Do you love yourself some open space in the mountains?  I sure hope you do, because we just can’t stay away from them!  Today’s high-elevation, hard-to-get-to homesite is courtesy of Burbed reader wahnny.  Ready for a twisty drive?  Bring your Dramamine!

30465 Highland Way
unincorporated, CA 95033
$2,325,000

BEDS: –
BATHS: –
SQ. FT.: –
LOT SIZE: –
PROPERTY TYPE: Lot/Land
COMMUNITY: santa cruz mtns
COUNTY: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 120010561
SOURCE: SANDICOR
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 65 days

great views of monterey bay. Highland Way is paved, and this is a flag lot, with entry via a graded, gated, shared, dirt road that begins at Highland. Stunningly located between Uvas Canyon County Park and The Forest of Nisene Marks, a State Park. This 40-acre parcel actually contains a forest, which the buyers might wish to name after themselves. Incredible rock formations. Significant increase in elevation from paved road; ample selection of building sites & helo-ports. A "mini-San Simeon. "The property has a graded, dirt, loop road which allows the entire parcel to be viewed. Buyers might wish to install their own zip lines within the forest that comes with the property.

Here’s an interesting property I came across last weekend.  The real estate agent promotes this gated, vacant land property as a "mini-San Simeon" with "incredible rock formations" and a small forest which "the buyers might wish to name after themselves".

In reality, the 40-acre flag lot (APN 106-521-09) looks pretty barren and difficult to access,

The property seems to have been damaged by the Summit Fire back in 2008.

Of course, no mention of this is found in the listing.  Only positive possibilities are presented (e.g., ample sites for buildings/heliopad, zip-line tours through the forest, etc.), all for the asking price of $2.5 million.

xxx

This realtard is earning that 3% commission with all those pictures taken on a really foggy day, waiting minutes for a slice of Monterey Bay to show up.

And yet, he couldn’t put the most important thing about this property in the danged listing.  If you’re selling land, then wouldn’t a buyer want to know how much land are you selling?  I think that question is usually followed by where the fuck is it? 

So why wouldn’t he put these really key pieces of info in the little fill-in-the-listing-form fields? 

Look above.  The listing info is all blank, and check out the name of the city, too!  If you read through the really bizarre listing copy, there is a mention that it’s a 40 acre parcel in the Santa Cruz Mountains near some state park, but how many would-be buyers stopped reading when they got to the dirt road and flag lot?

And that’s too bad.  Several of you may well want your own private zip line in the forest you might wish to name after yourself.  Although if you expect this to be a mini-San Simeon, you’re going to need to import a herd of zebras.  Oh yeah, and build a castle.

Restitution ordered for man convicted of stealing house

By JESSICA M. PASKO – Santa Cruz Sentinel, Posted:   02/03/2012 02:06:34 PM PST

Photo at right: Raymond Tate (on right), convicted house thief, appearing in court with attorney Steve LeBerge, in 2009.  (Shmuel Thaler/Sentinel)

SANTA CRUZ – A Santa Cruz man convicted in 2010 of stealing a Ben Lomond home will have to pay $1,895 in restitution to the rightful owners, a judge ruled Friday.

Raymond Tate sentenced in May 2010 to five months in County Jail and three years’ probation for felony charges of filing false property records and conspiracy. According to court records, Tate was able to use a typographical error on the deed for a Hubbard Gulch Road to pose as the owner of the house and file false documents with the county recorder to support his case.

While the rightful owners were on vacation in 2009, Tate sold the home to someone else. When the owners returned, they found their belongings moved to the garage, the locks changed and a stranger living in their house. The occupant, Daniel Judd, said he bought the house from Tate and later admitted he was part of the plot to take the home. Judd is currently on probation in Santa Clara County.

Burbed will take a hard-hitting stand in opposition to house theft, whether or not in the Real Bay Area.  However, we are obligated to point out the advantages of owning an RBA house, should you be so unfortunate as to find it stolen.  There is absolutely no way that someone guilty of grand theft housing (as opposed to this petty larceny) would be given such a slap on the wrist.  Read further into this story, and you will discover that the legal owners of the house claimed $5,700 in actual damages.  The reduced amount awarded no doubt reflects the non-RBA discount applied to all homes that are not Special enough.

This is the house in question, in case you have any concerns about its worthiness.  It’s a 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath red-tag special, for which the proper owners paid $50,000 for in 2007.  It was also sliding down a hill.  Perhaps it was not sliding when the previous owners paid $130,000 for it just two years earlier.

The disputed house on Hubbard Gulch Road (Shmuel Thaler/Sentinel)

You won’t learn this in the article above, which is woefully deficient in what is otherwise a fascinating story.  But The Sentinel does list several of its previous articles covering all the house wrangling.  Click on through for a twisty little maze of real estate fraud.

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Recently we ran a rather unusual house that would make a great West Coast toehold for the White Castle burger chain.  Yes, it was an actual fracking CASTLE in the back of an otherwise normal home in Los Altos. Burbed reader Tracy is crazy for castles, and has been deploying the trebuchet to hurl several into the inbox.  Here’s another one if you can’t wait until April for Season 2 of HBO’s Game of Thrones.

Unfortunately, this castle, like so many homes built on fantasies and empty treasure chests, was taken off-market.  So we’ll do our best to get the information to you, no matter how many real estate sites we have to scour to find it!

81 PUFFIN LN,
Watsonville, CA 95076
$1,795,000, delisted on 12/12/2011
Originally listed for $1,895,000

Beds: 6
Baths: 4
Sqft: 2,864
Lot: 9,146 sq ft / 0.21 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1971
Last sold: September 22 1999 for $353,500

Beautiful ocean views, convenient beach access, private parking front and rear, quality remodel, 6 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, custom home in Pajaro Dunes – Turnkey! Remodeled kitchen, bathrooms, flooring, roof, siding, windows, appliances. Pajaro Dunes is perhaps Northern California’s best kept secret! To live here or just to visit is an experience to be treasured. Come see for yourself!

We’ve provided all 9 photos, because most of the other sites took them down when the listing got yanked.  Thank heavens for ZipRealty!  And we used Zillow to fill in all those missing pieces, like whether the castle actually had any rooms and was built after the Year 0.  Redfin provided the neighborhood plot layout at the bottom of this post.  Finally, this expired agent page provided the listing copy above.

The very first thing you’ll notice looking at the front of the house is that there isn’t any garage.  And that’s a good thing!  If you’re the kind of person who wants to live in a castle, you don’t want any newfangled technology such as horseless carriages and wireless music using airwaves.  A six bedroom house means you can keep your own horn section to play flourishes when you enter each room.  And really, nobody should be waving except your courtiers.

So the plastic furniture really has to go.  Just set up some trestle tables and benches and you’ll be ready to serve up the wild boars.

I tell you, it’s being able to build a castle out of a 1971 tract house that makes this country great, even if said castle would be more appropriate on its lonesome on ten acres in Inverness, rather than on a 9000 square foot lot right next to traditional beach homes.

America, F*** YEAH!  Although the tennis courts ought to be replaced with a jousting pavilion, and the flag with one from, say, 971.

DEALS DEALS DEALS, we’re going to keep them coming all this week and next! 

Today, the absolutely least expensive house for sale anywhere in Santa Cruz County!  Santa Cruz isn’t that far from Google, provided you enjoy sitting in traffic on beautiful State Highway 17, or even better, Highway 9!  Or maybe you found employment in Santa Cruz County as well.  I hear those UC cops are making six figures if you enjoy baton twirling and pepper spraying.

Yesterday’s Alameda County special was quite a hot deal!  How low we can go in Banana Slugville?

320 FIRESIDE Rd, San Lorenzo Valley, CA 95006
$79,900

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,000
$/SQ. FT.: $80
LOT SIZE: 3,484 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cabin
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Mountains
YEAR BUILT: 1929
COMMUNITY: Boulder Creek
COUNTY: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 81134712
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 111 days

LOADS OF POTENTIAL FOR THE HANDY PERSON! AMPLE SIZED HOME WITH LARGE SIZED LIVING ROOM, KITCHEN, BATHROOM AND 3 ROOMS USED AS BEDROOMS(2 no closets) UPSTAIRS. DOWNSTAIRS HAS TWO BONUS ROOMS AND INTERIOR LAUNDRY WITH LARGE DECK OFF THE BACK OF THE HOME. LOCATED IN A FORESTED REDWOOD SETTING WITH END OF THE ROAD PRIVACY. CLOSE TO THE CUTE LITTLE TOWN OF BOULDER CREEK. AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY!

This place has potential all right.  It’s in the mountains, which means you if you push it hard enough, it will realize its potential right away.  Definitely an END OF THE ROAD OPPORTUNITY.

And in view of yesterday’s DEAL, I’m wondering if the street name is telling us how to maximize that POTENTIAL.  Buy lots of insurance first!

I read a lot of real estate sites in order to bring you Burbed-worthy features.  Recently, I found an agent’s special “Astonishing Homes” page that looked absolutely scrumptious.  Plenty of seven and even eight-figure high-end properties on acres of land with great schools.

Now I know absolutely nothing about this particular agent, but all these homes were on MLS. Member agents can detail any MLS listings in their region, and Sophia Delacotte put together a webpage with nicer luxury properties for people to get some real estate pr0n action.  But something was amiss when I took a closer look at the actual listings.

With ten different houses, that’s ten front facades and ten sets of details.  I have all that waiting for you inside, but before you join me, make your prediction how many of these ten estate properties:

• Sold (pending within 7 days)
• Sold (pending within 30 days)
• Sold in a longer timeframe
• Are still active on MLS
• Had their listing withdrawn
• Had a price reduction at some point

For “bunus” yucks, guess how many of these ten estate homes have marble columns.

Got your guesses ready?  Good.  Now, let’s see these Astonishing Homes and find out if you’re as Astonished as I was.

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Let’s give a warm welcome to longtime Burbed reader sonarrat, Burbed’s newest regular blogger!

Please, save your rotten tomatoes and rioting until the end. To celebrate the interment, er, I mean introduction of our new contributor, let’s make a day trip to beautiful scenic Santa Cruz.

1165 Thompson Ave, Santa Cruz, CA 95062
$309,500

Beds: 3
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 1,317
$/Sq. Ft.: $235
Lot Size: 0.34 Acres
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Traditional
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1948
Community: Live Oak
County: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 81056459
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 114 days

Non-Conforming Residential located on a parcel zoned M-1 Light Industrial. This property is located directly across from the ProBuild Door & Window Design Company. This property is eligible under the Freddie Mac First Look Initiative through 12.15.2010. Seller is offering a 2 year home warranty limitations, do apply ask for details.

Lionel Hutz: All right, gentlemen, I’ll take your case, but I’m going to have to ask for a thousand-dollar retainer.
Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says “No money down”.
Lionel Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up… (scribbles) “Works on contingency basis? No, money down!”
Bart: So, you don’t work on a contingency basis?
Lionel Hutz: No, money down! Oops, it shouldn’t have this Bar Association logo here either.

A comma can be a powerful thing. Let’s ignore the home warranty limitations for now, though, and focus on the property. We have some of the Burbed standbys: the low-maintenance lawn, garage pre-boarded for the next tsunami, and your very own dumpster, which has the added effect of harboring wildlife! This is truly the perfect house for Santa Cruz’ tender-hearted liberal sensibilities. You also have the possibility of using the house as a workshop, seeing how it has M-1 zoning.  And look at the instant equity!

The last sale was for $425,000, before The Bubble even began. Clearly, then, that must be the baseline, because there could never have been any real estate bubble in California before The Bubble. No, The Bubble was a one-off that has never happened before and will never happen again!

The banks say these houses must go, so we’ve got deals, deals, deals!  Don’t you want to live in a Special House like some in the Real Bay Area, but don’t want to pay Special RBA prices?  With this house, you can!

219 Sacramento Ave, Santa Cruz, CA 95060
$719,900

Beds: 4
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,601
$/Sq. Ft.: $450
Lot Size: 4,835 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Contemporary
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1956
Community: West Santa Cruz
County: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 81057554
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 12 days

Beachside Beauty, just steps to magnificent West Cliff Drive! Living room features a stunning and distinctive river rock fireplace, kitchen sports stainless steel appliances including a Viking range, tile backsplash, and custom cabinets. Plenty of custom tile work in the hall bathroom and a couple of useful outbuildings in the back yard with convenient alley access. Amazing Location and Value!

Steps to magnificent West Cliff Drive?  How many steps?

That’s about a thousand feet from the house to magnificent West Cliff Drive, so, allowing for a generous one yard stride, that’s 333 steps.  Hardly “beachside.”  And it’s another thousand feet to the beach once you get to magnificent West Cliff Drive. You’ll be in great shape for those kitchen sports.

But getting back to how Special this house is… Not only is it 666 steps from the beach, it has the Mark of Specialness.  This house has a gold star on the front door.  How could anything get more Special than that?

Happy Monday everyone!  And here to start your work week off is Burbed reader sonarrat with this guest post.  Please give a warm burbed welcome to sonarrat!

Let’s go a little south of usual, shall we? After all, we still need people to pick the strawberries and attend the McDonald’s drive thru window. If you’re willing to make the drive over the Hecker Pass into Santa Cruz County every day, you can find some mighty affordable digs. So let’s take a look at an example of how our true working class lives.

42 9th St,  Watsonville, CA 95076
$106,000

Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 612
$/Sq. Ft.: $173
Lot Size: 8,624 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:
Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Year Built: 1930
Community: Watsonville
County: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 81050457
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 8 days

Bring it on! Classic 1930′s cottage-style home needs some love. Opportunities abound for those willing to put in the work. Very central location, towards the end of a not-through street. Days 1-7: Offers will not be reviewed. Days 8-12: Offers ONLY from NSP buyers, Municipalities, Non-profit organizations and Owner-occupants will be reviewed. Days 13+: We will consider offers from all buyers.

At $106,000, this little charmer is certainly within the reach of the working class. It’s on a dead end street for privacy, but just one turn from the highway.

Let’s look at the sales history:

Oct 15, 2010 Listed $106,000 — MLSListings #81050457
Feb 12, 2010 Sold (Public Records) $135,000  — Public Records
This home was foreclosed and bank-owned.
Apr 22, 2009 Delisted — – Inactive MLSListings #2
Apr 11, 2009 Price Changed * — Inactive MLSListings #2
Apr 11, 2009 Relisted — – Inactive MLSListings #2
Apr 05, 2009 Delisted — – Inactive MLSListings #2
Apr 02, 2009 Price Changed * — Inactive MLSListings #2
Mar 27, 2009 Price Changed * — Inactive MLSListings #2
Mar 04, 2009 Listed * — Inactive MLSListings #2
Feb 27, 2009 Delisted — – Inactive MLSListings #1
Jan 30, 2009 Price Changed * — Inactive MLSListings #1
Jan 15, 2009 Relisted — – Inactive MLSListings #1
Jan 09, 2009 Delisted — – Inactive MLSListings #1
Sep 12, 2008 Price Changed * — Inactive MLSListings #1
Jul 08, 2008 Listed * — Inactive MLSListings #1
Nov 03, 1994 Sold (Public Records) $133,000 — Public Records

What a terrific investment! Look at that historical return of, uh, well, you can still rent it out, right? Once upon a time, people said that anywhere in California was a good investment that could only go up. Clearly, though, there must be a reason why this Bay Area property is listed lower than its price in 1994 – not a boom time for real estate by anyone’s measure. So let’s take a look at the copy:

Days 1-7: Offers will not be reviewed. Days 8-12: Offers ONLY from NSP buyers, Municipalities, Non-profit organizations and Owner-occupants will be reviewed. Days 13+: We will consider offers from all buyers.

Oh, of course! There are so many people clamoring to own this small, crappy corner of the Bay Area, they can’t even list the property without a 7-day grace period to hire a crack staff of 50 people to review the mountain of offers. Sweet! The boom is back, everyone!

Today’s house, courtesy of burbed reader VC, reminds us that only the Best of the Best can make it in Silicon Valley.  Why should only software developers and chip designers have all the fun of healthy cut-throat competition and failure of market acceptance?  Builders need a challenge too. Anyone can throw up McMansions on flat land with city services already installed.  But this property is for only the most able, willing, daring, and liquid of contractors.  How would you like to live the dream?

23633 Schulties Road, Los Gatos Mtns 95033
$499,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 895
$/SQ. FT.: $553
LOT SIZE: 7.8 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE:  Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Canyon, Valley
YEAR BUILT: 1960
COMMUNITY: Los Gatos Mountains
COUNTY: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 80947132
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 251 days

Very nice piece of property with over 7 acres and Los Gatos Schools. This is a real contractor special, but wil a great upside potental. Current house is a small 2 bedroom home which could be fixed up nicely. Second home on property needs to be moved, then it would be a nice 3/2 with approximately 1900 sq. ft. The lot next door is also available. Total 13 acres for around 600K, great deal!!

You can’t go wrong on a place “wil a great upside potental,” can you?  Find out just how much work it is to fix up the current house!  It’s a small 2 bedroom home which could be fixed up nicely!  In fact it’s so small, part of the challenge is finding it in the picture above.  Once you do, see how nicely you can fix it up!  The sky’s the limit, along with your bank account.

But you might object, “What’s the excitement in remodeling a little cottage in the woods?”  Prefer a large 3/2 with approximately 1900 sq. ft.?  That second home is here somewhere on property, and all you have to do is move it.  And maybe fix it up at little.  Or a lot.  Perhaps once you do it expands, and it “would be a nice 3/2?”  That should be a quick and easy project, since there are no walls or exteriors to get in the way of the 16 forklifts you’re going to need.

And once you remove all that scaffolding, it will move even quicker!  Maybe you can borrow the wheels off the pickup, which looks more stable than the structure behind it.

Wondering why the second home had to be moved?  Check out that geologic/flood report!  Meanwhile, a little birdie told me there’s a stipulation with Santa Cruz County to do some grading and retaining wall work.  I hear “some” could mean two hundred thousand worth, but that’s only a rumor.  Some could also mean zero!  Just how much upslope can a little driveway have?

Now, this project is going to keep you driving to Home Depot a few thousand times, so you’d best buy in bulk.  In fact, the seller is way ahead of you, and is willing to supersize the deal by adding in the lot next door!  And just like those 167 Tool Specials, most of them are drill bits in sizes you already own or socket sets in shapes you don’t need.  In this case, the bonus 6 acre parcel has no improvements, no permits, can’t be subdivided, and doesn’t have a well, sewer line, or septic tank.  But it’s only “around $600K” for both!  If you enjoy bargaining, this is even more fun than buying 60 square feet of granite countertop and making sure it all matches.

Remember, this property thinks it can take you.  Are you going to let it get away with that?

Thanks to Burbed reader madhaus for this guest post!

309 Beach Drive,  Rio Del Mar/Seascape CA, 95003
$439,000

309 BEACH Dr Rio Del Mar / Seascape, CA 95003

Beds:	5
Baths:	3
Sq. Ft.:	1,776
$/Sq. Ft.:	$247
Lot Size:	4,791 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Stories:	2
View:	Ocean
Community:	Rio Del Mar/Seascape
County:	Santa Cruz
MLS#:	80709410
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	1172 days

20% INTEREST FOR SALE,  GORGEOUS BEACH DR. LOCATION, HOME IS UPDATED AND MAINTAINED IMPECCABLY. REFINANCE ONE OF YOUR OTHER PROPERTIES AND PAY CASH!!!MAKE MEMORIES WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS  GORGEOUS BEACH DR. LOCATION, HOME IS UPDATED AND MAINTAINED IMPECCABLY. REFINANCE ONE OF YOUR OTHER PROPERTIES AND PAY CASH!!!

Nothing says “this property’s going up on Burbed” like a description in ALL-CAPS. Refusing to turn off the CapLocks key leaves a potential buyer feeling like they’ve had a megaphone shoved up an ear.  Maybe the agent used to work at Western Union composing telegrams, because I don’t see the period key except for an abbreviation.  So while we’re deafened by the approach, let’s look at what we’re being offered.
Well, whatever the offer is, it’s overpriced, even for a beach house that’s across the street from the beach.  How do I know this?  Simple:

On Redfin: 1172 days

1172 days?  As in three and a half years? Is this a record?   I don’t know, but Should I wait for a price reduction?

I’m not sure.  According to this graph I should wait 28 more days, and then wait for 40 price reductions.
And remember, if the agent can’t think of anything better to say than “MAKE MEMORIES WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS,” then you know the property has a problem.  And in this case the problem is you are not being sold a beach house.  You are being sold a 20% share in a beach house.  And that means that you get the house on Tuesdays and every third Wednesday.

Still want the house?  It’s in a flood and a fault zone!  Too bad the nuclear plant’s in another zip code.