When a property has been listed for a year and hasn’t sold, there’s a problem somewhere.  Your mission today is to find out why the house with the lowest price per square foot in 94087 can’t get a closing date.

1058 Lois Ave, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$950,000

Beds: 6
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 2,930
$/Sq. Ft.: $324
Lot Size: 6,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Contemporary
Stories: 2
Year Built: 1953
Community: Sunnyvale
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 80948844
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 379 days

Great home for a large family or for a family that needs inlaw quarters. Lowest price per sf ($324) in 94087 area code. 6 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms and bathroom downstairs can easily be inlaw quarters. Bonus room, office, family room, living room, large kitchen, large dining room, large backyard, large utility room. Homestead High School, Cherry Chase Elem. Definitely the best value in Sunnyvale.

94087 used to be in the RBA, but this house ensured that zip will never be invited back.  This traitor to doubling every ten years sold on 10/31/2001 for $680,000.  It was listed in April 2009 for an unknown amount, and taken off the market in October.  October 2009.  Then it was listed again for $998,888, with the price reduced to $950K in March.  Taking away all those eights didn’t improve its luck.

Maybe the problem is the vanishing second floor.  When you look straight at it, it disappears.  It even fooled the GoogleCam.  You can see daylight through the trees.  That’s just like not seeing a vampire in a mirror, only it’s a Halloween house and a camera, and you can see the bottom floor fine.  Plus all the trash cans!

Meanwhile, the poor lonely house is still waiting for a suitor.  Can you give it some dating advice before another Halloween passes by?

In the Real Bay Area (RBA), there are many homes listed with seven-digit prices.  Some places that are almost, but not quite, RBA also have million dollar properties.  Then there are the locations where a seven-digit listing is as sensible as a particle accelerator at a rummage sale.

1346 Grand Blvd  San Jose, CA 95002
$999,000

Beds: 4
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 2,574
$/Sq. Ft.: $388
Lot Size: 6,098 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Mediterranean
Stories: 2
View: Mountains
Year Built: 2009
Community: Alviso (Santa Clara County)
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81017512
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 178 days

Fabulous one year new Mediteranean home. 2,474 sq. ft, 4 bed, 3 ba. Plus 500 sq. ft. studio apartment (rented $825). Marble entry & floors. Recessed lighting, Luxury fixtures. Granite, maple, and stainless kitchen. Huge master suite with jacuzzi tub. Skylights. 1,000 sq. ft. bonus room. Over 4,000 sq. ft of living space! 4 car finished garage. Slate entry with custom doors. Views of mountains.

Wow.  Who knew you could find a “Mediteranean” home with marble entry and floors with jacuzzi tub… in ALVISO?  In case nothing comes to mind when you read “Alviso,” here’s a couple of things to remember.

1. Aviso is Spanish for “notice.”  So you had better be on notice if you’re considering Alviso.
2. Sometimes a picture says a thousand words.  Sometimes a picture just says “Stay the heck away.”

Okay, so Alviso isn’t exactly RBA, but there are still pockets of nice areas to be found almost anywhere.  For example, today’s featured house is on a GRAND boulevard.

Um, yeah.  Nothing like a traffic signal in your front yard.  It will keep the kids amused for hours!  Speaking of kids, let’s see if the nearby schools are any good.

No schools less than 700 miles away?  Cool!  Must be due to the wormhole on North 1st Street!

Redwood City Spectacular continues with another great find from Burbed reader sonarrat. Here’s a typical “A million dollars for THIS?” kind of house.  I mean, a million dollars is a lot of money.  For a million dollar property, the listing ought to be grammatically correct, relatively free of spelling errors, and use lower case letters as well as capitals.

778 Canyon Rd Redwood City, CA 94062
$1,049,900

Beds: 4
Baths: 2.5
Sq. Ft.: 1,310
$/Sq. Ft.: $801
Lot Size: 6,700 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Contemporary
Stories: 2
Year Built: 1948
Community: Cordilleras Heights
County: San Mateo
MLS#: 81039024
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 32 days

THIS HOME HAS 2,220 S. F. OF LIVING SPACE. IT IS 12 YEARS OLD ONLY, TOTALLY REBUILT IN 1998. FABULOUS EMERALD HILLS LOCATION!!! Desirable location. 4 bed, 2.5 baths. Kitchen has professional Vicking chef stove and Birch cabinets. Master suite has custom windows and stone fireplace. Seller is very motivated bring your offer.

So much for the request for lower case.  Can’t wait to see the Vicking chef stove!

Recently a new Burbed reader spoke out in favor of honest and experienced Realtors.  So is this listing honest? Let’s review, shall we?

Hmmmm.  Which to believe, which to believe.  First, the neighborhood.  Is it Emerald Hills or Cordilleras Heights?  Let’s ask City Data.

The dark border is City Data’s definition of the Emerald Lake Hills neighborhood, or at least something called Emerald Hills.  The two names are used almost interchangeably.  Let’s see where this house is using the map above:

Why, it’s not in the brown-bordered area at all.  Is this map saying that the house in question is NOT in “Emerald Hills”?  (Those colorful areas are Census tracts, showing income ranges.)  Let’s look at a street map to be sure about the neighborhood.

Anywhere near the actual hills?  Barely.  And closer to Alameda than the lake.  Let’s do a hill check.  Good thing there’s a topo map available.

The house is either just above or just below the 100 foot line.  Not much in the “hills” when the lake the neighborhood in question is named for is over 400 feet up.  This house barely qualifies as in the foothills, also known as Piedmont, which is in the East Bay, which is so Not Real Bay Area, which therefore kicks this house out of the RBA by association alone.

Now, what about this huge discrepancy on the size of the house?  Which is it, 1310 or 2220 square feet?  Perhaps propertyshark (account required) can explain matters:

Sq. ft. 1,310
Finished sq. ft. 1 1,110
Building sq. ft. 2,250
Basement sq. ft. 200
Basement unfinished sq. ft. 940
Garage sq. ft. 940
Lot size 6,700
Acreage 0.15

The building is 2,250 square feet, of which 940 is an unfinished basement (or maybe a garage), and 200 is presumably a finished basement.  And amazingly, 1,110 (finished square feet) plus 940 (unfinished basement or garage) plus 200 (finished basement) is… 2,250… building square feet.  Within 30 sf of what the listing said.  Except you aren’t supposed to count the garage or unfinished basement in a building’s square footage. That’s why the house is quoted as 1,310 sf, which is the finished house plus finished basement.

And the year built is pretty dubious too.  Unless the house was torn down, bulldozed, and a completely new house put up in 1998, what the listing says above is misleading at best and probably close to the l-word (and no I do not mean love).  And if the county doesn’t know about the original house getting scraped, then obviously nobody bothered to get a permit.  Even a remodel requires permits, and remodels don’t change the year a structure was built in the first place.

Then again, propertyshark says this place is a 2 bedroom 1 bath, so something funny is going on.  And that would explain how a house “totally rebuilt” in 1998 is only assessed for $101,000.

Perhaps the lights on either side of the exterior are kept lit in search of that honest Realtor.

UPDATE: Price dropped to $989,000 after 35 days on market.

91 CONEJO Dr Millbrae, CA 94030

$979,999

Beds:	3
Baths:	2
Sq. Ft.:	2,640
$/Sq. Ft.:	$371
Lot Size:	0.48 Acres
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Contemporary
Stories:	1
View:	Bay, Neighborhood
Year Built:	1964
Community:	Mills Estate
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81035900
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	12 days

Great Fantastic House Pool , Huge Back Yard.

Thanks to Burbed reader SW for this find!

Here’s what SW had to say:

I’m not sure if Millbrae is RBA or not, but there’s something special about a short sale on a place asking 2X its last selling price.

Combine that with the epic realtor description- "Great Fantastic House Pool , Huge Back Yard.", and you’ve got yourself a winner.  That great fantastic house pool happens to be green.  Not like environmentally aware green.  Like teeming with polywogs, malarial vectors and clumps of blooming algae green.

Let’s take a look!

I think the listing forgot to say that this is an “organic” pool.

This listing was sent in by burbed reader sonarrat.  Here’s what sonarrat had to say about this absolutely sparkling home:  “Sparkling isn’t really the first thing I think of when I look at this house.  More like manufactured home.”

1039 Alderbrook Ln, San Jose, CA 95129
$988,888

Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,330
$/Sq. Ft.: $744
Lot Size: 7,313 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Ranch
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1957
Community: Cupertino
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81039029
Source: MLSListings
Status: Pending With Release 
On Redfin: 17 days

This absolutely sparkling home uplifts you the moment you lay your eyes on it. How often you get inspired by a home? With an amazing curve apreal, you will feel right at home. This home is warm & inviting. Newer roof, new crown molding, hardwood flooring, fresh paint, Huge Corner, New window and Front Patio ect. Top cupertino schools!

How often do you get inspired by a home?  Plenty of homes on burbed have been inspiring, as in leading to some incredibly snide copy and even better reader reactions.  Usually they have something notable about them, such as being insanely expensive, or having a lousy location, or not bearing much resemblance to a residential structure.  This one?  I am having a reaction all right, but uplifting doesn’t describe it.  It’s closer to ennui crossed with sticker shock.

Yawn.  Another million dollar crackerbox with Cupertino schools, San Jose services, and five 8s in the asking price.  And it’s pending after only two and a half weeks.  Must have been that amazing curve apreal or the Huge Corner.  I’m kind of amazed that it sold so fast when they only put in one New window.

Wait, 7300 square feet is a Huge Corner?  Maybe it is compared to the zero lot line of a manufactured home.  This picture provided by the agent certainly seems inspired by the trailer park.

What do you think?  Is this house absolutely sparkling?  Are you uplifted?

10690 STOKES Ave Cupertino, CA 95014

$998,000

Beds:	3
Baths:	2
Sq. Ft.:	1,666
$/Sq. Ft.:	$599
Lot Size:	7,455 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Ranch
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1970
Community:	Cupertino
County:	Santa Clara
MLS#:	81016634
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	116 days

* Open house Sat-Sun 7/24-25 1:30-4:30 * Ditz Crane builder home. Spacious floor plan. Formal living & dining room. Large family room kitchen w/ fireplace & breakfast bar. Hardwood flrs under most carpeting. Xlnt Cupertino schls: Stevens Creek Elem/Kennedy Middle/Monta Vista High! Oversized back yard. Walk to park. Desirable n’hood. Minutes to 280/85 DeAnza College, shopping & other public amenities.

Thanks to burbed reader A/GQ for this find!

Wow! It’s a Ditz Crane builder home. That means… uh… it’s a Ditz Crane home.

I like the positioning that this is just minutes from DeAnza. Is this house supposed to be a great deal for parents who are looking to buy their student children a home – as an investment? Perplexing.

But let’s get to the meat of the matter – why is this so darn cheap? Just $599 per square foot? This is insulting! Where’s the $888 happy ending? Shouldn’t people be “stoked” for this house?

Oh… wait…

Oh. Yeah. That sort of explains the oversized back yard. But look at the power lines! Free energy possibility?

Another thing that’s inaccurate about this listing? It’s really seconds to 280.

Ask a professional real estate agent why one house costs more than another, and she’ll say “location, location, location.”  Ask why one house cost more than another despite being smaller and having fewer amenities, and she’ll say, “location, location, location.”

Then again, ask her what she had for dinner last night, and she’ll say, “location, location, location.”

Is location really all there is to pricing Real Estate?  Is it the perceived market pulse, or expectations, or whether a neighbor down the street has an RV in the front yard?  Does the condition of the house matter?  Or is it just what the realtard had for dinner last night?

Several homes for sale on the same street is one way to stress test this real estate cliché.  So let’s begin with this “cozy charmer,” as a professional might call it.  The rest of us would call it a charming ninety year old garden shed.  But when the shed is in a prime zip code, it’s priced right under a million.

725 LINCOLN Ave Palo Alto, CA 94301
$999,000

 

Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 1,032
$/Sq. Ft.: $968
Lot Size: 4,250 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Year Built: 1920
Community: Community Center
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81035012
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin: 5 days

English cottage style with wonderful decor and charm. Two bedrooms with walk-in closets; large kitchen, separate dining room, inside laundry. Lovely patios under new trellis. Separate out building attractive exterior could become darling room of some practical or fun purpose. Fantastic location!

See!  She said location!  I guess we should be grateful she only said it once.  She also said “charm,” “lovely,” and “darling.”  And the “separate out building attractive exterior” isn’t shown in the photos, even though it “could become darling room of some practical or fun purpose.”  Practical or fun?  Why not both?  Then the on-site meth lab/hookah bar is a go!

Now, speaking of the “fantastic location,” notice anything about the map?

.

Well yes, it appears the property has been subdivided into The House and The Street Access.  That’s curious, but remember today’s title?  Hint: The yellow “do not cross – crime scene” tape runs across Middlefield Road.  So, is this house on the “right” or the “wrong” side of the boundary?  And would the price be higher or lower if the chicken crossed the Road? 

By the way, the neighbor really does have an RV parked on the lawn.

Now that is one classy neighborhood.  Can’t wait to see how prices (as well as neighbors’ vehicles) fare on The Other Side.  Stay tuned!

10035 ORANGE Ave, Cupertino CA
$945,000

Since landmark works on non-Euclidean geometry by, among others, Lobachevsky and Minkowski, Real Estate has come a long way.

These days, slanted buildings are all the rage (you didn’t know? Now you do!)

Certainly, locals could seek inspiration in the leaning Tower of Pisa…
but that would not be too earthquake-friendly, and anyway that tower is not even leaning on purpose.

Seek no more! Right here in Cupertino, the town that invented the perfect/1000 API score, technology has also come a long way.

Behold! The Light Bright and Airy Not Quite Slanted But Definitely Non-Euclidean Detached House.

And Ranch architecture will never be the same again!

824 LAUREL Ave Burlingame, CA 94010

$950,000

Beds:	3
Baths:	2
Sq. Ft.:	1,390
$/Sq. Ft.:	$683
Lot Size:	6,000 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1925
Community:	Burlingame Gardens
County:	San Mateo
MLS#:	81016663
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.
On Redfin:	24 days

Wonderful home completely remodeled and ready to move in with hardwood Floors, Beautiful kitchen with granite counter top, living room with bay style windows, separate dining room, deck, private gazebo, man’s dream garage with an extra private room, double pane windows, remodeled baths. Great location, walking distance to Burlingame Avenue shops and restaurants. Open Sunday 4/25 2-5pm

Thanks to Burbed reader Herve for this find.

Did you notice something unique about this listing?

That’s right… the first photo isn’t the one that’s being shown right now. It’s actually this one:

Clearly, this house is targeted at those who are dedicated to a lifetime pursuit of GTL. You know… Gym, Tanning, Laundry as introduced by Jersey Shore.

Let’s face it… we simply lack the media buzz that the East Coast and SoCal have. We must do more to attract reality shows to the Bay Area. Jersey Shore: San Mateo County edition might just be what the doctor ordered!

Who would you recruit for a project like this? What would the Bay Area versions of Snooki and The Situation be like?

Top Cupertino Schools, these rare find brand new 12 Mediterranean style town homes and 2 single family homes located in the heart of Silicon Valley. Low utility cost, quiet neighborhood, close to shopping and commute. All the homes are built w/ top of line material and workmanship. Hardwood & lush Berber carpet, gourmet kitchen w/ granite counter, beautiful balconies, durable concrete tile roof, A/C .

You no longer need a million dollars fair and square to reside in Santa Clara! For the meager sum of $969,000, acquire a townhome within spitting distance of Gorgeous Freeway 280, and admire hapless commuters from the beautiful balconies while sipping nearby Barefoot Café’s confections.

Really, look no further – you won’t find anything more Mediterranean in the heart of the Silicon Valley! The Safeway across Stevens Creek rivals Monaco’s best resorts, the nearby flat-top Eichler wannabes rival Old Nice for age, and you have to see the Berber carpetting – I was told it contains real Berber blood as flame-retardant, since abestos is now out of style.

You will also humiliate the neighborhood’s previously priciest sale, a jolly mustard-colored 1955 3/2 rancher that sold in 2006 for $950k. Gosh, you will actually single-handedly double all of the neighborhood’s house values! What are you waiting for? You be da king! (on a Berber carpet)

Lest I forget, your kids will be eligible to attend Cupertino School, but with such top of the line material and workmanship, not to mention Berber carpets, this is almost an afterthought.

Maybe you should offer above $1M after all. Pride of ownership should not come cheap.