Who here doesn’t love overpriced crapboxes?  Anyone?  Of course we all do!  Overpriced crapboxes are what makes Burbed Burbed!  And today’s listing is not just an overpriced crapbox, but an overpriced crapbox with a mystery!  And you will NEVER guess where it is!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, who has a house to sell you.  Or maybe it’s a house to stay away from.  I just know that buy it or drive 25 miles in the other direction, you will not forget this place.

2504 EMMETT Way, East Palo Alto, CA 94303
$575,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4
SQ. FT.: 1,620
$/SQ. FT.: $355
LOT SIZE: 5,060 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: East of U.S. 101
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81110691
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 84 days

5 BEDROOMS, 4 BATHS, 2 CAR ATTACHED GARAGE, CENTRAL FORCED AIR HEATING, FENCED YARD. UPGRADED WITH DUAL PANE WINDOWS, ETC.

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer had to say about this house:

I was going to post this to compare its crackerbox joylessness with the current crackerbox from Mountain View, but thought the listing history might deserve a post all of its own. I’m HOPING you know some people with access to the MLS for listing histories, because Redfin only shows it redacted, and Zillow seems to be ignoring the old listings history, but check this bad boy out.

On sale since 2006, and they’re still in denial! It’ll be their 5 year anniversary of chasing the market down on the 26th. Oh man, I want the juicy listing data to see where these geniuses started at and how they overplayed their hand for 5 years. How the hell do you try and sell in 2006 and FAIL? SERIOUSLY? They must have priced this bitch at 1.2 million or something to start!

Okay, sfbb, I feel your pain.  And I found this:

Look!  It’s the same agent as now, all the way back in 2008, and the asking price was only $120K more.  Why, $120K wouldn’t even cover an East Palo Alto down payment in 2006.

Maybe this place was where they put the melamine in the milk products, or where our former Governor met up with bimbettes who weren’t classy enough to merit the Sacramento Hyatt Regency.

Okay, please hold the pedantic corrections, we know it’s called Santana Row.  “Santa Row” is a Burbed inside joke because of this listing.  (Someday I am going to create a Burbed page of all the inside jokes with links to the original first misuse.  Please send in your contributions for this project and you can get your handle on a permanent Burbed page.  Wow!)

Anyway, here’s a look at all the terrific appreciation an investment in a Santa Santana Row Home would add to your balance sheet!  Get ready to shout… INSTANT EQUITY!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for some of these fascinating stats, which I find almost as scrumptious as zip code lists.  Of course I had to throw in some BUNUS listings.  (That’s another one.)

333 Santana row #340

688k (05/25/2007)
$390k today (short sale)  “Enjoy of the night life of Santana Row.”

 

333 santana row (sorry, no unit number given, might be this one, pending 5/4/11)

$690k (03/01/2006)
$599k today

333 santana row #336

$590k (12/23/2005)
$440k today (pending) “full length silk curtains w/ remote”

There’s much, much more after the break.  Much, much, much more!

(more…)

Here’s a house full of win, first mentioned in comments by Burbed reader Real Estater. 

418 BRYAN Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$529,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 828
$/SQ. FT.: $639
LOT SIZE: 6,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1914
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81110948
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 63 days

VALUE IS IN LAND, but this home was lived in. Zoned R2, approx Lot Size is 6,000. 150 x 40.’Quant, Livable’ 2 bdrm 1 bathroom Home w/ Inside Laurnry Room and mudsill foundation made of Redwood beams with ‘uneven’ Fir Flrs & free standing gas stove. Grunt & shove windows. This parcel use to be a Black Smith in the 1900′s. Tons of history & POTENTIAL! Within walking distance to Downtown Sunnyvale.

I sure am relieved to hear this home was lived in.  I can’t tell you how many 97 year old houses I have toured that never had a single inhabitant, especially the parcels that use to be a Black Smith in the 1900’s.

Having lived in Sunnyvale during a few years of the 1900’s, there were former Black Smiths all throughout the neighborhood.  It was an epidemic.  This is the real reason there was a housing bubble in the early 2000s: parcels that use to be Black Smiths.  Now they either call United Parcel Service and move to busy streets, or just sit around and get taxed by busybody PTA Presidents.

OMG I didn’t know they still made clotheslines like the TV Antenna/Umbrella combo above, which was very common in the early 1960s. In New Jersey.  That’s just a few bits of the Tons of history and POTENTIAL to be found here, every pound of which you get to pay to have hauled to the dump.

It really is not a good sign when there are no photos of the inside (they said it was Quant, Livable), and when the front of the house is the last photo rather than the first one.

Also check out this angled shot from Google Streetview.  I think we can call this place a Fence Fail.

$569,900

720 EMILY Dr Mountain View, CA 94043

Beds:	3
Baths:	1.5
Sq. Ft.:	1,047
$/Sq. Ft.:	$544
Lot Size:	5,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1954
Community:	Whisman
County:	Santa Clara
MLS#:	81112525
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	ActiveThis listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers. Active   This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers. more info
On Redfin:	44 days

OPEN HOUSE April 3 from 1:30-5pm. Remodeled Kitchen & Bathroom, wood floor, new windows in 2007. Cute & Cozy 3BR, 2 car garage, great commute to 101/85/237. Close to Downtown. Regular sale.

Thanks to Burbed reader Herve for this find!

What a perfect tie in to this summer’s hottest blockbuster: Fast and Furious 5!

Do you have a 10 second car? Then this house is perfect for you! Quick, snatch it up before it zooms away! It’s a steal!

Please welcome Burbed reader A Lewis back to the front page, with another thrilling listing from, you guessed it, the East Bay!  We know it can’t possibly be in the RBA because that entire part of the region is a chasm of no-can-do, but let’s see the place anyway!

Please give A your bestest, warmest Real Bay Area welcome!

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A few details in this East-Bay, non-RBA listing make it stand out:

1733 Elm St, El Cerrito, CA 94530
$575,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 1,723
$/SQ. FT.: $334
LOT SIZE: –
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Other
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Hills, Wooded
YEAR BUILT: 2007
COMMUNITY: Del Norte
COUNTY: Contra Costa
MLS#: 40519704
SOURCE: EBRD
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 14 days

Built in 2007 by Arch John Rolf Hattam One block from BART, Separate APN from Sister build behind. Well designed spaces that create privacy throughout. Arch features everywhere, private and separate backyard, 2 car garage w/ interior acc. Eat in kitchen, laundry, home office rm, pier & grd bm foundtn

#1) The Arches! So important, the architect added the word "Arch" to his name: "Built in 2007 by Arch John Rolf Hattam" "Arch features everywhere".

#2) Built in 2007 (OK, great!), and it’s a short sale (oooops!). I think whoever gave them the construction loan is now crying their way to insolvency.

#3) You get a twin sister for your home – and it’s so close, you can reach out the back bedroom windows to touch it! "Separate APN from Sister build behind." I don’t know what an APN is, so who cares, I bet it just means instant equity. If you look at the picture on Zillow, you can see the foundations:

The second one doesn’t seem to be for sale – maybe the builders are living there – and I’m sure you’ll get to know them VERY well.

#4) The pictures, my god, the pictures. The place actually looks pretty nice from the thumbnails (and I was DYING to see those ARCHES!) – but the Realtor who stands to earn 3% by selling this beauty couldn’t be bothered to check his Redfin posting to find out he uploaded the thumbnails for the full-size pics. Let’s play a game: how few pixels do you need to tell a bathroom from a bedroom? Contestant #1: "Burbed, I can name that room with 250 pixels!" Contestant #2: "Burbed, I can name that room with 100 pixels!". Burbed: "NAME THAT ROOM!". 

#5) The listing history: they bought the empty lot for $225k in 8/2004. Finished building in 2007 and started selling in 2009 (whew!), for $749k (thanks, Zillow, for filling in the blanks – Redfin, you are falling behind!), then a steady game of de-list, drop price, re-list, leading us to today’s bargain price of $575k for an almost-townhome in a decidedly non-RBA neighborhood. If you look at the estimates, you will see he is on the WRONG SIDE OF ELM St. to be listing over $500k. It gets better as you go ‘uphill’ around here, and sorry, this house ain’t uphill.

Nice and close to BART, though.

Thanks to Burbed reader Real Estater who shared this house in comments, and calls this “Unbeatable value in 94301.”  I think he misspelled “Uninhabitable.”

434 FULTON St, Palo Alto, CA 94301
$599,950

BEDS: 1
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,224
$/SQ. FT.: $490
LOT SIZE: 3,936 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1912
COMMUNITY: Crescent Park
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81113725
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 1 day
NEW LISTING (24 HOURS)

Strictly Land Value! Substandard but buildable lot! Existing structure no value/no foundation. No reports. AS IS-WHERE IS for house, systems, any pers. prop. Buyers to do all due diligence in advance. Per City PA (not guaranteed. Buyer to independently investigate/confirm) No 2nd story or basement allowed. New Requires 1 covered + 1 uncovered parking. .45% FAR with restrictions.

Another refreshing entry!  How many homes for sale in Palo Alto have the word “substandard” in the listing or say the house has no value or foundation?  Too few!  And no reports.  And no 2nd story or basement.  Remember, you may deserve a Yes in San Jose, but all you’re getting in Palo Alto is a bunch of No no no no no (buyer to independently investigate/confirm).

As to the .45% FAR;  It does say POINT four five percent above, right?  Decimal point and a percentage. Math class is tough! 

That means 0.0045 of the land can be built on.  So, .0045 times 3936, carry the three, um… you can build a 17.712 square foot structure on this lot.  Yes, under eighteen square feet.  Here is something that is 18 square feet, the kitchen on the right.

Oh, wait, the rotating kitchen uses up 18 square feet.  We need something that shows how much room you have if your living space is 18 square feet. How about this half-bath plan!

So, the realtard can’t do math and clearly slept through fifth grade when decimals and percentages were covered. Just the trained professional you want representing you in a $600,000 transaction involving lots and lots of minutiae like building codes and escrow balance sheets.  He really meant 45% or .45 FAR.  Palo Alto would never restrict you to an eighteen square foot house when tearing down a 99 year old scraper.  (Piedmont would.)

That means you can build up to a 1771.2 sf house on the substandard lot, whoops, you need a covered parking space plus an uncovered one, guess you better take 200 feet off for the mandatory one-car garage.  Still, a 1571 sf house is bigger than what’s there now.  Plus it will have the added advantage of having luxurious extras such as a foundation. And value.

Today’s listing is thanks to Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, who sent it in for everyone’s reading pleasure, or financial opportunity.  You just never know!

200 POINSETTIA Ave, San Mateo, CA 94403
$575,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 1,950
$/SQ. FT.: $295
LOT SIZE: 9,240 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cape Cod
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1948
COMMUNITY: San Mateo Village/Glendale Village
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81055396
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 113 days

Dsys1-7 offers will not be reviewed. days 8-12: offers ONLY from NSP buyers, Municipalities, Non -profit organization and Owner-occupants will be reviewed. Days 13+: We will consider offers from all buyers.

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer had to say about this house:

Check the listing description, then the days on market…

What’s 113 days?  Don’t you know how long it takes to get a place foreclosed around here?  It’s already bank-owned?  Well, no problem then!  Looks like the bank took it back in October, 2009 and waited until November 2010 to list the place. Since then it’s only been pending twice. 

So clearly this house has seen a lot of action and the bank is ready to respond quickly to your overbid!  You remember Monday’s house where you deserve a Yes?  Just imagine what you deserve here!

To find out, head to the front door of today’s featured house. They want you to admire that front door first, since they didn’t bother showing the inside of the house. Now pretend you’re Opportunity Knocking!  You never know who might answer the door.

I mean, this place is great!  It looks like a giant Tangrams set!

Sold to the FB for $830,000 in 2005, the house has a cool $255K in instant equity, just waiting for someone like you to come and get it.  All you have to do is wait until Days 13+, which will come around again in another 100 days.

As any regular Burbed reader knows, the East Bay is no way no how never was, never is and never will be part of the Real Bay Area (RBA).  But there’s plenty to be found in the East Bay!  Plenty of great houses for Burbed treatment, that is.

So, speaking of the East Bay, please welcome A Lewis, in his very first appearance as a Burbed Guest Blogger!  Please give him a warm RBA welcome!

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8190 TERRACE Dr, El Cerrito, CA 94530
$549,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3.5
SQ. FT.: 3,973
$/SQ. FT.: $138
LOT SIZE: 6,630 Sq. Ft.
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Brown Shingle
STORIES: 3+
YEAR BUILT: 1969
COMMUNITY: Country Club Ter
COUNTY: Contra Costa
MLS#: 40513365
SOURCE: EBRD
STATUS: New
ON REDFIN: 4 days

VIEWS! Views! Views! Enjoy the views of the Bay and the Golden Gate Bridge! Huge Potential with plenty of space. POOL, possible inlaw apartment downstairs for extended family. Contractors Dream! HUGE, HUGE upside potential!

First, the listing copy is so Excited, EXCITED! VIEWS! POOL! That is one crappy pool in lieu of a small back yard Great hazard for families with small children.

That’s strange, no interior pics?

And 3 of the worst view pics you could imagine. Why would you take your view pics on a hazy grey day and then reduce them to an unviewable resolution? Do they teach that in realtor-school?

 

 

 

 

But the listing history is what makes this worth a second look – first off, there HAS got be a law made so you can’t call a listing ‘new’ just because you took it off Redfin for five seconds. Second, look at the almost unbroken monthly activity since 2008. This house needs a rest – it’s getting more action than a $5 hooker.

But it’s got $444k of instant equity! Multiply by 2 and you’ve got three 8′s! it’s only been foreclosed on once, and then it sold for $400k just one week ago. Now it’s ready for a new owner! How was that 7 days of owner-occupied bliss, anyways?

What the heck is happening on the inside of this place – I know they say Contractor’s special, but what have they been doing with it all these years? This one looks ripe for a fraud investigation. But at a rock-bottom $138/sqft, how can you pass it up? And it has a POOL!

Sometimes Burbed readers find a great house to share but can’t wait for us to write it up, post it and finally have it appear.  After all, we only post one house per weekday.  So instead they post the house to comments, and then we think, dang!  That’s such a terrific find, if only they’d sent to us for a write-up.  And sometimes we think, oh hell, we’ll write it up anyway!  So, you may have seen this before, but it’s getting the Full Burby!  Our thanks to Burbed reader Tuno for this insightful look at socioeconomic disparity.

Remember, if you prefer the element of surprise, you can always send listings and contributions to either burbed or madhaus (at) burbed.com.

367 Alameda de las Pulgas, Redwood City, CA 94062
$509,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 750
$/SQ. FT.: $679
LOT SIZE: 0.25 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cabin
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1926
COMMUNITY: Cordilleras Heights
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81100851
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 43 days

Bank Owned Home located in one of the most desirable areas of upper Redwood City. This home offers 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, kitchen and living / dining room combo. The lot size is approximately . 25 acres. This home has great potential. Seller is extremely motivated – all reasonable offers welcomed.

Here’s what Tuno had to say about the house:

this is one of my favorite houses at the moment, because it is a perfect Serf House.  if you go to street view and look at it (you may have to scroll up the road a little), it looks like an ordinary very modest little house.  then turn around and see what is across the street.  Presto  -  you can be the live-out serf!!!
the house across the street may not be as magnificant as your examples, madhaus, but *they* don’t include serf huts.

Well, we’d best take a look at that Street View and see what Tuno is talking about!  Here’s the so-called Serf House we’re featuring today.

Not many Street View photos manage to fit three different houses on three different lots into one picture, but this one did it!  Wondering how?  Have a gander at those lot lines!

Hey, let’s have that peek at the house across the street, because its profile is wider than it is deep.

Whoa!  The other place had both neighbors elbowing their way into the picture, but this housing tumor just crowds the lens!  After looking at this across-the-street view, you’ll feel like you live in picture #9 from the listing:

They’ve even left the door open for you!  Maybe the current live-out serf is hard at work threshing the wheat.  No wonder the seller is extremely motivated!