We’ve made comments about certain property listings where the photos seem more suited to an art gallery than a home website. Today’s house, though, is in a class by itself for serious WTFness. This San Jose museum masterpiece is so moved miles more than the masonry mainstream that it was nominated by two different Burbed readers within 24 hours: z2amiller and mtv-renter.
Grab your AudioTour listening device, slip on your headphones, and enjoy these curated images from a Cambrian townhouse available right now through your favorite real estate professional. Or pick your least favorite realtard just to make ‘em have to look at it.
5692 HOLLYLEAF Ln
San Jose, CA 95118
HOA Dues: $329/mo.
1,102 Sq. Ft.
$440 / Sq. Ft.
Lot Size: 2,120 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 9 days
HOA Dues: $329/month
Property Type: Townhouse
View: Green Belt, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara
This home is a work of art! Upon entering you will be amazed at the artistry of the tile floors and walls These amazing mosaics were designed by a true artist. This colorful home features a remodeled kitchen with granite counters updated appliances copper sink double pane windows 2 spacious patios 2 car garage and a great location in the complex across from a green belt Must See one of kind Home!
Tile? That roof above looks just fine for a place in California. Although somebody please give this listing agent some punctuation.
Ooooookay, the patio is just a touch on the loud side. Things are about to get louder, so click on through. Warning, eye protection is strongly recommended.
Um, say, Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please please go away.
On your left: detail from the Sun King. On your right: bricks, tile floor, and tile… what… coffee table inset? all vie for roomwide domination.
Left: Having difficulty deciding if a red, orange, blue and green floor goes with a magenta and crimson kitchen? We’re not. Right: St. Francis of Assisi (or Yuri Milner with a bird in hand) meets an example of low-contrast user documentation.
Whoops. Remember what we said about the other floor not going with the kitchen colors? This one is so much better.
Tired of all that red? Here’s your blue retreat, just keep the door shut so it doesn’t clash with the browns and yellows in the hallway.
Detail from the blue room shows an artist inspired by religion. We’re not sure which one, yet. The green room on the right can be used as office space or a handy sacrificial chamber.
Choose the best caption for this green room detail.
- You bet your sweet ass I am!
- I like turtles
- It’s turtles all the way down
- The Great A’Tuin has heard your prayer and is ignoring it
We found three good things to say about the bathrooms. First, this is a room where tile is expected. Second, the agent made sure the toilet seats were down. And finally, the pattern on the right makes its second appearance after waylaying us on the patio.
Let’s finish up in the master bedroom, because we need a lie-down now. If you need to see even larger versions of these pictures (clicking them embiggens) there’s a virtual tour available.
Bunus: Old listing also available! Looks like the artistic artistry of the artist dates back further than the current seller. The previous agent was in full command of commas and periods but didn’t know how to turn off the CAPS LOCK.