We love flips.  Take your vintage crapbox that hasn’t been updated since the original owners signed the restrictive covenant, let it marinate for 57 years and mix thoroughly with a cash sale.  Wait 3–6 months and then garnish with new appliances, new paint, new countertops. Of course it’s the same old house under the makeup.

Today’s Los Gatos lovely was sent in by Burbed reader nomadic.  See how long it takes you to figure out what’s wrong with this picture.

135 ANNE Way
Los Gatos, CA 95032
$1,100,000

4 Beds 
2.5 Baths 
2,299 Sq. Ft.
$478 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1964 
Lot Size: 8,050 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 26 days
Status: Pending Without Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara
Stories: 2
Community: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
MLS#: 81243731

Huge lot. Incredible Gorgeous tree-lined street in highly desirable Los Gatos neighborhood! This home is another SVHOME renovation that includes stunning remodeled kitchen featuring granite counters, new appliances, new lighting and laminate flooring; baths feature extensive use of travertine stonework. New plumbing fixtures, vanities and lighting; plush new carpeting in all bedrooms, fresh paint

Let’s check in with nomadic on why this house deserves your attention:

Bought November 16, pergranisteel kitchen, new baths and some paint by December 26, when it was re-listed.  Instantly pending!  $284k price delta.

The flippers’ site: http://www.svhome.com/

Yes, the flipper’s have a site, including a ginormous animated photo-graphic that literally flips in segments while you watch.  They also have a page of all their pending properties, including this one.  Most of the others have a virtual tour.  This one does not.

This one also does not have any photos of that stunning remodeled kitchen featuring granite counters, new appliances, new lighting and laminate flooring. The flippers are asking us to take their word for it about the extensive use of travertine stonework.  They wouldn’t even give us a peek at the plush new carpeting, fresh paint.

Although we are giving you a really good ogle at those sturdy power transmission lines running through the back yard.  Now, check out this unbelievable listing history, courtesy of Zillow:

Are you sure there was a flip here?  Really super sure?  Because if there was, it’s still selling for less than they tried to get for it five years ago. (And according to Redfin, they were trying to sell it in 2006 as well.) The November sale price is an eye-opener.  Looks like after five or six years of chasing the market down, the owners finally bailed.  Just a month later it’s back in seven digit range.  All it took was a little pergranisteel and traverstone.

Some of our featured properties made it to the front page because the photos are full of curb appeal.  As in a “Peel out from the curb, NOT buying that house.”  Some are here because the price just makes your eyes pop out.  Today’s house has the best features of both, and you know that when we say “best” we mean the exact opposite of “best.”

Many thanks to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House, for finding an abode on an aristocratic avenue.

6107 Countess Drive
San Jose CA 95129
Price:  $1,198,000

Reduced $37,000 on 11/11/12
Est. payment: 
Bedrooms: 4 
Bathrooms: 2 
19 days on Trulia
52 views
Property type: Single-Family Home
Size: Ask agent
Lot: Ask agent
Price/sqft: Ask agent
Year built: Ask agent
MLS/ID: —
Neighborhood: West Valley, 95129
Provided by: Help-U-Sell Corporate
This info was not provided by this listing source.
Ask an agent for more details about this home.
Listing agent: Adalberto Gonzalez
Broker: Tito Gonzalez

Highly Desirable Location & Part Of The Cupertino Union School District With API Scores 943+ (Muir, Miller & Lynbrook). Great Layout And Extra Permitted 432sq Enclosed Bonus Room. Large Yard With Mature Trees. This Home Is Ready For A New Chapter In Home Ownership. Buyer To Verify Square Footage & Permits. Open House 11/03 & 11/04 from 11:00-3:00pm. Not A Distressed Sale. Come See! ****MLS# 81239614***

Here’s why Tracy nominated today’s featured listing:

This house may not be distressed, but these pictures made me depressed. And the PRICE! Campbell schools really driving the price of this house up. The pictures are so gloomy and really, three of one tree? Is it rare? On the plus side, I do love developments with royal names.

Ahem, don’t you go hating on Cupertino schools by confusing them with Campbell.  The listing even makes a point of naming them (and their test results).

And there’s not just three pictures of one tree, but this interior shot (above) of the living or family room is the only glance you’re going to get inside, and they provided 11 photos.  That means you’ll see plenty of trees.  Or of the same tree.  There are also two pictures of The Right Honorable Countess of Drive, so have a gander at Your Ladyship.

Using Help-U-Sell means the “agent” isn’t going to tell you squat, but a quick glance over at Redfin provides the missing info. (1808 sf, 6099 sf lot, $663/sf, built in 1961.  Was that so hard?)  Guess they have a different understanding of that word “Help” in “Help-U-Sell” as they didn’t even put the MLS number in the Trulia listing (81239614).

That’s the much-photographed tree at right.  Since it gives us a glimpse at the back of the house we chose that elevation.

Even though this is Not A Distressed Sale, we’re thinking that New Chapter in Home Ownership is Lucky Number 7.

We do enjoy a few inside jokes here at Burbed, and sometimes our new readers may not understand all the mysterious terms.  If you ever wondered what we mean by the acronym DHO (which even has its own tag), today you’re going to find out!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Divasm for this beautilicious battlement in Belmont!

16 ELDER Dr
Belmont, CA 94002
$1,229,500

4 Beds 
2.5 Baths 
2,490 Sq. Ft.
$494 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1974 
Lot Size: 0.26 Acres 
On Redfin: 108 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Belmont Woods
MLS#: 81227108
Style: Ranch
View: Bay, Green Belt, Mountains, Canyon, Marina, City Lights
County: San Mateo

Sweeping views of SF skyline, Bridges, East bay. Public rooms on main level:L shaped living/dining rm w/ vaulted ceilings, kitchen w/ granite counters, family rm w/ vaulted ceilings and Fplc. Kitchen/family rm opens to deck. Bedrooms including master suite on lower level open to deck. New in 2006-roof, gutters, decks, driveway, garage door, copper plumbing, carpets, granite counters, water heater. Lot is 11,480 sqft

Here’s what Divasm had to say when passing this place along:

This house worried me at first – more than half of the photos (13 of 23), including the first 9, are all of the exterior. Three of them feature the family minivan, and pic 6 is of a random stone walkway. So I thought, it must be horrible inside – you know, a contractor’s dream, etc. But it’s not, it seems well taken-care of, actually, It’s just that the current owners seemed to not want to bother with this pesky “staging” thing.

I think the agent probably tried suggesting that maybe they remove some personal things while he took photos – like the dishes in the sink, for example – and they declined. So there they are, sitting in the kitchen at the table, apparently watching the television, which seems to be on some sort of news program from what I can tell.

What’s also weird is the listing history. It appears to have been listed July 19 at 1,295,000, sold on August 17 for 13,000, then Pending Without Release on August 22, now it’s back at $1,229,500. Is the real estate agent as incompetent at MLS history as he is at managing his sellers? He must be, otherwise there would be 8′s in the price.

But what I really want to know is if that CHO comes with the house…maybe they are the live-in staff. That explains why it says “Public Rooms on main level” in the copy – because your maid and butler stay there (where do they sleep, the minivan?). If so I’m going to need their resumes and references before I buy the house.

If you clicked on the DHO tag, you might have figured out it meant somebody got caught in a listing photo. We have to go back to this house with not one but two Dudes Hanging Out to find the birth of this Burbed meme.

We’ve featured a lot of flips on Burbed.  Today’s front-paged fortress is a flip, but that isn’t what brought it to our attention.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this luscious LOLapalooza in Los Altos!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,498,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,700 Sq. Ft.
$881 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81236495
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara

Stunning one-of-a-kind home with custom details and top of the line finishes. Sits on huge corner lot, with room to expand in the future. Mahogany doors, windows and cabinets, travertine patios and flooring, hardwood planked flooring, marble bathroom surrounds, luscious backyard with fountain and room for entertaining. Great schools, close to freeways. This will be your dream estate!

“Dream estate” may be overstating things a little, especially when you get a look at the outside of the house.  Okay, overstating it a lot.  The inside of the redone house looks nice, but the outside is kind of meh.

But as far as the before pictures, go, this is a dream Burbed property.  Voilà!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,025,000
Sold 6/22/12 for $1,015,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,698 Sq. Ft.
$598 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Jun 22, 2012
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara
Style: Ranch
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81217356

Fixer in beautiful neighborhood. Good bones within this 3 bedroom, 2 bath home that sits on a 10,000 + sq ft lot. Built in the ’50′s it has some charming features that just aren’t found in new construction today. Opportunity abounds.

Let’s listen in as Swan explains further:

Here’s a link to a house in Los Altos which sold last spring.  I meant to send it in as it deserves the Burbed Housekeeping Seal of Approval.  Love the wheelchair.  Love the basketballs on the floor.  Love the peeling paint on the outside of the house.

Of course someone bought the house, flipped it, and wants $1.5 million for it.

Definitely cleaned up and better looking than before.  However, if you look at street view of the old house, and the realtard’s pictures of the new house, don’t you think they re-used the garage door?  Really?  For all that effort, they couldn’t buy a new garage door?

The (old) Streetview peek is on the left.  Here’s an extreme close-up of the garage doors… after the break.  Plus more photos!

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One of the problems with buying a house in Mountain View is that much of the housing stock is old yet expensive.  And by “old” we don’t mean “charming,” we mean “out of style” and “needs major renovation.”  We’re still talking about cookie-cutter tract homes, but in Mountain View, they’re million dollar cookie-cutter tract homes.

Not today’s property!  Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater found us a new property, so new we’re having trouble figuring out where it is.  And that’s where you come in!

291 Geary Way
Mountain View, CA 94041
$1,249,900

Loan Payment:  $4,283/mo
Bedrooms:  4
Bathrooms:  4
Size:  1,744 sqft
$/Sqft:  $716/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  2012
Lot Size:  1,768
Days on Movoto:  48 days
Neighborhood:  Downtown
MLS#:  81231702
Status:  Pending – Do Not Show

This gorgeous new 4 bedroom home is sure to impress with its stunning wrap-around balcony. This Home is in a prime location on the park AND it is an end-unit! The open floor plan is spacious and fully equipped with all the latest interior finishes. The first level has a bedroom and full bath which is perfect for a guest or the in-laws. Hurry in before it’s too late!

You didn’t hurry in and now it’s too late!  Despite the lack of interior photos, you cannot buy this house (for $1.25M!!!!) because someone’s already beaten you to it.  And note that by “house” we really mean “who are they kidding, if they admit this is an ‘end unit’ then why not just call it a townhouse?”

Note the clever home type: “Single Family House.”  Nothing about whether it’s attached to or detached from anything (other than pricing sanity). 

Does anyone know where this complex is and if anything is still for sale there?  Could it be this one?  Because if it is, you have better like trains.  And by “like” we mean “like listening to them.” Lots of them. Most realty sites don’t map the location, and the one that did seems to be somewhat lost.  (Hint: Fremont is not a neighborhood in Mountain View.)

More importantly, are you impressed with its stunning wrap-around balcony?  PS: If you liked this house, you might also like this one, which is on the same street but not too late.

Here’s a cheery news item, submitted by Burbed reader wahnny.

Silicon Valley’s Boom Creates Shortage of $1 Million Homes

Published: Wednesday, 29 Aug 2012 | 10:22 AM ET
By: Robert Frank, CNBC Reporter & Editor

The home of venture capitalist Kelly Porter in Los Altos, photo, right.

The capital of high tech is now the capital of high-priced real estate.

Silicon Valley currently leads the nation in the number of homes sold for $1 million or more, according to Realtytrac. Sales of $1 million-plus have more than doubled in many communities in the Valley this year, toppling longtime luxury real-estate leaders like Beverly Hills or Miami.

Topping the list is Saratoga, Calif., in Santa Clara County, which had 225 homes sold for $1 million or more. That marked a 162 percent increase over last year.

Ranked second was Burlingame, Calif., which had 211 sales of at least $1 million, more than double last year’s rate. Cupertino and Los Altos ranked third and fourth in the nation, with 175 homes and 170 homes respectively.

Booyah!  We lead the nation in million dollar homes.  Sayonara, Scarsdale!  Meet you later, Miami gator!  Buh-bye, Beverly Hills!  Buh-… there’s just one problem with this article.

CNBC is comparing Silicon Valley to other “longtime luxury real-estate leaders.”  And up there on millionaire’s row is… Cupertino?  That’s not exactly the first town that comes to mind when we think “palatial estate.”

We don’t think this CNBC reporter understands the Real Bay Area.  Any region can feature a town full of luxury homes, towns like Atherton or Hillsborough, only somewhere that isn’t very Special.  You can find some real big, expensive estates in cities such as Bloomfield Hills, Michigan (boyhood home of Mitt Romney), or Winnetka, Illinois, or Greenwich, Connecticut.  Or Beverly Hills.

But only in the Real Bay Area can you find crappy houses for a million dollars.  Observe.

First, we look at Saratoga, since there were so many million dollar homes on the list they couldn’t find one to feature in the article (they just noted you could buy 1.2 acres with no house for more than a mill).  Find out what that same price gets you with a house… after the break.

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This site has made a number of jokes about homes that could have been meth labs but probably weren’t.  But what if you could buy a real one?  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Cam for following up on our recent guide to NOT buying a meth lab.

5674 S SAN FELIPE Rd
San Jose, CA 95135
$1,199,950

BEDS:  4
BATHS:  3
SQ. FT.:  3,200
$/SQ. FT.:  $375
LOT SIZE:  1.72 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Mountains, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT:  1915
COMMUNITY:  Evergreen
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81205455
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  155 days

Now is the time to buy this small ranch in the prestigious Evergreen Hills area. New entrance bridge makes a statement. Perfect for the horse-lover (tack room, barn and fencing) or person interested in exploring the possibility of subdivision. Lots of extras including BBQ area, dog run/kennel, covered patio and a hot tub.

Here’s what Cam had to say about this um, very unique (snort) property:

Found this just after the meth lab post.

Pending soon? Agent even included photos of the chemical stains!

The link is to a Redfin forums discussion which links to this property, and also points out the same address is on the DEA seizure list.  The home was seized in August, 2010.  So it’s a pretty safe bet that this house is the real thing.  Except this is interesting as it went into foreclosure the previous February.

Yup, it’s an REO.  And you know what that means, right?  It means the seller (also known as the bank) doesn’t know squat about anything that happened in this house.

Check out the fireplace! More importantly, check out the chemical stains next to the fireplace! No wonder they didn’t dare show us what was cooking in the kitchen.

This reminds us of that huge meth lab bust in March (not this one, in an apartment, like for RENTERS).  We don’t know if this house was seized because the police were tracking down a stolen iPad and hit the jackpot, or if the bank deliberately planted some “bath salts” in the hot tub because they really wanted SOMEONE to take it off their hands.

Here’s a San Francisco Super Special, courtesy of Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer!  Thanks very much for finding more listings for over a thousand a foot!  Too bad this one is… you guessed it.  Pending!

501 Beale St Unit 10h
San Francisco, CA 94105
$1,174,900

BEDS:  2
BATHS:  2
SQ. FT.:  1,161
$/SQ. FT.:  $1,012
HOA DUES:  $750/month
LOT SIZE:  -
PROPERTY TYPE: End Unit, Luxury, Condominium
STYLE: Contemporary
VIEW: Panoramic, City Lights, Bay, San Francisco
YEAR BUILT:  2006
COMMUNITY:  South Beach
COUNTY:  San Francisco
MLS#:  397084
SOURCE:  San Francisco MLS
STATUS: Pending
ON REDFIN:  55 days
Beautifully staged by Arthur McLaughlin. Corner unit at the Watermark. Panoramic views to East & South. Large private balcony. Maple floors, marble baths, Lutron lighting, s/s appliances, custom window coverings, 24 concierge, fitness center, pool & BBQ.

And here’s why PG brought you this confounded contemporary condo:

Because who staged the place is very important!

Almost as important as how much the HOA dues are on this puppy: $750 a month!  Which is actually a bargain, because that includes two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and most of all, one, count ‘em, ONE parking space!

But who knew that San Francisco could cost almost as much as Mountain View?

Must be because of million dollar views like this one.

People sometime ask me, “How is the real estate market in Silicon Valley?”

Well, let’s look at this e-mail I got recently:

Townhouses across the street from train tracks, light rail, a high way, and a major road – starting at $624 per square foot?

If you ask me, the market is doing pretty darn well. Everything is back on track, just as nature intended. Finally the Real Bay Area is back on track to eventually overtaking lesser places like Manhattan, London, and Tokyo for most expensive real estate.

The real question is: will you be lining up for 3 days or 3 weeks on the street to get one of these units?

Thank goodness!

As regular readers of this site already know, homes in the Real Bay Area don’t need to convince buyers of their value.  No matter how inept the Realtard representing it, even a turkey of a home within RBA limits will go pending quickly.

This isn’t the case for homes far, far away from the RBA. Thanks to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for this example of how to sell a house that has the misfortune of not being anywhere near Google or Facebook.

1501 GUTHRIE Dr
INVERNESS, IL 60010
$1,149,000 (Reduced from $1,490,000)

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 5
SQ. FT.: 6,757
$/SQ. FT.: $170
HOA DUES: $17/month
LOT SIZE: 1.03 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family, 2 Stories
STYLE: Traditional
EXPOSURE: East, West
YEAR BUILT: 2001
COMMUNITY: Inverness
COUNTY: Cook
MLS#: 08047047
SOURCE: MRED
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 46 days

Wide open floor plan with granite, stainless, and maple kitchen w/ viking range and commercial hood. Hardwood floors throughout much of the home. !st flr. Theater, office, and sun room! Dining room is perfect for large dinner parties. All bedrooms with private baths and walk-in’s. luxurious master suite with sitting room, and high end master bath with vaulted ceilings, cherry cabinets, and marble. Huge deck.

What can you do if you own a ginormous housing tumor in flyover country and no longer wish to have it sap your precious bodily fluids?  You list it for sale and more than 30 days go by, which means, according to Jim the Realtor, that the price is more than 10% too high.  In this case, probably way more than 10%, as you’ve already cut it 23% without any takers.  It could mean that nobody wants your expensive mistake.

Clearly, more drastic marketing measures are needed.  Have a look at them by clicking on through.

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