Well, you Burbed readers are a tough crowd.  I’ve been recovering from a nasty bout of fever, so I dialed in a quickie Open Houses and Open Thread on Sunday.  You guys, I swear!  I don’t think any column in Burbed ever got 5 negative votes before.  Even a listing credited to a commenter who collects thumbs downs the way East San Jose collects foreclosures did better than that!  

Good thing Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer sent in a great listing with commentary ready to go, so I can hide under the covers in my depreciating former RBA house until the recession is over.  Keep those contributions coming in, it means the zip code entries will be put off a long, long time!

Please give sfbubblebuyer a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome with today’s Guest Post from beautiful downtown Burbank San Carlos!

885 SUNSET Dr, San Carlos, CA  94070
$749,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,610
$/SQ. FT.: $465
LOT SIZE: 8,100 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1957
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81008742
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 452 days

INCREDIBLE GARDENERS PARADISE. SPACIOUS 2 LEVEL HOME FEATURING 2 SEPARATE LIVING AREAS COMPLETE W/ 2 FULL KITCHENS. 4 bed/3 bath (1bed/1bath is a studio) IDEAL FOR LARGE OR EXTENDED FAMILY. PANORAMIC BAY VIEWS FROM BOTH LEVELS. HUGE SOLAR POOL-MULTI LEVEL REDWOOD DECKS. GORGEOUS NEIGHBORHOOD. DECK HAS BUILT IN/CUSTOM BBQ GRILL. RECESSED LIGHTING. GREAT AMBIANCE. EMAIL ONLY joyadeeb@gmail. com

This house is a short sell WAY below the prices of other houses in San Carlos, yet it has fallen out of escrow four times. (It’s in escrow again! Let’s see how long THIS one lasts.) Why would it be falling out of escrow when it’s almost not-a-lot-of-money less than other houses in the neighborhood? Nearby houses range from 1.1 to 1.6 million! Clearly there is a gaping portal to hell disgorging denizens of the netherworld into the house’s crawlspace! Or perhaps it has foundation issues that would make Bill Murray’s makeup artist blanch with fear. Perhaps Gilbert Gottfried lives in the house next door?

Whatever the reason, this house is slowly crushing the current owner’s balance sheet into a fine paste. Now’s the chance to buy it, slap in some mawbahl cawlums and flip it for 1.5! Get busy! I mean, think of all the flat screen televisions you could have! And you’d finally have the confidence to start that harem you’ve always wanted! BUY BUY BUY!

(But be sure to keep the Ghostbuster’s number handy in case that portal to hell thing turns out to be true.)

Thanks to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for calling this listing out in comments!  This is quite a find, quite a find indeed.

1959 BELLE Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070
$1,950,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4
SQ. FT.: 3,050
$/SQ. FT.: $639
LOT SIZE: 5,750 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Mediterranean
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, Mountains, Neighborhood, Valley, City Lights
COMMUNITY: Howard Park
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81105544
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 57 days

One of the most desirable areas in San Carlos! Plans for a 5 bedroom, 4 bath Tuscan Home with authentic architectural details. Walk to downtown, highly rated public and private schools, parks and youth center. Large parcel to accomodate outdoor kitchen, swimming pool and fire pit. Quiet two block long street.

That agent had me going there!  Full sentences, proper use of capital and non-capital letters, failure to indulge in string of exclamation points, correct spelling, he definitely will accommodate… oops!  Didn’t run that copy through spell check, I guess.  Computer class is hard.

But I think the agent really needed a class in How to Present Your Listings by Emphasizing Positives and Minimizing Problems.  He got off to a great start by putting up a site elevation instead of various photos of a construction site, but… um…

Well, let’s admire some of the photos that this real estate professional thought were the most effective way to persuade someone to buy a two million dollar house.

Here’s what PG had to say about this house:

Perfect for someone looking to get rid of a body

This is another one of those properties where you have to dream the dream, visualize the possibilities, and assume the general contractor is as skilled and organized as this agent.  So let’s get another sense of what it means to be a real estate professional, such as having a keen understanding of the market:

Wow.  Marketing class is hard, too.

Let’s have a look at where this dream home is going to be, on a “large parcel” (of less than 6,000 sf). For two million smackeroos, it better be on a larger parcel than any of the neighbors, at least!

Whoa!  What’s this?  Zillow thinks this is now a double lot!

And that is very, very odd, because the Redfin listing says it’s a 5750 sf lot.  So the Zillow listing should be over 10,000 sf, right?

Wow!  Anyone want to calculate the FAR for this?  I suspect it might violate a few city zoning ordinances.  Anyway, time to wake up from the dream and check out Google Streetview, always a fun virtual outing.  So let’s see what that double lot looks like.

Uh, let’s enjoy the single lot the way it was when it was sold in 2007.  Wow!  Is all of THAT included, too?  Dibs on the blue bin!

And the neighbor across the street on the (shhh, don’t look!) much bigger parcel?

The good news is the neighbor’s house won’t make you feel like a serf, but the bad news is it does sit nice and high lording it over you.  Until you go to your second floor balcony and look them right in the eye.  After all, you have a two million dollar house, and they don’t.

Thanks to Burbed reader Overheard in San Carlos for this fascinating find!

2015 SAN CARLOS Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070
$699,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,570
$/SQ. FT.: $445
LOT SIZE: 5,663 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1964
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81114457
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 15 days

3BR/2BA HOME WITH A LARGE DECK IN BACKYARD AGAINST A CREEK SIDE SETTING! SEPARATE DINING ROOM, 2 CAR GARAGE, ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ACROSS THE STREET.

Here’s what Overheard in San Carlos had to say about this house:

CRAZY front photo… The house looks like some sort of robot face or something.

Let’s see the Streetview!

Oh noes, it’s going to EAT that station wagon!  I can’t look!

Hey, you want to really feel like this house is in a Science Fiction film?  Let’s see it in 3D mode!

Dang, left my red and blue 3D glasses at my other house.  But don’t worry, the Three Laws of Robotics assure us that it won’t eat any cars with humans inside them. 

Bonus: House sold for $825K in 2006.

Thanks to Burbed reader Sam for this “very unique” find in San Carlos.

790 BUCKLAND Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070
$1,049,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,965
$/SQ. FT.: $534
LOT SIZE: 7,565 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: Bi/Split Level
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1955
COMMUNITY: Cordes
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81113908
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 14 days

Wow!!This is a Tremendous 4bed 3 bath home. Unmatched features and wide open floor plan make this home “fit for a King” Heated bathroom floors, heated towel racks, remote control digitally controlled shower. Electrolox Icon Stanliess steele appliances with build in espresso machine makes this kitchen one of a kind. All new windows, floors, doors, Outstanding remoldel.

Here’s what Sam had to say about this listing:

I guess the listing agent forgot that in 2011 the “recently flipped” moniker isn’t a feature. Flip This House is sooooo 2006. But hey, it’s “fit for a King”: it has heated towel racks! It also has “Stanliess steele”. I don’t know what that is, but I’m pretty sure it would make a good porn star name.

Well, we got good news and bad news for you, Sam.  The bad news is this listing recently changed, maybe when the buyers accepted that pending without release offer.  Maybe they took away that “recently flipped” comment you mention that I didn’t find, what with my keeping your email sitting around for 2 weeks.  But the good news is that we don’t have to scratch our heads wondering what’s wrong with this place.  Redfin’s doing the heavy lifting for us!

Very unique!  I love very unique!  Nonconforming and weird is good too!  We’re going to love working with our Redfin overlords.  Meanwhile, check out the Google Streetview of this place!  I guess Spring Bounce means equity is rising. Something is rising, because the place doesn’t look exactly level.

But wait, there’s more!  Look at the listing history, OMFG!  This must be what Sam mean about recently flipped.  Plus a bonus foreclosure, this place has it all.

Don’t worry, Zillow’s got us covered on those missing listing prices.  Hoo-boy, can you say “Price Reduction”?

Cheer up!  The house was pending back in September, 2010, and that deal fell through.  It could happen again and YOU could be the next owner!

Whoever does buy it, please replace that rug with something that doesn’t look like the hardwood floor cut open and rotated 90 degrees.  Even Stanliess steele would look better.  But nothing beats a remote control digitally controlled shower.

1043 SYLVAN Dr San Carlos, CA 94070

$529,000

Beds:	3
Baths:	2
Sq. Ft.:	1,310
$/Sq. Ft.:	$404
Lot Size:	5,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Ranch
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1948
Community:	Clearfield Park/North Redwood Subdivision
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81051733
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	ActiveThis listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	75 days

Large fenced rear yard. Level lot, tile floors and fireplace in living room. Garage converted. Huge master bedroom addition.

Thanks to Burbed reader RBSC for this find!

Nothing too unusual here so far. Garage converted probably without a permit… blah blah blah. let’s look through the pictures:

Ok, some torture instruments from medieval Europe. Cool. This house has some history.

I like the modern art piece! And… the… whatever it is on the toilet seat! (It looks like tracking dots for CG purposes. Are they animating the next Aquaman here?)

There you go! Free boy with purc
hase of house! And he can even play the guitar! Sweet!

Better act fast before this guy beats you to the house!

1100 CEDAR St San Carlos, CA 94070

$724,900

Beds:	2
Baths:	1
Sq. Ft.:	880
$/Sq. Ft.:	$824
Lot Size:	6,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Ranch
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1947
Community:	El Sereno Corte
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81055039
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active
On Redfin:	51 days

Super adorable, hardwood floors, crown molding, double pane windows, new central forced air heating, new completely remodeled bathroom. Huge level lot with two yard areas-one large enough for pool! RV parking and 2 car garage! Immaculate, move-in & walking distance to park, schools and downtown!

Wowsers! Congrats to San Carlos for this impressive entry. At 880 sqft, this house is indeed super adorable. In other parts of our fine nation (the not-smart, not-innovative, sushi-lacking parts), this would be a house that you might buy for your daughter as a doll house – that’s how adorable it is!

And it’s even walking distance to the king of roads – El Camino Real!

$824 per square foot. San Carlos, you are now definitely Real Bay Area once again. Happy 2011! You’re off to a great start!

$1,295,000

1753 ALAMEDA San Carlos, CA 94070

Beds:	5
Baths:	3.5
Sq. Ft.:	2,840
$/Sq. Ft.:	$456
Lot Size:	4,980 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Stories:	2
Year Built:	1948
Community:	El Sereno Corte
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81049701
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	ActiveThis listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	33 days

Classic charm to create your personal dream home. 2 downstairs bedrooms and an additional room w/ seperate entrance to be used as an office, den or exercise room. 3 upstairs bedrooms – 1 Master and 2 others that are 17′x15′. Enjoy cozy family dinners in the kitchen or family holidays in the dining room. Relax in front of the living room fireplace. Value beyond the sales price.

Thanks to Burbed reader A.E. for this find!

Sure the description above is on par with Don Draper’s famous nostalgia speech, but A.E. submitted this additional descriptional glory:

The Upside

This home could price out in the high $1.5 million based on the sq ft price model. Even when you adjust and compare homes with larger lots, the value could still be in the $1.4 million dollar range.

To be honest, this home has not been updated while most of the homes currently for sale have been. While these homes were upgraded based on the visions of the previous owner, you have a chance to give your client the opportunity to create the reality of their dream home.

We understand the hurdles involved in buying this home. The property is currently rented. The tenants have been given notice.  In addition to the needed upgrades, there are Section 1 repairs that should be completed.  This is the primary reason for the reduced price of $1,295,000.

The seller has offered to credit your buyer $40,000<
u> at COE to help cover closing costs, repairs and or upgrades.

The seller is interested in entertaining all reasonable offers.

Let’s Forget the Price for a Second

Consider the opportunity for your client that wants a large and flexible living space.

Wow… watch out Palo Alto, San Carlos is gunning for you! Look at how flexible the buyer is – they’re even willing to give you back $40,000!

Frankly, this is an amazing steal! And, when you move in, look at how you will benefit the city and state:

Congrats! You’ll be adding $10,651 annually to help dig the state out of its economic crisis!

So do your patriotic duty this day before Thanksgiving, and buy buy buy this house!

$1,998,000

961 EDGEWOOD Rd Redwood City, CA 94062

Beds:	4
Baths:	3
Sq. Ft.:	2,130
$/Sq. Ft.:	$938
Lot Size:	10,080 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Ranch
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1950
Community:	High School Acres
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81045111
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	ActiveThis listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	55 days

This stunning, one level home features 4 bedrooms & 3 baths with an expansive living room featuring a wall of windows highlighting the breathtaking back yard. Double door access opens to a patio, large swimming pool and spa, plus a trellis-covered patio and lawn area. This great backyard is designed to easily accommodate large gatherings with ease and comfort.

Wow! You go San Carlos! A nice, healthy $938 per square foot. This is a price point that everyone should be aspiring too.

You’ve gotta admit, this is a pretty large house for a 1 story one. And, with a backyard like that, you can host the next Presidential backyard conversation with ease!

Wow, at
this rate, this house will $3 million in no time! Better strike before San Carlos becomes the next Atherton!

$790,000

1135 ALAMEDA San Carlos, CA 94070

Beds:	3
Baths:	2
Sq. Ft.:	970
$/Sq. Ft.:	$814
Lot Size:	5,920 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Stories:	1
View:	Bay
Year Built:	1950
Community:	El Sereno Corte
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81034182
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	1 day
New Listing (24 hours)

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION IN THE HEART OF SAN CARLOS WALKING DISTANCE TO SHOPPING, SCHOOLS, RESTAURANTS. 3 BEDROOMS, 2 BATH HOME, 2BD/1BA ON LOWER LEVEL WITH ACCESS TO A LUSH GARDEN THROUGH BEAUTIFUL SLIDING DOORS. BAY VIEW FROM BALCONY. TILE FLOORS AND UPGRADES GALORE. MUST SEE PROPERTY.

Now, granted, San Carlos had to eliminate its police force and outsource it to the county, but still, have you seen house prices in San Carlos lately? Woo! It’s back to $8xx per square foot levels! Welcome back to the Real Bay Area San Carlos!

And just look at this amazing blurry house. Now you’ve even got the Real Bay Area swagger! Nothing says RBA like a listing that says “buyer, you’re my BITCH”. I love the lack-of-interior photos attitude.

Yo go San Carlos. You truly are the city of good living now.

770 NEAL Ave San Carlos, CA 94070

$549,000

Beds:	2
Baths:	1
Sq. Ft.:	630
$/Sq. Ft.:	$871
Lot Size:	4,700 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Cottage/Bungalow
Stories:	1
Year Built:	1933
Community:	Alder Manor
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81024603
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	5 days

Opportunity knocks with this fixer-upper on a quiet west side street. Gently sloping lot with plenty of space to add on. Open Sunday 5/23 1:30-4:30 on tour 5/25 . Offers if any after Wed. 5/26. There have not been any inspections. To be sold As-is in all regards.