Today’s delicious domicile comes to you from Alameda, the island garden of the Bay.  Or should we say Oakland Afloat? Estuary Estates? Maybe you have an even better name for Alameda than those! Thanks very much to Burbed reader JL for finding a house with a creative command to the buyer.

492 MCDONNEL Rd
Alameda, CA 94502
$599,000

3 Beds
2.5 Baths
1,625 Sq. Ft.
$369 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1992
Lot Size: 3,895 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 19 days
Status: Pending
HOA Dues: $365/month
Style: Contemporary
Community: Bay Colony
MLS#: 40601391
Type: Duet
Stories: 2
County: Alameda

Very sunny duet home W/ big lot, great size open backyd, spacious driveway, cul-de-sac. Extra high ceiling grand entrance. Gorgeous new kitchen. double pane window. HOA cover exterior, roof, front yd & insurance. close to ferry terminal. One of a kind. Must see. Nobody pass away inside the house.

Here’s what JL had to say about the house:

Burbed is the best! I had to pass along an Alameda listing that has generous and inexplicable amounts of fail.

First, there’s only outside pictures. Never a good sign. But the best thing is the description. Granted, I think we may have a non-native speaker as the writer, but the last line is hilarious no matter what.

The strange thing is, this looks like a nice house. The redfin Streetview link takes you to a street over a block, but if you go to Google street view directly, it shows a decent-looking place. So the Redfin listing could have been nice, but instead was awesomely bad.

Awesomely bad? It’s not every house that’s not just part of a cookie-cutter tract but a gol-durn “duet home” in a cookie cutter tract that can call itself “one of a kind”! Now that’s awesomely something!  Plus there’s insurance in the front yard! The $365 a month HOA fees are just the cherry on this Win Sundae!

We tried to find the collection of “only outside pictures” without success.  Other listing sites either had the photos removed (with the listing marked as off market) or a slightly different set of photos, inside as well as out.  Here are a couple more, just in case Redfin yanks these bright and early Monday morning. 

And we mean it about the bright, as the Cherenkov radiation is strong in this one.  Just for grins, check out the outdoor pix on Zillow!  Must see.

Serious WHOA.  Of course if we had a yard like that, we wouldn’t pass away inside the house either.

Our pleas have been heard!  A couple of weeks ago, when posting the nine kajillionth house in Mountain View “close to Google,” we asked for homes that were not in the hot, hot, hot Mountain View/Palo Alto area.  And Burbed reader JL has delivered, with this attractive attached abode in Alameda.  Yes, Alameda, as in the island in Alameda County.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you about this one, because we certainly did.

2909 BAYVIEW Dr
Alameda, CA 94501
$465,000

4 Beds
2 Baths
1,716 Sq. Ft.
$271 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1964
Lot Size: 3,051 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 10 days
Type: Duet
Stories: 2
Community: Alameda
MLS#: 40590093
Style: Contemporary
View: Water
County: Alameda

Open – Sunday, Sept 23rd, 2 – 3 pm only. A 4 bedroom single-family attached home situated on a quiet lagoon, close to the beach and walking path. TLC needed for this contemporary home.

So far, nothing too alarming here, other than this “duet home” having a garage door face-off.  One looks like a paint sampler and one doesn’t.  One has a peaked roof feature and one doesn’t.  The windows and shutters aren’t matched either.

Guess our standards shouldn’t be so high when buying a house directly from the bank instead of through a pesky owner.

So first, let’s first admire that Water view we were promised.

Delightful!  Ready to see the inside of the house?  Sure you are.  You may need to take a minute to adjust your eyes from the bright sun glinting off the water.  We’ll give you a brief rest by making you click through to see them, and many more pictures!

(more…)

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this find!  It’s great to know that nobody’s going to stiff Sunnyvale for bragging rights to the most expensive residence in the entire country, so take that Yuri Milner!

104 BRISBANE Ter, Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$652,000,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 1,777
$/SQ. FT.: $366,911
LOT SIZE: 4,489 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Attached Single Family
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1988
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81148138
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 1 day
NEW LISTING (24 HOURS)

Beautifully remodeled home that features high vaulted ceiling, new flooring throughout, granite countertops and dual sinks in both bathrooms, 2 fireplaces, gated community. Must see. Home is located close to downtown Sunnyvale(shopping), and Cal Trains. Centrally located, 10 minutes to Google , 7 minutes to Apple Co. Be in your dream home before Christmas!!

Here’s what Swan had to say when sending this beautifully remodeled home in:

Here’s a townhome in Sunnyvale (not even Cupertino schools) for $652,000,000!  Talk about a typo (hopefully).  Someone needs to go back to elementary school and learn some place value.

10 min. to Google and 7 min. to Apple.  I think I see a price reduction in the near future!

Just because Trulia has this property designated as Off-Market, formerly listed for $670K, don’t be so sure this is a typo.  Look at all you get with this house:

Not only beautifully remodeled, the agent spelled “remodeled” correctly.  You can’t ever count on that (see tomorrow’s listing for proof of that).

High vaulted ceiling: You know what that means?  Right.  Bank vault.  This house is selling for upwards of half a billion dollars because a former Washington Mutual VP was bringing too much high-value work home.

New flooring throughout: More places to hide money!  This house is going to be the best treasure hunt ever!

Granite countertops: Say no more!  Granite!  If you’re going to decorate like it’s 2006, you might as well pay like it’s 2006!

Dual sinks: This property will be have a water view twice as fast as a normal place would!

2 fireplaces: If you don’t make your money the old-fashioned way, you can BURN IT.

Gated community: You get a “clicker” to keep the riff-raff where they belong: in 99 percentville.

Close to downtown Sunnyvale(shopping): I’m glad they tell you what is in downtown Sunnyvale.  I thought it was for watching construction projects repeatedly fail.

and Cal Trains: Whoo-whoo!  I hope you like Cal Trains, because you’re going to hear every one of them!

Centrally located: Miles from a freeway no matter what direction you go.  Hope you like traffic lights!

10 minutes to Google: Are you sure? I was able to Google this property in about five seconds.

7 minutes to Apple Co: Siri, turn this traffic light green immediately.

Be in your dream home before Christmas!!  And save $8,150,000 with Redfin!  Wait, wait, I almost forgot… this house has a gold star!  Let’s see what the Redfin agent thought of it:

But does it have a shed-like structure?  Because if it doesn’t, I’m only offering $651,990,000.

Update: Price reduced to $652,000 at 9:13 am.  That’s a 99.9% cut, which is a perfect promo for our Black Friday Sales!

Howdy, Guest Editor sonarrat here for a record-breaking second listing in the same month! Well, I grew up in the South County area, and I still have a soft spot for that sleepy, oft-forgotten area between the IBM exit on Bailey Ave and the shortcut to I-5. As I drive on the gently winding road through the dead, lifeless and empty Coyote Valley or take the even less scenic route along the deserted Monterey Highway by the town of Coyote (pop. 121), I can’t help but feel like I’m coming home. It’s that warm and fuzzy feeling that you can’t explain, especially to anyone who grew up anywhere else. If you’re coming to shop, though, like a lot of people, you want to keep going past the Harley-Davidson dealership in Morgan Hill and make a beeline for sunny Gilroy, the self-proclaimed “Garlic Capitol of the World.”

 

355 W 8th St, Gilroy, CA 95020
$275,000

 

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,957
$/SQ. FT.: $141
LOT SIZE: 10,000 square feet
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1920
COMMUNITY: Morgan Hill/San Martin/Gilroy
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81120758
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 126 days

Short Sale AS-IS Zoned R3!! Plans approved for a Duplex. LARGE LOT 10,000 SQ!! Developers Dream Large Lot and Lots of Potential!! Converted Garage!! DO NOT DISTURB TENANTS!!! POTENTIAL!!! LARGE LOT 10K Plans for two homes. LOT HAS R-3 ZONING!!! SHORT SALE Will need approval from Lender on SHORT SALE AS-IS ZONING R3 R3 R3 R3 Please DO NOT DISTURB OCCUPANTS!!! Lots of POTENTIAL!!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!! So, um, what we have here is clearly a very excitable realtor. But the listing bears closer inspection. After all, during your interminable drive down here, you will see a sign that reminds you of why you made the trek.

Yes sir, you drive a little and save a lot in Gilroy. That’s why, for the price of this lovely updated condo in a convenient San Jose neighborhood with high-rated schools, you can have a scraper in a blighted neighborhood, the main selling point of which is that you have the possibility of casting it off the face of the Earth and starting over again from scratch. Not, mind you, that anyone is questioning the value in Gilroy. This is a lot of house for the money, and a lot of flat usable land, too. And as an added bonus, you get to hear the same train tracks Steve Jobs does – the Caltrain station is just a few short blocks away! Not to mention a number of cafes where you can get your daily coffee or 15. In a subtle attempt to emphasize how much house you’re getting, the realtor included 9 vibrant photographs. Let’s have a look:

That’s what I call value for your money. One exposure, nine reasons why you should call Gilroy home! But wait – there must be some reason why the realtor is so amped up that his finger twitched nine times on the “post” button and forgot entirely to mention this is actually a legal duplex, address 345-355 W 8th St. People just don’t get this excited normally. Oh, what’s this?

The fastest flip in the West has competition! Or else the realtor’s head exploded and no one has bothered to remove the listing. Either way, you win at 345 W 8th St in Gilroy! Drive a little, save a lot!