Burbed loves East San Jose, because some of the best properties can be found here.  That is, if by “best” we actually mean “Can you believe this?”  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House for proving once more, that when it comes to housing, Alum Rocks!

1412 Mount Herman Drive
San Jose, CA 95127
$300,000

Status: Withdrawn
Bedrooms: 4
Bathrooms: 3
Property type: Single Family Residential
Size: 1,368 sqft
Lot: 0.12 acres
Price/sqft: $219/sqft
Year built: 1961
Added on Trulia: 180+ days ago
Neighborhood: Alum Rock
Zip: 95127

The property has been maintain by sellers. With the converted garage, you have additional living area. Lots of parking space, nice front yard, rear room converted! Brokered And Advertised By: PN Real Estate Group Listing Agent: Louis Montalvo

Here’s why Tracy thought you’d love this place:

Here is a shack that proves the point, interior pictures are unnecessary anymore. Now if you can just “maintain” yourself, all rooms are converted. Even the car  has been covered, and probably converted.

These photographs have so much artistry in them, and such a unique point of view. The detail shot of the concrete is inspiring me. As a bonus, you will not be able to leave the house by car twice a day. If you want to walk however, the school has crossing guards.

Now wait, this house is Special.  It has been maintain by sellers, something one rarely finds in buying a house from them.

Bunus: the reason this house was withdrawn is that it got foreclosed on April 2nd. 

Thanks very much to Burbed reader sonarrat for this essential elegance in East San Jose! 

1613 ORLEANS Dr
San Jose, CA 95122
$300,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,283
$/SQ. FT.: $234
LOT SIZE: 5,562 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1968
COMMUNITY: Alum Rock
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81200318
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 98 days

nothing

There simply are no other words for how awesome this listing is.  Or exactly how much this agent is willing to do to sell it.

San Jose: Crews use huge trucks to clear junk from hoarder home

By Mark Gomez, San Jose Mercury News
Posted:   03/15/2012 06:24:40 AM PDT, Updated:   03/15/2012 08:03:03 AM PDT

Crews were in their second day at a San Jose home removing mountains of debris so massive that workers used two hauling trucks, each capable of carrying 72,380 pounds of material, to get the job done.

As of Wednesday morning, they still hadn’t made their way into the backyard.

The extreme makeover at 226 S. Claremont Ave. began Tuesday after a vote last month by the Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors to declare the residence a public nuisance. The piles of junk, garbage and other items, including worn out bicycles, car tires and animal cages, had become so vast that it was visible from satellite photos.

The cleanup, which is expected to take about five days, ends a years-long struggle for neighbors who live in the otherwise well-kept neighborhood located off Alum Rock Avenue.

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House, who had sent in an earlier story about the residents complaining about the massive piles of garbage at this house.  Looks like once this story hit both what’s left of a newspaper as well as on KGO-7 television news, the County finally took action.

Neighbors have been trying to have the grounds cleaned up since 2005.  Cleanup orders and fines were ignored by Richard Baker, the 58 year old son of the registered homeowners.  People fortunate enough to live near this local attraction suggested that Richard might be a few hundred square feet short of a McMansion.

Robert and Bessie Baker, Richard Baker’s parents, have both been deceased for ten years, so management of the house was transferred to the Office of the Public Guardian.  This agency will be responsible for inventorying whatever is in the house, as opposed to the mountains of garbage outside mostly headed for the landfill.  Anything of value inside or out would be saved for the Bakers’ estate, over and above this valuable residence.  In addition to Richard, the Bakers also have a daughter living in Santa Cruz who was only located recently.

Richard had been living in the house while collecting treasures, but not recently.  He did show up at the County hearing to object to the the home’s being declared a public nuisance, although the neither the Murk nor KGO-7 reported on what his reasons were.  He attempted to postpone the hearing because he had been in the hospital, but was unsuccessful. We’d guess the County’s embarrassment over things getting to this point trumped a hospital stay.  Remember all those fines Richard blew off?  Guess they did.

Okay, enough rewording the newspaper and TV articles.  Let’s have a look at this house.

Better have a good look at the driveway, too.

Wow, the Streetviews actually look worse than the satellite view.  And someone updated this record recently even though the house wasn’t for sale.

So here’s a way Richard (right) and his sister (who had the sense not to show up when cameras were rolling) could save even more money.  We know the County’s going to stick them with that clean-up bill, so every little bit is going to help!

Thanks for the advice, Trulia!  Anyway, do you have a neighbor building a fortification on the front lawn like this?  Tell us about it in today’s Weekend Open Thread!

Today’s prestigious property was sent in by Burbed reader Tracy.  You know that saying about shutting the barn door after the horses run away?  These barn doors are wide open, and the barnyard is large.  Deep, too.  Come to Peacock Canyon, and breathe in the fresh air.

UPDATE at end of article.

16235 ALUM ROCK Ave
San Jose, CA 95127
$320,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,400
$/SQ. FT.: $229
LOT SIZE: 2.17 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Mountains, Canyon
YEAR BUILT: 1900
COMMUNITY: Alum Rock
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81208053
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 11 days

Historic ALum Rock Stables is ready for a new start. 12 stall horse stable as well as level lot that could be used for a home or possibly an arena. Gourgeous views of Peacock Canyon and access to the Alum Rock Regional Park make this an ideal location for the horseman or naturist.

Here’s why Tracy sent this listing in for some Burbed loving.

I have fantasized about this place, many times when it has been on the market. It looks to be located midway down a landslide, but that might just be me. The view is amazing, and the price seems right, but it is a crap shack, so qualifies for the burbed treatment.

It certainly does!  This place sold for an eye-popping $1.2 million in 2006, which means it’s worth almost two million now.  What a deal the bank is offering. 

And go over to the Redfin listing to check out the pictures, because this is another one of those homes for visually organized people where every room is painted a different very bright primary color.  Maybe the FBs were running a daycare along with the horse business.

Given how old the structures are, these are in surprising good shape!  They were built in the 19th Century, yet modernization was allowed to happen.  Look, they even installed indoor plumbing!

Now if you really want some cognitive dissonance with your morning coffee, check out Zillow’s price history:

You let those horses out of the barn, and the barn is now worth less than it was 21 years ago.  Then again, Zillow has a completely different set of pictures for the property, so that could explain the discrepancy.  Also a different address.  Maybe these are competing Alum Rock Stables properties.

Well, one address or the other is an ideal location for the horseman or naturist.  I just wonder if the Realtard who wrote this copy knows what a naturist is.

Update 12:15 pm: The Redfin link above is now bouncing to 11125 Canon Vista Ave, with 2006 information. And different pictures since that’s a previous listing. It also says that property is pending as of today.  Head over to Trulia to see the above pictures and copy, while you can.

Today’s Adventure in Realtard Listing Copy is courtesy of Burbed reader Tracy.  Thanks very much for separating the wheat from the chaff, and sending us the chaff!

2430 RUBY Ave
San Jose, CA  95148
$579,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,420
$/SQ. FT.: $408
LOT SIZE: 0.57 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1950
COMMUNITY: Alum Rock
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81205841
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 21 days

* * * Regular Sale * * * Newer home with 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms in a 24,829 sqft land. It has Pergo floors throughout, recessed lighting, ceiling fan, double Pane windows. Inside laundry room in the kitchen area. Kitchen has granite counter top and newer cabinetry. Low maintenance backyard with large patio and large storage room. Close to Eastridge Mall, restaurants and easy access to frwy 680/101.

Here’s why Tracy thought you’d be interested in today’s featured house:

HUuh??? Built 1950 “newer home”  708 sf with 3/2 and the most ginormous lot.. I am confused. I like the “Low maintenance backyard” and the storage shed might be bigger than the house.

The house is 708 sf, but the agent reports it as 1420?  Maybe the garage and that storage shed were added into the sqft land.  And do you see what’s there on the front porch?  I think it’s time to break out the Burbed Red Arrows, because we’re looking at some MAWBUL KAWLUM ACTION.

Also have to wonder about this Realtard leading with the kitchen cabinets instead of the awesomeness of these profound pillars.

Fortunately, there’s plenty of greenery in the back yard, so don’t worry about the seller neglecting the landscaping.

In fact, there’s so much treasure to hunt for, both on the property and in the surrounding neighborhood, that both you and your kids will enjoy being told to play outside in the Low maintenance backyard!  That is, if you and your kids are intrigued by vintage automotive finds.

Otherwise, at least you’re Close to Eastridge Mall.

2898 Bouveron Ct
San Jose, CA 95148

$329,990

The science fiction that you only dreamed about is here. Text now randomly pops up when you visit properties.

I bet this house says “Please wait while 19051 other buyers are touring, bitch!” when you step up to it. What else could it possibly say?

But, as they say – true love is always worth the wait…

14165 JERILYN Dr
San Jose, CA 95127

$249,000

A nice wall defending against the street. A gate. A driveway cover.

If Osama Bin Laden were alive and living in San Jose, this is a place that he might appreciate.

Which is exactly why the Realtor used (I’m guessing) a Google Street View image of the house. To simulate what you might see from a drone! Can’t get more realistic than this!

Incidentally, here’s the full picture:

What exactly is that thing next to the walkway to the house?

Did you like yesterday’s cute little house at an affordable price?  Then you’re going to love today’s find from Burbed reader nomadic, from that same thread on Redfin forums.  Today’s house costs 80% less, yet is 25% bigger!  Best of all, this place is much, much closer to Silicon Valley, yet offers all the same advantages of living in a big city.

181 N 34TH St, San Jose, CA 95116
$220,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 572
$/SQ. FT.: $385
LOT SIZE: 3,600 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1949
COMMUNITY: Alum Rock
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81141730
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 33 days

Excellent Starter Home 2 Bedroom and 1 Bath home.

Here’s what nomadic has to say about the property:

Here’s a funny listing someone on the Redfin forum linked to:

Homeowner? check
Luxury German auto? check
Up next, trophy wife!
Chicks dig guys who own a home right?  (Please don’t notice this is a short sale!)

I didn’t notice it was a short sale because I was too busy wondering just how many drinks the surveyor had when platting out this neighborhood:

I wonder if he was working in an office where his colleagues enjoyed playing practical jokes, like the old “substitute tissue paper for drafting paper” trick.  Unfortunately, Mr. Five Martini Surveyor was too looped to notice and nobody had the heart to tell him he had to do it over.

Also, did you notice this house is Pending with release?  Do you know what Pending with release means?  It means this:

This listing is in escrow and all contingencies have been fulfilled. “With Release” means that there’s a release clause with the offer stating that the buyer is trying to sell his current home before closing. A release clause lets the seller back out of the deal if the buyers can’t sell their home within a set time frame.

So my question to you is what the hell kind of house is someone hoping to sell in order to buy this one?

Today’s featured house and accompanying guest commentary is brought to you by Burbed reader AstroWallaby, profiling the always adventurous area of Alum Rock, San Jose!  This is a genuine go-to geographical golden goose for great Burbed goodness.

Want to see your name in lights (okay, in bold) like this?  Send in your listing wins, with (or without) your added valuable observations.  Operators are standing by!

And now, please give AstroWallaby a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome!

134 N WHITE Rd, San Jose, CA 95127
$548,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 999
$/SQ. FT.: $549
LOT SIZE: 6,500 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1945
COMMUNITY: Alum Rock
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81129919
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 126 days

Large Lot with workshop in the back. Tile counters in Kitchen, Pergo Flooring. Fireplace in living room. Side yard access rear. Spacious Detached garage building. ~2,000 sq ft Side lawn, Fenced and Separate from the front house. Best offer will be considered.

Speaking of dreck, here’s another "optimistic" entry from East San Jose that might be worth a laugh, if you haven’t seen it yet.

The listing at least avoids ALL CAPS, although isn’t saying " Best offer will be considered" sort of redundant when selling a house? Clearly the realtor was impressed by the interior, judging by the two magnificent Quickcam-resolution interior shots they’ve included. It’s sort of disappointing that you can’t actually tell what it trying to escape from that cabinet drawer in the kitchen, but whatever it is I hope it succeeds. As for the fireplace… I’m not sure a provocative fandance really works to increase the sex appeal of inanimate objects but I’ll give it bonus points for trying.

The shot of the empty (down to the bare dirt) backyard is interesting. It *could* be an avant-garde artistic use of negative space, but I suspect it’s more likely a counterpoint to the satellite photo which shows no fewer than nine vehicles haphazardly arranged around the property. Nothing like the Pride of Ownership which comes along with owning your own former dirt parking lot. You might even qualify for Superfund money to pay for your landscaping!

And the suggested retail price for this V-J Day-vintage 999 square foot slice of heaven/White Road? A mere $548,000. Sure, it’s a good $200k higher than any reasonable comparable but that’s a small price to pay for a fireplace with a spot-on Sally Rand impersonation.

Today’s finds are from Burbed reader Tracy, featuring the double delights of craptacular East San Jose properties with aggressive out-of-the-box marketing, and that’s just for starters!

 

Somewhere on Clayton Road, San Jose 95127
$1

For Sale:$1

Zestimate^®:$288,800

Mortgage: $0/mo
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sqft: 1,152
Lot: —
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1949
Parking: —
Cooling: —
Heating: —
Fireplace: —
On Zillow: 34 days
County: Santa Clara
Covered parking spaces: 2
Legal description: —
Parcel #: —
Per floor sqft: 1,152
Zillow Home ID: 2124087924

COMING SOON. WE DON?T KNOW THE PRICE YET. BANK OWNED! IF YOU’RE A SERIOUS BUYER CALL ANN 408-561-7539 OR E-MAIL [email protected] FOR SHOWING & WRITE UP OFFER TODAY! IF THIS IS NOT THE HOUSE FOR YOU, WE HAVE OVER 50 MORE FORECLOSURE LISTINGS THAT WILL BE GOING ON THE MARKET/MLS SOON!Brokered AndAdvertised By: Ann ThaiListing Agent: Ann Thai

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this and some other similarly placed houses by this agent.

Yesterday I discovered a Zillow mystery. An Agent Ann Thai who advertises “ foreclosures to come”  by listing the houses with no address, or no price. See “clayton rd, SJ CA  # 95127 .”  I found numerous postings by this realtor, all with the same MO. Not sure if it’s a scam, but something about it seems like a manipulation of the MLS system/ Zillow. 

Let me know what you think if you have a chance. Is it wrong?  I am wondering if I should call, but I have called these forclosuretors before and it was nothing but slime.

What do you think, readers?  Is this nothing but slime?  Couldn’t there be some sleaze and scum in the frothy mix as well? Tracy sent this in two weeks ago, so clearly this realtard has a looser definition of “soon” than most of us do.  Kind of like “mañana” but without the sense of urgency.

Here are two more properties listed in the same way, but with addresses so you can check them out a little more.  First we have a high-res, high visibility property in not-Campbell with a “potting shed.” The quotation marks say it all: something was spinning in there.

176 N Bascom Ave, San Jose 95128
$1

and this one that has a watermark in the tanbark, along with “Landscaping, carpet, paint, linoleum, fixtures, lights, heater&more!”  So many extras!

1258 Ortiz Ct, Sunnyvale 94089
$1

Each of these homes in turn link to Redfin pages saying “Foreclosed Home: Not for Sale” as you can verify yourself for both the Bascom Ave and Ortiz Ct properties.  You can also get the full text on the Zillow links on each address, and most of it is an assurance that there are 50 MORE FORECLOSURE LISTINGS THAT WILL BE GOING ON THE MARKET/MLS SOON.

Also let us know how you do making a full asking price offer of a dollar on any of these winners!  You could be featuring an even faster flip than the pros in Redwood City can manage, and we promise to give it plenty of Burbed love.