…Once they’ve seen the bright lights of South San Jose?  This is a floor wax and a dessert topping, two mints in one, yes an actual farm in San Jose.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Abby Dow for this fantastic farmyard complete with funky photos and retail store pricing.

3630 KETTMANN RD
San Jose, CA 95121
$2,999,999

3 beds
2 baths
1300 sqft
8 acres
1937 built
18 days on site
MLS# 81229181
Walk Score™ 48

Wow- Great Location and Potential. Developers, investors and owner builder; come see for yourself this one of a kind evergreen property, wonderfully located on 8+ acres.

The value must be in the land because the actual house doesn’t appear in the listing photos until you get to #4.  Our pal Abby seemed quite taken with the idea:

I’m sure this is priced for development, but it’s still strange to see a shabby looking little farm with a rundown house going on the market for $2,999,999 in San Jose.

It sure is.  8 acres?  It should be going for $3,999,999, especially with trash bins of this quality.  Plus you can be lord of the manor on that much property right in the middle of all this suburban sprawl.

Except that big house we’re seeing on Streetview is someone else’s manor.

You’ll get to know them well, as it looks like you’ll be sharing that gated one-lane road.  That’s going to be awesome when you build you PUD zoned 12 homes to the acre.  Who needs Santa Cruz, you can play real bumper cars just trying to get in or out!

And it’s time to begin yet another exciting week of real estate reaching.  Burbed reader Tracy Tea House has a Real Bay Area Winner for us.  Well, that is if by RBA I actually mean Not In The RBA No Way No How and if by Winner I really mean Pending in 3 Days but Would You Look At Those Photos!

708 AMANDA Dr
San Jose, CA 95136
$580,000; Sold for $574,000 on 8/15/2012

4 Beds
2 Baths
2,170 Sq. Ft.
$265 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1976
Lot Size: 10,075 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Aug 15, 2012
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Blossom Valley
MLS#: 81227632
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

HUGE court/level lot for organic garden/potential pool/or extension, pre-wired for spa install & located on quiet part of the st. Kitchen remodelled, smooth textured walls, new qual. paint new carpet; new dual pane windows. Refinished real hardwood floors in kitchen/dining; copper plumbing; section 1 clearace/roof, property, NHD reports avail. API Score 847RachelCarson Elem; Seller to consider all offers!

Here’s why Tracy sent this Winner along:

Since you like Redfin I have found you a good one: I love the fact that they list there is room for an organic garden!  The pictures are really artistic, just like I like them. Pink color, weird shot of stairway. It actually looks real good for a flip, and the price is right, look at this one before it goes away!

Looks like we’re looking in the rear-view mirror, and what we’re seeing is just astounding.  Someone cranked the Red filter up to 11.

And we assure you the inside photos continue the Avalanche of Awesomeness.

Photos like these moved a house in three days.  Could you imagine just how many months it would take to sell your home if you didn’t hire a professional real estate photographer?  Good thing this seller did… and considered all offers!

898 TULLY Rd
San Jose, CA 95111
$1,300,000

Do you love Instagram pictures? Do they help you make an emotional connection to the subject?

Guess what – now we can combine all the things you love! Realtor photos, soft focus, distortions, and other filters!

Just look at this photo above. What emotions does this evoke for you? Does it make you feel better about spending $765 per square foot for this house?

And we’re done with another exciting week of properties, finishing off in the “Capital of Silicon Valley”!  Today’s featured home was sent in by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House.  Sit back and relax as we bring you yet another San Jose Special, after we let Zillow and Redfin duke it out over what neighborhood it’s in.  Is it in West San Jose?  Is it in the Campbell area?  You decide!

456 Ardis Ave
San Jose, CA 95117
Sold for $1,285,000 on 7/27/2012
Sold for $437,000 on 2/3/2012

Beds: 4
Baths: 4.5
Sqft: 3,700
Lot: 9,300 sq ft / 0.21 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 2012
Last sold: Jul 2012 for $1,285,000

Public Facts:
Beds: 3
Baths: 1
Sqft: 1,032
Lot: 9.300 sq ft / 0.21 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1951

BRAND NEW CONSTRUCTION, this “Estate Quality” home features a wonderful open floorplan and so many designer features that include a “Chef’s Kitchen w/all stainless appl incl. refrigerator, wine chiller, wet bar, walk-in pantry and more! Fully landscaped! 10′-11′ coffered ceilings, crown/baseboards, 1,200+/- sft attic w/engineered flooring and so much more! A must see! Open Sa/Su 1-4!

Here’s why Tracy sent us this house:

Look quick cause this one shows the pictures from pre-flip. They bought the house in Feb. I think tore it down, built a new house  in six months and are trying to sell it for double the purchase.

Guess we didn’t have to look that quick, because Tracy sent this in 3 weeks ago, the day after it was listed.  The house went pending 2 days later.  It must have been a cash deal, because the sale was recorded just one week after that.

Now we could be party-poopers and show you the fancy pictures on Redfin, or we could be Burbed and revel in the cognitive dissonance between the listing copy above and these lovely photos still available on Zillow from the February listing.  We are talking “Estate Quality” in every room.

Also fortunately for us, Redfin saved the pre-flip listing so we can share that description with you too!

New listing! Large 9,300 +/- SF lot. Perfect starter home or for investment! Attached 1-car garage with washer/dryer hookups. Close to Santana Row, Westfield Shopping Center, and entertainment. Close to highways 280 and 880.

Yeah.  Definitely close to 280.

Bunus: Even closer to Winchester Ranch Mobile Home Park.

We haven’t had any Willow Glen properties in a while, or even not-really-in-Willow Glen-but-claiming-to-be listings.  Today’s featured home was sent to us by bmwman91.  Thanks very much for this #winning not-Willow Glen wonder.

2143 GLENKIRK Dr
San Jose, CA 95124
$975,000

BEDS:  4
BATHS:  2.5
SQ. FT.:  2,344
$/SQ. FT.:  $416
LOT SIZE:  8,288 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT:  1964
COMMUNITY:  Willow Glen
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81224337
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  33 days

REG Sale. LOCATION LOCATION! Needs some cosmetic updates , JUST A BIKE RIDE TO DOWNTOWN WILLOW GLEN. Upgrades Include: CUSTOM CROWN MOLDING, NEW PAINT, REFNSHD WOOD FLRS, 6 BURNER GAS RANGE STNLSS STEEL DSHWSHR, TRSH COMPCTR, TILED FLR. BATH W/ TILE FLOORS & JETTED TUB. FURNACE & CENT AIR apprx 12 YRS OLD. , COMP ROOF apprx 14 YRS. , AUTO SPRINKLERS.

Here’s why bmwman91 shared this house with us:

[The owners] are clearly savvy about cashing in on some of the instant equity that the last seller left hidden in the medicine cabinet in 2005, by listing it for $145k more than was paid for it at the peak. Maybe they need the extra cash to buy some furniture.

Since when was 2005 the peak?  This place might have topped out in 2006, easy!  But we agree about the furniture.  That table sure gets around!

One thing we aren’t sure about is what neighborhood this house is in, but it sure is not Willow Glen.  Google maps isn’t really helping, as it seems to have this house in a neighborhood dead zone.

There’s a few more names that pop up as you zoom in, but nothing for the area bounded by Hamilton, Leigh, Curtner, and Meridian.  We’re going to go with Cambrian with Campbell-San Jose as a second choice.  Maybe even Dry Creek.  But Willow Glen?  We don’t think so, unless it’s this not-Willow Glen neighborhood called “Willow Glen South Lincoln Glen.”  You know, where they have to point out it’s a REG Sale.

So readers, your job is to explain why this not-in-Willow Glen house is worth $145K more than it was in 2005.  Be sure to support your answer by referring to this fine example of a listing photo.

It’s been so long since we’ve featured a house like today’s property, and this site used to run almost nothing else.  Blame it on all the flippers out there trying to install granite in absolutely every building.

Today’s home hails from amazing Alum Rock, and was discovered by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House, who is our guest blogger this fine day.  We’re headed for Zillow, (Redfin link here) so hold on!  And before we go, be sure to give Tracy a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome for this guest post!

1761 E San Antonio St
San Jose, CA 95116
For Sale: $285,000

Zestimate®: $271,085
Est. Mortgage: $1,020/mo
See current rates on Zillow
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sqft: 937
Lot: 9,583 sq ft / 0.22 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1920
Parking: –
Cooling: –
Heating: –
Fireplace: –
On Zillow: 30 days
MLS #: 81224183

Brokered And Advertised By: Altas Realty Listing Agent: Clem Garcia

There’s something about a North  East San José crap shack from 1920 that just gets my juices flowing. I start imagining the history, who lived there, what this part of California was like back then, so much closer to the time of  original settlement.

Then, I start thinking of the toxics, asbestos, old leaky containers and old buried tanks in the 9000 sf yard. Suddenly, the idea of tearing it down and building a flip doesn’t sound too bad… But, people are living there, in all  937 sf of it and they want almost 300K for it????

Still the pictures are intriguing. There is dirt, trash, chain link, Plywood fences, artful shadows, and so much more  in the mystery RV.  Then there are the “normal” houses nearby… How has this one remained all these years, and who will come on the scene to change it. Ok, I’m hooked I’ll add it to my many saved shacks, and send it to madhaus and burbed who I know will appreciate the art of this sale.

It’s been too long since we’ve checked in with Burbed reader Tracy Tea House and her amazing collection of what-the-heck-is-THATs from the East Side. 

Today she’s back with another San Jose special for all you would-be Silicon Valley millionaires, but this one’s on the other side of the Valley.  Tracy likes Trulia for all her househunting needs, so let’s check in with them.

1454 Bing Drive Bing Drive
San Jose CA 95129
$998,000

Bedrooms: 4 24 days on Trulia
Bathrooms: 2 
Property type: Single-Family Home
Size: 1,650 sqft
Lot: 6,098 sqft
Price/sqft: $605/sqft
Year built: 1965
MLS/ID: 81224226
Zip: 95129
Listing agent: Michelle Carr-Crowe, ABR,ACRE,ALHS,ASP,CDPE,RECS,SRES, Top 5% US RE Agents
Broker: Just Call (408) 252-8900 Michelle Carr Crowe at Keller Williams Cupertino 

HURRY! Special Fourth of July HOT BUY! 1454 BING Dr., San Jose 95129, Open Sat. & Sun., 1:30-4:30 You and the people you care about are invited to see our HOT BUY! Effortless Elegance & Entertaining can Easily be Yours in this Lovely & Upgraded Lynbrook High Home. Featuring a Formal Foyer, Separate LR & FR & Skylight-Illuminated Dining, a Custom Tile & Oak Kitchen, 4 Light & Airy Bedrooms, and 2 Jaw-Droppingly Gorgeous Remodeled Baths, it all add up to Fabulous! Quality Upgrades include Dual Pane Windows, Copper Plumbing to the Main and Cement Tile Roof. COOL Central Air Conditioning, Wet

Put your best foot forward, invite the reader into your book with a great cover photo, you’ve got one chance to make a great first impression so always lead your listing with a terrific all-over picture of the house.  A photo of the house.  Not a photo of the flyer for the house.  Wow, this is worse than confusing Call by Name with Call by Value.  And in this listing the facade shot at left doesn’t appear until the fourth photo, but don’t worry, the agent put in another one right next to it in case you skip past.

See that green thing above the flyer and left of the price?  This property is “Active Contingent,” which means an offer was accepted but you just never know which contingency could derail the whole deal. That’s good news for you, because that means you can submit your own backup overbid!

For old times’ sake, head over to Redfin, where’ you’ll find:

• Different first photo, plus photos of school signs (this one is second)
• All home photos repeated
• But the street name isn’t
• Lot is 124 square feet smaller
• San Jose address in the “Cupertino” community (while being 1.1 miles from Cupertino)
• Pending Without Release (can’t figure out if that’s the same as Active Contingent since Redfin doesn’t define Without vs With Release)
• A Virtual Tour link!
• And different listing copy:

Effortless Elegance & Entertaining Can Be Yours! Fabulous Floor Plan Features Sep. LR & FR! Custom Tile & Oak Kit. Boasts Garden Window, Roll-Outs, Custom Details! Skylights! E-Z Care Laminate, Hardwood, Quality Carpet! E-Z Walk to Rainbow Park! E-Z Walk to Nat. -Recgnizd Cupertino Scls! Miller-API 981 & Lynbrook-API 943! Cool Central A/C + Private Hot Tub for Summer Family Fun!

It’s not enough to name the schools, now they also include the API scores. But the listing copy on Trulia is more deserving of the Burbed Seal of Approval.

This site has made a number of jokes about homes that could have been meth labs but probably weren’t.  But what if you could buy a real one?  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Cam for following up on our recent guide to NOT buying a meth lab.

5674 S SAN FELIPE Rd
San Jose, CA 95135
$1,199,950

BEDS:  4
BATHS:  3
SQ. FT.:  3,200
$/SQ. FT.:  $375
LOT SIZE:  1.72 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Mountains, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT:  1915
COMMUNITY:  Evergreen
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81205455
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  155 days

Now is the time to buy this small ranch in the prestigious Evergreen Hills area. New entrance bridge makes a statement. Perfect for the horse-lover (tack room, barn and fencing) or person interested in exploring the possibility of subdivision. Lots of extras including BBQ area, dog run/kennel, covered patio and a hot tub.

Here’s what Cam had to say about this um, very unique (snort) property:

Found this just after the meth lab post.

Pending soon? Agent even included photos of the chemical stains!

The link is to a Redfin forums discussion which links to this property, and also points out the same address is on the DEA seizure list.  The home was seized in August, 2010.  So it’s a pretty safe bet that this house is the real thing.  Except this is interesting as it went into foreclosure the previous February.

Yup, it’s an REO.  And you know what that means, right?  It means the seller (also known as the bank) doesn’t know squat about anything that happened in this house.

Check out the fireplace! More importantly, check out the chemical stains next to the fireplace! No wonder they didn’t dare show us what was cooking in the kitchen.

This reminds us of that huge meth lab bust in March (not this one, in an apartment, like for RENTERS).  We don’t know if this house was seized because the police were tracking down a stolen iPad and hit the jackpot, or if the bank deliberately planted some “bath salts” in the hot tub because they really wanted SOMEONE to take it off their hands.

Here’s another San Jose Special from one of our frequent correspondents, Burbed reader Tracy Tea House!  Thanks very much for this Berryessa beauty, which has been snapped up by some lucky buyer. 

11260 CANYON Dr
San Jose, CA 95127
Listed for $699,000; Sold for $640,000 on 6/16/2012

BEDS:  3
BATHS:  3
SQ. FT.:  2,952
$/SQ. FT.:  $217
LOT SIZE:  0.48 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT:  1964
COMMUNITY:  Berryessa
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81213632
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Sold

WOW!WHAT A GREAT VALUE * GORGEOUS SWEEPING VIEW OF THE GOLF COURSE AND CITY LIGHT * ENJOY IT ON THE LARGE DECK * PRIVATE POOL AREA * IN DOOR SAUNA ROOM * HUGE BED ROOMS * HUGE LIBRIRY AND OFFICE * SUPER PRIVATE AND SERENE LOCATION * SURROUNDED BY MULTI MILLION DOLLAR HOMES * 3 MUNITES DRIVING TO 680

Here’s what Tracy had to say when submitting this property to our attention:

Something is probably truly wrong with this house! But what? We fell in love with the massive decks, tiki torches, groovy pool, amazingly large rooms, with indoor sauna and all over swag. The tee is directly out the back door and people are literally hitting golf balls feet from the deck. I think my dogs would have gone crazy!

Now the down sides. Shorty short sale, the price is very, very low, considering, and there are water problems. Some obvious, but I suppose, some hidden much deeper, with the big hill above. The house was pending shortly after we looked at it, and fell out, so its back on the market. A true treasure? Or a California size boondoggle?

All this, and only 3 MUNITES DRIVING TO SAN JOSE.  Are MUNITES more or less time than MINTUES?  We know, the unit of time used on the WORLD RENOWN SAN FRANCISCO PENINSULA are MINTUES.  But if you know the way to San Jose, you can conquer both time and space.

Don’t believe us?  Look at all 25 pictures of this listing and figure out what’s missing.  Go ahead, we’ll wait.

Did you figure it out?  Here’s a hint, courtesy of teh Google.

Yes, 25 pictures (several of the same exact tree), and not one of what the house itself looks like.  No wonder you have to ENJOY IT ON THE DECK instead.  At least you would be SURROUNDED BY MULTI MILLION DOLLAR HOMES.

Um.  Thank you, Zillow.  Opportunities to play with the Red Arrows are always appreciated.

Too bad the realtard didn’t find a dictionary in the HUGE LIBRIRY.

Fire up your tardis and set the controls for two days ago, because there was an Open House on this Evergreen estate and you probably missed it!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this bodacious botch-up.

3545 EDGEMAN Ct
San Jose, CA 95148
$6,399,999

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,699
$/SQ. FT.: $2,371
LOT SIZE: 0.26 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1987
COMMUNITY: Evergreen
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81219851
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 22 days

Evergreen High School. Open house this Saturday, June 16, 2012, from 2-4pm. PRICE REDUCED 60K. BUYERS RUSH TO SEE THIS PROPERTY. EXCELLENT SCHOOLS. SPACIOUS 4 BEDROOM WITH 1 BEDROOM DOWNSTAIRS. AMAZING DEAL WILL NOT LAST. This is a shortsale with 1 lender only. Will close fast. PLEASE DO NOT CALL. FOR ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE EMAIL alexiatnguyen@gmail. com

Here’s what Swan has to say about THAT:

Really?  $6.3 million in Evergreen?  I think it will be around for awhile.

Talk about a typo.  Listed for $699K  on May 31, price changed to $6,399,999 on June 15.  That’s some price change!

Hope you get to see this before they correct it!

Correct it?  They’re lining up the armored cars for the outsized overbidding that’s going to result from this masterly marketing maneuver.  And it’s not as if this home price history hasn’t already experienced the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat.

It’s participated in the run-up, peak, and bust of the previous real estate bubble, 3 sales within five years!  Now, after staying with the same owners for almost 20, it will be selling shortly.  Or at least it would if the realtard had counted how many nines she entered.

So here’s one last look at the house, courtesy of Google Streetview. Place your bets on how quickly the new price ends up in that trash bin.

Update: This amazing deal did not last.