Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for finding this luscious living situation in Los Gatos, one of Silicon Valley’s few celebrity domiciles!

300 SANTA ROSA Dr
Los Gatos, CA 95032
$5,000,000

BEDS: 6
BATHS: 6.5
SQ. FT.: 7,500
$/SQ. FT.: $667
LOT SIZE: 1.19 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Modern/High Tech, Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Canyon, Valley
YEAR BUILT: 1986
COMMUNITY: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81207180
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 38 days

This exquisite 7500 sq/ft, 6 bedroom, 6.5 bath home on 1.19 acres nestled in the Los Gatos Mountains, combines post-modern style with majestic natural views. It is a natural abode for light and warmth. Recently re-designed and renovated, this home was originally built by Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, Inc. and retains several of his most unique design elements.

Here’s why nomadic sent us this natural abode for light and warmth:

The former Wozniak house.  Featured on burbed many moons ago, and now listed for $5M.  Look at its history.

We don’t have anywhere as many celebrities in Silicon Valley, but Woz is one of the few that we ought to look into a house he had built.  So let’s have a look at how this house was marketed back in the early end of the bubble days of 2008, right after the break!

(more…)

Real estate is a great investment that can pay you to live in your house.  That is, it pays you to live in your house if you rent some of it out.  Here’s an investment opportunity too good to miss from Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer.

3799 PARK Blvd
Palo Alto, CA 94306
$1,149,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,236
$/SQ. FT.: $514
LOT SIZE: 6,930 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1979
COMMUNITY: Ventura
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81207935
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 30 days

Duplex home set up as a two separate units of 1,100sq feet each rents for $1,950. 1 level is a 2 bedrooms/2 baths and the other unit is a 1 bedroom/1 bath rents for $1,500 on a month to month. 1 car garage is rented for $100 a month. Home can be shown by appt only every TuesdayRight fence to be fixed before close of escrow.

The market is hot, hot, HOT here at Ground Zero of the Google-Facebook Nexus.  I don’t understand why this one hasn’t been snatched up yet.

Any ideas why some dot.com entrepreneur hasn’t moved into one unit, rented out the other, did some internets magic in this amazing Garage, and raked in the Profit?

Is it because the listing copy has even Redfin too befuddled to compute a rent ratio?

If we just add up all the dollar amounts mentioned above, we get $1149000 / ($1950 + $1500 + $100) * 12 = 26.97.  That ratio would say “RENT!” anywhere but in Palo Alto.  Here, just getting the privilege to bid on a neglected rental property in a dynamic neighborhood right on the cusp of High Speed Rail is such an honor, the agent won’t show you the inside.  Even though today is Tuesday.

Here’s the very last house on a very long list of quality finds, thanks to Burbed reader sonarrat.

433 S FAIR OAKS Ave
Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$549,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,078
$/SQ. FT.: $509
LOT SIZE: 5,661 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1951
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81200122
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 89 days

Remodeled Kitchen and Bath a few years ago and still looks new, large back yard. Double payne windows. Central Heat and air conditioning. Concrete patio, big back yard. Walk to Ellis Elementary school. Room to expand drive way for 2 car off street parking. Even though this is on Fairoaks the back of the homes where the bedrooms are is very quite so you can sleep in easily.

Is this supposed to be the dining room, right next to the front door?  Now that’s innovation, which is practically Silicon Valley’s middle name!

What sort of lens would get that stretched-out effect on the front door while making the table look like it’s all the way in Santa Clara?

Have a look at some of the other photos of this house and see if you notice how space and time have completely taken leave of their senses.

Remember, this is house is barely over a thousand square feet, but you can store an unlimited amount of potential here!

While Burbed remains a highly valued and award-winning website, our readership levels have been dropping even faster than home prices in places outside the Real Bay Area.  Clearly it’s time to take some serious stock of what this site is for, what it’s trying to do, and whether to set some new goals.

The Problem: Burbed was created to show the insanely high housing prices for insanely poor quality homes in the Bay Area.  Today, as long as you’re not looking too close to Google, Facebook, or whatever neighborhood in San Francisco is trendy this week, you can find nicer properties at some of the most affordable prices since the 20th century ended.   Meeting our mission is difficult and increasingly irrelevant.

The Solution: People want guidance on how to buy or sell a home without any game playing.  What few readers we have left have learned to be wary of agents, but trust us completely.  Therefore, effective immediately, Burbed will stop pointing and laughing at badly marketed homes, when we could make a lot more money buying and selling them.

That’s right.  We are now, starting today, Open for Your Business!  That means we won’t be bad-mouthing real estate professionals, showing homes with poorly-maintained property or messy rooms, or cracking wise on unrealistic asking prices.  And in the current real estate market, the sky is the limit on asking prices, so who are we to object?

List your home with us and we’ll get it out to the customers who would otherwise never read real estate ads.  Hire our team of informed and lively agents to find you the perfect place to live in, while entertaining you during the drive from one house to another.  (Some of them even own vehicles with room for more than one other rider!)

Please patronize all our brand new sponsors you see on this page.  You’ll be seeing a lot more ads for them and other exciting products and services, throughout the site as our new business model takes shape.  Things are going to get very exciting around here, so we may have to limit comments if there are any difficulties.

Thanks again for visiting Burbed.  Often.  And remember, Now is the Time to Buy or Sell a House!

WITH US.

Recently, there was a rather notable marijuana bust in San Mateo that netted 530 plants, due to a tip from a “concerned citizen.”  Every one of us probably has some kind of self-appointed concerned citizen living in our neighborhoods, and it’s thanks to people like them that we can discover there’s a pot house in an otherwise quiet, suburban subdivision.

Like this one.  Someone recently updated the Redfin record despite it not changing hands in nine years.

Check out the neighborhood, courtesy of Zillow.  This does not look like the meth district.  And the house isn’t just on the West side of El Camino, it’s on the West side of Alameda.  And on the Peninsula, West means more prestige, more appeal, and more Real.  If any part of San Mateo is going to aspire to Real Bay Areahood, this is a good place to start looking.

The local San Mateo Patch has some helpful hints on how you too can be a concerned citizen and rat your neighbors out for running a grow house.  Here’s how to tell what they’re up to:

Manheimer and Alcantara encourage the help of citizens in locating neighborhood grow sites. Each suggested some indicators that there might be an operation in your neighborhood.

"You’d hear whirring noises," says Alcantara, "because they need to have filtration inside the house. They need to get the oxygen out, and the carbon dioxide in for the plants, so they have filtration systems set up.

Yes, definitely call 911 at the first sign of a ceiling fan.  Those fiendish fixtures are a gateway appliance to high-energy lamps.  Here are some more tips from the San Mateo police:

• Infrequent visits by individuals who stay for a couple hours and then leave.

Because everyone knows that suburban get-togethers last all the livelong day.

• Lights in the house appear to be regulated, and on timers. Sometimes, rooms inside seem perpetually lit.

I wonder who it was who suggested putting lights on timers (see Home Safety).

• Initial construction and the noise that comes from that work.

Because nothing says grow house like noise from contractors.

• A "skunky" marijuana odor, and other odors, such as those from mothballs, air fresheners or chlorine, which are used in an attempt to mask the marijuana smell.

In fact, call 911 if you smell anything other than the approved chocolate chip cookie dough used during Open Houses.

• Unusual garbage strewn across lawn. Items used for growing marijuana, such as wiring, PVC piping and nutrient containers, may be discarded and left around the house.

So that’s why we’re seeing so many nominations for the Burbed Good Housekeeping Tag of Approval.

• Windows covered in dark plastic or newspaper.

Better have them check out the goth teen across the street for the blackout curtains, too.

• Extra security, such as guard dogs, fences, or cars loitering for long periods of time.

Remember the words of Robert Frost: Bad neighbors make good fences.

Let us know about any questionable signs your neighbor is running something nefarious, or any interesting things you see when touring Open Houses.  This is an Open Thread, so open up.

Somewhere in the Great Temporary Handover of This Site, there was a Twitter account with our name on it.  Unfortunately, it must have fallen between the couch cushions when we were rearranging the boxes of light bulbs and Drano.  That’s too bad, because Burbed reader Swan has found the perfect house  for those who need to make every letter count.

Please welcome Swan to the front page as today’s guest blogger with this compelling Campbell/San Jose casa!

3226 RIDDLE Rd
San Jose, CA 95117
$568,888

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,646
$/SQ. FT.: $344
LOT SIZE: 7,956 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1948
COMMUNITY: Campbell
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81205068
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 49 days

Gorgus inside:Brit/chesfl!tstflly remdle/update in modern style * Kit w/ track li, doubl-sink, grden windo . . * Huge clasy hal ba w/ jet tub, sep stal shower, dubl-sink, sky li . .. * Lrg Ms BR w/ slid dr to nuly lanscap B-yd * Nu fenc in Mar. * Wk-In Clset * Shor * 2-pane windos * Butifl wod fl * Tiled bath/kit/dining fl * nuer stov/roof/heater/drway . . * Recnt int/ext/paint. .. much mor * Convnt loc nr Santana Row/ W-field *

Oh my…I realize we are fast paced society who wants everything in Tweets of 140 characters or less.  But this realtard takes abbreviations to a whole new level. 

I teach elementary school and have seen some odd spelling skills in my time, but some of these I can’t even decipher.  For example, "chesfl!tstflly."  What is that?

Gud thng the hous is on Ridl Rd, bc the rite up is a ridl.  Bunus:  8s in the pris. .. . & nr santa rw!

Njoy!

Remember the house we featured yesterday, the “fixer” in San Francisco?  Yes, it was in hot, hot, HOT Noe Valley, so of course all the agent had to do was take pictures and slap that puppy on the MLS to let the wild overbidding start.  This low-inventory situation means less work for agents, so they can spend more time finding more excellent properties… for our front page.

Inventory isn’t low just in San Francisco.  Today’s house in Saratoga, courtesy of Burbed reader hsjb, may remind you of yesterday’s.  Grab your oven mitts, because you better be ready for the heat!

12546 NORTHAMPTON Ct
Saratoga, CA 95070
$1,299,888

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,880
$/SQ. FT.: $691
LOT SIZE: 9,945 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Mountains
YEAR BUILT: 1962
COMMUNITY: Saratoga
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81207583
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 28 days

single family ranch style home in a quiet cul-de-sac with great potential!! 4 bedrooms, 2bathrooms, 3yr new red tiled roof, hardwood floors, copper plumbing, nice size yard with pool and jacuzzi, close to great schools and needs updating and reflected in the price.

Here’s what hsjb had to say when alerting us to this superb suburban synonym-for-“house”-that-starts-with-the-letter-S.

Owners can’t understand why it’s not selling

The agent who took these photos really knows how to make this home look attractive enough to go check out.

He certainly does! Yet after this was sent in to Burbed, the house went pending anyway!  This is a signal to realtards everywhere: you needn’t bother with the light bulbs and Drano anymore.  These houses really do sell themselves.  All the agent needs is a camera phone.  We’ve got plenty of pictures for you, so click on through to the Open House!

(more…)

Have you heard?  The housing market is hot, hot, hot!  So many finds have that red PENDING banner smacked across the first picture because there’s so little inventory available (see chart).  That means even a Burbed-worthy home may get more love from overbidders than from, well, Burbed.  You would not believe how many homes that belong on the front page are snapped up and have their listings wiped clean off Redfin before we can even get the IP wrapper off our email.

But that’s great news for you, Burbed readers!  If the market is this hot, that means more and more crapboxes will be listed with no attempt to put any lipstick on those pigs.  And that means we are assured there’ll be plenty of prime content!  Like today’s OMG THAT’S PENDING WTF? listing from Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer.  Thanks very much for this listing that left many parts in San Francisco.

1261 Sanchez St
San Francisco, CA 94114
$650,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 885
$/SQ. FT.: $734
LOT SIZE: 1,999 Sq. Ft.
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Cottage
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1905
COMMUNITY: Noe Valley
COUNTY: San Francisco
MLS#: 40558309
SOURCE: EBRD
STATUS: Pending Court Confirmation
ON REDFIN: 66 days

* * * NO MORE OFFERS PLEASE !!! * * * Cute home with full garage/workshop. Backyard and patio. Loads of potential !!! Fixer, reflected in price. ..

Here’s a perfect example of a house that doesn’t need any effort by a listing agent.  It’s in Noe Valley, so just let the new buyer deal with any deferred maintenance.  What do you want, this place was standing when The Big One hit in 1906 and it’s still here!

This home requires Court Confirmation to sell, so buying it will require some legal advice as well.  And that’s not the realtard’s problem.  You want this house?  You should have been overbidding in January.

Now, a small amount of cleanup might be required.  Take a good look at these pictures, because the agent couldn’t even be bothered to move the smallest little distractions out of the framing.  What is up with all those bottles in the kitchen?  It doesn’t matter.  This market is HOT!

So, see if you can come up with a good story for each of these items.

The rest of the photos are to assure you of Burbed’s Good Housekeeping “Tag of Approval.”  Some of you Negative Nellies might object that the living room and bedroom do not demonstrate good housekeeping at all.  But, ah, the garage!

1650 ROOSEVELT Ave
Redwood City, CA 94061

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 900
$/SQ. FT.: $667
LOT SIZE: 3,200 Sq. Ft.
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1959
COMMUNITY: Central Park
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81202135
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 66 days
Great Starter Investment! Or live in one unit and rent out other for mrtgage relief. Good West Side Location! Close to schools – shopping – transportation – and Recreation Center!

If that black SUV drove forward another foot, comic hijinx would ensue.

Personally, I love the idea that you can rent out the other for “mrtgage relief”. Doesn’t this mean that each of the units is only really 450 sqft? So you have a choice: “mrtgage relief” or actually having space to yourself. Fun choices!

I’m surprised the carport spots aren’t enclosed. That could provide additional relief!

But let’s face it, real relief is spelled “R-e-a-l B-a-y A-r-e-a”

One of the things that keep readers engaged with this site are the atrocious listing photos that are supposed to engage potential buyers.  Now, there are a number of ways a photo can fail to attract the people who might otherwise wish to buy a home.  Some are because the agent didn’t bother cleaning up the house, or didn’t notice something in the picture that really shouldn’t have been included, or because there really is nothing attractive about the house no matter what angle you shoot from.

But there can also be photography problems on the higher end of home sales.  High Dynamic Range photography allows more differences in light and dark areas of a photo, to make a picture appear more vivid.  HDR is usually done by taking photos of the same scene at different exposures and having the images rendered together.  If you’d like to learn more about HDR, there’s a nice overview on the subject on Wikipedia, and they’ve included this image of what HDR can achieve.  Then again, the overly saturated colors and the bizarre color shifts between each palm tree make this photo a candidate for I Hate Your HDR.

The problem is when HDR isn’t done with restraint and balance, and that brings us to today’s featured home.  Many thanks to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House for this hella high definition domicile!

16020 CAMINO DEL CERRO
Los Gatos, CA 95032
$3,999,900

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4.5
SQ. FT.: 4,869
$/SQ. FT.: $822
LOT SIZE: 0.88 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: French
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Valley, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 2000
COMMUNITY: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81203958
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 52 days

Classic French Estate. Outstanding views across Silicon Valley. Extensive landscaping with patios, walkways, custom iron work, & fountains. Fabulous interior custom faux finish with gold leaf. Huge formal living room w/ floor to ceiling windows. Family room kitchen w/ cherry cabinets, slab granite, & stainless appliances. Master w/ fireplace & 2 walk-in closets. 1 bed/bath downstairs. 4 car garage.

Here’s what Tracy had to say about today’s property:

We did not buy this one, because it did not have a pool.

This is a Classic French Estate.  A pool is so Hollywood.  Then again, a structure built in 2000 that’s just 131 square feet too small to qualify for the “ginormous” tag isn’t a Classic French Estate.  If it were, the city it’s in would have a name more like Les Chats.

If you’re into megahomes pretending to be Classic French Estates, this isn’t the worst example of the genre.  I mean, heck, it even has MAWBUL KAWLUMS, but not an excessive number of them.  That means break out the Official Burbed Red Arrow Kit, but it would have been more instructive to use them on the crappy HDR job.  First take a look at the photo atop this article, and pay careful attention to the way the sky color gently transitions from a darker to lighter tone (at least as long as there aren’t any palm trees interfering).

Contrast (ha ha) the Wikipedia shot with some from today’s house.  The one immediately above with the porch rail suggest these trees are radioactive. And this one at left not only has plants full of radium, someone set us up the bomb inside the house as well.  The fountain looks like it’s in danger of a core meltdown.  You can see the same effect in the sky above the Kawlums.

If you’re having trouble seeing that HDR luminescent glow, don’t worry.  This interior picture at right really punches it up to 11, because the sky is only sky-colored where it doesn’t actually touch a window frame.  Thus you get blue-grey blobs of color surrounded by white when you look out the window.  That is, if you can tear your eyes away from the living room furniture in HDRVision.

Remember, HDR is supposed to be used to heighten shadows and highlights, not to blow out our eyeballs.  Besides, the kind of buyers this photo would attract will be so disappointed by how colorless and flat the actual house is.