Today’s luxe listing is all about location, location, location!  Many thanks to Burbed reader Overheard in San Carlos for passing along this plum place!

664 CHESTNUT St
San Carlos, CA 94070
$850,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 2,920
$/SQ. FT.: $291
LOT SIZE: 7,350 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Mediterranean
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1950
COMMUNITY: Howard Park
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81207068
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 25 days

CHARMING 3 BEDROOM, 1.75 BATH HOME W/ FRM, HDWD FLRS THRU-OUT & 2 CAR TANDEM GARAGE. SPACIOUS LIVING RM W/ BRICK SURROUND FRPLC. SEP FRML DINING RM W/ ARCHED DOORWAY. RETRO 50′S STYLE EAT-IN KITCH W/ TILE COUNTER TOPS, PLENTY OF CABINETS, FREE STANDING RANGE/OVEN & REFRIG. 3 NICE SIZE BEDRMS ON MAIN LEVEL. DWNSTRS FULL BASEMENT W/ LAUNDRY AREA. 7350 SQ FT LOT/ZONED RM59

HRS OF ENTRTNMNT INSD & OUT.

BUNUS: RM-59 ZNG = “MLTPL FAM MED DNSTY.”  Which is great, because this place already looks more like an APT HSE.

IDEAL LOCN, WLK 2 LIB, CTY SVCS DWNTWN, CLS 2 EVRYTNG.

ESPLY POLCE STN.

Today’s listing is brought to you by Burbed reader Divasm.  Let’s see what you can get in San Carlos for more than not a lot of money.

220 OAKVIEW Dr
San Carlos, CA 94070
$699,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,530
$/SQ. FT.: $457
LOT SIZE: 5,760 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1947
COMMUNITY: El Sereno Corte
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81200722
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 35 days

3 bedroom 2 bath home with lots of upgrades. Hardwood floors under carpet, recessed lighting, new stone fireplace, new tile entry, and kitchen floors. Large lot with big backyard fully landscaped. New french doors in Master bed. Great quiet neighborhood in White Oaks school District. PRICED TO SELL!!

Here’s what Divasm had to say about this luscious listing:

So what’s up with this house? Here’s the Realtard description: 3 bedroom 2 bath home with lots of upgrades. Hardwood floors under carpet, recessed lighting, new stone fireplace, new tile entry, and kitchen floors. New french doors in Master bed.

Now it’s important you read that carefully and try to picture it in your head. Sounds delightful right? That’s the chance you will get online to see it because of the 9 photos on the listing, NONE of them show the inside of the house! There are views from the inside of plants in the yard, views of the neighbors across the street, but nothing inside. What are they hiding

I suspect a portal to hell. Anyone else?

I would have liked to see the new french doors in Master bed.  That’s a different kind of Portal to Hell.

Here’s a San Carlos special for you, from Burbed reader Kirill!  Thanks very much!

Why is this house Special?  It has “the best local schools” and “convenient access anywhere on the Peninsula”! That means there are schools assigned to this location, which makes them the only (best) ones. It also means that the house is on a street that connects to other streets.

Maybe this agent didn’t take a logic class because we’ve already found two tautologies.  Or maybe this agent did take a logic class, because there are buyers who think “best local schools” actually means something.

399 WINDING Way, San Carlos, CA 94070
$624,500

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 780
$/SQ. FT.: $801
LOT SIZE: 0.37 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood, Valley
YEAR BUILT: 1933
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81145448
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 33 days

Country-style cottage in natural setting. Tranquil and quiet neighborhood with views and trails in San Carlos hills. A getaway location with convenient access anywhere on the peninsula. Best local schools, and great place to raise a family. Huge lot with many possibilities.

Here’s why Kirill sent this property in:

Thought it would be good candidate for Burbed due to combination of  diminutive size, insane price per sq. foot, one car garage separated from the house by long stairs and suggestion that it would be a "great place to raise a family" in the description.

But it is a great place to raise a family! If you need some space, just say WOULD YOU KIDS GO PLAY OUTSIDE?!  And they’re going to get a LOT of exercise outside:

And it is a “getaway” location all right; somebody left the back door open and now there’s a rooster in the kitchen.

This picture makes my head hurt.  We have a desert color motif here with the sand-colored chairs and the off-white wall.  We’ve got palm tree action on the seat cushions; the candlesticks are suggestive of palm trees but lack fronds, the picture frame has starfish, I can’t figure out what’s in the picture/shadowbox but it looks like an upside-down palm tree trapped behind some shelving, and the actual yard, also framed, shows a rather sprawling bush that needs cutting back.  At least it echoes the top of the palm tree, but all that green is clashing with the living room.

Getaway… tranquil and private… natural setting… Did somebody say grow house?  Many possibilities.

Here’s another great find from Burbed reader Overheard in San Carlos, in… would you believe San Carlos?  Too bad somebody bought it out from under you.

161 VINE St, San Carlos, CA 94070
$657,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,040
$/SQ. FT.: $632
LOT SIZE: 7,590 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1948
COMMUNITY: Cordes
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81127057
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Sold

Hands Down Winner! Competition melts by comparison to this charming 2 Bedroom , 1 Bath, Ranch Style Home located in the popular Garden Terraces neighborhood. Enjoy a summer BBQ out on the large outdoor deck overlooking your expansive back yard. With excellent San Carlos schools and a short distance to downtown , this is a winning home, hands down!

I’m still trying to figure out if this is the Hands Down Winner, then just exactly  in what?  Remember, the competition melts by comparison.  This place is a contender in the Highest-Contrast Kitchen Contest (Cabinet Division), a strong possibility in the Greater Garden Terraces Most Congenial Replacement for a Front Lawn Pave-Off, and in the running for Oh My God THAT Place Had Overbidding Festival.

We can agree that the buyer is a winner.  Of something.  Hands down!

Please welcome Burbed reader Divasm to the front page, with a lovely listing in San Carlos to share with you! Please give Divasm a warm, RBA welcome for the very first time as today’s Guest Blogger!

Wow, I got two days off in a row, I am LOVING this!  I don’t really need to say anything more, I’m just trying to get that horizontal line under the Guest Blogger photo at right.

There, that did it.  And keep those listings and guest posts coming in!

116 CLUB Dr, San Carlos, CA 94070
$950,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,960
$/SQ. FT.: $510
LOT SIZE: 6,900 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: Bi/Split Level
VIEW: Valley
YEAR BUILT: 1947
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81129013
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 30 days

Beautiful home nestled in the “San Carlos Hills” fabulous Canyon views bright & Open floor plan. Large updated kitchen with granite counter tops. Refinished hardwood floors through the kitchen , living and dining areas. Private back yard with outside deck for entertaining. A must see !

My husband and I saw this home in San Carlos before it was listed by the bank (we were searching REOs) and were intrigued – nice neighborhood, big backyard, and it failed to sell at auction for $889K, so we figured the bank sit on it for a while and list it lower, as it’s obvious nobody thinks it’s worth that much.

WRONG! They didn’t even slap fresh paint on it (as is evidenced by the half-painted kitchen where appliances are missing), just turned around and listed it for….$1 Mil update: reduced to $950K! Why, you ask, would this home that Zillow lists at $926K, be worth that much? Could it be the several exits available out to the deck (I believe it was at least 5 doors, one of which is in the master bathroom, for those quick exits during police raids apparently)? Could it be the fact that you get a one-car garage with a nice front garage door but no side wall to enclose it (In case you get claustrophobic while getting into your car, perhaps)?

Or maybe it’s the bidet! The rather small-ish master bedroom features an even smaller-ish bathroom that you can barely turn around in yet features the normal toilet, sink and shower – and again the door to the deck in case you need to bolt after flushing something – and… A bidet!! That obviously makes this a place that fancy-types live, and thus justifies the 7-figure price! Keep your eye on this one folks, it might be going fast…er, by that I mean sometime in the next 6 months I guess since it’s been on the market for a month already.

I’ve attached a photo of the backdoor next to the toilet, you can see the rim of the bidet across from the door. I’ve also attached our photo of the front of the garage door, and the side with no wall. Sorry we didn’t get a better photo of the bidet…I think we were just trying not to drop the camera in shock.

Well, you Burbed readers are a tough crowd.  I’ve been recovering from a nasty bout of fever, so I dialed in a quickie Open Houses and Open Thread on Sunday.  You guys, I swear!  I don’t think any column in Burbed ever got 5 negative votes before.  Even a listing credited to a commenter who collects thumbs downs the way East San Jose collects foreclosures did better than that!  

Good thing Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer sent in a great listing with commentary ready to go, so I can hide under the covers in my depreciating former RBA house until the recession is over.  Keep those contributions coming in, it means the zip code entries will be put off a long, long time!

Please give sfbubblebuyer a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome with today’s Guest Post from beautiful downtown Burbank San Carlos!

885 SUNSET Dr, San Carlos, CA  94070
$749,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,610
$/SQ. FT.: $465
LOT SIZE: 8,100 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1957
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81008742
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 452 days

INCREDIBLE GARDENERS PARADISE. SPACIOUS 2 LEVEL HOME FEATURING 2 SEPARATE LIVING AREAS COMPLETE W/ 2 FULL KITCHENS. 4 bed/3 bath (1bed/1bath is a studio) IDEAL FOR LARGE OR EXTENDED FAMILY. PANORAMIC BAY VIEWS FROM BOTH LEVELS. HUGE SOLAR POOL-MULTI LEVEL REDWOOD DECKS. GORGEOUS NEIGHBORHOOD. DECK HAS BUILT IN/CUSTOM BBQ GRILL. RECESSED LIGHTING. GREAT AMBIANCE. EMAIL ONLY joyadeeb@gmail. com

This house is a short sell WAY below the prices of other houses in San Carlos, yet it has fallen out of escrow four times. (It’s in escrow again! Let’s see how long THIS one lasts.) Why would it be falling out of escrow when it’s almost not-a-lot-of-money less than other houses in the neighborhood? Nearby houses range from 1.1 to 1.6 million! Clearly there is a gaping portal to hell disgorging denizens of the netherworld into the house’s crawlspace! Or perhaps it has foundation issues that would make Bill Murray’s makeup artist blanch with fear. Perhaps Gilbert Gottfried lives in the house next door?

Whatever the reason, this house is slowly crushing the current owner’s balance sheet into a fine paste. Now’s the chance to buy it, slap in some mawbahl cawlums and flip it for 1.5! Get busy! I mean, think of all the flat screen televisions you could have! And you’d finally have the confidence to start that harem you’ve always wanted! BUY BUY BUY!

(But be sure to keep the Ghostbuster’s number handy in case that portal to hell thing turns out to be true.)

Thanks to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for calling this listing out in comments!  This is quite a find, quite a find indeed.

1959 BELLE Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070
$1,950,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4
SQ. FT.: 3,050
$/SQ. FT.: $639
LOT SIZE: 5,750 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Mediterranean
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, Mountains, Neighborhood, Valley, City Lights
COMMUNITY: Howard Park
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81105544
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 57 days

One of the most desirable areas in San Carlos! Plans for a 5 bedroom, 4 bath Tuscan Home with authentic architectural details. Walk to downtown, highly rated public and private schools, parks and youth center. Large parcel to accomodate outdoor kitchen, swimming pool and fire pit. Quiet two block long street.

That agent had me going there!  Full sentences, proper use of capital and non-capital letters, failure to indulge in string of exclamation points, correct spelling, he definitely will accommodate… oops!  Didn’t run that copy through spell check, I guess.  Computer class is hard.

But I think the agent really needed a class in How to Present Your Listings by Emphasizing Positives and Minimizing Problems.  He got off to a great start by putting up a site elevation instead of various photos of a construction site, but… um…

Well, let’s admire some of the photos that this real estate professional thought were the most effective way to persuade someone to buy a two million dollar house.

Here’s what PG had to say about this house:

Perfect for someone looking to get rid of a body

This is another one of those properties where you have to dream the dream, visualize the possibilities, and assume the general contractor is as skilled and organized as this agent.  So let’s get another sense of what it means to be a real estate professional, such as having a keen understanding of the market:

Wow.  Marketing class is hard, too.

Let’s have a look at where this dream home is going to be, on a “large parcel” (of less than 6,000 sf). For two million smackeroos, it better be on a larger parcel than any of the neighbors, at least!

Whoa!  What’s this?  Zillow thinks this is now a double lot!

And that is very, very odd, because the Redfin listing says it’s a 5750 sf lot.  So the Zillow listing should be over 10,000 sf, right?

Wow!  Anyone want to calculate the FAR for this?  I suspect it might violate a few city zoning ordinances.  Anyway, time to wake up from the dream and check out Google Streetview, always a fun virtual outing.  So let’s see what that double lot looks like.

Uh, let’s enjoy the single lot the way it was when it was sold in 2007.  Wow!  Is all of THAT included, too?  Dibs on the blue bin!

And the neighbor across the street on the (shhh, don’t look!) much bigger parcel?

The good news is the neighbor’s house won’t make you feel like a serf, but the bad news is it does sit nice and high lording it over you.  Until you go to your second floor balcony and look them right in the eye.  After all, you have a two million dollar house, and they don’t.

Thanks to Burbed reader Overheard in San Carlos for this fascinating find!

2015 SAN CARLOS Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070
$699,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,570
$/SQ. FT.: $445
LOT SIZE: 5,663 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1964
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81114457
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 15 days

3BR/2BA HOME WITH A LARGE DECK IN BACKYARD AGAINST A CREEK SIDE SETTING! SEPARATE DINING ROOM, 2 CAR GARAGE, ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ACROSS THE STREET.

Here’s what Overheard in San Carlos had to say about this house:

CRAZY front photo… The house looks like some sort of robot face or something.

Let’s see the Streetview!

Oh noes, it’s going to EAT that station wagon!  I can’t look!

Hey, you want to really feel like this house is in a Science Fiction film?  Let’s see it in 3D mode!

Dang, left my red and blue 3D glasses at my other house.  But don’t worry, the Three Laws of Robotics assure us that it won’t eat any cars with humans inside them. 

Bonus: House sold for $825K in 2006.

Thanks to Burbed reader Sam for this “very unique” find in San Carlos.

790 BUCKLAND Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070
$1,049,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,965
$/SQ. FT.: $534
LOT SIZE: 7,565 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: Bi/Split Level
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1955
COMMUNITY: Cordes
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81113908
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 14 days

Wow!!This is a Tremendous 4bed 3 bath home. Unmatched features and wide open floor plan make this home “fit for a King” Heated bathroom floors, heated towel racks, remote control digitally controlled shower. Electrolox Icon Stanliess steele appliances with build in espresso machine makes this kitchen one of a kind. All new windows, floors, doors, Outstanding remoldel.

Here’s what Sam had to say about this listing:

I guess the listing agent forgot that in 2011 the “recently flipped” moniker isn’t a feature. Flip This House is sooooo 2006. But hey, it’s “fit for a King”: it has heated towel racks! It also has “Stanliess steele”. I don’t know what that is, but I’m pretty sure it would make a good porn star name.

Well, we got good news and bad news for you, Sam.  The bad news is this listing recently changed, maybe when the buyers accepted that pending without release offer.  Maybe they took away that “recently flipped” comment you mention that I didn’t find, what with my keeping your email sitting around for 2 weeks.  But the good news is that we don’t have to scratch our heads wondering what’s wrong with this place.  Redfin’s doing the heavy lifting for us!

Very unique!  I love very unique!  Nonconforming and weird is good too!  We’re going to love working with our Redfin overlords.  Meanwhile, check out the Google Streetview of this place!  I guess Spring Bounce means equity is rising. Something is rising, because the place doesn’t look exactly level.

But wait, there’s more!  Look at the listing history, OMFG!  This must be what Sam mean about recently flipped.  Plus a bonus foreclosure, this place has it all.

Don’t worry, Zillow’s got us covered on those missing listing prices.  Hoo-boy, can you say “Price Reduction”?

Cheer up!  The house was pending back in September, 2010, and that deal fell through.  It could happen again and YOU could be the next owner!

Whoever does buy it, please replace that rug with something that doesn’t look like the hardwood floor cut open and rotated 90 degrees.  Even Stanliess steele would look better.  But nothing beats a remote control digitally controlled shower.

1043 SYLVAN Dr San Carlos, CA 94070

$529,000

Beds:	3
Baths:	2
Sq. Ft.:	1,310
$/Sq. Ft.:	$404
Lot Size:	5,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Ranch
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1948
Community:	Clearfield Park/North Redwood Subdivision
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81051733
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	ActiveThis listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	75 days

Large fenced rear yard. Level lot, tile floors and fireplace in living room. Garage converted. Huge master bedroom addition.

Thanks to Burbed reader RBSC for this find!

Nothing too unusual here so far. Garage converted probably without a permit… blah blah blah. let’s look through the pictures:

Ok, some torture instruments from medieval Europe. Cool. This house has some history.

I like the modern art piece! And… the… whatever it is on the toilet seat! (It looks like tracking dots for CG purposes. Are they animating the next Aquaman here?)

There you go! Free boy with purc
hase of house! And he can even play the guitar! Sweet!

Better act fast before this guy beats you to the house!