), and subsequently chose to move out to Colorado. The same house is now worth $1.1M on Zillow. How much did he really save by moving to Colorado? If he had read the market correctly and bought the MV house, he can move out to Colorado now and be on the ski slopes every day for the rest of his life. Instead, he is forever priced out of the Bay Area and is now praying for a crash.

  8. madhaus Says:

    Please refrain from dragging in third parties not part of the current discussion. Repeated violations will lead to being put in Extended Timeout (e.g. All Posts Moderated).

    It’s Good Friday. Be Good.

  9. Real Estater Says:

    This is not a third party. This is a first party who displayed a flat screen TV as his avatar to demonstrate what he was doing every month. It’s not difficult to verify by searching some old posts.

  10. Real Estater Says:

    Another flash sale just happened in 94301

  11. madhaus Says:

    #9, that did not happen in this discussion, therefore it is a third party. It didn’t even happen this decade.

  12. KikiSC Says:

    I love the idea that I could hose down every room and presto! Clean!

  13. nomadic Says:

    #7, $600k is enough to retire on in CO now???

  14. Real Estater Says:

    Welcome to Palo Alto!

  15. Real Estater Says:

    madhaus,

    I think [third party deleted] would be offended if you refer to him as third party. He and you were like teeth and lips.

    Time for someone to have a nap and then a nice, long timeout. –ed.

  16. Real Estater Says:

    I give you 3 hours to return my posts back to its original form. Non-compliance means I will take you on at the Redfin Bay Area Forum instead.

  17. Dewane Says:

    Yaaay RE! We missed you. I’m dating a Beijing-ren who has a condo in Chaoyang. The bubble there makes Japan in the 80s look like a minor bump. Flash sale a comin, but probably in the Mission San Jose area of Fremont. The schools you know.

  18. Doug Says:

    God, my eyes are bleeding.

    Turn it off, already.

  19. Real Estater Says:

    Bay Area should really be considered part of an elite international market. By that standard, current price level is still quite reasonable. When you consider an average place like Paris costing $2500/sf, Bay Area is a downright bargain.

  20. Real Estater Says:

    Welcome to 94306!

    Welcome to 94303!

    Welcome to 94301 for under a million!

  21. Facebook Investor Says:

    Ha ha! Someone is still getting moderated! Off to skiing at Boreal while someone keeping his finger crossed for whole weekend to get his post back in “original form”. 😀

  22. waiting_for_the_fall Says:

    How many times are people going to be ‘priced out forever’ in the Bay area? This place is in a boom bust cycle. The next bust will be when interest rates rise.

  23. LGLorax Says:

    they’re missing an opportunity here to market to the “low vision” crowd…no jackhammer required. Or maybe the highly allergic crowd, no dust. There are upsides here, just have to dig a bit for them.

  24. peanutbutter Says:

    Must be really awesome when it rains outside and you come walking in one all those nice slick tiles…

  25. AstroWallaby Says:

    Be sure to pay your HOA dues on time or else they’ll plug up all the drains and chain you to the wall with a blunt steaknife.


Leave a Reply

Please be nice. No name calling, no personal attacks, no racist stuff, no baiting, etc. Let's be nice to each other in the true Bay Area spirit! (Comments may be edited/removed without notice.)