April 4, 2011

Make Me Move, Please, Please, Please Make Me Move

Here’s someone who tried setting a Make Me Move price on Zillow and is now chasing the market down.  Or rather, meandering after the market which is chasing after a bunch of expired tax breaks.

765 DEVONSHIRE Way Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$949,888

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BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,816
$/SQ. FT.: $523
LOT SIZE: 6,976 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Attached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1961
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81110309
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 21 days

Great Location * Excellent Cupertino schools * Energy efficient * Spacious 4bd/3ba contemporarily remodeled * Bright * Low-VOC paints inside out * EnergyStar IB Roof System * Radiant heating * Double pane windows * Well insulated walls * maple cabinets * granite countertop * Stainless steel appliances * Huge beautiful backyard w/ fruit trees * Open house 3/26, 3/27 (1:30 ~ 4:30)

Stop me if I have this wrong, but isn’t this seller asking for almost a million bucks for a glorified box?  Face it, every child’s drawing of a house has something that this house is lacking in.  Maybe you can look at the listing image above and figure it out.

imageHere, I’ll even give you one more chance.  One of these things is not like the other things.

Anyway, I headed over to Zillow to find out the asking price from 2009, and discovered that there was a Make Me Move price on the house.  And it was $970,000. Now, Make Me Move can be complete utter Wishing Price, as there’s no obligation to sell it just because you entered it into Zillow.

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Only this seller decided that the Make Me Move Wishing Price was a perfectly good place to start as an actual Asking Price.  We can see just how well that worked.

So after such drastic price cuts as 2% followed by 1%, the seller takes the listing off the market completely… and then it’s back two years later.  It’s back at its first price reduction, which shows the seller really hasn’t learned a danged thing in two years.

Somebody buy this and Make Them Move, because they aren’t going to do it on their own.

Comments (8) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:01 am






March 25, 2011

HAVE HAMMER?

Sometimes I forget Burbed had its roots in overpriced horrid housing.  Today’s listing reminds us of those humble beginnings that have brought us five years of ridiculously expensive crap.  Remember, any neighborhood can have cheaply built housing, but only the Bay Area can boast the most expensive domestic don’ts in the universe.

836 DWIGHT Ave, Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$325,000

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BEDS: 2
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 822
$/SQ. FT.: $395
LOT SIZE: 4,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1944
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81112615
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 1 day
NEW LISTING (24 HOURS)

HAVE HAMMER? WILL SAVE. Spruce up this 2 bedroom the heart of Sunnyvale, needs TLC. Bonus room in rear and 2nd bath – permits unknown. Convenient to freeways, shopping, services, and public trans. Possible candidate for renovation financing. Clean up is underway. Corp-owned and sold AS-IS; no warranties or inspections provided by seller.

“Needs TLC” is realtardspeak for about to collapse as soon as a toddler breathes on it.  And it’s got permits unknown, your assurance of a good many days in the Sunnyvale Planning Department.  No wonder it’s selling AS-IS.  No inspections provided by seller, so you don’t have to waste your money on your own.  It’s AS-IS, that means, of course it’s got problems, it’s one continuous problem.

Like the “Clean up is underway” comment.  I don’t think they meant vacuuming the carpets:

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Haven’t we discussed this neighborhood before?  Of course we have, this is the Super Fun place!  So when they talk clean up, let’s just say that if you want concrete countertops there will probably be plenty left over for that.

Comments (14) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:01 am

March 8, 2011

Live in the 408? Maybe Not Anymore

Here is a little news that will have some of you quaking in your boots: You could lose your prestigious 408 area code.  Oh noez!

Santa Clara County’s 408 will spin off a new area code: 669

By Bruce Newman, SJ Mercury News
Posted: 03/07/2011 06:18:25 AM PST ; Updated: 03/07/2011 01:51:36 PM PST

There are 8 million phone numbers in the naked city. And no matter who you were calling in San Jose — or large swaths of the South Bay — for the past half century, you’ve had to dial this: area code 408.

But with the explosive proliferation of cell phones, wireless IP addresses and 4G-enabled baby pacifiers, the area code that has served San Jose since neighbors could listen in on each other’s party line calls is officially "exhausted."

That conclusion — arrived at by the Orwellian-sounding North American Numbering Plan Administration, or NANPA, in December — means some South Bay phone customers will start being assigned area code 669 by the end of next year.

Deciding who gets to hang onto their 408, and who becomes a 669, is the job of the California Public Utilities Commission, which will convene hearings March 16-18 in San Jose, Los Gatos and Morgan Hill to explain the switch.

Brie is 415, Velveeta is 408.  Columnist Herb Caen played the Area Code Game in the SF Chronicle, back in the early 1980s.  That was before all those other area codes bloomed in the little family tree above.  Now I guess Brie is 650, Velveeta is 209, Kraft American is 925, Vegan Gourmet Cheese Alternative is 831, and ten pound blocks of government cheese is 510.  Oh, 415 and 408?  415 is Myzithra.  408 is whatever you put in front of them, it’s not like they’re tasting it while they’re writing iOS device drivers.

The new area code will be arriving by October 2012.  So, who’s going to go to the CPUC meetings to complain about losing their Silicon Valley area code?  There are a couple of proposals, one of them where everyone keeps their numbers and new ones are assigned the 669 code (the overlay), and the other where there is an area code split.

Next up for this kind of torture will be area code 510, forecast to run out of available phone number blocks by 2016.  415 should follow a year later.  And bet you didn’t know this: a new area code should have kicked in ten years ago, but by pooling phone number blocks everyone has been able to keep their area code and their seven digit dialing.

Below is the map of the proposed 408-669 split.  It comes from the CPUC, who obviously don’t care much about geographical features such as city borders, streets, freeways, or rivers.  So good luck figuring out whether this map actually affects you.  Also note how they don’t commit to who gets to keep the coveted 408 identity, but I’ll tell you who: it’s the B People.

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But don’t get too upset, after meeting with the telephone providers,the CPUC is inclined to go with the overlay plan anyway. And that means instead of turning Los Gatos, Campbell, Saratoga, and San Jose West into 69ers, instead the newbies are going to have that 669 area code.  It also means that you’ll have to dial eleven digits when making phone calls, even to next door, or for that matter to the fax machine in the same room.  Have fun reprogramming just about anything you have that calls phone numbers, and hoping that your alarm company and your cable company and anything else doesn’t forget to switch over to 1-408+number dialing.

And what this means for Burbed readers is that Silicon Valley area code jokes are going to get a lot more raunchy.  Have fun figuring out what kind of cheese they are.

Comments (15) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:15 am

March 3, 2011

And the Top City to Meet a Nerd goes to…

Sorry to interrupt the horrible houses, but this is too good to pass up.  Match.com just listed their Top Ten Cities to Meet A Nerd.  Why don’t you all make your predictions which city is the absolute petaflops best place to land yourself your very own nerd, before finding out what they came up with?

Go on, we’re waiting.  We’ll have that list for you right after the break. Did we make it? Did we?

(more…)

Comments (17) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am

March 1, 2011

COPLETE REMODELED, ,, PROFISSIONAL LAND SCAPING, ,, ,, ,, ,,

This one will be selling shortly, so don’t wait a minute!

871 S Wolfe Rd, Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$625,000

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BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 2,204
$/SQ. FT.: $284
LOT SIZE: 6,200 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Green Belt, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1966
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 80850222
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 791 days

SUNNYVALE CUPERTINO AREA , ,, COPLETE REMODELED, ,, IRON FENCE, ,PILLARS, ,STONE FRONT WALL, ,PROFISSIONAL LAND SCAPING, ,, ,, ,, ,, BUILT IN BBQ, ,, TILE FLOOR IN GARAGE, ,, A MUST SEE ASIS SALE, IN GROUND POOL STONE DECORATION AROUND 2 STORY W. / BALCONY, ,, ,A THANK YOU FOR SHOWING, ,, ,ATT; PRICE REDUCTION. .. .. .. .. SHORT SALE. .PRICE REDUCED SEP. 7TH 2010 , PRICE REDUCED. .. .

SUNNYVALE CUPERTINO AREA, ,, yes indeed, it’s in Sunnyvale all right, with Santa Clara schools!  And half the distance to Santa Clara as Cupertino.  But that’s okay, they can say CUPERTINO AREA because it got your attention, didn’t it?  If they said SANTA CLARA AREA you’d be demanding those awesome SANTA CLARA UTILITIES, and they didn’t want to get your hopes up.

We usually don’t get to see real estate photography this inspired.  Iron fence win!  Anyone know what the mystery item is in the back right corner?  It looks a little like a pushcart that lost a shoving match with a beach cafe.image

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The listing copy also says ATT; PRICE REDUCTION. .. .. .. .. which means AT&T stock went down, and so did either HH or IIII depending on which Morse operator took the telegram.  Then it says PRICE REDUCED SEP. 7TH 2010 , PRICE REDUCED. .. . (secret messages in here for terrorists?)  Has the price really been reduced that much that it needed three different mentions?

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Um… whoa! This isn’t just chasing the market down, this is chasing the market up a tree too, just to see if it’s paying attention!  Did somebody really think a couple of tax credits was going to net them an extra $200,000 for this house?

Meanwhile we’ve got lots of pool ‘n patio shots, but not one inside.  What do you think the sellers did to the place that it’s listed for almost $200K less than it sold for in 2005?  And don’t worry about the listing amount, anyway, the FBs owe $805K on the place (putting 10% down when they bought it seemed so unfair, so they borrowed almost all their down payment back).  Just start overbidding now if you expect the bank to return your calls.

A THANK YOU FOR SHOWING.

Comments (36) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:06 am

February 26, 2011

Gasp! Openings in Prestigious High School District!

Here’s an opportunity that doesn’t come along every day!  Wouldn’t you like to enroll your teen in Lynbrook High School, in the “we’re actively throwing nonresidents out of our schools” Fremont Union HSD?

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Of course, there’s a catch.  To take advantage of this amazing offer, you have to already live in the FUHSD attendance area.  Talk about the rich getting richer!  Here’s the most recent test scores, for those fortunate enough to consider this amazing (and very limited) opportunity.

School City 2010 Growth, 2009 base API
Cupertino HS Cupertino 891 / 879
Fremont HS Sunnyvale 730 / 740
Homestead HS Cupertino* 858 / 852
Lynbrook HS San Jose 939 / 925
Monta Vista HS Cupertino 943 / 935

*Located right at Cupertino/Sunnyvale border and the vast majority of students are from Sunnyvale, with remainder from Cupertino and Los Altos.  Hey Fremont, the “growth” API means it’s supposed to get BIGGER than the “base” score.  That means the growth number is supposed to go UP.  You know.  MORE.

And some other wanna-be high schools are almost as aggressive about removing “illegal students” as FUHSD.  What a sincere form of flattery, hiring a private detective to ferret out people living on the wrong street.

Comments (10) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:01 am

February 10, 2011

A House for the Highly Organized

Are you a young, upwardly mobile professional who likes to keep everything in its place?  Then this short and sweet* house is for you!  Many thanks to Burbed reader nomadic for this find!  (*Yes, selling shortly!)

915 Mockingbird Ln, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$869,000

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BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,687
$/SQ. FT.: $515
LOT SIZE: 5,859 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1953
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81102468
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 16 days

This highly desirable Cherry Chase neighborhood is a perfect home in which to create a lifetime of memories. The kitchen features granite countertops and stainless steel appliances It opens to a beautiful living room, making it perfect for entertaining guests, or simply spending quality time with family. The master bedroom features a walk-in closet and a remodeled bathroom. Dual paned windows.

So why is this a great house for the organized twentysomething?  Let’s take a little tour, shall we?  You shouldn’t have any trouble figuring out where in the house you are.

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This house goes great with this magazine!

Here’s what nomadic had to say about this amazing place:

Sure, it shares a street name with the Munsters, but check out those rooms painted in primary colors.  Do you suppose the pwners trying for a short sale were too lazy to repaint, or are they hoping to live there free for several more months?  Nope, they’re using the loud colors to drown out the sound of Highway 85 less than 200’ away.

Ok, let’s see that E-Z freeway access.

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Awesome!  The next-door neighbors have a swimming pool!  Guess where you’ll be dropping by every day this summer!  Plus think of all the money you’ll save not having to join a swim club!

Comments (10) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am

February 3, 2011

Rare Opportunity to Own an Eichler that needs TLC

Here’s a house for anyone who wants the incredible benefits of Sunnyvale utilities and Santa Clara schools. This is truly the best of… well, it’s the best house available at this address.

1109 Lorne Way, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$849,000

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BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,770
$/SQ. FT.: $480
LOT SIZE: 7,200 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1973
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81055965
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 64 days

Rare Opportunity! Atrium Model Eichler Home in Lovely Cul-De-Sac * Courtyard in Front * Spacious Floorplan w/ Open Living & Dining Area, Fireplace, Floor-to-Ceiling Windows * Open Kitchen w/ Granite Slab Counters, Wood Cabinetry, Breakfast Bar and Family Sitting Area * Bamboo Flooring * Mature Backyard w/ Pool and Patio * Attached 2-Car Garage * Laurelwood Elem * Lots of Potential, Just Needs Some TLC *

imageI didn’t realize Eichler was still building houses in 1973.  Shouldn’t they have locked him up by then in the giant Libby’s can for crimes against architecture? Anyway, in this case, TLC stands for Thoroughly Level this Cul-de-sac.

But look at all the instant equity you get in this place.  It last sold in 2005 for $925,000!  Yet the seller is willing to offer it to you at a discount so you can reap the rewards of living the Santa Clara lifestyle at a Sunnyvale price.

Comments (17) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:08 am

January 25, 2011

With all three Good Cupertino schools!

You remember the phrase “the value is in the land”?  Usually that’s said when calling the house a crapbox is an insult to outdoor toilets everywhere. Let’s just say that today’s land isn’t much to talk about, either.  So, where is the value?  Because today’s house is a value!  Read on to find out if it’s a positive or a negative value.

1586 S Bernardo Ave, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$929,999

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BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,603
$/SQ. FT.: $580
LOT SIZE: 7,956 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch, Contemporary
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81100512
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 19 days

Charming home with all three good Cupertino Schools- West Valley, Cupertino Middle, Homestead High. Double Pane windows * Bright Kitchen with Family room * Hardwood Floor * Central Heat and A/C * Spacious living room w/ fireplace, sliding doors to fruit tree large yard * Los Altos border * Must see to appreciate. Compare the price to other homes with all three Good schools!

Does this house have Cupertino schools?  It does?  Great!  Just checking, as the Realtard only mentioned it a few times. Does the house have anything else, in case I might want to consider living in it rather than merely taking advantage of all three Good schools?

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Well, it has a kitchen.  At least I think this is a kitchen.  It’s hard to tell because while it has cabinetry and counter-like fixtures, this room seems decidedly short on luxury kitchen-type appliances. You know, such as, say, an oven or a refrigerator.

It’s got a sink, okay?  Plug in a microwave next to it and you can make all the ramen you want.  And you don’t need a fridge for PB&J.  What’s that?  You do?  You’re just not being flexible enough.  There should be room to keep a small ice chest in one of those cabinets.  Store the peanut butter and jelly jars in the cooler.  Problem solved.

What?  You’re worried about where to get more ice for the cooler?  Right here:

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imageSee that circled area at the bottom?  That’s a Mini-Mart at the gas station.  See that school between your future house and the Mini-Mart?  That school is the reason this architectural armpit has a wishing price of $930,000.  You are not buying this house unless you have at least one child who will attend every one of those Three Good Schools.  So make the little brat bring home ten pounds of ice for the cooler every day.  It’s the least the ungrateful wretch can do for you after you spent almost a million dollars for public school.

imageThe value of this place is not in the land, as the backyard demonstrates.  The value is obviously in The Three Good Schools.  And proximity to the Mini-Mart.  And so convenient to the freeway and the Los Altos Border!  Why, Caltrans has installed a handball court right across the street!  So not only will your kids attend The Three Good Schools, you need not waste money on sports leagues or appliances!

imageYou know those other homes with all three Good schools you’re supposed to compare to this one?  They not only cost more, the kids living there will have to travel much further to play handball for free.  Every time you look at this sound wall handball court (which means whenever you leave this house), you can pretend you’re living in an exclusive, ivied walled compound, just like in Atherton.  A very, very large one, because it’s so Full of Win.

Comments (19) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

December 3, 2010

Black Friday Sale – Cheapest Houses in Sunnyvale!

Black Friday DEALS continue…

We’ve already recently featured the cheapest house in Sunnyvale, so we’ve got a rain check for you.  You know how you go to Costco and want to buy a stapler and they make you buy three of them in a blister pack?  This is the same idea: the three cheapest houses in Sunnyvale (not counting the cheapest one)!  You can pick up all three for just a smidgeon over a million.

And this is a Black Friday sale, so no long write-ups.  You get a link, a price, and a picture.  And when you see these prices, you’ll agree any added description is superfluous.

1043 Duncan Ave, Sunnyvale CA 94089
$339,000

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Beds: 3
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 960
$/Sq. Ft.: $353
Lot Size: 5,250 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Year Built: 1954
Community: Sunnyvale
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81044809
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 67 days

Great location. Well kept home. Doublepane windows. Easy access to 101 & 237 & Yahoo offices. All appliances included. Large covered patio area. Next to park with tennis courts. Short sale – First & Second. Package sent to the lender. Both lenders are waiting for your offers for a quick close.

Both lenders waiting, says it all.  Let’s move on to house #2, same delicious DEAL.

605 W McKinley Ave, Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$339,000

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Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 576
$/Sq. Ft.: $589
Lot Size: 3,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Cottage/Bungalow
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1930
Community: Sunnyvale
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81053792
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 7 days

Opportunities. .. close to many conveniences, near Town Center, near park, school, shopping, restaurants, and much more. Make the house your style and your own. Generous-sized bedrooms, eat-in kitchen, laundry room and unfinished basement, fenced yard and patio for outdoor entertaining.

It’s downtown, it’s not in 94085 or 89, yes of course we take American Express.  And we’ve saved the best DEAL for last!

602 Bernal Ave, Sunnyvale, CA 94085
$349,000

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Beds: 3
Baths: 2.5
Sq. Ft.: 1,501
$/Sq. Ft.: $233
Lot Size: 6,496 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1953
Community: Sunnyvale
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81016874
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 222 days

Huge corner lot home in a desirable large corner lot location. . Large and Remodoled Kitchen, Ceramic floors, double paned windows and more. .. .Extra 1 bedroom apartment with a private entrance.

Only thing you need to find out is whether it’s still on a huge corner lot, agent only repeated it twice.  And that fire hydrant means a reserved parking space in front of your house.

DEALS DEALS DEALS, yes pick up all three of these houses for a million and change.  That’s less than one scraper in Los Altos!  Live in one, rent the other two out; live in two and rent one out, rent all three to yourself… at these prices you really can have it all!

Comments (9) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am