September 6, 2013

East San Jose Mawbul Kawlums! This house sits on a lot of square feet

Okay, East San Jose hills, but still! Oh my gawd who lives here, the POPE?  Thanks very much to Burbed reader TL in San Jose for sending in this feature that indicates what makes a joint classy. KAWLUMS!  Put some in your bedroom!

130905-chaboya-redfin4227 CHABOYA Ct
San Jose, CA 95148
$2,988,000

7 Beds
6.5 Baths
8,314 Sq. Ft.
$359 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1989
Lot Size: 3.40 Acres
On Redfin: 14 days
Status: Active


130905-chaboya-kawlums1

130905-chaboya-kawlums2Not only this mansion teeming with MAWBUL KAWLUMS, the listing isn’t full of much of anything. We didn’t forget the description; there isn’t any. Also missing are basic entry items such as the County, the house style, and how many stories in the building. But this agent doesn’t have any stories to tell. Instead, we’ll let the photos do all the talking.

We did find this description on MLSListings:

130905-chaboya-kawlums3*BREATHTAKING UNSURPASSED VIEWS OF SF BAY AREA, SILICON VALLEY, AND THE BEST SUNSETS IN THE AREA* 7 BEDROOMS* 6.5 BATHS*2 MASTER SUITES* 2 KITCHENS W/ S.S. APPLIANCES* EXTRA LARGE BUILT IN FRIDGE* GRANITE SLAB COUNTERS HUGE ENTERTAINMENT/BONUS AREA* UNPARALLELED CUSTOM FINISHES THROUGHOUT *HIGH CEILINGS* MARBLE FLOORS* DRAMATIC STAIRCASE* BASKETBALL CT* VINEYARD * SOLAR POOL* EXCELLENT SCHOOLS*

130905-chaboya-kawlums4Best of all, it links to a virtual tour with, we shit you not, 80 pictures.  Because the 25 on Redfin are obviously not enough. Also not enough are the missing description in Redfin and the ALL-CAPS one above. So we are delighted to share the one from the virtual tour as well, because it demonstrates the care and consideration taken with selling a three million dollar house.

130905-chaboya-description

It certainly does. 148,104 sure is a lot.

130905-chaboya-kawlums5130905-chaboya-kawlums6

Comments (8) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:02 am






August 30, 2013

Watch the hawks soar with Portola Valley potential

There are many ways for a house to show Burbed win. One is for it to be completely overpriced, and the other is for it to be an utter crapbox.  Which kind do you like better? Can’t decide? Today’s house is BOTH!

130829-westridge-redfin207 WESTRIDGE Dr
Portola Valley, CA 94028
$2,998,000

4 Beds
2.5 Baths
2,770 Sq. Ft.
$1,082 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1952
Lot Size: 3.05 Acres
On Redfin: 5 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Central Portola Valley
MLS#: 81331429
Style: Contemporary
View: Green Belt, Mountains, Canyon
County: San Mateo

130829-westridge-flagstoneOver 3 acres with spectacular southern exposure, views toward Monte Bello Ridge. Watch the hawks soar! Architect designed with Frank Lloyd Wright’s "Falling Water" in mind, this mid-century contemporary is ready for extensive remodel or build new. Owned by one family since 1953. Wonderful privacy. Two guest cottages. Much deferred maintenance; 3-stall barn w/ hayloft in disrepair. Potential!


130829-westridge-poleDesigned with “Falling Water” in mind? We guess we could say our mid-century modern shack was designed with Monticello in mind… and yet it was a suburban tract house in fact.  Only ours has fewer paper cranes.

This house also reminds us of the one yesterday: way more pictures outside than in, and no bedrooms snapped at all. Wonder why not? Maybe by deferred maintenance they really mean the owners haven’t gotten out of bed since 1953.

Comments (4) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:02 am

August 26, 2013

Nothing wrong with this Los Gatos home that price can’t fix

Oh hell, it’s Monday. But there’s good things about Mondays. Mondays mean the beginning of another week of Burbed housing win, so let’s get started. Burbed reader nomadic has a LOT of win for us today in Los Gatos.

130825-belgatos-redfin308 BELGATOS Ln
Los Gatos, CA 95032
$2,500,000

4 Beds
3.5 Baths
4,165 Sq. Ft.
$600 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1987
Lot Size: 1.93 Acres
On Redfin: 29 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
MLS#: 81327424
Style: Tudor
View: City Lights
County: Santa Clara

Elegant Tudor Estate-4165 sqft with 3 car garage and 840 sqft detached guest house. -Gated with circular driveway and a completely fenced 1.93 acre lot-private with no neighbors yet close to town. Solar heated salt water pool and spa with pool house. Master suite with fireplace and large deck. Outdoor kitchen with barbecue, sink and fridge. Horses are permitted with trails adjacent to the property.

130825-belgatos-kitchenAdd it up: 4165 + 840 = 5005 sf. Yay! This house wins the Burbed ginormous tag by 5 square feet.  It’s also been on the market for (gasp) an entire month. Now let’s see what nomadic’s nominating statement for this property is.

Seller is a licensed RE agent.  There are only seven listing pics.  Seller has this priced just $70k above their 2006 purchase price, and I would guess it’s priced close to market value.  When the current seller bought the place, they paid $1.2M more than the previous sale price seven years earlier (the price doubled).  That previous seller was related to their agent.  Is this house now only bought & sold among realtors? There is no indication of any remodeling or building in between transactions.  This is the slums of Los Gatos – was it really in the RBA between 1999 and 2006?

130825-belgatos-poolIn summary, the price doubled in the seven years 1999-2006 and then stagnated for the seven years since. Ouch.

Don’t be silly, nomadic. The property most certainly did not stagnate. It ripened, like a fine wine, or cheese, or toe fungus. Obviously if YOU buy this property today, the price will quadruple in ten minutes, ensuring the RBA Property Doubles Every Ten Years rule we know and love.

But in order for that to happen, somebody had better buy this place before the various realtards selling it among themselves mistakenly ask so much that everyone forgets to overbid.

Comments (4) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:03 am

August 19, 2013

Ginormous SJ house generates HEAVY AMOUNT OF PHONE CALLS

Tired of the poorly photographed crapboxen that are Burbed bread and butter? Today’s house is for you, if you can find it.This property is brought to you by Burbed reader wahnny. Thanks very much!

130818-calero-redfin21680 CALERO CREEK Ct
San Jose, CA 95120
$999,888

5 Beds
7 Baths
7,533 Sq. Ft.
$133 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2002
Lot Size: 3.10 Acres
On Redfin: 17 days
Status: Pending With Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
County: Santa Clara
Style: Traditional, Mediterranean
Community: Almaden Valley
MLS#: 81328031

Last "Open House Monday 8/12 this evening from 5-7:30pm. ELEGANT PALATIAL ESTATE, SITUATED ON 3.10 FLAT ACRES. THIS LUXURY CUSTOM HOME IS 10 YEARS YOUNG & BUILT W/ THE FINEST IMPORTED MATERIALS FROM AROUND THE WORLD. DUE TO HEAVY AMOUNT OF PHONE CALLS WE HAVE "FAQ WORD DOC" @ UR REQUEST W/ FULL DISCLOSURE LINK & HOME INSPECTIONS. VIRTUAL TOUR HAS 2 TOURS & BROKER TOUR VIDEO FROM 8/7/2013 ENJOY

130818-calero-theaterHere’s why wahnny sent in this particular place:

Just came across this quite georgious estate.

Asking price is WAY less than its assessed value.  Lotsa cauwlums and ornate finishings adorn the "10 YEARS YOUNG" 7500+sqft estate on 3+acres.  Aside from overhead powerlines, rather small pool, and location on the fringes of the RBA, it might still incite a bidding war, as per AGENT INTENT.

130818-calero-kawlumFringes of the Real Bay Area? Wahnny, this place isn’t even on the fringes of the Corridor of Not Quite. This house is firmly situated somewhere south of You Have Got To Be Kidding Me. The only advantage it has is that it’s only 22 miles to the Tesla Supercharging station in Gilroy.  And if you can buy a house this size for the price of a gingerbread shack in San Bruno, of course you should expect some mawbul kawlums thrown in.

130818-calero-thronePlus there is a virtual tour.  And a good thing there is, or we would never know that every office needs a throne.

As to that AGENT INTENT, here’s what the FAQ in the disclosures packet has to say about that asking price:

8. Why list so low?
Sellers are aware that neither appraisers, nor realtors determine what the VALUE or the final sales price of a home will be, it’s the BUYERS that determine the final price thus the new market value of the home.  They wanted to market and list their home non-traditional and something innovative that would attract plenty of interest and one good offer that had the best price and terms.

130818-calero-officeWait a minute, since when is announcing a day for offers to come in and picking the highest one considered “non-traditional”?  In the RBA this is de rigeur!

Bunus: Not only does this property have a “well lien” because of the 3 abandoned wells onsite (seller can’t find two of them), there’s also an HOA for shared roads with voting rights based on property size. This home has an effective veto over the other properties because any vote must pass by 75%.  So you could really make life interesting for four other homeowners!

ENJOY

Comments (3) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:06 am

August 16, 2013

Weekend Retreat Property at Undisclosed Address

And it’s Friday again! Let’s wrap up the workweek with another vacation/weekend/check-out-of-the-rat-race property far from the clogged freeways and three Starbucks per business district. Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tom Paine for sending in this relaxing retreat so private, the realtard doesn’t want you to know where it is.

130815-templeman-redfinUndisclosed Address
Forestville, CA 95436
$630,000

4 Beds
3 Baths
2,500 Sq. Ft.
$252 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 1 Acre
On Redfin: 84 days
Property Type: Residential, Detached, Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Russian River
MLS#: 21311796
Style: Ranch
View: Pasture, Other
County:
Sonoma

Great area! 1 acre parcel, Extensive work has been performed in upgrading this ranch style country home which includes Chinese oak flooring in living room & formal dining area, paver tile floors in kitchen & main bath, radiant heat, jetted tub, game room, separated extended living areas at rear of home(great for in-laws, caregivers, guests, etc. ) attached shop & garage, circular drive, outbuildings, metal roof and room for everyone & everything

130815-templeman-hottub-guestOh heck, we’ll disclose it: 8426 Templeman Road.  And what’s with this Chinese Oak flooring? Is that anything like Chinese drywall? Similarly, pavers in the kitchen? Is this a thing, like metal roofs?

Now let’s hear from Tom.

What could be more charming than a picture of a sleeping pig next to the hot tub? You need never bathe alone…

This is a Russian River resort (if by Russian River resort, we actually mean a place that’s more than 2 miles from the closest approach of the Russian River). Just wait for the river to crest and you need never skip bathing.  And by “you” we mean both you and the pig.

Comments (1) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:10 am

August 6, 2013

SELLER PREFERS “AS IS SALE”. FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

Let’s now return to what makes Burbed the destination real estate site for the entire Bay Area. No, we’re not referring to our excellent Bay Area Bubble 4.0 coverage or our extensive featured looks at half million dollar crapboxes.  Today’s entry is what makes the Real Bay Area so very Special: Listings at WTF prices and WTF problems.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for sending in today’s Los Gatos Gotcha.

130805-blackberry-redfin16480 BLACKBERRY HILL Rd
Los Gatos, CA 95030
$1,795,000

3 Beds
3 Baths
3,046 Sq. Ft.
$589 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1976
Lot Size: 5.17 Acres
On Redfin: 28 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
MLS#: 81324314
Style: Ranch, Spanish
View: Bay, Canyon, Valley, City Lights
County: Santa Clara

Excellent Candidate For 130805-blackberry-fadeddyeRemodel or Build Dream Home. Sweeping Views From Most Rooms. Upstairs 3BD/2BA/KIT/DR/LR/UTIL. RM. Downstairs Game Room w/ Slider, Office W/ Bath & Large Storage Room. Lots Of Storage, Cabinets and Closets Everywhere. 1.5 Miles From Los Gatos. WATER WILL BE TURNED OFF. DO NOT USE TOILETS. Seller Wants NO CHILDREN in property. .FOR SAFETY REASONS. SELLER PREFERS "AS IS SALE".

130805-blackberry-bath

Let’s have Swan float in here.

[Today’s home] is in the same area as the Kennedy home [submitted last week].  This house is on Blackberry Hill Road:  .  You know it’s Burbed material when then listing starts with, "Excellent candidate for remodel."  In this case, the listing gets even better!  "WATER WILL BE TURNED OFF. DO NOT USE TOILETS. Seller Wants NO CHILDREN in property. .FOR SAFETY REASONS."  There is an open house this weekend.  I so want to go with a full bladder and a few small children who can run wild while I try to use the bathroom!  Be sure to check out the pictures of the lovely wallpaper in the kitchen and master bath!

130805-blackberry-kitchenThat is quite something, although our gaping is for the photo above it of the grounds. It looks like it was taken in 1972 and left in a shoebox so the dyes would age properly.  And it makes the kitchen treatment look almost contemporary. Oh wait, we meant contemptuous. Using that white tile isn’t fooling anyone; that kitchen was remodeled in 1987 whether it needed it or not!

Remember the WATER WILL BE TURNED OFF.  FOR SAFETY REASONS.

Comments (4) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:03 am

July 23, 2013

10% Discount in Hillsborough (price subject to seller financing)

Today we turn our back on the crapboxen and Likelers. We’re off to Hillsborough, where you need not rub elbows with your neighbors at all. In fact, you won’t even see your neighbors unless you show up at one of their fundraising balls.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for sending this in this cozy contemporary, provided that by contemporary we mean we’re putting on our FDR campaign button.  Um, first campaign.

130722-verbalee-redfin40 VERBALEE Ln
Hillsborough, CA 94010
$26,000,000

12 Beds
13.5 Baths
35,000 Sq. Ft.
$743 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1932
Lot Size: 5.91 Acres
On Redfin: 26 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 3
County: San Mateo
Style: Tudor
Community: Tobin Clark Estate/Polo Terrace
MLS#: 81322895

Price subject to seller financing, otherwise $29 million. Tobin Clark Estate designed by David Adler on 6 landscaped acres. Grand Music Room w/ 15ft ceilings, soaring leaded-glass windows, antique parquet-de-Versailles floors, French doors to Loggia & Grand Tr. Marble Entry w/ 17th Century paneling, Formal Dining Room. VIP + 2 Master Suites, oak-paneled Library.

130722-verbalee-tesselationThis isn’t just any house. This is the Tobin Clark Estate. It has its own video. And no, we don’t mean the one Redfin puts together automatically (there’s one of those too! Save $243,750!)  Just think, this home has been host to “numerous dignitaries including Presidents Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, and George H.W. Bush.”

Guess we now know the sellers’ politics.  And given that the price goes up to $29 million if you won’t let the sellers finance your purchase, guess we also know how they got enough saved up to buy a spread like this in the first place. Remember, if they won’t give you a cash discount, you can always save $243,750 with Redfin!

We hope you also caught that the link to the estate notes the house was being put up for sale… in January.  January, 2012.

On Redfin: 26 days.  Riiiiiiiiight.  At least the 35,000 square foot house isn’t a typo.

Comments (6) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:01 am

July 11, 2013

3000 SQ FT FALLING DOWN MANSION

130710-santacruz-thermosWe’ve been spending a bit of time in the flatlands, so time to check some elevated listings.  Our thanks to Burbed reader Swan for telling us about this find right off Highway 17. Oops, pending!  Even properties sitting around for almost a year go Pending when someone sends them in! It’s like a Real Estate Thermos. An insulated drink holder keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold. How does it know?

In this case, a correspondent sends in a tired listing… and BOOM! Again, how does it know?

130710-santacruz-redfin25000 SANTA CRUZ
Scotts Valley, CA 95033
$649,000

2 Beds
1 Baths
1,237 Sq. Ft.
$525 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1911
Lot Size: 9 Acres
On Redfin: 320 days
Status: Pending Without Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Scotts Valley North
MLS#: 81231740
Style: Cabin
View: Mountains, Valley
County: Santa Cruz

130710-santacruz-cabinIDEAL ESTATE HOME SITE WITH DIRECT ACCESS TO HWY 17 OR OFF LAUREL ROAD. INCLUDES 1,200 SQ FT GUEST HOUSE, BARN, AND A 3,000 SQ FT FALLING DOWN MANSION. THE MANSION SITE HAS ABOUT 2 FLAT ACRES, SWEEPING MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY VIEWS, CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY, PG & E, & WATER. GUEST HOUSE HAS ABOUT 2 FLAT ACRES WITH DIRECT ACCESS TO LAUREL ROAD. SELLER WILL FINACNE W/ 25% DOWN FOR 3 YEARS.

130710-santacruz-anotherWe don’t have any architecture credentials, but still contend the top picture above is not a cabin.  Now, which of the other two is the “guest house”? Perhaps this is why Swan thought we’d be interested. We certainly seem to have our choice of which crappy building not to live in.

With nothing better to do on a 100 degree day, I am looking for properties in need of some Burbed lovin’!

This may be a Burbed first, a 3000 square foot falling down mansion!!!  Scotts Valley may not be RBA, but $699K (Pending!!!) for a guest house, barn, and falling down mansion on 9 acres – who cares where it is.  Be sure to check out the ideal commute location!

Interestingly, Movoto lists the same address for $5,000,000 in an expired listing.

Oh yes, let’s see that expired listing.

130710-santacruz-movoto25000 Hwy 17
Scotts Valley, CA 95033
$5,000,000

Off-Market
Loan Payment: $19,097/mo
Bedrooms: 2
Bathrooms: 1
Size: –
$/sqft: -/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 1900
Lot Size: 9,958,687
Days on Movoto: 649 days
Neighborhood: Scotts Valley North
MLS#: 80914701
Status: Expired

130710-santacruz-gatesMany potential uses/Estate Location/Equestrian Center = Great Trails, Preliminary Study Shows Location may be planted with as many as 130 acres of Grapes – Site is in BEST wine growing location = the Santa Cruz Appleation. Propety suppoorts several homes currently(4); several wells; Barns. Land may be subdividable; there are 9 APN’s Stunning Los Gatos Mountains property, Oaks, Redwoods, Madrone


Unlike the active (whoops, Pending!) listing, this older one can’t be bothered showing any buildings. It’s almost ten million square feet, who needs buildings? That’s 228 acres sitting on the market for 649 days, and only nine acres are in the listing above. That’s pretty good, it took only half the time to sell 1/25th the land!  So if you subdivide this place into a Planned Unit Development with a bunch of 1,800 sf lots, you should be able to get one of them sold in only five months!

Good luck finding what happened to the rest of those properties so you can run some comps. At least the seller will FINACNE W/25% DOWN IN 3 YEARS.  If you’re not sure what to do, just put that FINACNE in your Thermos. How does it know?

Comments (2) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:01 am

June 29, 2013

You know what they got? KAWLUMS

It’s been a while since we’ve been sent a MAWBUL KAWLUM heavy house. We miss them so much we were forced to present this one from (gasp) Southern California.

Good thing we just reordered red arrows.

130628-buggy-kawlums

The house itself is hideously overdone in Middle-Aged Movie Executive With Unlimited Budget, including the kawlum-bedecked indoor tennis court that meets US Open requirements. And no, we aren’t kidding. 

130628-buggy-tennis

We didn’t even know there was a standard for kawlums at the US Open.

Let us know if any US Open Houses you tour this weekend have kawlums. Or tennis courts. Yes, this is your Weekend US Open Thread.

Comments (4) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:01 am

May 15, 2013

Extreme privacy in Lafayette

Let’s see how the other half lives again.  No, not the have-nots versus the haves, the other half of the Bay Area! Yes, it’s time for another East Bay Extreme Edition!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Stefan in Lafayette for sending us this super siting story!

130514-hunsaker-redfin1571 Hunsaker Canyon Rd
Lafayette, CA 94549
$800,000

2 Beds
1 Baths
1,100 Sq. Ft.
$727 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1980
Lot Size: —
On Redfin: 77 days
Property Type: Single-Family Home
View: Woods, Forest
County: Contra Costa
Style: Contemporary
Community: Walnut Creek/Lafayette
MLS#: 405200

OPEN HOUSE – SUNDAY 1 – 4. Extreme Privacy – Small house with wall-to-wall windows overlooking FOUR spectacular acres of trees, nature, peace and tranquility. Room for horses or 20+ cars. 2 or 3 bedrooms. Feels like a million miles away, yet only 15-minutes to the freeway. Road is paved from freeway to front door. Lafayette Schools are exceptional – some of the highest-ranked Public Schools in California. Also Open Houses on Saturday 03-02 and Sunday 03-03 from 1pm to 4pm. Please no drive-by’s on weekends during non-Open House hours or after 5pm. Offers reviewed Monday 03-04 at 3pm.

130514-hunsaker-frontPaging Stefan in Lafayette, white courtesy phone!

Here is a two bedroom house that has room for….um, two bedrooms? But on the bright side you can have up to 20 plus cars. But the date and time for reviews of the offers has passed…does that mean me and my 20 cars are out of luck? 

130514-hunsaker-laundryWow, so many numbers in this listing you’re going to need a CPA to audit it for you. FOUR acres, 20+ cars, 2 or 3 bedrooms, a million miles away yet only 15 minutes to the freeway.

Too bad the Open Houses were 60 days ago.  Wouldn’t have wanted to be at that agent’s desk Monday 03-04 at 3 pm!

Bunus: If you were thinking this street name sounded awfully familiar, you were right.  Can anyone find a murder at this house too, preferably San Jose Sharks-related?

Comments (1) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am