Today’s featured property is brought to you by Burbed reader wahnny.  It’s perfect for a quick little mini-vacay, because it’s an easy drive from Google, Facebook, Apple, or wherever you should be working this weekend.  Just plop down the cash (easily found behind the couch cushions or by redeeming a couple of stock options), pitch your tent, and enjoy!  Plus, you could build a house on it!

2155 Tucker
Scotts Valley, CA 95066
$140,000

— Beds
— Baths
— Sq. Ft.
Built: —
Lot Size: 4.74 Acres
On Redfin: 9 days
Property Type: Residential Land (Single Family)
Community: Scotts Valley North
MLS#: 81304038
View: Mountains
County: Santa Cruz

Perfect vacation spot with a self sufficient little cabin. Off the grid with spring fed water. A wonderful tree house, a zip line, a foot bridge PLUS your own beach on Soquel Creek (year round water) Great place to get away, enjoy the peace and quiet. Read a book, go for a hike, let you kids enjoy the the outdoors! Can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.

Here’s why wahnny sent in this delightful home away from home (that is, if by home, we actually meant a place that doesn’t have a house for grown-ups on site).

Just came across this offbeat/offgrid Scotts Valley getaway.  What an interesting use of children, to help sell property.  And deep in the woods no less!

Unlike the "mini-San Simeon" property, this one actually has a zip line, as well as other fun structures (cabin, treehouse), and isn’t as far from civilization/paved roads.  And it has "beach" access (to the creek) too!

Given its relative proximity to the RBA, relative RBA pricing, and r3ltrd copyspeak, it’s quite clear who this would appeal to!

Every rule we’ve ever heard about staging a property for sale says to take family photos out of the house, because the buyers want to visualize themselves in the house. If they see pictures of your family, then that makes it harder for them to see themselves living there.  Obviously either the agent never heard of this rule, or she has some really obstinate sellers.  Why?  This property features a bunch of family snaps instead of the usual listing photos.

And whoever’s idea this was, they really want you to admire the family.  The pictures of the grounds that left the wife and kiddies out are not the sharpest prints in the drawer. 

Just wait until you meet “can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.”  We double dog dare you to share in the road maintenance with someone you can’t see.

Bunus: Be sure to check out the listing history.

Extra-super-bunus: Last sale (at $190K in 2007) and the older photos are still available for your viewing pleasure.  You can tell this one on the right is from the old set, because it’s actually focused.

Our post-Christmas closeouts continue!  Today we’re heading up the hill to Santa Cruz County to show that you, yes YOU!! Can!! Afford!! To buy a house!! Thanks very much to Burbed reader wahnny for sending us this bodacious Boulder Creek craptacular.

273 W HILTON Dr
San Lorenzo Valley, CA 95006
$49,900

3 Beds 
2 Baths 
1,400 Sq. Ft.
$36 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1965 
Lot Size: 0.32 Acres 
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: Boulder Creek
MLS#: 81242647
Stories: 2
County: Santa Cruz

Property damaged by 2006 slide on Boulder Creek golf course. Engineering reports and county reports on file. Drive by only. DO NOT ENTER PROPERTY. CASH OFFER ONLY.

Here’s what wahnny said about this resort location:

Although the photos and listing appear to match the reality of the area (made worse with recent rains), the dreaming still continues.

You’ll be having pleasant dreams in this Golf Course abode!  They’ll be so amazing that’s why you’re only allowed to drive by. 

Nobody’s allowed to enter the property until you’ve paid your cash offer.  If that isn’t proof that The Bubbles Are Back, we don’t know what is.

We’re sure you can clean up that 2006 slide on Boulder Creek golf course, if you can find where the engineering and county reports are “on file.”

It’s time for another expedition a little further from the usual Google-Facebook-Twitter locations, locations, locations.  Today’s featured frontage is a full-on flip, thanks to Burbed reader dollarbin!

203 SUNNYHILLS Dr
Watsonville, CA 95076
$319,000

3 Beds 
2 Baths 
1,380 Sq. Ft.
$231 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1954 
Lot Size: 5,227 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Pending With Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Watsonville
MLS#: 81241943
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Cruz

Freshly Remodeled 3 bedroom 2 bath Eichler home at the end of a cul de sac. Short walking distance to schools in nice stable neighborhood. new roof, all new plumbing, upgraded electrical service, wiring and light fixtures, new heater, and water heater upgraded kitchen with granite counter tops and stainless appliances. all double paned windows

Granite and stainless and panes, oh my!  And dollarbin has another reason to send in this listing.  Let’s listen in.

I was checking out the listing for this Watsonville flat-top.  Looking at the listing I noticed that it sold back in April for roughly half the price.  Fortunately, the old listing also has interior photos.

Shame they had to paint over all of that original artwork.

Wait, old listing?

203 SUNNYHILLS Dr
Watsonville, CA 95076
Sold for $160,000

2 Beds 
1 Baths  1,470 Sq. Ft.
$109 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1954 
Lot Size: 5,227 Sq. Ft. 
Sold On: Apr 26, 2012
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Watsonville
MLS#: 81200844
Style: Cottage/Bungalow
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Cruz

Subject located on corner lot at end of road. Large backyard patio area. Centrally located near all amenities. Interior of home is vandalized and will require much TLC. Good opportunity for a contractor/investor fixer.

Let’s enjoy that original artwork, then.

And best of all, these pictures are actual size.  So for once you don’t have to go to the listing to embiggen them.

But the photo of the living room above is the only picture that we can tell for sure was taken in the same house.  See if you can identify some of the others!

And note the good wishes the artist left for the future homeowners.  It’s in red so you can’t miss it.  SUCCESS.

We’re continuing the DEALS DEALS DEALS with yet another region full of cheap housing. Today’s victim: Santa Cruz County!  But wait, you may rudely point out. Santa Cruz County is not part of the Bay Area.  It does not have any part of it touching the Bay.

Oh yeah?  What’s Monterey Bay, chopped liver?  Plenty of people commute to Silicon Valley from Santa Cruz County.  Maybe even Googlers.  Presenting, the cheapest house in all of Santa Cruz County!

575 HAZEL BRAKE
San Lorenzo Valley, CA 95006
$115,000

2 Beds 
1 Baths 
900 Sq. Ft.
$128 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1943 
Lot Size: 0.45 Acres 
On Redfin: 1 day
Status: Active
Property Type
Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Boulder Creek
MLS#: 81241767
Style: Cabin
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Cruz

DO NOT visit property with out an Agent; stairway, deck and house could be dangerous. This is a major fixer-upper, however it is in a great neighborhood. Bracken Brae has hiking trails, picnic grounds, private water system and roads with lovely river access just for owners.

When a property listing starts out with a warning like DO NOT visit property, we know it’s going to be good. And unlike the places we found earlier this week, this one has more than 2500 square feet of land.  It also has more than one picture, which means more work for us. 

At left is Picture number two.  Out of 24. Believe us when we say this is one of the cheerier views.

Also, catch the not-so-subtle reminder that rentards aren’t deserving of anything: lovely river access just for owners.  This is like Foothills Park, except living in Palo Alto is nowhere as exciting. For this dangerous listing, DO NOT go anywhere (especially stairway, deck and house) with out an Agent. DO NOT even look at these photos.

This agent deserves some kind of award, for either Whole Truth In Real Estate Photography, or for skipping the worse views that weren’t included.

It’s time to put on your hemp sandals and splash with a bit of patchouli oil, because we’re driving the VW Microbus up the long and winding road to a groovy getaway.  Thanks very much to mystic crystal hip chick and Burbed reader Tracy Tea House for this psychedelic shack in the Santa Cruz mountains!

21864 Bear Creek Road
Los Gatos CA 95033
$999,000

Bedrooms: 5 
Bathrooms: 3 full, 1 partial 
98 days on Trulia
1,515 views
Property type: Single-Family Home
Size: 4,426 sqft
Lot: Ask agent
Price/sqft: $226/sqft
Year built: 1983
MLS/ID: 81219243
Zip: 95033
Provided by: californiamoves.com

This home appraised last March for $1,050,000! Want a “green” home? Your geodesic dome has efficient wood heating, solar hot water, R30 insulation, PGandE bills of less than $60/month!! 164 acres feels like a kingdom. Great potential for horses, vineyards, hiking or just getting away to relax. Wonderful decks for entertaining. Outstanding views. Los Gatos Schools. Please do not drive-by.

The home may have a Los Gatos mailing address, but just like its 1960s architectural influence, it sits proudly on the Santa Cruz side of the County Line.  There is no doubt this is an authentic hippie pad, or at least that it could have been.  Too bad it was built in 1983.

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this geodesic goody.

I just love a good dome! This one features… Logging roads! Don’t drive by. In fact if this was my dome, I might never be able to leave. I’d get a few horses, some vineyards and watch the view. Working in the valley… forget about it. At 999 it’s a little high for a second mountain home, maybe when it gets down to 888???

A little high.  Snort.  Don’t bogie the bong.  Share.  Peace, man. 

Oh that sky, it’s, it’s, it’s… it’s the HDR processing that makes the blue so intense and the horizon so actinic.  Or maybe this is really bad acid.

Feels like a kingdom already.

Do you love yourself some open space in the mountains?  I sure hope you do, because we just can’t stay away from them!  Today’s high-elevation, hard-to-get-to homesite is courtesy of Burbed reader wahnny.  Ready for a twisty drive?  Bring your Dramamine!

30465 Highland Way
unincorporated, CA 95033
$2,325,000

BEDS: –
BATHS: –
SQ. FT.: –
LOT SIZE: –
PROPERTY TYPE: Lot/Land
COMMUNITY: santa cruz mtns
COUNTY: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 120010561
SOURCE: SANDICOR
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 65 days

great views of monterey bay. Highland Way is paved, and this is a flag lot, with entry via a graded, gated, shared, dirt road that begins at Highland. Stunningly located between Uvas Canyon County Park and The Forest of Nisene Marks, a State Park. This 40-acre parcel actually contains a forest, which the buyers might wish to name after themselves. Incredible rock formations. Significant increase in elevation from paved road; ample selection of building sites & helo-ports. A "mini-San Simeon. "The property has a graded, dirt, loop road which allows the entire parcel to be viewed. Buyers might wish to install their own zip lines within the forest that comes with the property.

Here’s an interesting property I came across last weekend.  The real estate agent promotes this gated, vacant land property as a "mini-San Simeon" with "incredible rock formations" and a small forest which "the buyers might wish to name after themselves".

In reality, the 40-acre flag lot (APN 106-521-09) looks pretty barren and difficult to access,

The property seems to have been damaged by the Summit Fire back in 2008.

Of course, no mention of this is found in the listing.  Only positive possibilities are presented (e.g., ample sites for buildings/heliopad, zip-line tours through the forest, etc.), all for the asking price of $2.5 million.

xxx

This realtard is earning that 3% commission with all those pictures taken on a really foggy day, waiting minutes for a slice of Monterey Bay to show up.

And yet, he couldn’t put the most important thing about this property in the danged listing.  If you’re selling land, then wouldn’t a buyer want to know how much land are you selling?  I think that question is usually followed by where the fuck is it? 

So why wouldn’t he put these really key pieces of info in the little fill-in-the-listing-form fields? 

Look above.  The listing info is all blank, and check out the name of the city, too!  If you read through the really bizarre listing copy, there is a mention that it’s a 40 acre parcel in the Santa Cruz Mountains near some state park, but how many would-be buyers stopped reading when they got to the dirt road and flag lot?

And that’s too bad.  Several of you may well want your own private zip line in the forest you might wish to name after yourself.  Although if you expect this to be a mini-San Simeon, you’re going to need to import a herd of zebras.  Oh yeah, and build a castle.

Restitution ordered for man convicted of stealing house

By JESSICA M. PASKO – Santa Cruz Sentinel, Posted:   02/03/2012 02:06:34 PM PST

Photo at right: Raymond Tate (on right), convicted house thief, appearing in court with attorney Steve LeBerge, in 2009.  (Shmuel Thaler/Sentinel)

SANTA CRUZ – A Santa Cruz man convicted in 2010 of stealing a Ben Lomond home will have to pay $1,895 in restitution to the rightful owners, a judge ruled Friday.

Raymond Tate sentenced in May 2010 to five months in County Jail and three years’ probation for felony charges of filing false property records and conspiracy. According to court records, Tate was able to use a typographical error on the deed for a Hubbard Gulch Road to pose as the owner of the house and file false documents with the county recorder to support his case.

While the rightful owners were on vacation in 2009, Tate sold the home to someone else. When the owners returned, they found their belongings moved to the garage, the locks changed and a stranger living in their house. The occupant, Daniel Judd, said he bought the house from Tate and later admitted he was part of the plot to take the home. Judd is currently on probation in Santa Clara County.

Burbed will take a hard-hitting stand in opposition to house theft, whether or not in the Real Bay Area.  However, we are obligated to point out the advantages of owning an RBA house, should you be so unfortunate as to find it stolen.  There is absolutely no way that someone guilty of grand theft housing (as opposed to this petty larceny) would be given such a slap on the wrist.  Read further into this story, and you will discover that the legal owners of the house claimed $5,700 in actual damages.  The reduced amount awarded no doubt reflects the non-RBA discount applied to all homes that are not Special enough.

This is the house in question, in case you have any concerns about its worthiness.  It’s a 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath red-tag special, for which the proper owners paid $50,000 for in 2007.  It was also sliding down a hill.  Perhaps it was not sliding when the previous owners paid $130,000 for it just two years earlier.

The disputed house on Hubbard Gulch Road (Shmuel Thaler/Sentinel)

You won’t learn this in the article above, which is woefully deficient in what is otherwise a fascinating story.  But The Sentinel does list several of its previous articles covering all the house wrangling.  Click on through for a twisty little maze of real estate fraud.

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Recently we ran a rather unusual house that would make a great West Coast toehold for the White Castle burger chain.  Yes, it was an actual fracking CASTLE in the back of an otherwise normal home in Los Altos. Burbed reader Tracy is crazy for castles, and has been deploying the trebuchet to hurl several into the inbox.  Here’s another one if you can’t wait until April for Season 2 of HBO’s Game of Thrones.

Unfortunately, this castle, like so many homes built on fantasies and empty treasure chests, was taken off-market.  So we’ll do our best to get the information to you, no matter how many real estate sites we have to scour to find it!

81 PUFFIN LN,
Watsonville, CA 95076
$1,795,000, delisted on 12/12/2011
Originally listed for $1,895,000

Beds: 6
Baths: 4
Sqft: 2,864
Lot: 9,146 sq ft / 0.21 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1971
Last sold: September 22 1999 for $353,500

Beautiful ocean views, convenient beach access, private parking front and rear, quality remodel, 6 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, custom home in Pajaro Dunes – Turnkey! Remodeled kitchen, bathrooms, flooring, roof, siding, windows, appliances. Pajaro Dunes is perhaps Northern California’s best kept secret! To live here or just to visit is an experience to be treasured. Come see for yourself!

We’ve provided all 9 photos, because most of the other sites took them down when the listing got yanked.  Thank heavens for ZipRealty!  And we used Zillow to fill in all those missing pieces, like whether the castle actually had any rooms and was built after the Year 0.  Redfin provided the neighborhood plot layout at the bottom of this post.  Finally, this expired agent page provided the listing copy above.

The very first thing you’ll notice looking at the front of the house is that there isn’t any garage.  And that’s a good thing!  If you’re the kind of person who wants to live in a castle, you don’t want any newfangled technology such as horseless carriages and wireless music using airwaves.  A six bedroom house means you can keep your own horn section to play flourishes when you enter each room.  And really, nobody should be waving except your courtiers.

So the plastic furniture really has to go.  Just set up some trestle tables and benches and you’ll be ready to serve up the wild boars.

I tell you, it’s being able to build a castle out of a 1971 tract house that makes this country great, even if said castle would be more appropriate on its lonesome on ten acres in Inverness, rather than on a 9000 square foot lot right next to traditional beach homes.

America, F*** YEAH!  Although the tennis courts ought to be replaced with a jousting pavilion, and the flag with one from, say, 971.

DEALS DEALS DEALS, we’re going to keep them coming all this week and next! 

Today, the absolutely least expensive house for sale anywhere in Santa Cruz County!  Santa Cruz isn’t that far from Google, provided you enjoy sitting in traffic on beautiful State Highway 17, or even better, Highway 9!  Or maybe you found employment in Santa Cruz County as well.  I hear those UC cops are making six figures if you enjoy baton twirling and pepper spraying.

Yesterday’s Alameda County special was quite a hot deal!  How low we can go in Banana Slugville?

320 FIRESIDE Rd, San Lorenzo Valley, CA 95006
$79,900

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,000
$/SQ. FT.: $80
LOT SIZE: 3,484 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cabin
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Mountains
YEAR BUILT: 1929
COMMUNITY: Boulder Creek
COUNTY: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 81134712
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 111 days

LOADS OF POTENTIAL FOR THE HANDY PERSON! AMPLE SIZED HOME WITH LARGE SIZED LIVING ROOM, KITCHEN, BATHROOM AND 3 ROOMS USED AS BEDROOMS(2 no closets) UPSTAIRS. DOWNSTAIRS HAS TWO BONUS ROOMS AND INTERIOR LAUNDRY WITH LARGE DECK OFF THE BACK OF THE HOME. LOCATED IN A FORESTED REDWOOD SETTING WITH END OF THE ROAD PRIVACY. CLOSE TO THE CUTE LITTLE TOWN OF BOULDER CREEK. AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY!

This place has potential all right.  It’s in the mountains, which means you if you push it hard enough, it will realize its potential right away.  Definitely an END OF THE ROAD OPPORTUNITY.

And in view of yesterday’s DEAL, I’m wondering if the street name is telling us how to maximize that POTENTIAL.  Buy lots of insurance first!

I read a lot of real estate sites in order to bring you Burbed-worthy features.  Recently, I found an agent’s special “Astonishing Homes” page that looked absolutely scrumptious.  Plenty of seven and even eight-figure high-end properties on acres of land with great schools.

Now I know absolutely nothing about this particular agent, but all these homes were on MLS. Member agents can detail any MLS listings in their region, and Sophia Delacotte put together a webpage with nicer luxury properties for people to get some real estate pr0n action.  But something was amiss when I took a closer look at the actual listings.

With ten different houses, that’s ten front facades and ten sets of details.  I have all that waiting for you inside, but before you join me, make your prediction how many of these ten estate properties:

• Sold (pending within 7 days)
• Sold (pending within 30 days)
• Sold in a longer timeframe
• Are still active on MLS
• Had their listing withdrawn
• Had a price reduction at some point

For “bunus” yucks, guess how many of these ten estate homes have marble columns.

Got your guesses ready?  Good.  Now, let’s see these Astonishing Homes and find out if you’re as Astonished as I was.

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