Now don’t get too excited, but you can walk to anywhere from here: University Ave shops, theater, library, train station, even Steve Jobs’ house!  Best of all, the asking price on this charming vintage bungalow is less than you’d pay for a boring 1950s tract house in Sunnyvale.

352 Middlefield Rd, Palo Alto, CA 94301
$998,000

Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,360
$/Sq. Ft.: $734
Lot Size: 5,600 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Craftsman
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built:1914
Community: Downtown
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81051038
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 8 days

Classic Dwntwn Craftsman w/ countless period details: coved ceilings, hardwd floors, true-divided light windows, substantial moldings, trim, & built-in buffet. Remodeled kitchen & baths. Enclosed front porch. Yard is garden oasis. Deck off kitchen for al fresco dining. Pergola in backyd for entertaining. Small sun room off of master bdrm serves as nursery/office. Walk down cellar for extra storage.

I love period details!  So if this place was built in 1914 I should expect an outdoor privy, gas lighting, a wood stove for cooking as well as heating the entire house, and maybe a delightful row of tiny headstones in the back yard — for all those infants who passed away before penicillin and routine vaccinations.

But the real reason this house is here today was our Caption Contest Winner, ymous, wanted a house in 94301 selling for at least 10% less now than in 2006.  I’ll keep looking for just such a house, but I think I found an even better one.  Just check out this property history:

Property History for 352 MIDDLEFIELD Rd

Oct 20, 2010 Listed $998,000 — MLSListings #81051038
Feb 28, 2001 Sold (Public Records) $830,000 — Public Records

Yes, you read that right.  This house sold for 15% less than today’s asking price… nine and a half years ago.  So if this house goes for the wishing price, the owners will have made a whopping 1.96% a year on their investment, and if we take out the standard 6% for the agents’ commissions and 1% for moving and related expenses (7% total), that’s a net profit of 1.18% a year.  I bet they’re so glad they bought this house and not a bag of useless gold coins!

Sure it’s on a busy street, just one house away from an even busier street.  I guess neither of those streets were busy in 2001 when it traded hands then.  Yeah.  That must be it.

Last Thursday we presented this photo of a Bank of America branch in Palo Alto, and asked you to write a better caption.  Thank you to everyone who participated.  The entries which received at least one vote are:

#9, RealEstater

Welcome to Palo Alto, Mr. Obama! (vote by #10*)

#17, bob

Early Wednesday morning workers at a local Bank Of America were surprised to find a lone bicycle wheel parked in one of their bike racks. After a careful cross examination the wheel told Police that it suffered serious depression from living in the East Bay and one night simply couldn’t take it anymore and thus freed itself from it’s owner’s bike and rolled itself all the way to Palo Alto where it had always wanted to live. His snobby friends had told him Palo Alto was where all the “Cool, rich, and successful bicycles and wheels lived” The wheel told officials he’d only stopped to rest at the bank but fell asleep.(#22, 82*)

#80, Alex

Dude, where’s my bike?
(or the adult version – bitches, where’s my bike?)  (#91)

The Winner

#2, ymous

“The primary assets of Bank of America bank are seen in Palo Alto, Calif., Monday, Oct. 18, 2010. Bank officials stressed that they had secured the complete bicycle with “a really good lock” over the weekend, and that despite losing everything but the front wheel of the second bicycle in a theft on Friday afternoon, they were “confident” it would fetch a solid price at auction.(AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)  (#16, 22*, 57, 79, 82*) 

* asterisks mean a commenter voted for more than one entry.

Congratulations, ymous, for a creative and popular caption!  You may nominate which zip code or actual property listing should be featured by emailing [email protected] or posting in comments.  Also a golf clap to our second-place finisher bob, who knows that the second-best offer gets nothing, but the second best caption gets a zip or listing suggestion anyway.

Update: Please vote for your favorite caption in comments.  We’ll announce a winner on Monday.

We’ll return to our regular programming of insanely priced houses, terrible listing copy, ugly home photography, and endless lists of zip codes tomorrow.  Today, we’re going to take a little break.

burbed reader Herve sent in the photo at right. It accompanied a Yahoo Finance story about Bank of America having a $7.7 billion dollar loss, due to some “special charge” they made concerning debit and credit card reform rules changes.  Yes, it can be Special in the banking biz, too.  Note the photo caption:

The exterior of Bank of America bank is seen in Palo Alto, Calif., Monday, Oct. 18, 2010. Bank of America has lost $7.65 billion during the third quarter due to a one-time charge related to credit and debit card reform legislation passed over the summer.(AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)

Your mission is to write a better caption for this photo.  All the elements are there.  Huge bank loss due to Specialness, or the government’s fault, or something.  In Palo Alto.  And a bike parked outside with a spare tire.

Needless to say, real estate references are strongly encouraged.  The fact that B of A did better than expected “due mainly to a sharp drop in losses tied to defaulting loans,” should get you started.  Feel free to refer to the article or just completely make something up.  Show your True Bay Area Spirit!

First Prize: Your choice of Bay Area zip code or for sale listing featured in burbed.  (Not valid in East Bay.  Kidding!)

Second Prize: Due to budget cuts, there is only one prize.  But you will win the respect of your friends, family and co-workers, plus your entry will be indexed by web robots for years to come!

Judging: The winner will be chosen by consensus of whoever shows up.  If there is no clear decision, the moderator will toss a bike tire and see which side of El Camino it rolls to.

Any zip that isn’t in the Top 50 shouldn’t qualify for Real Bay Area (RBA) status, right?  Here are the Bay Area zips in Forbes Magazine’s Most Expensive Zip Codes #51 through 100.  Since these aren’t good enough to have made the cut, we can assume any city featured here is no longer fit to inhabit the RBA.  So enjoy reading about these loservilles, that are still more expensive than most anywhere else in the country.

In case you missed the previous entries in this series, the Top 25 appear here, and #26-50 can be found here.  I encourage you to check them out, as obviously they are better places to live than what you’ll find in this article.

#53 – 94920 Tiburon

Median Home Price: $2,046,939

Median Price Change: -22%

Average Days On Market: 126

Inventory: 116 properties

Median Household Income:$106,492

Yeesh, down 22%.  No RBA for you, Tiburon.  Wait, we already saw this zip.  It’s also #8.  So, um, they split Belvedere from Tiburon?

Well, well, well, there are 39 properties for sale in Belvedere (median home price, $3.28 million), and 116 here.  And yet both places have (what a surprise) the exact same median household income.

You blew it again, Forbes.  Am I going to have to rewrite that entire article for you?

#59 – 94588 Danville

Median Home Price: $1,922,523

Median Price Change: NA

Average Days On Market: 276

Inventory: 4 properties

Median Household Income: $92,644

Be sure to check out this East Bay interloper: the idiots at Forbes got the wrong map.  They can’t tell Danville from Dublin. And with only 4 properties on the market, they have no idea if it’s up or down.

Maybe those East Coast provincials ought to be told they’ve managed the equivalent of confusing Westhampton Beach with Levittown.

 

#62 – 94904 Kentfield

Median Home Price: $1,911,822

Median Price Change: 6%

Average Days On Market: 99

Inventory: 40 properties

Median Household Income: $82,528

This Marin County city is right next to Ross and may even manage to get more precipitation.  Why people would want to live here when they could buy a palace in San Jose is beyond me.  Plus San Jose only gets 11 inches of rain a year.

And San Jose is so much closer to Google!  Priorities, people!

 

#69 – 94970 Stinson Beach

Median Home Price: $1,790,196

Median Price Change: -7%

Average Days On Market: 232

Inventory: 27 properties

Median Household Income: $88,184

Stinson Beach can’t be in the RBA, it’s down 7%, and next to Bolinas, home of the high-priced water meter.

First one to make a joke about this zip code’s ranking and “Sex on the Beach” is going to be asked to leave the room.

No, I do not want to hear about what that peninsula with Seadrift Road looks like.  You all have filthy minds.  Yes, especially you.

#71 – 94024 Los Altos

Median Home Price: $1,746,928

Median Price Change: -6%

Average Days On Market: 91

Inventory: 67 properties

Median Household Income: NA

Down 6%, and another zip-splitter.

Seriously, is there anything funny to say about Los Altos?  Other than the featured listing that’s running tomorrow, that is?

Well, that and the dude with the cellular antenna farm.

And the fact that this same zip in Los Altos Hills is ranked so much higher at #18.  And that Forbes couldn’t tell the difference between the two and showed houses from Los Altos when featuring The Hills Hills.  And yet, 67 properties here, 15 properties there. Household income, not available here, not available there. Oh, oh. They match.

#73 – 94301 Palo Alto

Median Home Price: $1,730,889

Median Price Change: -6%

Average Days On Market: 128

Inventory: 58 properties

Median Household Income: $97,758

We already knew this zip code wasn’t in the RBA anymore.  Its low ranking merely proves it.  As does this listing which hasn’t sold in more than 2 years.

Didn’t we all agree not to talk about Palo Alto anymore?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Oh yeah, Steve Jobs lives here!

 

#74 – 94611 Piedmont

Median Home Price: $1,709,577

Median Price Change: -3%

Average Days On Market: 96

Inventory: 23 properties

Median Household Income: $68,853

Down 3%, and suspiciously Bradburylike.  Oakland, I tell you, it’s surrounded by Oakland!

And a freeway runs through it!  Just like Oakland!

And this place hasn’t sold yet. And neither has this one.  This city is FAIL: 100% of its listings on burbed unsold!

 

#83 – 95070 Saratoga

Median Home Price: $1,652,013

Median Price Change: -1%

Average Days On Market: 124

Inventory: 177 properties

Median Household Income: $138,206

Down 1%.  That’s borderline for remaining in the RBA, but coming in at #83 just cannot be allowed.

Can anyone remember why Saratoga used to be in the RBA?  What exactly did it do to get there in the first place?  Why should a city with seven different school districts thinks it’s real anything?

I say no, not until they manage to sell this house.

#84 – 95030 Monte Sereno

Median Home Price: $1,647,239

Median Price Change: -34%

Average Days On Market: 142

Inventory: 84 properties

Median Household Income: $117,564

Stop me if you’ve seen this zip code before.

Down 34%. Wait, it’s right next to Saratoga.  Plus borrowing Los Gatos’ zip code.  84 properties?  WTF?  In a town of 3,483?  And only 53 properties listed in Los Gatos (#38), population 28,592?  That’s a real knee-slapper!  Now can you tell me the one about the Santa Claran, the San Joseite, and the Saratoger?

 

#92 – 94123 San Francisco

Median Home Price: $1,609,753

Median Price Change: 9%

Average Days On Market: 58

Inventory: 63 properties

Median Household Income: $84,710

burbed, voted best real estate blog in San Francisco, would like to welcome 94123 to the list of Most Expensive Zip Codes!  This is the first zip in San Francisco to make the cut.  And that is really awful, because several New York City and Los Angeles zips have already shown up.  Congrats, you losers.

Up 9%.  This is the Marina District and includes some of Billionaire’s Row.  Yes, including the place selling for $45 million.

#93 – 94506 Blackhawk

Median Home Price: $1,604,976

Median Price Change: 19%

Average Days On Market: 143

Inventory: 51 properties

Median Household Income: $142,459

Up 19%.  Wait, this is the East Bay.  Prices don’t go up in the East Bay.  The proper expression is “Blackhawk down.”

Seriously, this is a developer-designed golf-course community that didn’t even exist before 1980.  Having this zip appear right after one full of history, architecture, design, and taste is just wrong.

 

#94 – 94022 Los Altos

Median Home Price: $1,600,139

Median Price Change: -28%

Average Days On Market: 87

Inventory: 53 properties

Median Household Income: NA

Wait, is today Groundhog Day?  Didn’t I just say something about Los Altos Hills, and that we already saw this zip, and that… someone must have hit me over the head, because I’m seeing double.  Los Altos Hills in this same zip is #15 on this list, with a median home price of $3.04 million.  And (what a coincidence), 58 properties.  Sloppy work, Forbes, very sloppy.

This place doesn’t even have the cell phone antenna farm!

And that’s it for the Also Rans of the Most Expensive Zip Codes in the Whole Fracking Country.  Except… the list goes to 500 zips.  If you don’t want to see anymore of these Bing Maps, commence whining.

Next installment in this thrilling series: The Most Expensive Zip Codes, Volume 714,

Facebook founder to give $100 million to N.J. school district

By Amy Sahba and Doug Gross, CNN
September 23, 2010 12:53 p.m. EDT

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s donation will help troubled Newark schools, which have been taken over by the state.

(CNN) — One of America’s richest and youngest is giving back.

Mark Zuckerberg, founder and chief executive of social-networking powerhouse Facebook, is planning on donating $100 million toward improving public schools in the troubled district of Newark, New Jersey.

The gift would be the largest known charitable donation by Zuckerberg, who Forbes magazine says is the 35th richest person in the United States with an estimated net worth of nearly $7 billion.

At 26, he and Facebook co-founder Dustin Moskovitz are the youngest billionaires on the list.

The news comes just over a week before "The Social Network," a brutal (and, admittedly, fictionalized) biopic chronicling the early days of Facebook, is set to be released. By all accounts, the film doesn’t cast Zuckerberg in a positive light, leading some critics to accuse him of making the donation as an image-booster.

Unbelievable!  A Palo Alto resident giving money to undeserving non-Palo Alto kids!  Doesn’t he realize all the unfunded needs in Palo Alto’s schools?  Why, there are Palo Alto high school students whose parents can’t afford to send them to college!  Why isn’t he helping them? 

Besides, look at how much bang for the buck a donation to Palo Alto schools creates. Take a look at what Palo Alto Partners in Education plans to do with this years’ fundraising.

Can you imagine what Palo Alto could do with ten million to spend on science enrichment?  They could build a scale working model of SLAC at every single one of the elementary schools!  For Technology Mentors, this kind of cash they could bring in Steve Jobs and Larry Ellison for three days to each of the middle schools!  And can you imagine the College Counseling for ten million dollars?  That would pay for a charter jet to bring in the Presidents of all eight Ivy League schools.  They could meet with every single high school student so every one of them would know which school was the best fit (and appropriate fees sent to the schools’ Development Departments for a win-win).  The remainder of the funds could pick up the Limo fees and restaurant tabs for John Hennessy. 

Money for Newark schools will go for textbooks, calculators and asbestos removal.  Big Yawn.

PIE raised $2.9 million for Palo Alto schools for the 2010 school year.  Zuckerberg could have totally eclipsed last year’s performance by sending that donation where it belonged… where he lives.  Instead, he blew the whole wad on a failing school district in a completely different state!  I mean, seriously, if you’re going to donate to New Jersey schools, why not Tenafly?

Do you see why Zuckerberg went wrong?  He’s 26 and he doesn’t have any children of his own.  Hopefully his priorities will change once he enrolls a couple of Facebook heirs into their neighborhood school.  But first, he’s going to have to take an even more important step and buy a house.

Zuckerberg has found all his homes on Craigslist. His first place was a sparse one-bedroom apartment that a friend described as something like a “crack den.” The next apartment was a two-bedroom, followed by his current place, a two-story, four-bedroom house that he told me is “too big.” He rents. (“He’s the poorest rich person I’ve ever seen in my life,” Tyler Winklevoss said.)

He rents.  That means he’s a transient guest.  He isn’t abiding with the Real Bay Area spirit and sinking a pile of money into a house!  More importantly, he had a golden opportunity to show his commitment to the community.  Instead, by donating to the wrong school district, he’s appeared on Oprah.  But there is one ray of sunshine:

According to an official familiar with the agreement, Zuckerberg’s donation will be the first installment from a foundation financed by Zuckerberg and focused on bettering education.

The first installment.  See, it isn’t too late to send the money where it’s most needed.

476 FERNANDO Ave Palo Alto, CA 94306

$1,499,000

Beds:	4
Baths:	3.5
Sq. Ft.:	2,347
$/Sq. Ft.:	$639
Lot Size:	7,840 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Mediterranean
Stories:	2
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	2005
Community:	Ventura
County:	Santa Clara
MLS#:	81040389
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	ActiveThis listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	24 days

Exquisite 5 Year Old Home with beautiful finishes through out. Custom built with formal entry, formal dining room with crown molding, coffered ceiling and wainscoting. The family room kitchen opens to the patio and backyard. Large master bedroom with balcony, walk-in closet and luxurious master bathroom with jetted tub. Groud floor bedroom with full bath. Neighborhood with new and upcoming homes!

Thanks to Burbed reader Brendan for this find!

Wow! Palo Alto for just $639! What an amazing deal! But wait… it gets better!

That’s right! The house is right next door to Boston Market! Dinner’s served! No wonder this neighborhood is new and upcoming!

Here’s some notes from Brendan:

1. The next door neighbor is the boston market parking lot. The lot goes way back behind the property, has garabage and graffiti everywhere. I assure you it’s really great at night time.
2. Behind the house is a stagnant creek that routinely stinks
3. Busy el camino real is right there
4. I’ve personally witnessed guys hanging out in the park near the house during the day rapping at the top of their lungs. NO JOKE

Oh… so it’s lively and colorful as well!

Why move to San Francisco when you can live on the the King of Roads & Boston Market!

1820 ASH St Palo Alto, CA 94306

$1,499,000

Beds:	1
Baths:	1
Sq. Ft.:	570
$/Sq. Ft.:	$2,630
Lot Size:	2,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Stories:	1
Year Built:	1932
Community:	College
County:	Santa Clara
MLS#:	81026433
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	ActiveThis listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	101 days

Three contiguous parcel with unlimited development potential. Parcel at 845 El Camino vacant and zoned CN. Parcel at 1829 Ash St. has one bedroom home in fair condition. Needs TLC. Zoned RM15. Unit on parcel behind 1920 Ash St to be considered not suitable for habitation without significant improvements. Zoned RM15. One structure may be encroaching on adjoining parcel and requires access easement.

Thanks to Burbed reader Jeff for this find!

I thought it would be great to start off the week with a healthy listing from Palo Alto. Yum yum! $2630 per square foot. This is beyond Real Bay Area! This is Super Real Bay Area!

Here’s what Jeff had to say:

Granted, the listing is suggesting redeveloping it, but with a 2000sqft lot that doesn’t seem to have unlimited development potential.

Of course this has unlimited development potential. All you need is unlimited money and unlimited time. And if you want to live in Palo Alto, shouldn’t you have those?

Or at least pretend to have those?

What would you do with this amazing property? I’m thinking… pergo, granite, and stainless steel everything.

This occasional series has looked at several listings on the same street.  First there was the English Garden Shed, then the Vampire Frat House, and our latest Lincoln link was Limestone and Marble and Rock, Oh My! (the one with MAGICAL GARDENS near a busy street).  We’ve run through three neighborhoods: Community Center, Professorville, and Crescent Park; and three building styles: English Cottage, Craftsman, and Spanish. 

Today’s featured property finishes us right back where we started: English Country in Community Center.  The house is still for sale, but the price is a mite higher.

750 Lincoln Avenue, Palo Alto, CA  94301
$2,750,000

Beds: 5
Baths: 4.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,321
$/Sq. Ft.: $828
Lot Size: 5,625 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style:
Country English
Stories: 2
Year Built: 1998
Community: Community Center
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81034935
Source:  MLSListings
Status: Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin: 8 days

PICTURE PERFECT & TRADITIONAL with stone exterior covered in Boston Ivy * High ceilings, detailed moldings, quality finishes * Full basement w/ recreation room * Romantic English garden for sweet indoor/outdoor living * Great neighborhood with lots of family action in walking distance: Community Center (park/libraries/theater/clubs/special events); Schools(Addison/Jordan/Paly); & alluring Downtown

Now that’s a new real estate term for today: Family Action.  I’ve heard “Fun for the whole family isn’t,” so maybe “Family Action” has them each running for a different neighborhood feature.  But at least this house isn’t hiding any extra floors on railroad tracks, the agent was kind enough to spell out most of the ad copy, and even threw in a few asterisks to show us how exciting Family Action can be!  The garden may not be MAGICAL but at least it’s sweet.  And no sign of vampires, with or without a Stanford degree.

Why hasn’t this PICTURE PERFECT & TRADITIONAL house sold yet?  It’s got Boston Ivy!  That means Harvard!!! 

Look, you can hardly see that dreadful lemon line in the lower left corner.  Wow, what’s with that funny orientation of the lots on this block?

Perhaps it’s the neighbors?  Or the neighbors’ vehicles?  This is right across the street, but as bad vehicles go it’s pretty innocuous.

It’s certainly easier on the eye than the house directly across the street:

Wow.  Looks secure.  Maybe it’s an extraordinary rendition center.  Hope they soundproofed the interior walls!  On the plus side, no chance of parking RVs on the lawn.

Update: The house still on the market after 30 days.  No doubt it’s in “Soon Pending” status!  So what if it sold for $2.3 million just 5 years ago?  If it will be double in ten years, it should be up by half now!  Remember, to get Real Bay Area price, all you need is one Real Buyer!  Preferably a Real Buyer who doesn’t know Real Issue about which side of 94301 is the best location.

Today’s listing and comments are thanks to burbed reader Gallileo.  Many thanks!  Remember, if you see an interesting property for sale and would like to see it featured here, please email us a link to the listing and anything you have to say.  Alright, give it up for Gallileo!

Old Palo Alto, feeling ashamed at being only the third leading income city in the nation, has decided to leave the RBA (Real Bay Area).

1227 Fulton Street, Palo Alto, CA  94301
$1,350,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 2,114
$/SQ. FT.: $639
LOT SIZE: 5,625 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1924
COMMUNITY: Community Center
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81036220
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 14 days

Cozy 2-story home in highly desirable Palo Alto Community Center; 4b2bth, spacious LV & Dining rm; Private master bdrm upstairs; Quiet bckyrd w/ mature trees along property perimeter; Tree lined street, quiet neighborhood, surrounded by houses of stylish architectural details; Walking distance to libraries, community center, parks, schools; Short Distance to downtown shopping and restaurants

A nice old house on a nice old Palo Alto street, on the right side of Middlefield Road.  You can walk to Steve Jobs’ house, the children’s library, downtown and Rinconada park.

This area has just left the RBA because this house sold for $1.7 million in 2007 and is now on the market as a foreclosure at $1.35 million.  It was on and off the market all of 2009 at a wide variety of prices (always less than the 2007 price) but it didn’t sell.  A sad day for Old Palo Alto, but we’ll always have 94306!

In our previous installments, we saw a very small house priced under a million, and a very large house priced (and in contract within a month) under eight of those millions.  Since the first home was a 2/1, and the second was an 8/4.5, we can surmise that getting four times the rooms should probably cost four times the cash.  But it didn’t.  It cost eight times as much.  Why?

One of these homes was not like the other, one of these homes doesn’t belong, can you guess which house was not like the other, because its location was wrong!  Yes, the house that’s one eighth instead of one fourth the asking price is on the wrong side of the great divide better known as Middlefield Road.

Or is it?  Let’s take a look at today’s house, on the same side (but not the same neighborhood) as the garden shed.  It’s not too big or too small, but is it just right?

1270 LINCOLN Ave Palo Alto, CA 94301
$2,568,000

Beds: 4
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 3,040
$/Sq. Ft.: $845
Lot Size: 9,711 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Spanish
Stories: 2
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1985
Community: Crescent Park
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81015526
Source: MLSListings
Status: Pending Without Release This listing is in escrow, past inspections and waiting for loan funding. "Without Release" indicates that the current buyer doesn’t need to sell a home to buy the new home.
On Redfin: 111 days

GORGEOUS SPANISH STYLE HOME ON A LG PRIVATE LOT IN PREMIER CRESCENT PK NR DNTOWN. COURTYARD ENTRY & SPECTACULAR SETTING IS W/ MAGICAL GARDENS, PATIOS & FOUNTAINS. SPACIOUS LIGHT-FILLED FLR PLAN OFFERS APPR 3000SF, HDWD FLRS THRUOUT, HI CEILINGS, CROWN MOLDINGS, SPACIOUS RMS, EXTENSIVE USE OF LIMESTONE, MARBLE, GRANITE. LG ATTACHED 2-CAR ATTACHED GARAGE. EACH BDRM HAS ITS OWN PRIVATE BATH

I wish the realtard would stop SHOUTING at me!  Even the agent for the broom closet had the courtesy to use lower case.  And for two and a half mil, don’t you think they could spring for spelling out all the words?  No, I do not want to say “hi” to the ceilings or find out what’s in that flour plan.  Wondering how spacious the rams are.  Or are they rums?  Maybe it belonged to a chip designer and they’re ROMs. At least the $8M house had “roooms” so I could guess what they rly wr.  But good move spelling out “LIMESTONE, MARBLE, GRANITE.”  PRIORITIES.  How does Limestone and Marble and Rock, Oh My! sound for this listing?

One more thing.  Do you think the GARAGE is ATTACHED?  I want to b sr.

Now, this property is taking a price hit for several reasons.  First, it’s extremely close to a rather busy street:

Next, we already have the ideal formula for bedroooms to bathroooms from our previous two homes: 2 br for each ba.  This house violates the golden realty ratio by having excess ba, so twice as many toilets to scrub.

These two flaws could easily knock twenty or thirty percent off the price of a home.  Another oddity could pull it down some more: the home is advertised as a two story, but the second one is very well hidden.  So well hidden it may be apocryphal, legendary, or really creative marketing (a fancy term for “lying”).  As in: the second story is telling you the house has two floors.

No second floor here…

Where could it be?

Not in the COURTYARD ENTRY & SPECTACULAR SETTING IS W/ MAGICAL GARDENS, PATIOS & FOUNTAINS.

Perhaps it is at the end of these railroad tracks:

  

No sign of a staircase inside, either.  Is this place really two stories?  Better take another ten percent off our appraisal just to be sure.

So why is this house about a third the asking price of the Vampire Frat House when it’s 60% the size?  The corrections above don’t add up to 67% off.  I’ll tell you.  Location, location, location.  This house is in Crescent Park, which is simply on the Wrong Side.

One last apples-to-apples comparison.  In the other neighborhoods, find the worst vehicles nearby.  Here’s what passes for hillbilly in Crescent Park:

It’s a toss up between this, which is mitigated by being parked in front of the house being sold. So maybe the sellers will take it away.  What the heck is it, a Lada?  A Trabant?

Two-stroke engine mystery
vehicle versus… the horror of public transportation on this very street!

So much for a beautiful day in the neighborhood!  Stay tuned for the next installment of Wrong Side Right City.