Today’s find is from Burbed reader Swan, and what a find it is.  Have you always hankered to create a side business, where you simply find a need and fill it?  This house will have carloads of cash leaping into your pockets!  Ka-ching!

374 S REDWOOD Ave
San Jose, CA 95128
$450,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,880
$/SQ. FT.: $239
LOT SIZE: 6,534 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1945
COMMUNITY: Campbell
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81043492
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 495 days

SUBJECT TO RELEASE OF CONTRACT. CAMPBELL SCHOOL DISTRICT. SANTANA ROW. CLOSE TO SHOPPING, FREEWAYS AND/OR TRANSPORTATION. BACKYARD. BUYER TO VERIFY USE.

And here’s why Swan brought this domestic discovery to discussion:

Here’s a listing longing for some Burbed lovin’!

What’s not to love?

ALL CAPS, 460 days on Redfin, concrete front yard, what was the realtard thinking photos, proximity to the famed Santa Row (never worry about finding parking again – you’re within walking distance), and the always fun, "BUYER TO VERIFY USE."

Concrete front yard?  You see a front yard, I see satellite parking lot.  This is all about location, location, location.  Santana Row is somewhere in the same timezone, and you could probably park eight cars in front of the house.  Set up a few orange cones and reserve street parking for your concession as well. 

And there’s a backyard too!  No wonder you have to verify use!

Look, when opportunity like this knocks, you had better fling that door wide open.  You never know what’s going to be on the other side.

947 N 7TH St,
San Jose, CA 95112

$279,000

I’m sure it’s not this simple… but really… couldn’t you just flush the toilet and see what happens? If it doesn’t go anywhere, or just goes outside, maybe it’s not connected to the sewer?

Why is this so hard to figure out?

But more importantly, does it even matter? Aren’t we supposed to be green and all? Forget “gray water”, that’s so last century. These days, it’s about yellow and-possibly-brown (if you’re coming back from Mexico having drank the water) water.

If you hate this house, you must hate the environment.

2898 Bouveron Ct
San Jose, CA 95148

$329,990

The science fiction that you only dreamed about is here. Text now randomly pops up when you visit properties.

I bet this house says “Please wait while 19051 other buyers are touring, bitch!” when you step up to it. What else could it possibly say?

But, as they say – true love is always worth the wait…

14165 JERILYN Dr
San Jose, CA 95127

$249,000

A nice wall defending against the street. A gate. A driveway cover.

If Osama Bin Laden were alive and living in San Jose, this is a place that he might appreciate.

Which is exactly why the Realtor used (I’m guessing) a Google Street View image of the house. To simulate what you might see from a drone! Can’t get more realistic than this!

Incidentally, here’s the full picture:

What exactly is that thing next to the walkway to the house?

Today we have a Guest Post from Burbed reader bmwman91.  There’s some new construction in Willow Glen (okay, within 2 miles of it), and we’re going to get a detailed look.  Very detailed.  I’m just disappointed that all the listings changed from the bogus claim that these places were in a “better” zip than it was built in.

Please give bmwman91 a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger.

Prelude, August 2011

There is (was) a huge lot at 1345 Foxworthy Avenue. It was purchased in 2008 and construction started on five McMansions early this year. There does not seem to be much information about what they will be listing these for (yet), but my parents live in that area and heard that the smallest house (2500SF) will be listed at $899k. I believe that all lots are 5000SF.

The funny part is that, in order to extort more money from buyers (idiots), they are building a new 100 foot long "road" off of Foxworthy so that these can bask in the prestige of 95125, rather than be subjected to 95118 with all the other uncultured peasants of Robertsville.

Robertsville…dear god, who would ever raise a child in a place with such an inorganic name. It sounds like some sort of brand you would find at Safeway. Willow Glen…now there’s something worthy of the shelves at Whole Foods! Think about the children!

I plan to keep tabs on these monstrosities when I visit my folks in San Jose (since I am being a rentard in more RBA-esque Mountain View). All I can really do is sit & wait, hoping to see the absurd initial listing prices go untaken & these houses sit empty for a long time until [whoever] built them loses their ass and has to accept reality. It won’t happen because Willow Glen High is still a magnet for people that must have suffered brain damage when they became parents and they will gladly mortgage their lives for "the children." Surely it is worth it. Lincoln Avenue is so quaint and European (until you wander too far and cross the train tracks).

Anyway, I will try to snap a few photos of these abortions-in-progress next time I am in that area. Hopefully this will provide some delightful entertainment for Burbed readers!

Keep reading to find out what happened when a couple of these new homes were put up for sale!  –Ed.

(more…)

DEALS DEALS DEALS just keep on coming!  And if you’re interested in downtown San Jose, you’re very busy so we’ll keep this quick.  Now, you may be asking yourself, how can this be the cheapest house downtown when the cheapest house in the entire county cost (gasp!) a hundred dollars more?

Well, that’s simple.  There are actually several houses listed for around this price, and the official cheapest house was one of the few that wasn’t pending.  But look, you read Burbed.  You know how the real estate business means real funny business.  You know a “pending” on a short sale means the seller is doing everything possible to jinx it, and a pending with release on a short sale means the buyer isn’t exactly trying their hardest either.  So this listing is like an irresistible force meeting an immovable object, or maybe the opposite; say a buyer with better places to invest making an offer to a seller who doesn’t want to go anywhere and won’t see a dime from the transaction.

That means all you have to do is threaten bribe heartily encourage everyone involved: seller, buyer, listing agent, buyers’ agent, bank agent, and of course, your agent to sell you this property!

560 E JULIAN St, San Jose, CA 95112
$149,900

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,188
$/SQ. FT.: $126
LOT SIZE: 1,242 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Victorian
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1908
COMMUNITY: Central San Jose
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 80840481
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 1154 days

Back on the market! No fault on property! Beautiful Victorian Home waiting for you.

Yup, if you’re wondering how they got a 1,188 square foot house on a 1,242 square foot lot, that’s no fault on property.  If you’re wondering why it’s been listed 1154 days, that’s no fault on property, either. Maybe agent means no tennis matches have been played here.

Also I don’t know what’s on the counter next to the sink, but I think it qualifies for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.  Or at least the Burbed good housekeeping tag.

Remember all those listings that said “value is in the land”?  Burbed reader Swan has sent in a parcel that’s going to stress-test that theory.  Thanks a “lot” Swan!

0 PEACHTREE Ln (Unable to map), San Jose, CA 95128
$298,000

BEDS: –
BATHS: –
SQ. FT.: –
LOT SIZE: 7,560 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Residential Land (Single Family)
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81119634
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 215 days

To be sold with Lot 274-35-075 Approx 11,600 sf total. Price is for both parcels. ADDRESS SHOULD BE 0 CHERRYSTONE DR. ACCESS TO PARCELS IS FROM THE CORNER OF BASCOM AVE & CHERRYSTONE DR. PARCEL 2 IS BEHIND PARCEL 1 THRU CHAIN LINK FENCE.

Here’s why Swan sent this vacant lot in:

This is a lot for sale in my neighborhood.  The map link on the agent’s website does not take you to the correct location.  Use Google Maps to map 2012 Cherrystone, San Jose 95128.  The lot is next to the home, right along Bascom Ave.  It’s a very long and skinny lot. 

First, I can’t imagine anyone paying $298K for this though it does have *easy freeway access.*  Second, the lot is 7500 square feet which is decent for our neighborhood, but I have no idea how you’d fit a house on this lot!

Nonsense, this is a fantastic opportunity.  These parcels are in the thick of the teeming vitality that makes Silicon Valley such a Special place to live!  Nothing could be finer than this location, location, location! 

And wouldn’t you love to live on the corner of Cherrystone and Bascom, so convenient to the freeway!  Why hasn’t this been snapped up ages ago?  It includes a CHAIN LINK FENCE.

Don’t worry that the agent put the wrong address for the parcel into MLS and “corrected” it in the listing copy.  That way it’s a secret private deal, just for you, or only those “in the know” who use Google.  Kind of the way 0 Peachtree is a secret, private lot. 

Maybe this listing is like the Mountain View three for one on Monday.  In today’s case, it’s a BOGO.  Or a BOGZ.  Or if we label it for locality, since it’s in the United States, a BOG-US.

DEALS, DEALS, DEALS!  They’re everywhere to be found all around the Bay, even in Silicon Valley.  Just yesterday we found an awesome place in Santa Clara for only $298,000!

What’s that? You don’t want to live in Santa Clara? 

Plenty of other choices are yours in Silicon Valley!  How about a home close to world famous San Francisco Bay, yet convenient to both the job centers of Mountain View and the night life of Milpitas?

1256 WABASH St, San Jose, CA 95002
$199,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,300
$/SQ. FT.: $153
LOT SIZE: 5,662 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1920
COMMUNITY: Alviso (Santa Clara County)
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81147794
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 20 days

Cash flow property at a great price! Regular Sale! Great for first time homebuyer or investor in up and coming area! Close to 237/880/101, Great school district-Santa Clara Schools, This is a 2 unit property with $1700/month in total rental income, 3/1 in front, 1/1 in back

I don’t see how you could lose with this one.  Rent one unit or the other, or let your slumlord self come out to party by renting out both!  That is, if you can find it behind all that greenbelt.

Also, take a look at what was hiding behind the SUV, in the Streetview photo on the right.  Nice to get a “feel” for the neighborhood before moving in.

At this price, you could pay cash for it, and the only way you’d ever be under water would be another 100 year flood.  And that shouldn’t happen until 2083.

Today’s house is a Guest Post by Burbed Reader AstroWallaby!  You know how good things come in small packages?  Well today’s featured listing is only 714 square feet, so it has to be fan-fracking-tastic!  Plus a location, location, location to love, love, love!

Please give AstroWallaby a big, warm, sunny, Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!

537 JACKSON St, San Jose, CA 95112
$518,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 725
$/SQ. FT.: $714
LOT SIZE: 5,617 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1955
COMMUNITY: Central San Jose
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81129934
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 144 days

R2 Zone. Main house with private 1500sqft warehouse/workshop. Warehouse/workshop built without permit. Tenant occupied. BIG REDUCTION. SELLER MOTIVATED

Tipping the scales at $714 per (permitted) foot this 725 square bantamweight contender for your investment dollar punches way above its weight class, as it includes a non-permitted twice-the-size-of-the-house attached warehouse!

And you’ll need it, if for no other reason than to store the grossly distended pride of ownership that comes along with buying what has to be the *shortest* house of in the neighborhood.

And with that R2 zoning you’ll be able to share that pride with the tenant that conveniently comes with the property, assuming you can convince the city to let you call whatever space is left over in your permit-impaired palace a second unit.

Listed in July for $590k, now’s your chance to steal it following a "BIG REDUCTION" to $518k. I have no idea why suddenly its "SELLER" is so "MOTIVATED" but don’t miss out on your chance to grab an extra $72k of instant equity. After all, Zillow thinks it might be worth up to $749,840!

(Ignore all the recent comps and those small-minded fools at eppraisal.com, this house is totally worth the extra $200k+. Owning your own illegal warehouse is a privilege reserved for those willing to pay for it.)

Just because we’re looking at the best possible DEALS doesn’t mean we can’t look at homes all over the price map.  For example, when you hear about places with asking prices over a million and a half, you’re thinking they’ve got to be in the Real Bay Area.  But here on Burbed, we know that $1.5 million dollar homes can be found anywhere, because that’s what it means to have a Free Market!  You are Free to ask any price you choose for your house, and everyone else is Free to tell you what they think of your brilliant idea.

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy for this find in the beautiful Berryessa bivouac.

15292 CAMELOT Dr, San Jose, CA 95132
$1,588,800

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 5.5
SQ. FT.: 4,787
$/SQ. FT.: $332
LOT SIZE: 1.21 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1994
COMMUNITY: Berryessa
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81147474
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 13 days

BEAUTIFUL ESTATE IN BEST LOCATION IN NORTH SAN JOSE BERRYESSA HILLS * HOME HAS A LARGE LOT OVER 1.25 ACRES – FULLY LANDSCAPE WITH FULL SIZE TENNIS COURT HOLLYWOOD CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY * PRIVATE GATE * HOME PACKED WITH BEAUTIFUL FEATURES FROM HARDWOOD FLOOR * ROMAN COLUMNS * MARBLE * LUXURIOUS BATHROOMS * CROWN MOLDING IMPRESSIVE STAIRCASE AND MUCH MORE

This house may not have a LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION in one of the Five Hundred Most Expensive Zip Codes, but it has something even better.  Dat’s right!  Mawbul Kawlums!

Too bad this house is on Camelot Drive.  With all these columns it really ought to be on Great Caesar’s Ghost Circle, or perhaps Cassius Clay Court.  Or maybe Camelot drive symbolizes the power of wishing prices.  But then you have to worry about Mordred plotting against you behind the FULL SIZE TENNIS COURT HOLLYWOOD CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY.

And if you are wondering about the agent’s interesting approach toward the English language, Tracy sent me the listing copy from when the home was on the market before.  (And it’s been listed three other times.  According to Zillow the previous listing was for $1,788,950.)

Welcome to this elegant custom-built mansion. The immense formal entry will open to a colossal foyer which embraces any large social gatherings. A Sierra Heights Estate with balconies that overlook the spectacular city light, mountain, and valley views. Many Elegant Upgrades throughout the floor plan reveals the premium value of this home. 4-CAR Garage and many GUESS PARKING SPACES.

I don’t know, how many parking spaces would that be?  Lucky eight?