Today we have a treat for you, thanks to Burbed reader Ashley.  This is a Los Altos Hills listing, which means get out your wallets, and your bank accounts, and your 401Ks, and your stock options, and better check in between the couch cushions too.  Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

 

27197 BLACK MOUNTAIN Rd, Los Altos Hills, CA 94022
$2,495,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3.5
SQ. FT.: 3,635
$/SQ. FT.: $686
LOT SIZE: 1.01 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: Bi/Split Level
VIEW: Bay, Green Belt, Mountains, Neighborhood, Valley, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1958
COMMUNITY: Los Altos Hills
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81129731
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 102 days

IDEAL FLOOR PLAN FOR ADULTS & FAMILIES WITH TEENS. Perfect for entertaining. A media buff’s paradise, including a Home Theatre “2nd only to Spielberg’s”. PALO ALTO SCHOOLS. GREAT VIEWS. Across from Byrne Preserve, yet 10 mins. to town. Custom REMODELED – eclectic blend of hi-tech & Euro. Fab Master Suite, Office. PRIVATE DRIVEWAY directly Rt of house to back entry, 3-car gar. ,generous turnabout

Here’s why Ashley sent in this house:

Long time reader and first time contributor. I found this house in Los Altos Hills in the coveted PA school district (Nixon, Terman, Gunn schools) . Priced at $2.5 Mil, it boasts “a media buff’s paradise, including a Home Theatre “2nd only to Spielberg’s”". Is there any way we can check what Spielberg has in his many homes to ensure that we are not being fooled by this realtor??? Why could they not have said that the house came wired with a high end media system and left it at that?

I, for one, would have been impressed if they compared the media room to what George Lucas has.  This isn’t Beverly Hills.

Although between the media room and that vanity in the bathroom  maybe whoever lived here thought it was.  But if that were the case, why are there five pictures of the deck and none of the swimming pool?

What do you mean, this house is asking $2.5M and doesn’t have a pool?

Next you’re going to tell me it sold 23 years ago for $985K, which would knock this place right out of the Real Bay Area on valuation alone.

Meanwhile, have I missed some new kitchen design trend? 1958 colors with 42 inch wide white appliances?  But some of the painting effects in other photos looks like they did the sponge treatment, which is so 2001.

Here’s another number: 102 days on the market.  So the agent did tell the truth about one thing:

“,generous turnabout.”

Many thanks to Burbed reader Tracy for today’s especially excellent East San Jose estate!

 

4045 Hidden Valley Ln, San Jose, CA 95127
Listed for $450,000; Delisted and PENDING

Source: Public Records
BEDS: 4
BATHS: 5.0
FINISHED SQFT: 2,003
UNFINISHED SQFT: -
TOTAL SQFT: 2,003
FLOORS: 1
LOT SIZE: 18,295
STYLE: Single Family Residential
YEAR BUILT: 1948
YEAR RENOVATED: 1948
COUNTY: Santa Clara County
APN: 61222093
LAST UPDATED: October 12, 2011

Here’s why Tracy sent us this listing that “needs work” with the “killer views,” but no mention of the “street noise.”

Another in my series of East Valley houses with horrible photography, misspellings, weird pricing/ price history, crappy condition and generally creepy weird listings. Good for Halloween! Also, this one features instant equity. I keep staring at the out of focus picture number one, trying to imagine what it is like in person.

As you can see, Redfin removed all the listing information and photos, no doubt at the request of the listing agent.  The house was delisted on September 28th and went pending on October 5th.  Fortunately, there are plenty of other online sources for MLS that aren’t quite so efficient!  Here’s “picture number one” right below:

Here’s the descriptive text from BayAreaForSale:

Many possibilities for expansion or additional remodeling. Fantastic panorama view of city. One of a kind. To see it is to buy it! Remodeled home.. Five bathrooms with a shower in each one. 18,000+ sq lot. Many possibilities for expansion or additional remodeling. Note the terrace patio with the dynamic view. Huge family room on lower level. This home is located at the end of a quite private road.

So here are the listing photos, since they may well be thrown in the MLS memory hole any minute now.

Wait, wait, wait, what’s that in picture #5 above?  Does that extra stuff in the lower left look like a pointing finger with hand and a raised knee?

I do believe this house has just earned itself a DHO Number (Dudes Hanging Out) of 1!  And if that isn’t a hand and a knee, then what the heck is that in an otherwise empty room?

Also, there are no pictures of any of the bathrooms, either the 5.0 Redfin mentions or the 1+ on BayAreaForSale.

Tracy mentioned the weird price history, so here it is, direct from Zillow.  Redfin has more listing dates, but no prices to go with them.  Instant equity galore!

Here’s another extra “bunus” with this property!  You get a piece of the neighbor’s house as well.  Too bad the city thinks it owns half of yours.

Have a better look at this place, courtesy of Google Streetview, while you make plans to beat the crap out of enthusiastically convince the lucky purchaser to let you have this deal!

Today’s featured property was sent in by Burbed reader Swan.  Thanks very much for this big, big, big listing with the small, small, small number of photos.

 

16450 AZTEC RIDGE Dr, Los Gatos, CA 95030
$19,995,000

BEDS: 6
BATHS: 8
SQ. FT.: 11,257
$/SQ. FT.: $1,776
LOT SIZE: 50 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: Tri-Level
VIEW: Bay, Mountains, Neighborhood, Valley, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1991
COMMUNITY: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81137011
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 45 days

Spectacular one of a kind property situated on approx 50 acres in one of the most unique settings in the World! Birds-eye views encompassing the entire Silicon Valley from downtown San Jose all the way to San Francisco. Modern architecture of approx 20 years old with amazing ceiling heights and open floor plan with sep guest house of over 2000 sq ft. Private and gated at end of quiet cul-de-sac.

Here’s what Swan had to say about this listing:

Here’s a $20 million property with only one picture.  Today’s blog made me think of this house.  A contrast between $200K in Gilroy with nine of the exact same pictures and a $20 million property with only one picture.

A contrast all right, and don’t forget this place in San Francisco with 23 pictures at about 1/70th the price.

Clearly this listing is an intelligence test.  Most average tech workers could find an address on the MLS, or at least on a site like Redfin or Trulia.  But can you find this house’s Special Secret Private Website?  Hint: there are no hints on MLS.

Click on through to have a look at the pictures the agent doesn’t feel you deserve to see, but first, see if you can find the website yourself.

(more…)

Many thanks to Burbed reader AstroWallaby, for calling out today’s spectacular house in comments.  Drop by anytime, Astro, if you have more of these!

 

2450 MCLAUGHLIN Ave, San Jose, CA 95121
$1,100,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,152
$/SQ. FT.: $955
LOT SIZE: 0.83 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1935
COMMUNITY: South San Jose
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81133489
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 44 days

NEARLY 1 ACRE of LAND (36,062 SF. ) THE PROPERTY HAS LOTS OF POTENTIAL. TRUE VALUE IS IN THE LAND. “REGULAR SALE”. A very rare finding property in San Jose—nearby lots of public amenities. “REGULAR SALE”! — OPPORTUNITY !!! OPPORTUNITY !!! OPPORTUNITY !!! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

Tired of living in a cooped-up apartment?  Hate hearing neighbors through walls?  Maybe you need some elbow room, and you’ll fit plenty of elbows here.  Haven’t you heard?  This is a very rare finding property.  Also the agent is USING ALL CAPS because he can’t believe this one isn’t a short sale or REO.

That means faster turnaround time for YOU to MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE because the bank won’t be throwing roadblocks at you every step of the way.  You can definitely make a lot of dreams come true with this much space, as long as your dream included South San Jose.  But it says OPPORTUNITY !!! three times.

So why are you still here? Go! Go!

Here’s another East San Jose treasure thanks to Burbed reader Tracy!  Sure it’s an overpriced crapbox waiting to pull anyone who grabs it deep underwater.  Yes, there’s some amusing mistakes in the listing copy.  But it’s so much more than that!

 

10759 HUBBARD Way, San Jose, CA 95127
$399,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,786
$/SQ. FT.: $223
LOT SIZE: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1974
COMMUNITY: Alum Rock
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81138824
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 6 days

Fantastic opportuniy to make this house your dream home! Private balcony off master bedroom. HUGE bonus room opens to the ovesized deck with views of San Jose – great for entertaining. The sloped lot is tiered and waiting for your choice of landscaping! Mature trees provide a sense of privacy, yet your just minutes away from Shopping, dining, schools & freeways. So much space for so little money.

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this property:

I enjoyed the POV of the agent, focused on the bottom ¾ of the house. Also the great artistic Cypress tree shot. The wood floors do look amazing…The rest, not so much!

Whoa, does this agent have a sixty pound lens on that camera or something?  This is indeed a very bottom-heavy view of a property.

Let’s have a look at some more of the pictures.  Sometimes taking a new perspective brings out the hidden qualities of a place.

This agent is a clearly misunderstood artist, the inverse of Edgar Martins.  None of these images was manipulated, because none of them needed to be.  They made their statement without any extra help.

And that statement is: If you want to buy this house, then watch your step carefully.  Very, very carefully.

Howdy, Guest Editor sonarrat here for a record-breaking second listing in the same month! Well, I grew up in the South County area, and I still have a soft spot for that sleepy, oft-forgotten area between the IBM exit on Bailey Ave and the shortcut to I-5. As I drive on the gently winding road through the dead, lifeless and empty Coyote Valley or take the even less scenic route along the deserted Monterey Highway by the town of Coyote (pop. 121), I can’t help but feel like I’m coming home. It’s that warm and fuzzy feeling that you can’t explain, especially to anyone who grew up anywhere else. If you’re coming to shop, though, like a lot of people, you want to keep going past the Harley-Davidson dealership in Morgan Hill and make a beeline for sunny Gilroy, the self-proclaimed “Garlic Capitol of the World.”

 

355 W 8th St, Gilroy, CA 95020
$275,000

 

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,957
$/SQ. FT.: $141
LOT SIZE: 10,000 square feet
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1920
COMMUNITY: Morgan Hill/San Martin/Gilroy
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81120758
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 126 days

Short Sale AS-IS Zoned R3!! Plans approved for a Duplex. LARGE LOT 10,000 SQ!! Developers Dream Large Lot and Lots of Potential!! Converted Garage!! DO NOT DISTURB TENANTS!!! POTENTIAL!!! LARGE LOT 10K Plans for two homes. LOT HAS R-3 ZONING!!! SHORT SALE Will need approval from Lender on SHORT SALE AS-IS ZONING R3 R3 R3 R3 Please DO NOT DISTURB OCCUPANTS!!! Lots of POTENTIAL!!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!! So, um, what we have here is clearly a very excitable realtor. But the listing bears closer inspection. After all, during your interminable drive down here, you will see a sign that reminds you of why you made the trek.

Yes sir, you drive a little and save a lot in Gilroy. That’s why, for the price of this lovely updated condo in a convenient San Jose neighborhood with high-rated schools, you can have a scraper in a blighted neighborhood, the main selling point of which is that you have the possibility of casting it off the face of the Earth and starting over again from scratch. Not, mind you, that anyone is questioning the value in Gilroy. This is a lot of house for the money, and a lot of flat usable land, too. And as an added bonus, you get to hear the same train tracks Steve Jobs does – the Caltrain station is just a few short blocks away! Not to mention a number of cafes where you can get your daily coffee or 15. In a subtle attempt to emphasize how much house you’re getting, the realtor included 9 vibrant photographs. Let’s have a look:

That’s what I call value for your money. One exposure, nine reasons why you should call Gilroy home! But wait – there must be some reason why the realtor is so amped up that his finger twitched nine times on the “post” button and forgot entirely to mention this is actually a legal duplex, address 345-355 W 8th St. People just don’t get this excited normally. Oh, what’s this?

The fastest flip in the West has competition! Or else the realtor’s head exploded and no one has bothered to remove the listing. Either way, you win at 345 W 8th St in Gilroy! Drive a little, save a lot!

Here’s another listing from the wilds of San Jose hillbilly country, from intrepid Burbed reader Tracy!

 

3535 SIERRA ROAD, San Jose – North Valley, CA 95132
$699,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,977
$/SQ. FT.: $235
LOT SIZE: 2.67 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1970
COMMUNITY: Berryessa
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81133736
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 12 days

Large 4 bedroom 3 bathroom home located on large 116,000 SF lot. Room for off street parking and detached converted garage makes this the perfect home for your large family and toys. Nice patio deck with some views of the surrounding area. Tenant in property, please make appointment to see and do not disturb occupants.

Here’s what Tracy has to say about this property:

Wow, I feel for the “tenants” AKA owners who are being foreclosed on. However, maybe they have less worries since the photography of the listing is so bad! Could the lighting be any dingier? When the main selling point is “room for off street parking,” and there are only pictures of the lot, temporary buildings and cars, I wonder how they got the kitchen shot.

On the plus side, I think the picture of the four Cypress trees is very artistic. I guess the agent imagines that a detached garage makes a house perfect for a large family… but I wonder what lurks behind those bushes!

Artistic?  I guess it takes a certain kind of talent to use a modern camera and manage to overexpose the yard but leave the flash off inside.  At least the date is still readable in both shots.

And props to the agent for having the date set correctly.  Remember that listing where all the pictures were from 2003?  I think it cost a few thousand more than this place, too.

Okay, do any Burbed readers know what this is all about:

Listing Information

• Bank-Owned/REO
• Tenant Rights

What tenant rights are involved in San Jose house rentals?  Is this like Berkeley where you’re obligated to let the tenant stay 40 years or until they die in your house, whichever comes last?  Is that why the price went down 90% in six months back in 2003?

Tenant in property.  Sounds like removal is going to be painful.

Did you know that Burbed is just about five and a half years old?  There are a lot of amazing listings in the archives, at some even more amazing pricing!  In fact, Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer was just taking a stroll through them and noticed that this incredible old listing.

I know that pricing had gotten out of control in 2007, but… $1.25 million for EAST PALO ALTO? Burbed wasn’t using tags for posts then, but that entry would have needed something stronger than WTF, that’s for sure!  Anyway, PG wants you to know this property is back on the market, after selling in May, 2008 for $950,000. 

Care to take a few guesses what it’s listed for now?  Why don’t you mull that over, and join us after the break.  Then you can find out!  (No peeking on Redfin!)

(more…)

That is, if by “action” I really meant “trademark violation lawsuit.”  Here’s a weekend WTF for your enjoyment, thanks to Burbed reader James M.

Here’s what James has to say about this photo:

Here’s a great shot of a "media room" from a 6000+ sq ft Toll Bros monstrosity in San Ramon… Perfect for that tech baron in all of us!  That little TV looks pathetic…

Alas, according to Redfin, this listing was removed this past Thursday.  It was still on Trulia, though.

This is an Open Thread.  Let us know about the Open House action you saw this weekend, and how the big the flat-screen TVs are now that rents are going up again.

Today’s featured home shows that even at the very top of the housing pile, you can still find an agent cutting corners.  Or in this case, bulldozing them.  This entry is not only courtesy of Burbed reader Swan, it was written by Swan as well.  Yes, that means we have a new Guest Blogger for you to enjoy.

So let’s take a trip through the wilds of Woodside, and find out if it’s still the Real Bay Area.  And please give a warm, RBA welcome to Swan!

925 MOUNTAIN HOME Rd, Woodside, CA 94062
$13,900,000

BEDS: 8
BATHS: 10.5
SQ. FT.: 18,260
$/SQ. FT.: $761
LOT SIZE: 8.7 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: French
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1991
COMMUNITY: Central Woodside
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81128695
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 26 days

THIS STUNNING ESTATE FEATURES +/-8.7 ACRES IN ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS AREAS IN WOODSIDE * MAIN ESTATE FEATURES +/-18,000 SQ FT * FLAT, SUNNY, LEVEL SITE * CIRCULAR DRIVEWY * HORSES PRMITTED (VERIFY W/ WOODSIDE) ON PROPERTY * GREAT WOODSIDE VALUE WITH POOL HOUSE AND TENNIS COURT * TOO MANY FEATURES TO MENTION * * *

I think the comment of “TOO MANY FEATURES TO MENTION,” is code for “I’m too lazy.”  For example,

1. I’m too lazy to turn off the CAPS LOCK.
2. I’m too lazy to put the E in PRMITTED and the A in DRIVEWY.
3. I’m too lazy to turn the flash on when I take pictures of the living room.
4. I’m too lazy to make the swimming pool look inviting.
5. I’m too lazy to change the date on my camera.  As a result, some of the pictures are dated December 20, 2003.  Maybe that’s why the pictures are so dark.  2003 is back in the dark ages before smartphones, the iPad, and Burbed (sorry, don’t know the birthdate of Burbed).  (February 4, 2006, with this Redwood City beauty. –ed.)
6. I’m too lazy to ask someone, preferably the maid or butler, to clean up the island and countertop in the kitchen.  By the way, what is the red mystery object on the lone chair at the island?  At first, I thought it was a tomato.  On further inspection, I think it’s a Kong toy for dogs.

A simple search on Google yielded some better representations of this property.

1. http://www.commorancyproperties.com/925mountain_home.htm.  Note the clean kitchen and bright living room.  How about the woodwork around that fireplace?  And, wait a minute!  It’s got an indoor pool with retractable roof!  Who knew?
2. http://www.kerinicholas.com/ has a virtual tour.  But, OOPS!!, if you go to the tour, the price is listed as $13,900.  What a steal!