In our previous installments, we saw a very small house priced under a million, and a very large house priced (and in contract within a month) under eight of those millions. Since the first home was a 2/1, and the second was an 8/4.5, we can surmise that getting four times the rooms should probably cost four times the cash. But it didn’t. It cost eight times as much. Why?
One of these homes was not like the other, one of these homes doesn’t belong, can you guess which house was not like the other, because its location was wrong! Yes, the house that’s one eighth instead of one fourth the asking price is on the wrong side of the great divide better known as Middlefield Road.
Or is it? Let’s take a look at today’s house, on the same side (but not the same neighborhood) as the garden shed. It’s not too big or too small, but is it just right?
Sq. Ft.: 3,040
$/Sq. Ft.: $845
Lot Size: 9,711 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Year Built: 1985
Community: Crescent Park
County: Santa Clara
Status: Pending Without Release This listing is in escrow, past inspections and waiting for loan funding. "Without Release" indicates that the current buyer doesn’t need to sell a home to buy the new home.
On Redfin: 111 days
GORGEOUS SPANISH STYLE HOME ON A LG PRIVATE LOT IN PREMIER CRESCENT PK NR DNTOWN. COURTYARD ENTRY & SPECTACULAR SETTING IS W/ MAGICAL GARDENS, PATIOS & FOUNTAINS. SPACIOUS LIGHT-FILLED FLR PLAN OFFERS APPR 3000SF, HDWD FLRS THRUOUT, HI CEILINGS, CROWN MOLDINGS, SPACIOUS RMS, EXTENSIVE USE OF LIMESTONE, MARBLE, GRANITE. LG ATTACHED 2-CAR ATTACHED GARAGE. EACH BDRM HAS ITS OWN PRIVATE BATH
I wish the realtard would stop SHOUTING at me! Even the agent for the broom closet had the courtesy to use lower case. And for two and a half mil, don’t you think they could spring for spelling out all the words? No, I do not want to say “hi” to the ceilings or find out what’s in that flour plan. Wondering how spacious the rams are. Or are they rums? Maybe it belonged to a chip designer and they’re ROMs. At least the $8M house had “roooms” so I could guess what they rly wr. But good move spelling out “LIMESTONE, MARBLE, GRANITE.” PRIORITIES. How does Limestone and Marble and Rock, Oh My! sound for this listing?
One more thing. Do you think the GARAGE is ATTACHED? I want to b sr.
Now, this property is taking a price hit for several reasons. First, it’s extremely close to a rather busy street:
Next, we already have the ideal formula for bedroooms to bathroooms from our previous two homes: 2 br for each ba. This house violates the golden realty ratio by having excess ba, so twice as many toilets to scrub.
These two flaws could easily knock twenty or thirty percent off the price of a home. Another oddity could pull it down some more: the home is advertised as a two story, but the second one is very well hidden. So well hidden it may be apocryphal, legendary, or really creative marketing (a fancy term for “lying”). As in: the second story is telling you the house has two floors.
No second floor here…
Where could it be?
Not in the COURTYARD ENTRY & SPECTACULAR SETTING IS W/ MAGICAL GARDENS, PATIOS & FOUNTAINS.
Perhaps it is at the end of these railroad tracks:
No sign of a staircase inside, either. Is this place really two stories? Better take another ten percent off our appraisal just to be sure.
So why is this house about a third the asking price of the Vampire Frat House when it’s 60% the size? The corrections above don’t add up to 67% off. I’ll tell you. Location, location, location. This house is in Crescent Park, which is simply on the Wrong Side.
One last apples-to-apples comparison. In the other neighborhoods, find the worst vehicles nearby. Here’s what passes for hillbilly in Crescent Park:
It’s a toss up between this, which is mitigated by being parked in front of the house being sold. So maybe the sellers will take it away. What the heck is it, a Lada? A Trabant?
Two-stroke engine mystery
vehicle versus… the horror of public transportation on this very street!
So much for a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Stay tuned for the next installment of Wrong Side Right City.