Yes, you heard right, today we have an actual house for sale for less than $300 big ones.  That means you have no more excuses for not becoming a homedebtor.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader holyzoo for passing along this palace in Pacifica!

627 Edgemar Ave
Pacifica, CA 94044
$289,000

Loan Payment: $1,022/mo
Bedrooms: 3
Bathrooms: 1&1/2
Size: 1,000 sqft
$/Sqft: $289/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 1950
Lot Size: 5,104
Days on Movoto: 14 days
Neighborhood: Pacific Manor
MLS#: 81303817
Status: Active

This is a total fixer upper. The house needs everything! Swimming pool full of rancid water. Considered uninhabitable . Sewer lateral needs to be replaced. This is a contractor special. The house needs all new systems and total restoration. Large termite report calls for further inspections. Holes in walls. Wood floors ruined.

Did you hear that? This house has EVERYTHING!  Let’s check in with the zed.

Yeah, I know it’s totally not RBA, but how often do you actually see a listing for under $300k?

I think we’ll be heading to the open house just to feel thankful we don’t have cancer or gangrene.

Speaking of the open house, let’s see how open the walls are.

Wait a minute, wait a minute… Remember when we last saw floors like this?  Sure you do.

Now, we are definitely not saying that this house could have allegedly been a hypothetical meth lab.  And we are definitely not saying that this house could have been used for any non-normal innocent suburban purposes whatsoever OH PLEASE DON’T SUE US PLEASE DON’T THROW US INTO THAT BRIAR PATCH JACKPOT JURY PROCESS. 

But we are saying that it’s a good thing the nearest fire station is, we swear we are not making this up, only 88 yards from this house.

Have a look at some more pictures, including one that is very definitely NSFW, after the break.

(more…)

Usually a property gets featured on burbed because it’s incredibly overpriced or a complete and utter disaster.  It’s rare to find a listing that’s both.  Thanks to burbed reader sonarrat, who has absolutely broken the mold by finding us this house.

342 Bonita Ave  Piedmont, CA 94611
$2,000,000

Beds: 4
Baths: 1.5
Sq. Ft.: 2,524
$/Sq. Ft.: $792
Lot Size: 0.28 Acres
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Victorian
STORIES: 1
Year Built: 1878
Community: Central
County: Alameda
MLS#: 40367236
Source: EBRD
Status: Active
On Redfin: 745 days

The Wetmore House, Piedmont’s oldest home. Folk Victorian with much original detail. On Nat. Reg. of Hist. Places. Includes sep. “barn” , a 1+ bedroom LEGAL rental w/ $2000/mo. income. Lovely garden with fruit trees; well on the property keeps everything green. Needs much updating & restoration

This property has way more than merely a sky-high price and poor condition.  Not only does it need extensive repairs, but you have absolutely no say in how to improve it because it’s on the National Registry of Historic Places!  But this gets even better.

Do you like a bargain?  This house has had a 42% haircut so far!  That’s $1.5 million of instant equity right there!  And it’s been on MLS for two years!  Now what would you pay?

How about a big house on a quarter acre with no garage?  Because in 1878 nobody needed a garage.  There’s a “barn” for your “horses,” and if that was how rich people lived in 1878, then why should you complain?  This house is on the National Registry of Historic Places!  Be grateful they’re not making you dress in period costume!  And speaking of complaining…

Are you thinking location, location, location?  Well this two-million-dollar sinkhole is located in a place where the residents think they live in the Real Bay Area but they can’t possibly… because it’s in (gasp) THE EAST BAY.  Not only is Piedmont in the East Bay…. it’s completely surrounded by Oakland. And wait, there’s even more to love about this listing!

When I said location, location, location, I wasn’t kidding.

You’re not going to have to worry about emergency response time if you live here, because the only fire station in the whole town is located right next door!  Hope you’re a sound sleeper!

Plus you’ve got an elementary school across the street to ensure you can’t drive anywhere during the beginning or end of the school day, and forget about having any friends over because every parking space within five blocks will be taken by the suburban assault vehicles.  And just in case the school has a teacher-out-of-service day, the high school is conveniently nearby too.

Yes, this house is smack-dab in downtown Piedmont, so you’re right in the middle of ALL the action!  At least you can ensure you’ll always be first in line to sign up for classes at the Rec Center!

Plus, buy this house and not only will you have an insanely high monthly mortgage payment, you can also partake in the joy of being a landlord!  The agent said the rental onsite is LEGAL, and have you ever heard of a real estate agent being dishonest?

This has got to be the best burbed listing EVER!  So please buy it, because it’s only assessed for $104,000.  Everyone at the Fire Department will come over and thank you personally.