August 19, 2013

Ginormous SJ house generates HEAVY AMOUNT OF PHONE CALLS

Tired of the poorly photographed crapboxen that are Burbed bread and butter? Today’s house is for you, if you can find it.This property is brought to you by Burbed reader wahnny. Thanks very much!

130818-calero-redfin21680 CALERO CREEK Ct
San Jose, CA 95120

5 Beds
7 Baths
7,533 Sq. Ft.
$133 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2002
Lot Size: 3.10 Acres
On Redfin: 17 days
Status: Pending With Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
County: Santa Clara
Style: Traditional, Mediterranean
Community: Almaden Valley
MLS#: 81328031


130818-calero-theaterHere’s why wahnny sent in this particular place:

Just came across this quite georgious estate.

Asking price is WAY less than its assessed value.  Lotsa cauwlums and ornate finishings adorn the "10 YEARS YOUNG" 7500+sqft estate on 3+acres.  Aside from overhead powerlines, rather small pool, and location on the fringes of the RBA, it might still incite a bidding war, as per AGENT INTENT.

130818-calero-kawlumFringes of the Real Bay Area? Wahnny, this place isn’t even on the fringes of the Corridor of Not Quite. This house is firmly situated somewhere south of You Have Got To Be Kidding Me. The only advantage it has is that it’s only 22 miles to the Tesla Supercharging station in Gilroy.  And if you can buy a house this size for the price of a gingerbread shack in San Bruno, of course you should expect some mawbul kawlums thrown in.

130818-calero-thronePlus there is a virtual tour.  And a good thing there is, or we would never know that every office needs a throne.

As to that AGENT INTENT, here’s what the FAQ in the disclosures packet has to say about that asking price:

8. Why list so low?
Sellers are aware that neither appraisers, nor realtors determine what the VALUE or the final sales price of a home will be, it’s the BUYERS that determine the final price thus the new market value of the home.  They wanted to market and list their home non-traditional and something innovative that would attract plenty of interest and one good offer that had the best price and terms.

130818-calero-officeWait a minute, since when is announcing a day for offers to come in and picking the highest one considered “non-traditional”?  In the RBA this is de rigeur!

Bunus: Not only does this property have a “well lien” because of the 3 abandoned wells onsite (seller can’t find two of them), there’s also an HOA for shared roads with voting rights based on property size. This home has an effective veto over the other properties because any vote must pass by 75%.  So you could really make life interesting for four other homeowners!


Comments (3) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:06 am

April 1, 2013

Always Advance All Alliances: Almaden

BlogAtoZ-AToday is the first day of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge, so we’ll Abjure their Authorized Arms And Affirm our Abecedarian Attempt. And we Aspire to give A tip of the Aviator’s cap to Arlee Bird for Activating this Affair, with over 1700 blogs Associated!  Most All of them Aren’t in the Real Bay Area, so while we Advocate your Auditing Any and All, you Aren’t Accountable to Acquire Any properties.

We’re delighted to be part of this Amazing Alliance!  Now on to today’s Apt Acreage.

130331-almaden-redfin6792 ALMADEN Rd
San Jose, CA 95120

5 Beds
3 Baths
2,704 Sq. Ft.
$320 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1969
Lot Size: 7,169 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 13 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Neighborhood
County": Santa Clara
Stories: 2
Community: Almaden Valley
MLS#: 81308508

Large 5 bedroom Almaden home with swimming pool, corner lot. Top Almaden Schools: Graystone, Bret Harte & Leland. Property is Lender-Owned, being sold "AS-IS, " US Bank makes no representations or warranties. US Bank financing available. All US Bank loans to be approved by US Bank. .

US Bank may make no representations, but we Aim to. Zillow says this house is worth $1.1 million, which might Account for why the bank sat on its collective Ass for An Absolute Annum After they foreclosed. That means $250 thousand of Alleged instant equity for you, the buyer! What Are you Anticipating?  You Assume every listing has an Attractive Appearance by Instagram?

Arrive in your Automobile, And Ask your Agent to Arrange for An Attractive Advance deposit! Actung!  This Allotment is still Active! And that Aerial Aspect sure is Attractive!  Remember, Abode, Address, Area!


And… do you think we’re going to Adjust the daily Alphabet in All of the 25 Afterward Articles? Absolutely not. April Fool!

Comments (5) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:04 am

March 29, 2013

This home is a work of art by true artist’s artistry

We’ve made comments about certain property listings where the photos seem more suited to an art gallery than a home website. Today’s house, though, is in a class by itself for serious WTFness. This San Jose museum masterpiece is so moved miles more than the masonry mainstream that it was nominated by two different Burbed readers within 24 hours: z2amiller and mtv-renter.

Grab your AudioTour listening device, slip on your headphones, and enjoy these curated images from a Cambrian townhouse available right now through your favorite real estate professional.  Or pick your least favorite realtard just to make ‘em have to look at it.

130328-hollyleaf-redfin5692 HOLLYLEAF Ln
San Jose, CA 95118

HOA Dues: $329/mo.
2 Beds
2 Baths
1,102 Sq. Ft.
$440 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1973
Lot Size: 2,120 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 9 days
HOA Dues: $329/month
Style: Traditional
Community: Cambrian
MLS#: 81308592
Property Type: Townhouse
View: Green Belt, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

This home is a work of art! Upon entering you will be amazed at the artistry of the tile floors and walls These amazing mosaics were designed by a true artist. This colorful home features a remodeled kitchen with granite counters updated appliances copper sink double pane windows 2 spacious patios 2 car garage and a great location in the complex across from a green belt Must See one of kind Home!

Tile? That roof above looks just fine for a place in California.  Although somebody please give this listing agent some punctuation.


Ooooookay, the patio is just a touch on the loud side.  Things are about to get louder, so click on through. Warning, eye protection is strongly recommended.


Comments (25) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am

September 10, 2012

WOW, NEW PRICE in Almaden Valley

Today’s amazing abode in Almaden comes to us courtesy of Burbed reader ChinoBoy.  Thanks very much for this fab find that shows what a real estate professional can do that you can’t: get the exact price that will get your house sold!

Or maybe not.  Read on!

120909-timberview-redfin6521 TIMBERVIEW Ct
San Jose, CA 95120

4 Beds 
3 Baths 
2,450 Sq. Ft.
$373 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1984 
Lot Size: 6,230 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 139 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: Tri-Level
Community: Almaden Valley
MLS#: 81215055
Style: Contemporary
View: Mountains
County: Santa Clara

WOW, NEW PRICE, Fantastic Pierce Ranch Blackwell home. Great floor plan with extra large master bedroom, plus bonus room. Formal dining room, wet bar, family room with fireplace, entertaining backyard, swimming pool with Jacuzzi. Mountain Views. Fully landscaped front and back. Updated kitchen, 3 car garage and top schools. First floor bedroom with full bath.

120909-timberview-stairviewAnd this is why ChinoBoy was kind enough to share:

House has been on the market for 122 days. 

If you look at the price history, 3 price reductions, and now today they suddenly raise the price.

Logically, if they had offers at the last price, it would have sold, so why raise the price again?

LOL i know, this market is ridiculous!

WOW!  Good thing we’ve got some “Agent Insight” to help you decide if this is a good choice.


Um, we can see that in the picture, Keith.  But, um, thanks.  Meanwhile, check out the price history!


WOW!  How’s that price increase working?  Does it make this house even more Special?


Comments (14) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:08 am

August 28, 2012

Loaded with CHARM! in New Almaden! Needs many newer updates! And more exclamation points!

We’re heading south today, for a look at this New Almaden NODder. Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for keeping an eye on what’s in shadow inventory, and what’s trying to stay in the sunshine.  Let’s see how shortly this spread will be selling.

20891 ALMADEN Rd
San Jose, CA 95120


120827-almaden-carport$975,500 Price
4 Beds
3 Baths
2,888 Sq. Ft.
$338 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1920
Lot Size: 1 Acre
On Redfin: 161 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Canyon
County: Santa Clara
Stories: 1
Community: Almaden Valley120827-almaden-porch
MLS#: 81210207

Magical one-of-a-kind Historic Home in New Almaden! Unique historic home is loaded with CHARM! Huge porch, formal living/dining room, family room, 4 bed/3 bath (2 master suites) w/ an updated country kitchen and a workshop on a 1 acre lot. Needs a tiny bit of TLC and many newer updates! MUST SEE! Get more info: TEXT “71699” to 79564

Get more info by texting!  Because there’s only so much info you can fit on the internet.  But text messaging?  Hope you’re on the unlimited plan.

Why did nomadic send this place in?  Let’s find out!

120827-almaden-wtf-is-thisThe listing history might inspire you.  They took an interesting approach to getting RBA returns – just HELOC it out and do a short sale for 2x the purchase price after 13 years – I wonder how much they sucked out. (After all, they won’t actually get the purchase value back out.)  I remember them trying to sell at the peak prices just after the real estate crash and thinking “good luck with that.”

What’s this?  Something about an inspiring listing history?  Redfin doesn’t have much on the old pricing, so Zillow to the rescue!


120827-almaden-horsiesUh, yeah.  Good luck with that.  But on the upside, if you’ve always wanted a pony, this place is horsie-ready should your magical fairy godmother ever come through with those wishes.

Anyone have any idea why Zillow has reasonably-sized pictures and Redfin doesn’t for this property? Does it have anything to do with the agent who relisted it in July?  (See the EBRD listing in Redfin, the pictures look fine there.)  Does Zillow indicating the place isn’t for sale anymore have anything to do with that?

So many questions.  So many horsies.  So much historical mortgage equity withdrawal.  MUST SEE!

Comments (10) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:08 am

March 23, 2012

Tastefully remodeled bathrooms and bedrooms are intact

On 6/25/2012 Burbed received this letter:

Now, this isn’t really a take down or a cease and desist. After much heated discussion by the editorial team, we decided that the Bay Area truly is the best place in the world to live. Oh, and I decided to remove this, because I am a gentleman and I will of course help a damsel in distress. -Burbed

Comments (8) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:06 am

February 17, 2012

Fresh air and no one above you, only eagles

It’s time for a weekend getaway!  Burbed reader Tracy has just the spot: yet another installment in our collection of castles for sale!

San Jose, CA 95120


BATHS: 3.5
SQ. FT.: 5,740
$/SQ. FT.: $296
LOT SIZE: 12.53 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
VIEW: Mountains, Lake, Valley, City Lights
COMMUNITY: Almaden Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81203188
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 20 days

3 story Almaden Castle on the top of Mountains. 3 years old. Custom built. 180 degree view. Endless Opportunity and freedom to add your own finishing touches, arrange your wine cellar in the basement. Master bedroom on the top floor. Patio, deck, balconies. Two garages 2 car each. Gated community. Top rated Almaden schools: Graystone, Bret Harte, Leland. Fresh air and no one above you, only eagles

120215-cinnabar-stairsFreedom!  Freedom like the eagles above you, no one else!  Freedom to add your own finishing touches!  Freedom to arrange your wine cellar in the basement!  That’s realtard-speak for the owner ran out of their own freedom, I mean money.  Their misfortune is your opportunity!  Endless Opportunity!


Here is your Endless Opportunity to add your finishing touches to the kitchen.  Can you figure out what is missing from these pictures?


120215-cinnabar-platesYou can enjoy nine more pictures than Redfin provides, as this castle has its very own website.  On the right is one of several extra photos showing the Endless Opportunity you will have getting all the electrical plates, switches, and outlets to blend in a bit more unobtrusively with the paint scheme.

Nothing like living in a three story castle with no one above you.  That means your family has to live in the dungeon.

Comments (16) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

March 31, 2011

Tree Fell on Home, Buyer to Verify

Burbed gets some pretty amusing listings sent in, but this one stands head and shoulders above most of them.  Or should I say it made quite an impact.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for sharing it.  

21431 BERTRAM Rd, San Jose, CA 95120


SQ. FT.: 852
$/SQ. FT.: $205
LOT SIZE: 6,348 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
COMMUNITY: Almaden Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81104744
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 56 days

SHORT SALE. Contractor Special!!! Beautiful Creek Setting. Tree Fell On Home. Buyer to Verify Allowable Re-Build With County. In A Historical District. Do Not Go On The Property!!! View From The Street. Offers are still being taken. They will be presented to 1st lender when negotiations are completed with second.

I really appreciate truth in advertising, and real estate is one field where creative descriptions (which is a rather fancy way to say “lies”) are the norm.  So a listing that calls it like it sees it is truly more than a breath of fresh air.  Observe the economy of prose that tells nothing but the unvarnished truth.

imageSHORT SALE.  Ahoy, bank trouble ahead.  Contractor Special!!! Yes, that often goes with Short Sale, usually. Lots of exclamation points, agent is excited.  Maybe agent owns a hardware store? 

Beautiful Creek Setting. That’s true, and here’s a nice picture of the beautiful creek setting.  So far, this listing reads like most of the distressed properties we’ve seen FBs lose when they couldn’t pay their bubblicious loan payments.  So, no surprises yet, but wait, there’s more!

imageTree Fell On Home.  Oh. My. Definitely. Short, descriptive, and resonant.  Hemingway couldn’t have said it better. 

Buyer to Verify Allowable Re-Build With County.  Beautiful.  A few choice words with just a hint of endless bureaucracy and red tape.  This property is a complete crapshoot: you pays your money and you may not get to do anything with it. We’ve moved from Hemingway to Kafka.

imageIn A Historical District.  See. this place isn’t a complete loss!  Here’s a lovely picture to show why you’d want an uninhabitable 1923 structure.

Do Not Go On The Property!!! View From The Street.  Now the writer injects a note of warning into what had been informative and down-to-earth beforehand.  The plot thickens!  Plus they don’t want you on the property because this is one ginormous liability suit just waiting to happen. 

imageOffers are still being taken. The listing concludes on a note of hope and perseverance in the face of adversity.

They will be presented to 1st lender when negotiations are completed with second. Hope, with a bemused eyeroll.  This admitted disaster is not only a short sale, there are negotiations with not one, but two banks.  That’s going to make dealing with the county planning department as easy as falling off a log.

Wow! Now tell us the bad news.

This listing spoke the whole truth. This is definitely a Contractor Special, in the sense that certain kids are “Special.”  View it from The Street!

with treeUPDATE: Burbed reader nomadic sent in two more pictures taken right at the site later today (3/31/11) plus some on-site commentary.  I hope they were viewed and taken from The Street as advised. 

Here’s what the tree house looks like now.  I didn’t take a long shot to show that 2/3 of the house wasn’t crushed – it appears that the front room (main living area) was flattened, but not the rest.  Too bad another picture I took was too dark to show the kitchen where one wall was missing.  There were GRANITE countertops!

firewoodIn the background you can see how massive the fallen branch was.  There is more of the same tree hanging over the next door neighbor’s house.  To be fair, I’m not sure the owner would have known what a risk there was.  The tree doesn’t look completely dead.  It’s one of those scrubby looking oaks or something.  There are many huge trees all along that street and nearly every home could have one fall on it.

Here’s the firewood pile nearby; I’m pretty certain it was the fallen branch.

The firewood had better be included for $175,000.

Comments (23) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:15 am

March 24, 2011

Spectacular View… of a chain-link fence

It’s about time we heard from Burbed reader sonarrat, isn’t it?  Of course it is, now that we’ve escaped from our Visit to Vallejo.

1314 WEATHERSFIELD Way, San Jose, CA 95118


SQ. FT.: 1,176
$/SQ. FT.: $616
LOT SIZE: 7,227 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
VIEW: Green Belt, Mountains, Lake, Neighborhood
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81100244
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 78 days

Move in ready! Completely new kitchen! Cherry cabinets with features today’s cooks are looking for. Granite counter tops, prep sink, two disposals, stainless steel appliances(except fridge), double convection/microwave ovens, gas cooktop, tile flooring. Master bath and hall bath remodeled. All this, plus Almaden Valley & Cambrian schools, a view you will never grow tired of. Come see for yourself

It’s rarely a good sign when the first picture in the listing isn’t of the house itself, but “a view you will never grow tired of.”  That means the chain-link fence is just as stunning at high noon.image


The house?  Well, having just returned from Vallejo, we’ve seen worse.  Like the screaming tomato-red “accent wall” in the… is that the living room?  WHAT did they do to that fireplace?

But let’s stick to the outside for now (we know the inside has the features today’s cooks are looking for, or is it just the cabinets only that are so equipped?  At least the agent admits that the stainless treatment didn’t extend to the refrigerator.


Here’s the actual view of the house so you can see how well you’re going to get to know the neighbors.  They will be parking in front of your house because there isn’t room for guests,  Also note the great condition of your new street.

Meanwhile I hope you like wildlife.


Because it looks like this house backs onto the mother of all mosquito breeding programs.  Come see for yourself

Comments (10) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:08 am

October 28, 2009

Who lives in this San Jose house? The Pope?

Sorry, before you read this entry, you must watch this video clip – Mike’s Marbleopolis.

6456 GUADALUPE MINES Rd, San Jose, CA 95120 | MLS# 80947514
6456 GUADALUPE MINES Rd San Jose, CA 95120
Price: $1,688,800

Beds: 5
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 3,857
$/Sq. Ft.: $438
Lot Size: 1.36 Acres
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Mediterranean
Stories: 2
View: Green Belt, Mountains
Year Built: 1996
Community: Almaden Valley
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 80947514
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 15 days
WOW!!! Fabulous Mediterranean Villa surrounded by mature Valley Oak trees. Expansive lawn plus areas to practice golf, a vineyard with 300 vines of premium cabernet grapes, & a regulation size volleyball court. Private setting with scenic landscaping. You will fall in love with this very unique home! Great for entertaining! Los Gatos Schools! Open House: Oct. 18 2:00-4:00

Thanks to Burbed reader Nomadic for this find.

Wow. Who lives here? The Pope? Just look at those columns. Ooh la la! Look how elegant that staircase looks as a result. Is this house shipped over from Italy?

But wait… there’s more! There’s this one:


And that one!

With columns like those in the bedroom, you won’t need any help because… heck… you’ve got columns!

So now you too can live in the San Jose Whitehouse. All you need are these columns.

Comments (7) -- Posted by: burbed @ 5:57 am