We are done with the April blogging challenge, so let’s get back to what made Burbed what it is: ridiculously overpriced crapboxes! And what better place to find it than in our very favorite city, Palo Alto?  Thanks much to Burbed reader Pizzawillcome for this, um, thing you could seek shelter in if you absolutely had to.

3375 STOCKTON Pl
Palo Alto, CA 94303
$1,299,900

4 Beds
2 Baths
1,716 Sq. Ft.
$758 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1958
Lot Size: 6,400 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 52 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: South Palo Alto
MLS#: 81307408

Classic Eichler home with central atrium. Nice backyard. Large utility room can also function as a den, office, or playroom.

Here’s why Pizza sent in this house:

I didn’t pull the trigger on this one, and now it is back! Same pictures as a month ago. Gotta burb-alert it now.
Unfolded laundry on the couch and floor, littered stuffed animals and toys. When I get bored with overly staged houses, I think of this one.

Fortunately, the Redfin agent has some useful comments to share as well!

Original condition! That’s excellent news! None of those second-rate replacements of vintage pressboard walls.  But these photos just sell the house, don’t they?

And note how the use of light draws your attention in to all the details.

That is, if you can see them. This technique seems to work just as well in the outdoor shot of the yard, demonstrating just what kind of a professional we’re dealing with.

So, if a house is for sale in the Real Bay Area, but it’s on a street named for somewhere that is Most Certainly Not In The Real Bay Area, how high will the overbids be?

Who likes Mountain View? Lots of people, from watching the prices keep rising! So let’s visit another terrific home-buying opportunity in Google’s backyard, thanks to Burbed reader Single Pane Lass.  But there may be trouble in paradise with this piece of property. Why?

It’s been on the market for 31 whole days. That’s like 310 DOM in Stockton!

717 ALICE Ave
Mountain View, CA 94041
$1,300,000

4 Beds
2 Baths
1,654 Sq. Ft.
$786 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1978
Lot Size: 8,932 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 31 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Sylvan Dale
MLS#: 81304634

LOVELY MTN VIEW HOME WITH GOURMET KITCHEN, GRANITE COUNTER TOPS, LAMINATE WOOD FLOORS, WALK IN CLOSETS, SKYLIGHTS, GAS FIREPLACE AND HUGE LOT OF APPROX. 8900 SQ FT! CLOSE TO SHOPPING, PARKS AND DOWNTOWN MOUNTAIN VIEW.

Here’s why SPL sent in this fine façade in the Fortress.

Here is a wonderful example of how easy and fun it is to be a Professional Real Estate Agent–and a seller– in Silicon Valley these days.

Say you are running an illegal "foreign work program"/youth hostel/sweatshop. Not to worry! Just tell those kids to roll out of their Ikea bunkbeds, hop in the shower, use several towels, and fling them around the bedroom. Snap a few shots, and you’ll be pending in minutes. If anyone asks about why you have six people sleeping in one bedroom, just remind them that you are close to downtown!

We’re not sure if these pix are quite good enough to earn a Good Housekeeping Tag of Approval, but this is definitely proof that Bay Area Bubble 4.0 is making agents cocky.

Updated 11:30 AM – Second house found; see end for details and plenty of pix!

AOL has been doing a real estate area for a while, including a series of videos and articles beyond the listings and search tools. Someone over there must have been reading us, because they did a piece discovering that (gasp!) there are very expensive yet definitely crappy houses for sale in the Real Bay Area.  Worse, they had the gall to call this an “AOL original.”

Have they been living under a rock? This has been our signature claim for more than seven years! Let’s listen in as self-important talking heads who don’t bother introducing themselves tell us what we already know.  (Warning: dude with beard is extra smug.)

M’kay.  There’s some really useless accompanying text, so our mission is to do a slightly better job.  Remember, it’s fairly easy to succeed when you set your standards this low.

Decrepit Homes in San Francisco Bay Area Fetch Top Dollar for Mountain Views

By AOL Real Estate Editors | Posted Feb 21st 2013 5:14PM

A sorry-looking shack, with deep cracks in the cinder-block walls and busted windows, that looks like it’s ready to collapse: You wouldn’t pay a dime for that, would you? OK, say it’s nestled in the gorgeous hilltops of the San Francisco Peninsula with no shortage of pristine mountain views. Now how much would you pay? More than $1 million? Well, that’s how much it’s going for.

We’ve probably violated Fair Use by quoting an entire graf, because there’s only one more.  There’s also only two homes in the video, and only the more than $1 million OMFG Emerald Hills (Redwood City) place (shown above in a clip from the video) has mountain views.  The other (at left, also clipped from the video) is in Willow Glen, and didn’t seem to have any views beyond the neighborhood street.

We were able to find the place in Emerald Lake in about 3 minutes, and it definitely could use a big ol’ Burbed sloppy kiss, Of course it’s already pending.  This is the Real Bay Area we’re talking about!

209 LAKEVIEW Way
Redwood City, CA 94062
$1,275,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,490 Sq. Ft.
$856 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1948
Lot Size: 0.38 Acres
On Redfin: 207 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Mountains
County: San Mateo
Stories: 1
Community: Cordilleras Heights
MLS#: 81228879

Incredible opportunity in Emerald Hills. Originally three lots under two APN#’s (APN #057-031-480 and APN #057-031-049) which have been combined into one lot at approximately 25,150 SF. The value is in the land and the views of the surrounding hills with easy access to 280. Walk the site and let your imagination run wild. Dream big and build new or renovate. Plans are available for viewing.

We didn’t have the same success in finding the Willow Glen weedery.  This one is similar to it (Craftsman style bungalow, over 12,000 square foot lot, to be sold as-is) but we don’t think it’s the right house.  Can any enterprising Burbed readers find the house in the video? 

Update: House in video found by Burbed reader Chris. See end of this article for details and photos. We’ll also throw in a break as this is starting to get long, so click on through!

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Today we have a real purty property in Portola Valley.  You know how we love expensive crap? Just crossing into this high-falutiin’ district will make your wallet squirm.  It’s expensive here even if the land doesn’t have a house.  So for this low (for PV) price, you know today’s feature will be good.  That is, if by “good” we mean something not so good.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for this find.

211 WAYSIDE Rd
Portola Valley, CA 94028
$1,499,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
2,340 Sq. Ft.
$641 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1925
Lot Size: 0.41 Acres
On Redfin: 190 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Santa Maria/Russell Area
MLS#: 81227542
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: San Mateo

There are no remarks available.

Take it away, PG:

No wonder people outside the Bay Area think we are insane. Even with a Ferrari in the garage (picture #18), I can’t see the value in that one.

Sometimes, when life hands a real estate agent lemons, it’s best to keep one’s mouth shut. The eager buyer will bring the water, sugar and ice — then beg to be sold lemonade.

While you’re busy getting your last-minute Christmas shopping and decoration and cooking done, think about celebrating the holiday with your extended family. Now think about what it means to turn home, hearth, family, and grandparents into that All-American concept of… making a buck off it.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader J.C. for showing us what the true spirit of the holidays is about.

631 DUNHOLME Way
Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$1,395,000

6 Beds 
4 Baths 
2,852 Sq. Ft.
$489 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1976 
Lot Size: 10,176 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 65 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Sunnyvale
MLS#: 81238349
Style: Traditional
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Great opportunity for business , Clean private residence, elderly care facility , fully furnish, with pool.

Here’s what J.C. thought when sending us this listing:

Complete with pictures of elderly residents that come with the home!

A perfect purchase to ensure you won’t be lonely this Christmas!  Or New Years!

We may or may not be taking tomorrow off, but we’ll have some year-end closeout sales waiting when we return. 

If we return.  Because we could have been reading those stone disks all wrong and the world could end this week.

860 YARDIS Ct
Mountain View, CA 94040
$1,400,000

We’re all used to the typical Bay Area $1M house – a typical starter home, needs improvement, etc. Our expectations are sufficiently set.

A new bar has been set.

A new challenger awaits.

What’s better than a $1M house?

A $1.4M house?Well… maybe…

The answer: a $1.4M lot! You can take the current house and pivot!

This, my friends, is the literal field of dreams. Build it, and huge amounts of money will come. You can even rebuild it to have a discrepancy between the bedroom and bathroom count!

So, what would you do with this lot?

After wasting everyone’s time far far away from the RBA yesterday, the least we can do is finish strong for the week.  And what could be stronger than a house full of curb appeal for an amazing low price?  How about a house full of Burbed appeal for an amazing price you can’t have, because the listing got canceled?  We’ll leave it to you to figure out if this is a new way to say Pending/Do Not Show.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Dr. Jim for sending this one in.

3284 Ramona St
Palo Alto, CA 94306
$1,449,000

Loan Payment:  $4,966/mo
Bedrooms:  3
Bathrooms:  2
Size:  1,601 sqft
$/Sqft:  $905/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  1950
Lot Size:  6,250
Days on Movoto:  38 days
Neighborhood:  Midtown
MLS#:  81237014
Status:  Cancelled

Great Location Midtown home on one of the most saught after street in Palo Alto, home has good bones and sq ft. Bring your imagination to make this your dream home with few upgrades, North East facing lot with lots of sun light. Walking distance to El Carmelo Elem and JL Stanford middle.

The house has good bones, which you can dig up in the back yard.

And it also has sq. ft., namely 1601 of them.  But that’s not why Dr. Jim brought this princely palace to our attention:

Midtown Palo Alto crapshack for $1.45 million. And horrible ad copy to boot!

Oh dear, has Dr. Jim no poetry in his soul? Doesn’t he understand you have to to bring your imagination to make this your dream home with few upgrades?  And if you want a dream home with many upgrades, you should bring your stock portfolio.

Seriously, does nothing please you people?  It’s on a North East facing lot with lots of sun light.  That’s like two lots in one in only 6,250 sq. ft. to go with the good bones.

Bunus: The toilet is so awesome they show it twice.  Check it for additional good bones.

Mor Bunus: Check out the Movoto logo in the listing above.  The graphic designer let us know exactly what s/he thinks of the house!

We’ve featured a lot of flips on Burbed.  Today’s front-paged fortress is a flip, but that isn’t what brought it to our attention.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this luscious LOLapalooza in Los Altos!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,498,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,700 Sq. Ft.
$881 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81236495
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara

Stunning one-of-a-kind home with custom details and top of the line finishes. Sits on huge corner lot, with room to expand in the future. Mahogany doors, windows and cabinets, travertine patios and flooring, hardwood planked flooring, marble bathroom surrounds, luscious backyard with fountain and room for entertaining. Great schools, close to freeways. This will be your dream estate!

“Dream estate” may be overstating things a little, especially when you get a look at the outside of the house.  Okay, overstating it a lot.  The inside of the redone house looks nice, but the outside is kind of meh.

But as far as the before pictures, go, this is a dream Burbed property.  Voilà!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,025,000
Sold 6/22/12 for $1,015,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,698 Sq. Ft.
$598 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Jun 22, 2012
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara
Style: Ranch
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81217356

Fixer in beautiful neighborhood. Good bones within this 3 bedroom, 2 bath home that sits on a 10,000 + sq ft lot. Built in the ’50′s it has some charming features that just aren’t found in new construction today. Opportunity abounds.

Let’s listen in as Swan explains further:

Here’s a link to a house in Los Altos which sold last spring.  I meant to send it in as it deserves the Burbed Housekeeping Seal of Approval.  Love the wheelchair.  Love the basketballs on the floor.  Love the peeling paint on the outside of the house.

Of course someone bought the house, flipped it, and wants $1.5 million for it.

Definitely cleaned up and better looking than before.  However, if you look at street view of the old house, and the realtard’s pictures of the new house, don’t you think they re-used the garage door?  Really?  For all that effort, they couldn’t buy a new garage door?

The (old) Streetview peek is on the left.  Here’s an extreme close-up of the garage doors… after the break.  Plus more photos!

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Yesterday, Our Fearless Leader came out of retirement and shared a really Special House in Millbrae.  It was soooo Special that burbed asked me to follow up with this possibly related listing.  So, thanks for sending this one in, Burbed reader burbed.  To, um, the blog you started.  Right.

821 MORNINGSIDE Dr
Millbrae, CA 94030
$1,258,000

4 Beds 
4 Baths 
2,140 Sq. Ft.
$588 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2002 
Lot Size: 5,100 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 36 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Bay
County: San Mateo
Stories: 3
Community: Telescope Hills/Silva Ranch
MLS#: 81231418

4 Bedroom/4 Bath, only 10 years new home with marble and wood flooring, cherry cabinets, granite countertops throughout located in a great school district.

Did you like yesterday’s house?  Well, you’ll just love today’s, because it is right next door and it also new while having the advantage of being time-tested.  This house is even more awesome than yesterday’s, because all you can do is longingly look at the front facade.  There’s not a single shot of the marble and wood flooring, cherry cabinets, granite countertops throughout, let alone the great school district.

That must mean the staging is so amazing, you’ll need to wait in line for hours just to buy tickets to see it.  And if they hired ILM to stage yesterday’s house, who could be the artiste for this one?  Maybe it’s Peter Bohlin?  Could the landscaping be the work of Lawrence Halprin?  Or is the entire project the genius of Denis Weil?

One thing is for sure: no matter how many computers and servers you have, you should plenty of power to run all of them.

Here’s both homes for you to admire.  Let us know which one you’d rather be trapped in by a million dollar mortgage for the next 30 years.

“Bunus:“ Same agent representing both houses!  Can you say Buy Two Get Two?

817 MORNINGSIDE Dr
Millbrae, CA 94030
$1,298,000

Ah, who doesn’t love the smell of a new home in the morning. And, look, this even comes with an Au-Pair suite! (Translation: Revenue stream opportunity! Pivot today!)

And what a reasonable price of just $601 per square foot. Practically a steal since it is just minutes from SFO where you’ll be going everyday to take your Gulfstream to whatever important business place you are going to. Caymans, perhaps?

Let’s take a look at some pictures of this new home!

Huh. Look at that! Who knew that new home developers were putting in race cookers, step stools, water bottles, and frosted mini wheats as part of staging. Already I feel more emotionally bonded to this home! Nice job!

Oh, nice work new home stagers! I can totally see myself having a 49er’s loving boy who has lots of hats and… is that a pink pair of sneakers under the bed? And… uh… what’s up with that weird wall fixture? That seems like a waste of space.

Odd choices… but it’s a new home after all.

Let’s look at one more picture of this new home!

Wow. I am absolutely impressed with this staging company. I mean, they’ve made this new home look lived in. How did they find a stained bath math like that to include? Did they even add some wear to the vent?

I am convinced that ILM was the staging company used to make this new home so awesome. ‘cuz, it’s new. Right?

What are your theories?