Here’s a really hot number for you, direct from San Jose!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Melanie for finding this smoking good deal in Almaden Valley!

6324 LILLIAN Way
San Jose, CA 95120
$499,900

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,350
$/SQ. FT.: $370
LOT SIZE: 6,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Mountains, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1962
COMMUNITY: Almaden Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81208134
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 19 days

Rare opportunity for a complete home renovation in Almaden Valley. Home had a garage fire in August 2011 but the tastefully remodeled bathrooms and bedrooms are intact. Kitchen also has newer cabinets and counters. Great location close to Almaden Expressway and shopping on a quiet street with pride of ownership. Bring your contractor & inspiration to transform this property back to a family home.

Some places merely claim pride of ownership, but this one is living it.  Because nothing says pride of ownership like this garage.  All you have to do is transform this property back to a family home.

Anyone wonder what it was serving as before the garage fire?

Here’s the cached text from Trulia; it’s a little different now that the home went on the market:

Bank owned property. It had a fire in the garage, damage extends into the home. The price is an estimate by the agent since it is not currently on the market. Get an opportunity to view this home before all the other competition! Cash buyers only. — Buyer’s only to inquire about this property. If you are a realtor, this home will be on the market soon. Viewing and questions answered at that time. If you would like to be on the call back list feel free to send us an email.

It’s time for a weekend getaway!  Burbed reader Tracy has just the spot: yet another installment in our collection of castles for sale!

10180 CINNABAR HILLS Rd
San Jose, CA 95120
$1,699,900

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 3.5
SQ. FT.: 5,740
$/SQ. FT.: $296
LOT SIZE: 12.53 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 3
VIEW: Mountains, Lake, Valley, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 2009
COMMUNITY: Almaden Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81203188
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 20 days

3 story Almaden Castle on the top of Mountains. 3 years old. Custom built. 180 degree view. Endless Opportunity and freedom to add your own finishing touches, arrange your wine cellar in the basement. Master bedroom on the top floor. Patio, deck, balconies. Two garages 2 car each. Gated community. Top rated Almaden schools: Graystone, Bret Harte, Leland. Fresh air and no one above you, only eagles

Freedom!  Freedom like the eagles above you, no one else!  Freedom to add your own finishing touches!  Freedom to arrange your wine cellar in the basement!  That’s realtard-speak for the owner ran out of their own freedom, I mean money.  Their misfortune is your opportunity!  Endless Opportunity!

Here is your Endless Opportunity to add your finishing touches to the kitchen.  Can you figure out what is missing from these pictures?

You can enjoy nine more pictures than Redfin provides, as this castle has its very own website.  On the right is one of several extra photos showing the Endless Opportunity you will have getting all the electrical plates, switches, and outlets to blend in a bit more unobtrusively with the paint scheme.

Nothing like living in a three story castle with no one above you.  That means your family has to live in the dungeon.

Burbed gets some pretty amusing listings sent in, but this one stands head and shoulders above most of them.  Or should I say it made quite an impact.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for sharing it.  

21431 BERTRAM Rd, San Jose, CA 95120
$175,000

BEDS: 1
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 852
$/SQ. FT.: $205
LOT SIZE: 6,348 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1927
COMMUNITY: Almaden Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81104744
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 56 days

SHORT SALE. Contractor Special!!! Beautiful Creek Setting. Tree Fell On Home. Buyer to Verify Allowable Re-Build With County. In A Historical District. Do Not Go On The Property!!! View From The Street. Offers are still being taken. They will be presented to 1st lender when negotiations are completed with second.

I really appreciate truth in advertising, and real estate is one field where creative descriptions (which is a rather fancy way to say “lies”) are the norm.  So a listing that calls it like it sees it is truly more than a breath of fresh air.  Observe the economy of prose that tells nothing but the unvarnished truth.

SHORT SALE.  Ahoy, bank trouble ahead.  Contractor Special!!! Yes, that often goes with Short Sale, usually. Lots of exclamation points, agent is excited.  Maybe agent owns a hardware store? 

Beautiful Creek Setting. That’s true, and here’s a nice picture of the beautiful creek setting.  So far, this listing reads like most of the distressed properties we’ve seen FBs lose when they couldn’t pay their bubblicious loan payments.  So, no surprises yet, but wait, there’s more!

Tree Fell On Home.  Oh. My. Definitely. Short, descriptive, and resonant.  Hemingway couldn’t have said it better. 

Buyer to Verify Allowable Re-Build With County.  Beautiful.  A few choice words with just a hint of endless bureaucracy and red tape.  This property is a complete crapshoot: you pays your money and you may not get to do anything with it. We’ve moved from Hemingway to Kafka.

In A Historical District.  See. this place isn’t a complete loss!  Here’s a lovely picture to show why you’d want an uninhabitable 1923 structure.

Do Not Go On The Property!!! View From The Street.  Now the writer injects a note of warning into what had been informative and down-to-earth beforehand.  The plot thickens!  Plus they don’t want you on the property because this is one ginormous liability suit just waiting to happen. 

Offers are still being taken. The listing concludes on a note of hope and perseverance in the face of adversity.

They will be presented to 1st lender when negotiations are completed with second. Hope, with a bemused eyeroll.  This admitted disaster is not only a short sale, there are negotiations with not one, but two banks.  That’s going to make dealing with the county planning department as easy as falling off a log.

Wow! Now tell us the bad news.

This listing spoke the whole truth. This is definitely a Contractor Special, in the sense that certain kids are “Special.”  View it from The Street!

UPDATE: Burbed reader nomadic sent in two more pictures taken right at the site later today (3/31/11) plus some on-site commentary.  I hope they were viewed and taken from The Street as advised. 

Here’s what the tree house looks like now.  I didn’t take a long shot to show that 2/3 of the house wasn’t crushed – it appears that the front room (main living area) was flattened, but not the rest.  Too bad another picture I took was too dark to show the kitchen where one wall was missing.  There were GRANITE countertops!

In the background you can see how massive the fallen branch was.  There is more of the same tree hanging over the next door neighbor’s house.  To be fair, I’m not sure the owner would have known what a risk there was.  The tree doesn’t look completely dead.  It’s one of those scrubby looking oaks or something.  There are many huge trees all along that street and nearly every home could have one fall on it.

Here’s the firewood pile nearby; I’m pretty certain it was the fallen branch.

The firewood had better be included for $175,000.

It’s about time we heard from Burbed reader sonarrat, isn’t it?  Of course it is, now that we’ve escaped from our Visit to Vallejo.

1314 WEATHERSFIELD Way, San Jose, CA 95118
$725,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,176
$/SQ. FT.: $616
LOT SIZE: 7,227 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Green Belt, Mountains, Lake, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1965
COMMUNITY: Cambrian
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81100244
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 78 days

Move in ready! Completely new kitchen! Cherry cabinets with features today’s cooks are looking for. Granite counter tops, prep sink, two disposals, stainless steel appliances(except fridge), double convection/microwave ovens, gas cooktop, tile flooring. Master bath and hall bath remodeled. All this, plus Almaden Valley & Cambrian schools, a view you will never grow tired of. Come see for yourself

It’s rarely a good sign when the first picture in the listing isn’t of the house itself, but “a view you will never grow tired of.”  That means the chain-link fence is just as stunning at high noon.

The house?  Well, having just returned from Vallejo, we’ve seen worse.  Like the screaming tomato-red “accent wall” in the… is that the living room?  WHAT did they do to that fireplace?

But let’s stick to the outside for now (we know the inside has the features today’s cooks are looking for, or is it just the cabinets only that are so equipped?  At least the agent admits that the stainless treatment didn’t extend to the refrigerator.

Here’s the actual view of the house so you can see how well you’re going to get to know the neighbors.  They will be parking in front of your house because there isn’t room for guests,  Also note the great condition of your new street.

Meanwhile I hope you like wildlife.

Because it looks like this house backs onto the mother of all mosquito breeding programs.  Come see for yourself

Sorry, before you read this entry, you must watch this video clip – Mike’s Marbleopolis.

6456 GUADALUPE MINES Rd, San Jose, CA 95120 | MLS# 80947514
6456 GUADALUPE MINES Rd San Jose, CA 95120
Price: $1,688,800

Beds: 5
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 3,857
$/Sq. Ft.: $438
Lot Size: 1.36 Acres
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Mediterranean
Stories: 2
View: Green Belt, Mountains
Year Built: 1996
Community: Almaden Valley
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 80947514
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 15 days
WOW!!! Fabulous Mediterranean Villa surrounded by mature Valley Oak trees. Expansive lawn plus areas to practice golf, a vineyard with 300 vines of premium cabernet grapes, & a regulation size volleyball court. Private setting with scenic landscaping. You will fall in love with this very unique home! Great for entertaining! Los Gatos Schools! Open House: Oct. 18 2:00-4:00

Thanks to Burbed reader Nomadic for this find.

Wow. Who lives here? The Pope? Just look at those columns. Ooh la la! Look how elegant that staircase looks as a result. Is this house shipped over from Italy?

But wait… there’s more! There’s this one:

And that one!

With columns like those in the bedroom, you won’t need any help because… heck… you’ve got columns!

So now you too can live in the San Jose Whitehouse. All you need are these columns.

6603 Mcabee Rd, San Jose, CA 95120 Almaden Valley MLS# 80919544 – Property Details
6603 Mcabee Rd, San Jose, CA 95120

(Almaden Valley)
$1,649,000

Status: Active
Bedroom: 4
Bathroom: 3&1/2

* Year Built: 2007
* Lot Size: 8712
* Square Footage: 3601
* List Date: 4/21/2009
* Garage Spaces: 2
* MLS#: 80919544

Beautiful home located in Almaden Valley. This home is 2 years new with magnificent upgrades including downstairs hardwood floors, marble master bath, granite slab in gourmet kitchen. Extra premium lot with courtyard. Great location with convenient access to shopping, restaurants, freeways, excellent schools and Quicksilver Park. Almaden Schools: Simonds, Castillero, Pioneer

Thanks to Burbed reader Sonarrat for this find. Here’s what he had to say:

I don’t know what I like more, the drooling tongue hanging out from the front door or the ski jump on the roof.

Wow… that’s pretty creative imagery. Were you a creative writing major or something? At $457 per square foot this is quite the steal. And look, it comes with a courtyard!

Would you go for this piece of art? I bet you could take some fancy photos, submit them to the SF MOMA, give it a fancy title that only makes sense to 4 people, and win a giant prize, instantly earning this house for free!

I nominate sonarrat to buy this house and pull it off!