Here’s a listing with a rather intriguing backstory.  I wonder if any heads will roll over this monumental mismanagement in Mountain View.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for sending this in.  Except what PG sent in isn’t what you’ll see when check out the Redfin link.

 

505 CYPRESS POINT Dr #30, Mountain View, CA 94043
$220,000

BEDS: 1
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 645
$/SQ. FT.: $341
LOT SIZE: 2,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Condominium
STORIES: 1-3 (Low Rise)
YEAR BUILT: 1971
COMMUNITY: North Shoreline
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81135529
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 7 days

Beautiful 1 bedroom and 1 bath, single story townhome. Spacious living room, nice and quiet neighborhood. Prefect for 1st time home buyers. Great location, close by parks, schools and shoppings. Must See Now!

Um, okay, yet another cubicle condo so your homelife can be just like your work life.  But what PG sent me isn’t what’s on Redfin now.  Here’s what was sent in:

Update: lots of photos follow, so come see them after the break.  This is kinder to the front page in the true Real Bay Area Spirit.  Or something.

(more…)

I feel we’ve been neglecting Campbell for a while, so here’s another listing from the City Without a Nickname (please feel free to make one up in the comments) or how about More City for a Million.  However, according to Wikipedia, Campbell was where the fruit cocktail was first invented.  I don’t know how they poached that feat from Sunnyvale, where the Fruit Cocktail Tower is still standing.

Thanks very much to Burbed reader THN for bringing this great deal to our attention.  Burbed reader Sam Adu also recently mentioned it in comments.

183 DILLON Ave, Campbell, CA 95008
$424,900

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,565
$/SQ. FT.: $272
LOT SIZE: 4,599 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1934
COMMUNITY: Campbell
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81056007
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 244 days

Great home for the growing family. Close to sought after Downtown Campbell and Rapid Transit line. Kitchen has been remodeled with granit counter tops and tile flooring. Home comes with gas stove, microwave, and refrigerater. Back yard has built in BBQ with separate guest cottage (permit unknown)

Well, this listing copy’s a bit of a head-scratcher; the agent misspelled “granit” and “refrigerater” but nailed “separate guest cottage.”  I like how the “granit” goes with the single-pane windows and that seafoam green paint job from 1956.

That first picture’s a puzzlement, too.  Do they expect you to park your car in the garage?  Most people park on the driveway and use the garage as a storage shed, but the white picket fence makes that option impossible!  Where the heck are you going to store your back issues of National Geographic?

While your jaw drops lower and lower as you read the listing history below, we’ve highlighted the most important parts for you.  This house has not only been foreclosed, it’s been pending five times, and changed hands for $693,000.  In 2005.

And if you think that’s a lot of money, wait until you see the Zillow record.

Talk about freefall!  This house is doing the limbo, because nobody’s figured out how low can it go.  Meanwhile, four different Redfin agents have toured the place, and the reviews are in!

The location isn’t that bad, is it?

No, it’s not as close to the freeway as Monday’s house!  Whew!

UPDATE: Thanks to Burbed reader AstroWallaby’s on-target comments, I have this neighborhood photo for your consideration:

Who here doesn’t love overpriced crapboxes?  Anyone?  Of course we all do!  Overpriced crapboxes are what makes Burbed Burbed!  And today’s listing is not just an overpriced crapbox, but an overpriced crapbox with a mystery!  And you will NEVER guess where it is!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, who has a house to sell you.  Or maybe it’s a house to stay away from.  I just know that buy it or drive 25 miles in the other direction, you will not forget this place.

2504 EMMETT Way, East Palo Alto, CA 94303
$575,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4
SQ. FT.: 1,620
$/SQ. FT.: $355
LOT SIZE: 5,060 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: East of U.S. 101
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81110691
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 84 days

5 BEDROOMS, 4 BATHS, 2 CAR ATTACHED GARAGE, CENTRAL FORCED AIR HEATING, FENCED YARD. UPGRADED WITH DUAL PANE WINDOWS, ETC.

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer had to say about this house:

I was going to post this to compare its crackerbox joylessness with the current crackerbox from Mountain View, but thought the listing history might deserve a post all of its own. I’m HOPING you know some people with access to the MLS for listing histories, because Redfin only shows it redacted, and Zillow seems to be ignoring the old listings history, but check this bad boy out.

On sale since 2006, and they’re still in denial! It’ll be their 5 year anniversary of chasing the market down on the 26th. Oh man, I want the juicy listing data to see where these geniuses started at and how they overplayed their hand for 5 years. How the hell do you try and sell in 2006 and FAIL? SERIOUSLY? They must have priced this bitch at 1.2 million or something to start!

Okay, sfbb, I feel your pain.  And I found this:

Look!  It’s the same agent as now, all the way back in 2008, and the asking price was only $120K more.  Why, $120K wouldn’t even cover an East Palo Alto down payment in 2006.

Maybe this place was where they put the melamine in the milk products, or where our former Governor met up with bimbettes who weren’t classy enough to merit the Sacramento Hyatt Regency.

Well, you Burbed readers are a tough crowd.  I’ve been recovering from a nasty bout of fever, so I dialed in a quickie Open Houses and Open Thread on Sunday.  You guys, I swear!  I don’t think any column in Burbed ever got 5 negative votes before.  Even a listing credited to a commenter who collects thumbs downs the way East San Jose collects foreclosures did better than that!  

Good thing Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer sent in a great listing with commentary ready to go, so I can hide under the covers in my depreciating former RBA house until the recession is over.  Keep those contributions coming in, it means the zip code entries will be put off a long, long time!

Please give sfbubblebuyer a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome with today’s Guest Post from beautiful downtown Burbank San Carlos!

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885 SUNSET Dr, San Carlos, CA  94070
$749,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,610
$/SQ. FT.: $465
LOT SIZE: 8,100 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1957
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81008742
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 452 days

INCREDIBLE GARDENERS PARADISE. SPACIOUS 2 LEVEL HOME FEATURING 2 SEPARATE LIVING AREAS COMPLETE W/ 2 FULL KITCHENS. 4 bed/3 bath (1bed/1bath is a studio) IDEAL FOR LARGE OR EXTENDED FAMILY. PANORAMIC BAY VIEWS FROM BOTH LEVELS. HUGE SOLAR POOL-MULTI LEVEL REDWOOD DECKS. GORGEOUS NEIGHBORHOOD. DECK HAS BUILT IN/CUSTOM BBQ GRILL. RECESSED LIGHTING. GREAT AMBIANCE. EMAIL ONLY joyadeeb@gmail. com

This house is a short sell WAY below the prices of other houses in San Carlos, yet it has fallen out of escrow four times. (It’s in escrow again! Let’s see how long THIS one lasts.) Why would it be falling out of escrow when it’s almost not-a-lot-of-money less than other houses in the neighborhood? Nearby houses range from 1.1 to 1.6 million! Clearly there is a gaping portal to hell disgorging denizens of the netherworld into the house’s crawlspace! Or perhaps it has foundation issues that would make Bill Murray’s makeup artist blanch with fear. Perhaps Gilbert Gottfried lives in the house next door?

Whatever the reason, this house is slowly crushing the current owner’s balance sheet into a fine paste. Now’s the chance to buy it, slap in some mawbahl cawlums and flip it for 1.5! Get busy! I mean, think of all the flat screen televisions you could have! And you’d finally have the confidence to start that harem you’ve always wanted! BUY BUY BUY!

(But be sure to keep the Ghostbuster’s number handy in case that portal to hell thing turns out to be true.)

Here’s an interesting listing sent in by Burbed reader Tracy.  Unfortunately the listing was canceled last week after almost constant price reductions over an entire year.  That can only mean one thing: Rising prices are back, baby!

618 Genine Ct, San Jose, CA 95127
$359,950

Bedrooms: 4
Bathrooms: 1
Sqft: 1,182
Lot size: 11,000 sq ft / 0.25 acres
Property type: Single Family
Year built: 1940
Parking type: —
Cooling system: —
Heating system: —
Fireplace: —
Last sold: November 20 2003

Priced Right For A Deal! Country Ranch-Style 4 Bedroom Home on Huge/Massive Lot in Cul-de-Sac Location-Room to EXPAND & GROW. QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD. Tremendous Value. Mostly Hardwood floors under carpets. Detached 2 car garage with extra workshop. Great backyard for entertaining, bbqs, room for expansion and huge garden. Ready for your finishing touches. Come by and feel the love. GREAT DEAL!

First, here’s what Tracy had to say about this house (before the listing was canceled):

This is a weird one with monthly "huge" price reductions, a HUGE
lot with "nice" neighbors... 

Guess we missed the love, and that’s a shame, because Redfin agent Keith Wong toured the place twice!  Here’s what Keith had to say about this house.

Keith Wong – Field Agent on Redfin’s Southern East Bay Team

"Property has potential to be converted to a bigger property. Current property out of date but with the right buyer who is looking to do a possible tare down or a complete make over, this is the lot to do it"

3/25/2011

Possible tare down?  We better have an actual look at this place.

Wow, has that shade of green been used by an auto manufacturer since 1958?  Oh, it’s the tarp!  Never mind, then.  I figured if they threw in the car this deal might actually cash flow.

Speaking of cash, here’s the listing history from Zillow (Redfin helpfully deletes the prices when a listing is canceled, the spoilsports).  Quite a tare down:

See, that’s the kind of can-do initiative the Bay Area is famous for!  Here’s someone selling a place they picked up for only $50,000 at the beginning of the bubble and trying to convince everyone it’s actually worth an order of magnitude more, when almost everything else in that part of town is selling for 1999 prices!  And that’s why the listing got canceled.  Someone will give it a tare down, or maybe just a complete make over, and it’s going to sell for $800K.  Alum Rock’s gonna be hot, hot, hot!

Please welcome Burbed reader A Lewis back to the front page, with another thrilling listing from, you guessed it, the East Bay!  We know it can’t possibly be in the RBA because that entire part of the region is a chasm of no-can-do, but let’s see the place anyway!

Please give A your bestest, warmest Real Bay Area welcome!

---

A few details in this East-Bay, non-RBA listing make it stand out:

1733 Elm St, El Cerrito, CA 94530
$575,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 1,723
$/SQ. FT.: $334
LOT SIZE: –
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Other
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Hills, Wooded
YEAR BUILT: 2007
COMMUNITY: Del Norte
COUNTY: Contra Costa
MLS#: 40519704
SOURCE: EBRD
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 14 days

Built in 2007 by Arch John Rolf Hattam One block from BART, Separate APN from Sister build behind. Well designed spaces that create privacy throughout. Arch features everywhere, private and separate backyard, 2 car garage w/ interior acc. Eat in kitchen, laundry, home office rm, pier & grd bm foundtn

#1) The Arches! So important, the architect added the word "Arch" to his name: "Built in 2007 by Arch John Rolf Hattam" "Arch features everywhere".

#2) Built in 2007 (OK, great!), and it’s a short sale (oooops!). I think whoever gave them the construction loan is now crying their way to insolvency.

#3) You get a twin sister for your home – and it’s so close, you can reach out the back bedroom windows to touch it! "Separate APN from Sister build behind." I don’t know what an APN is, so who cares, I bet it just means instant equity. If you look at the picture on Zillow, you can see the foundations:

The second one doesn’t seem to be for sale – maybe the builders are living there – and I’m sure you’ll get to know them VERY well.

#4) The pictures, my god, the pictures. The place actually looks pretty nice from the thumbnails (and I was DYING to see those ARCHES!) – but the Realtor who stands to earn 3% by selling this beauty couldn’t be bothered to check his Redfin posting to find out he uploaded the thumbnails for the full-size pics. Let’s play a game: how few pixels do you need to tell a bathroom from a bedroom? Contestant #1: "Burbed, I can name that room with 250 pixels!" Contestant #2: "Burbed, I can name that room with 100 pixels!". Burbed: "NAME THAT ROOM!". 

#5) The listing history: they bought the empty lot for $225k in 8/2004. Finished building in 2007 and started selling in 2009 (whew!), for $749k (thanks, Zillow, for filling in the blanks – Redfin, you are falling behind!), then a steady game of de-list, drop price, re-list, leading us to today’s bargain price of $575k for an almost-townhome in a decidedly non-RBA neighborhood. If you look at the estimates, you will see he is on the WRONG SIDE OF ELM St. to be listing over $500k. It gets better as you go ‘uphill’ around here, and sorry, this house ain’t uphill.

Nice and close to BART, though.

Here’s a find from Burbed reader nomadic, who keeps unearthing all sorts of delights in Los Gatos.  Thanks very much!

15681 KENNEDY Rd, Los Gatos, CA 95032
$7,495,000

BEDS: 7
BATHS: 12.5
SQ. FT.: 12,405
$/SQ. FT.: $604
LOT SIZE: 3.58 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: French
STORIES: 3
VIEW: Mountains
YEAR BUILT: 1991
COMMUNITY: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81037550
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 263 days

Everything you ever dreamed of is right here in this magnificent French Chateau Estate. Main house 9,000sf, 6 complete suites, gold leafed fireplace, music room, library, wine cellar. Guest house is 3,500sf with guest suite, caterer’s kitchen, ballroom, theater, game room, onyx bar. Infinity pool, impressive portico, band and dance area many more special features. Incredible estate.

Here’s what nomadic had to say about this house:

Do you suppose this house comes with the band, and requires you to board all of the guests seated around the table? I guess for $7.5M you should get live-in entertainment included.

We already had a house ready for a party back at the beginning of the year, but this may be the first time the photos featured a party actually in progress.  Do you think the guests will sue or are they Facebooking their friends to say “Did you see I made Redfin?”  Actually from the age of this crowd I should ask if they’re telexing their friends, that is if they can’t get the houseboy to run down to Western Union.

Another thing to ask is just what this agent was trying to accomplish with this particular selection of photos.  It’s not so much that they’re bad photo, they aren’t.  But there’s a sameness about them that seems curious in trying to sell a home of this type.

Also I refrained from breaking out the little red arrows, but we have some mawbul kawlums going on here, or at least kawnkrete.

Okay, I’ll say it.  Seven and a half megageorges for this house, and they can’t be bothered to photograph the inside?  Maybe they’re trying the exclusivity angle by restricting the view to qualified buyers only.  But I’ve seen enough people pretending they have money when the whole financial structure is cantilevered atop playing cards and toothpicks, or in the real estate world, Different Piles of Other Peoples’ Money.  The upside of leverage is the profit when home prices go up, and the downside, well, if you aren’t smart enough to work that out then you get what you deserve.

Maybe they didn’t show the inside because the FBs can’t afford to furnish the place.

Okay, that was a cheap shot, but Redfin didn’t have a link to any other pictures.  I did go over to Zillow, intending to get the missing listing prices, and they had inside pictures plus they link to the virtual tour.  In a way, I’m kind of sorry I found it.  Not only is this place overdecorated like a simulacrum of “rich people’s furnishings,” the audio track is pseudo-wealthy music, too: the goddamned Pachelbel’s Canon in D.

I hate Pachelbel’s Canon with a passion.  Maybe that’s why the house hasn’t sold in more than two years. (253 days on Redfin, my sackbutt.)

This house may not be on VH1’s I Love the 1680s, but it sure loves 2006.  I say it’s going to party like it’s 1999.

Thanks to Burbed reader Sam for this “very unique” find in San Carlos.

790 BUCKLAND Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070
$1,049,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,965
$/SQ. FT.: $534
LOT SIZE: 7,565 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: Bi/Split Level
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1955
COMMUNITY: Cordes
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81113908
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 14 days

Wow!!This is a Tremendous 4bed 3 bath home. Unmatched features and wide open floor plan make this home “fit for a King” Heated bathroom floors, heated towel racks, remote control digitally controlled shower. Electrolox Icon Stanliess steele appliances with build in espresso machine makes this kitchen one of a kind. All new windows, floors, doors, Outstanding remoldel.

Here’s what Sam had to say about this listing:

I guess the listing agent forgot that in 2011 the “recently flipped” moniker isn’t a feature. Flip This House is sooooo 2006. But hey, it’s “fit for a King”: it has heated towel racks! It also has “Stanliess steele”. I don’t know what that is, but I’m pretty sure it would make a good porn star name.

Well, we got good news and bad news for you, Sam.  The bad news is this listing recently changed, maybe when the buyers accepted that pending without release offer.  Maybe they took away that “recently flipped” comment you mention that I didn’t find, what with my keeping your email sitting around for 2 weeks.  But the good news is that we don’t have to scratch our heads wondering what’s wrong with this place.  Redfin’s doing the heavy lifting for us!

Very unique!  I love very unique!  Nonconforming and weird is good too!  We’re going to love working with our Redfin overlords.  Meanwhile, check out the Google Streetview of this place!  I guess Spring Bounce means equity is rising. Something is rising, because the place doesn’t look exactly level.

But wait, there’s more!  Look at the listing history, OMFG!  This must be what Sam mean about recently flipped.  Plus a bonus foreclosure, this place has it all.

Don’t worry, Zillow’s got us covered on those missing listing prices.  Hoo-boy, can you say “Price Reduction”?

Cheer up!  The house was pending back in September, 2010, and that deal fell through.  It could happen again and YOU could be the next owner!

Whoever does buy it, please replace that rug with something that doesn’t look like the hardwood floor cut open and rotated 90 degrees.  Even Stanliess steele would look better.  But nothing beats a remote control digitally controlled shower.

Here’s someone who tried setting a Make Me Move price on Zillow and is now chasing the market down.  Or rather, meandering after the market which is chasing after a bunch of expired tax breaks.

765 DEVONSHIRE Way Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$949,888

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,816
$/SQ. FT.: $523
LOT SIZE: 6,976 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Attached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1961
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81110309
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 21 days

Great Location * Excellent Cupertino schools * Energy efficient * Spacious 4bd/3ba contemporarily remodeled * Bright * Low-VOC paints inside out * EnergyStar IB Roof System * Radiant heating * Double pane windows * Well insulated walls * maple cabinets * granite countertop * Stainless steel appliances * Huge beautiful backyard w/ fruit trees * Open house 3/26, 3/27 (1:30 ~ 4:30)

Stop me if I have this wrong, but isn’t this seller asking for almost a million bucks for a glorified box?  Face it, every child’s drawing of a house has something that this house is lacking in.  Maybe you can look at the listing image above and figure it out.

Here, I’ll even give you one more chance.  One of these things is not like the other things.

Anyway, I headed over to Zillow to find out the asking price from 2009, and discovered that there was a Make Me Move price on the house.  And it was $970,000. Now, Make Me Move can be complete utter Wishing Price, as there’s no obligation to sell it just because you entered it into Zillow.

Only this seller decided that the Make Me Move Wishing Price was a perfectly good place to start as an actual Asking Price.  We can see just how well that worked.

So after such drastic price cuts as 2% followed by 1%, the seller takes the listing off the market completely… and then it’s back two years later.  It’s back at its first price reduction, which shows the seller really hasn’t learned a danged thing in two years.

Somebody buy this and Make Them Move, because they aren’t going to do it on their own.

This one will be selling shortly, so don’t wait a minute!

871 S Wolfe Rd, Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$625,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 2,204
$/SQ. FT.: $284
LOT SIZE: 6,200 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Green Belt, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1966
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 80850222
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 791 days

SUNNYVALE CUPERTINO AREA , ,, COPLETE REMODELED, ,, IRON FENCE, ,PILLARS, ,STONE FRONT WALL, ,PROFISSIONAL LAND SCAPING, ,, ,, ,, ,, BUILT IN BBQ, ,, TILE FLOOR IN GARAGE, ,, A MUST SEE ASIS SALE, IN GROUND POOL STONE DECORATION AROUND 2 STORY W. / BALCONY, ,, ,A THANK YOU FOR SHOWING, ,, ,ATT; PRICE REDUCTION. .. .. .. .. SHORT SALE. .PRICE REDUCED SEP. 7TH 2010 , PRICE REDUCED. .. .

SUNNYVALE CUPERTINO AREA, ,, yes indeed, it’s in Sunnyvale all right, with Santa Clara schools!  And half the distance to Santa Clara as Cupertino.  But that’s okay, they can say CUPERTINO AREA because it got your attention, didn’t it?  If they said SANTA CLARA AREA you’d be demanding those awesome SANTA CLARA UTILITIES, and they didn’t want to get your hopes up.

We usually don’t get to see real estate photography this inspired.  Iron fence win!  Anyone know what the mystery item is in the back right corner?  It looks a little like a pushcart that lost a shoving match with a beach cafe.

The listing copy also says ATT; PRICE REDUCTION. .. .. .. .. which means AT&T stock went down, and so did either HH or IIII depending on which Morse operator took the telegram.  Then it says PRICE REDUCED SEP. 7TH 2010 , PRICE REDUCED. .. . (secret messages in here for terrorists?)  Has the price really been reduced that much that it needed three different mentions?

Um… whoa! This isn’t just chasing the market down, this is chasing the market up a tree too, just to see if it’s paying attention!  Did somebody really think a couple of tax credits was going to net them an extra $200,000 for this house?

Meanwhile we’ve got lots of pool ‘n patio shots, but not one inside.  What do you think the sellers did to the place that it’s listed for almost $200K less than it sold for in 2005?  And don’t worry about the listing amount, anyway, the FBs owe $805K on the place (putting 10% down when they bought it seemed so unfair, so they borrowed almost all their down payment back).  Just start overbidding now if you expect the bank to return your calls.

A THANK YOU FOR SHOWING.