We’ve made comments about certain property listings where the photos seem more suited to an art gallery than a home website. Today’s house, though, is in a class by itself for serious WTFness. This San Jose museum masterpiece is so moved miles more than the masonry mainstream that it was nominated by two different Burbed readers within 24 hours: z2amiller and mtv-renter.

Grab your AudioTour listening device, slip on your headphones, and enjoy these curated images from a Cambrian townhouse available right now through your favorite real estate professional.  Or pick your least favorite realtard just to make ‘em have to look at it.

5692 HOLLYLEAF Ln
San Jose, CA 95118
$485,000

HOA Dues: $329/mo.
2 Beds
2 Baths
1,102 Sq. Ft.
$440 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1973
Lot Size: 2,120 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 9 days
HOA Dues: $329/month
Style: Traditional
Community: Cambrian
MLS#: 81308592
Property Type: Townhouse
View: Green Belt, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

This home is a work of art! Upon entering you will be amazed at the artistry of the tile floors and walls These amazing mosaics were designed by a true artist. This colorful home features a remodeled kitchen with granite counters updated appliances copper sink double pane windows 2 spacious patios 2 car garage and a great location in the complex across from a green belt Must See one of kind Home!

Tile? That roof above looks just fine for a place in California.  Although somebody please give this listing agent some punctuation.

Ooooookay, the patio is just a touch on the loud side.  Things are about to get louder, so click on through. Warning, eye protection is strongly recommended.

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As promised, today we’ve got pictures, pictures, pictures from our onsite visit to Steve Wozniak’s old digs. We’ve already featured this house three times, so we’ll just stick to what we found at the Open House this Sunday.  And of course, here’s the listing again.  Note that if you missed it, you have another chance to check it out. On Easter Sunday.

300 SANTA ROSA Dr
Los Gatos, CA 95032
$4,395,000

6 Beds
7 Baths
7,500 Sq. Ft.
$586 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1986
Lot Size: 1.19 Acres
On Redfin: 12 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: Tri-Level
Community: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
MLS#: 81307599
Style: Modern/High Tech, Contemporary
View: Mountains, Canyon, Valley
County: Santa Clara

Originally built for Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, This exquisite 7500 sq/ft, 6 Bed, 8 Bath on 1.19 acres, minutes to Los Gatos Blvd, combines post-modern style with majestic natural views. It is a natural abode full of light and warmth Euro chefs kitchen, wraparound terraces. Recent major re-design and renovation, one of a kind indoor/outdoor kids play area, pool w/ waterfall, Koi Pond +++.

Upcoming Open Houses

Sunday, Mar 31: 1:00-4:30 pm

And now for what we discovered!  First, the minute we walked in, we were stunned to see that the place was set up like an art gallery. This was a surprise for a couple of reasons. First, Open Houses are there to showcase the real estate, not the décor, and second, the comments on several of the stories we linked to on Sunday implied that the listing photos were a little, um, minimalist.  Which is a fancy way of saying lots of white paint and little else.

It turned out that not only were most of the sculpture and paintings in the house labeled as if we were in a gallery, they were for sale and the painter and her daughter were there to talk to any interested patrons. The sculptor was her mother (not present). The least we could do is link to their website and show a couple more works of art. Then we could remember that we’re a real estate site, not a fine arts portfolio. And then we could not say anything about the art as our readers excel at critical commentary.  Especially the critical part.

You can check out the listing photos if you want to see the major public rooms and some shots from the master suite. We’re going to show you what they didn’t.  On your left is detail from the music room, and we don’t think this is where they invited the string quartets to play Mozart.  Also the agent helpfully pointed out that this counts as a bedroom, as it has a closet.  The doorway on your right is off the music room and leads to one of a large number of baths.  We’ll get back to them later.

Those baths, the kids’ secret playspace, the cave, and much more await when you click on through!

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Who likes Mountain View? Lots of people, from watching the prices keep rising! So let’s visit another terrific home-buying opportunity in Google’s backyard, thanks to Burbed reader Single Pane Lass.  But there may be trouble in paradise with this piece of property. Why?

It’s been on the market for 31 whole days. That’s like 310 DOM in Stockton!

717 ALICE Ave
Mountain View, CA 94041
$1,300,000

4 Beds
2 Baths
1,654 Sq. Ft.
$786 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1978
Lot Size: 8,932 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 31 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Sylvan Dale
MLS#: 81304634

LOVELY MTN VIEW HOME WITH GOURMET KITCHEN, GRANITE COUNTER TOPS, LAMINATE WOOD FLOORS, WALK IN CLOSETS, SKYLIGHTS, GAS FIREPLACE AND HUGE LOT OF APPROX. 8900 SQ FT! CLOSE TO SHOPPING, PARKS AND DOWNTOWN MOUNTAIN VIEW.

Here’s why SPL sent in this fine façade in the Fortress.

Here is a wonderful example of how easy and fun it is to be a Professional Real Estate Agent–and a seller– in Silicon Valley these days.

Say you are running an illegal "foreign work program"/youth hostel/sweatshop. Not to worry! Just tell those kids to roll out of their Ikea bunkbeds, hop in the shower, use several towels, and fling them around the bedroom. Snap a few shots, and you’ll be pending in minutes. If anyone asks about why you have six people sleeping in one bedroom, just remind them that you are close to downtown!

We’re not sure if these pix are quite good enough to earn a Good Housekeeping Tag of Approval, but this is definitely proof that Bay Area Bubble 4.0 is making agents cocky.

It’s almost time for the weekend, and that means more Open Houses!  Now that Daylight Savings Time is fully in force, we can dispense with Winter Bubble and move directly to Spring Bounce.  So let’s have a look at this stupendously staged showcase, courtesy of Burbed reader Darkhorse.  Thanks very much!  And remember, if you have the perfect (by which we mean not at all perfect) listing for our front page, send it on in with your nominating speech, and you can also have your completely arbitrary internet handle turned into a tag!

1621 HURST Ave
San Jose, CA 95125
$1,245,000

3 Beds
3 Baths
2,150 Sq. Ft.
$579 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1984
Lot Size: 6,435 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 3 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Willow Glen
MLS#: 81307527
Style: Tudor
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Upcoming Open Houses

Saturday, Mar 16: 1:00-4:00 pm
Sunday, Mar 17: 1:00-4:00 pm

Regular & As-Is Sale, a Unique Custom Built Tudor Style Home w/ many upgrades in the last 4 years; Master suite w/ fireplace, guess bedroom, Sauna & Den upstairs; Master bed, 3rd bath w/ shower/steam room, kitchen, pantry/wine cellar, separate laundry area w/ butler downstairs; Beautiful landscaping; 2+2-Car Garage w/ compressor, lift, upstairs Art Studio/Recreation Room/Storage & Long Wide Drive Way.

What did Darkhorse find so Special about this house?  Surely it wasn’t just the compressor.

Willow Glen Listing — Thought you might enjoy this listing. The photos are stunning,  maybe a new staging technique, wonder if the tiger and swords are included with the purchase price.

Tiger? Swords? Darkhorse, how could you possibly miss the DOG PET HANGING OUT?  (Burbed reader DonnieJ says that’s a cat.)

Guess when a house has staging of this caliber, the buyer won’t mind that a Unique Custom Home w/ many upgrades in the last 4 years needs to be listed as-is. But don’t worry, it’s a REGULAR SALE! Park anywhere on the Long Wide Drive Way.

If you take a look along our right-hand column, you can see a number of useful things to click.  There’s our email contacts, for when you want to send in the perfect example of Housing Win.  There’s some interesting websites we think you’d enjoy.  And there’s a link for every category we’ve ever filed anything under, along with how many articles are in each one.  Most of our categories are location, location, location.

Take a glance at today’s category, Foster City.  It’s a little on the scant side, and there’s a good reason for that.  Foster City is full of tract housing, and most of it’s in fairly good shape.  Places with good schools don’t tend to get run-down properties.  And besides, there’s so much housing win right next door in the flats of San Mateo.  All this is a fairly long-winded way to welcome today’s featured home, from Burbed reader Pizzawillcome.  Thanks very much for pulling up a rarity: Burbed-worthy in Foster City!

676 PILGRIM Dr
Foster City, CA 94404
$808,000

2 Beds
2.5 Baths
1,340 Sq. Ft.
$603 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1964
Lot Size: 5,225 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 7 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Neighborhood
County: San Mateo
Stories: 1
Community: Treasure Isle
MLS#: 81301481
Upcoming Open Houses:
Sunday, Jan 27: 2:00-4:00 pm

Great Foster City Eichler style home in excellent neighborhood. Laminate wood floors throughout. Heated pool and spa. Huge master bedroom. Kitchen with granite countertops. Remodeled baths. This house is perfect for entertaining. Home needs a little TLC but is in great shape. This will go quick. Great price!

Here’s the Pizza on this fab find:

I’ve been visiting Burbed on a daily basis for a few months. It is strangely therapeutic.

This house gave me an urge to send in my first burbed alert.  My favorites are the Cinderella-style bathroom mirror and the vanity.

Our favorite picture is the first one, because we don’t typically find such artistic photos in Foster City.  They’re all strangely identical, but this one is by an agent who says, “No, dammit, this house needs to be backlit! The right buyer wants a house that looms menacingly.

“Also that buyer will appreciate not one but two 8s in the price.”

Bunus: what’s that in the mirror?

Let’s say you built a super expensive, fancy-schmancy custom one-of-a-kind house on a spectacular view lot and had a bunch of designers each decorate a different room in the place to make it Extra Super Mega Special. Then you ran a charity fundraiser by calling it a Designer Showcase and listed the place for $45 million.  And of course you list it with Sotheby’s.

And yet, let’s say this drop-dead-gorgeous spec palace did not find a buyer for $45 million (or, we assume, anywhere near that vicinity) when it was first listed this February.  What do you do?

You could cut the price ten million or so.  And it looks like that was tried as well, as the most recent price last week is $35.88M.  And yet, the house is still sitting there, all lonely on its double lot and intense blue skies obtained with the finest Photoshop filters.  What’s the next step to avoiding serious financial fail?

In this case, the solution (or at least the next attempt at avoiding a catastrophe) is to put the house up for auction.  The starting price will be $25 million.  At least one website actually states this is going to result in the home selling for last February’s price.

Alas, we missed the preview yesterday afternoon.  But the auction will be on December 30th, giving you plenty of time to contact the right people and get yourself in on the fun.

Redfin won’t disclose the address, but we sure will: 425 Belvedere Ave, Belvedere.  You’re welcome.

Click the image at right to see the home’s brochure and many more pictures in tones of sapphire and sunset.  You can also drool all over the home’s website if the brochure isn’t enough house porn for you.

So, is the market bubble over already, or did the home builders simply overreach with a $45 million ask?  What do you expect the place to fetch at auction?  Is the opening $25 million minimum sufficient to move this mess?

Let’s finish up our week in The City with some, um, Extreme Real Estate photography.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for finding this superb San Francisco studio.

1950 Gough St #203
San Francisco, CA 94109 (Pacific Heights)
$495,000

1 bath 600 sqft Condo
Open House:
Saturday Dec 15th, 2pm to 4pm
For Sale / Resale
Listing Details
7 Days on Trulia
397 views

Stunning Pacific Heights Jewel Box. This Lafayette Park view pied-a-terre in a desirable 1920′s steel frame building on top of the hill is sure to charm you with its attitude. Perhaps the most beautiful studio in San Francisco. Impressive chef’s kitchen. Formal dining area with built-ins. Hardwood floors and high ceilings. Handsome black and white tile bath. Inviting sleeping alcove. Good closets. Laundry, strg and small car deeded parking in bldg. Stunning lobby and facade. Elevator. A+ reserves. Professionally managed. Newly renovated Lafayette and tennis courts, Fillmore, Union, Polk, cultural meccas, downtown, Muni and Whole Foods.… Small pets ok.

Sorry, pending, and Redfin’s already yanked the pictures down but you can see the old listing copy, and better yet, the old (2003) price of $335K.  Also the old number of bedrooms (1) and the old HOA dues of $263. What the dues are now is a mystery. Perhaps this is a case of if you have to ask…

The missing photos are really a shame, as this curated photography gallery will really give your eyeballs a great workout.  We’ve included some of the better examples in case Trulia also goes dark on us.

Let’s begin with something you don’t often get to see in real estate photography: an actual action shot.  As you can see, not only is the building painted white, but vehicles can drive right by the front door.  Time-lapse photography illustrates how this could work in real life.

Also, in case the top photo made you wonder about the interior decorating scheme, we have plenty more that should assure you the current owner really did go all in on the burnt pumpkin and expired cream palette. 

Click on through to see those and more!

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Some of you seemed a little miffed that there was no featured house yesterday.  Worry not!  We have a complete piece of crap an exciting opportunity for you today!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader peninsula.man for keeping an eye on this Willow Glen wonder.

2417 WESTGATE AVE
San Jose, CA 95125
Offered at $749,000

Active Contingent
Type  Single Family Home
MLS #  ML81234991 
SqFt  1,897
Beds  2 
Baths  1 Full 
Lot Size 8,400 SqFt
Year / Age  1949 / 63

Bring your contractors and do-it-yourselfers. This needs a total remodel or tear down and a new home. Many newer homes around it. Large lot near the gates at Willow Ranch. Take a look and make us an offer. This is a probate sale. Please use CAR form PPA and PAK. A real estate commission will be paid to the successful bidder only. SUBJECT TO OVERBIDS IN COURT

Here’s what peninsula.man had to say while hoisting this listing over the transom:

Honestly this house made me speechless. The idea that someone would buy a 750k tear town in the south bay…is just absurd.

Oh come on, this is the kind of house upon which Burbed was founded, all the way back in 2006.  Three quarters of a million dollars for a house that’s, if not uninhabitable, at least suffering from some poor design choices? 

All we can say to that is… SUBJECT TO OVERBIDS IN COURT.  And… bring it!

After wasting everyone’s time far far away from the RBA yesterday, the least we can do is finish strong for the week.  And what could be stronger than a house full of curb appeal for an amazing low price?  How about a house full of Burbed appeal for an amazing price you can’t have, because the listing got canceled?  We’ll leave it to you to figure out if this is a new way to say Pending/Do Not Show.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Dr. Jim for sending this one in.

3284 Ramona St
Palo Alto, CA 94306
$1,449,000

Loan Payment:  $4,966/mo
Bedrooms:  3
Bathrooms:  2
Size:  1,601 sqft
$/Sqft:  $905/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  1950
Lot Size:  6,250
Days on Movoto:  38 days
Neighborhood:  Midtown
MLS#:  81237014
Status:  Cancelled

Great Location Midtown home on one of the most saught after street in Palo Alto, home has good bones and sq ft. Bring your imagination to make this your dream home with few upgrades, North East facing lot with lots of sun light. Walking distance to El Carmelo Elem and JL Stanford middle.

The house has good bones, which you can dig up in the back yard.

And it also has sq. ft., namely 1601 of them.  But that’s not why Dr. Jim brought this princely palace to our attention:

Midtown Palo Alto crapshack for $1.45 million. And horrible ad copy to boot!

Oh dear, has Dr. Jim no poetry in his soul? Doesn’t he understand you have to to bring your imagination to make this your dream home with few upgrades?  And if you want a dream home with many upgrades, you should bring your stock portfolio.

Seriously, does nothing please you people?  It’s on a North East facing lot with lots of sun light.  That’s like two lots in one in only 6,250 sq. ft. to go with the good bones.

Bunus: The toilet is so awesome they show it twice.  Check it for additional good bones.

Mor Bunus: Check out the Movoto logo in the listing above.  The graphic designer let us know exactly what s/he thinks of the house!

Listings tend to fall into certain kinds of categories here at Burbed.  There’s your all around crapshack, usually sold for the land value and no pictures inside.  There’s your overbuilt flip that’s wrong for the neighborhood.  There’s your overbuilt “dream home” that’s wrong for any neighborhood, and its cousin, the nightmare home whose builder ran out of money. Burbed reader Tracy Tea House has found us something else entirely over in East San Jose: winner of the wtf tag.

1764 Mount Kenya Dr
San Jose, CA 95127
Not for Sale

Zestimate $434,672
Rent Zestimate $2,549/mo
Est. Mortgage $1,507/mo

Beds: 5
Baths: 2
Sqft: 1,884
Lot: 5,662 sq ft / 0.13 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1961
Construction quality: 6.0
County: Santa Clara
Last remodel year: 1961
Legal description: TRACT 2450 MT PLEASANT BOOK 132 PAGE1 7 LOT 792
Lot depth: 105
Lot width: 54
Parcel #: 64724054
Per floor sqft: 1,884
Total rooms: 7
# Stories: 2.0
Structure type: Other
Unit cnt: 1
Zillow Home ID: 19786732

Split level home with so much potential. Three bedrooms upstairs and two downstairs. Open floor plan with large living room. Inside laundry. Downstairs bedrooms may be locked but rest of the house is view-able. Large separate storage room outside, detached workshop. Some double-pane windows. Home needs front and back landscaping, has nice decorative stone wall. Good handyman special.

We’re not going to let a little thing like the house not being for sale stop us.  Besides, Movoto’s got it for $350,000.

Here’s what Tracy had to say when sending in this Alum Rock redoubt:

Do not drink before viewing these pictures!

Oh wow. Wrong in so many ways, but the picture of the kitchen is a first for me! This house just hit the market for 350K

What, you’ve never seen green cabinets before?  Oh, you mean this one.

We don’t think we’ve ever seen one of those in a kitchen before either.  Guess putting it outside isn’t that good an idea.

Bunus: Check out the (five years) old listing photos currently on Redfin.