Thanks very much to Burbed reader Ek for this find in the beautiful Blossom Valley area of San Jose.  This is the friendliest neighborhood you could live in, and today you’ll find out why.

 

3821 VILLA GLEN Way, San Jose, CA 95136
$665,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,612
$/SQ. FT.: $413
LOT SIZE: 7,200 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1968
COMMUNITY: Blossom Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81140137
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 11 days

OH Sat/Sun 2-4 Wonderful updated floor plan in great “Thousand Oaks Neighborhood” * Open floor plan * hardwood floors * crown molding * granite counters * plantation shutters * extensive use of pavers * outstanding backyard oasis with custom covered patio, palm trees and pebble tec pool * Close to park and schools * This one is a must see.

Looking this listing over, I didn’t see that much wrong with it.  Admittedly the décor’s a little out of fashion (okay, a LOT) and the agent could have done a better job with the photos.

Dim dining rooms, more granite than kitchen, and a sky that shrieks “This was shopped!” are mildly interesting, but not worthy of front-page status on Burbed.  But “this one is definitely a must see,” yet I’m not talking about the house.  Here’s why Ek sent this listing in:

Zoom up on the Google Street view….the owner is communicating to you.

Google Street View?  Coming right up!

Now, let’s zoom in…

We’re Number One!  We’re Number One!!!!

Burbed has been using this image for a few months to accompany reader Guest Posts.

I love this picture, but I have no idea where it was taken.  And I haven’t been able to find it again since I snarfed it from Google Images however long ago.  I’m suspecting this was hurricane damage to a new development but it would be nice to know.

I’d like to have a few more photos to use to label Guest Blog posts from our excellent Reader Contributions, especially some from this area.  Here’s a few I’ve been thinking of using. Let me know what you think, or link to some you like!

On the left is one of my favorite photos from a Burbed listing.  We had to give the agent props for including this in on MLS, because it was awfully hard to shoot around it.

Best of all, this place has been pending for almost six months!

This one below is such a favorite, it generated its own number.  Yes, because the House Came With Dudes, we now have a Dudes Hanging Out (DHO) Index for any real estate photos that include people unwilling to clear out.

There’s the typical Silicon Valley crapbox, and then there’s the crappy Silicon Valley crapbox:

Or this kitchen that was supposed to help sell a $3.1 million dollar house.

Or say it with class!  MAWBUL KAWLUMS!  With lots of RED ARROWS!

So these are some starting points, but please share your favorite ugly house pictures from the Real Burbed Area!  This is an Open Thread.  (Not that not declaring an Open Thread ever stopped any of you.)

Because so many people would do an even worse job than those hardworking professionals, and that’s really saying something.  Thanks to Burbed reader Chris for passing along this photo.

This is an Open Thread.

We’ve got some big changes coming, folks.

SEATTLE, WA – April 1st, 2011 – Redfin, the internet-savvy online real estate firm, has announced an agreement to acquire the award-winning Silicon Valley real estate site Burbed and all its subsidiaries.  Redfin CEO Glenn Kelman explained at an industry conference that their strategy of thinking outside the box meant they had to wander further than most people expected.  “Customers appreciate our online tools and our agents who work on salary, plus our rebating part of the commission back to the customer,” he explained in an interview with Instant Equity Today.  “But we’ve pretty much maxed out on finding clients who know they want to buy property.  Those people tend to come to us.  Now we’re going to find the people who say they don’t won’t to buy.  We’ve found if we can identify those people and give them the right message, they tend to spend even more than the motivated buyer.”

Burbed, based in the renowned Gables’ End complex in Mountain View, CA, has generated quite a following among home aficionados who love to criticize the excesses of the housing market. “Anyone who would buy in this environment must be smoking something,” opined one regular commenter on the site.  The typical fare found on Burbed features home listings that few would consider desirable.  Part of the site’s appeal is its ability to demonstrate how out of whack pricing is with current market reality, although there is also a strong interest in seeing just how bad some of the offered property can be.  And Redfin couldn’t help but notice that all Burbed listings come direct from Redfin’s search tools.

“Yesterday they had this place that a tree fell on,” enthused a regular reader in Gilroy, home of the internationally famous Gilroy Garlic Festival.  The listing had three pictures of this house completely crushed by this humongous dead tree.  Timber!”  Other regulars described the typical Burbed listing as either an overpriced “crapbox,” or a house with no visual appeal whatsoever, or an even more overpriced house with serious flaws the seller was blind to.

Kelman said such strong passions among Burbed’s readership indicate a desire to own a house, and Redfin will find a way to get those people locked into discount-priced mortgages (also sold on Redfin).  “Look, my orders are to get as many people obligated to my financial overlords for the next thirty years.  This is the best way to find people who can buy but don’t want to.  Hey, I’d prefer you not print what I just said.”

Burbed’s CEO and majority shareholder, who would not identify him/herself other than by “burbed,” admitted that the current site content creators might not enjoy working for their new owner.  “But look, they can buy a million dollar place and save $12,500.  That’s a lot more than I was paying them.”  One of the content creators, when asked to comment on the news, unleashed a stream of profanity and turned her guitar amplifier up to 11.

Kelman also admitted part of his interest in buying the Burbed syndicate, which was accomplished via a 10% first mortgage, a 5% HELOC, and an undisclosed number of suitcases of cash, was so he could have first crack at any Real Bay Area listing featuring marble columns.  “Damn, those are some of the best houses out there.  I want one.  I want to pinch myself and say I live here!  How ridiculous is that?”

Both firms, coincidentally, were founded in February, 2006.  Burbed will move its headquarters to Seattle but maintain its RBA presence.  “I don’t’ see how we can update that RBA map if we don’t,” explained burbed, while dodging a falling piano.  A Seattle version of the Burbed site is expected by the third quarter.

Spell the ALE in YALE.  A-L-E.  Okay, smart guy, now spell the SEX at STANFORD.

Right.  There isn’t any.  Now can anyone come up with a decent caption for this bus sign?  Our thanks to Burbed reader nomadic for spotting this one over here.

Have you made a list of New Year’s resolutions?  That’s a difficult, painful, and ultimately pointless task, because few people keep them for long.  It’s far more effective to make resolutions for what other people should do. So here are some 2011 resolutions for Burbed readers.

• Visit at least ten open houses this year – This is a good idea for several reasons.  One, if you want to become a homeowner, you need to start thinking like one.  Two, the more homes you visit, the better you will become at telling a bargain from a disaster.  And three, if the place you visit is an absolute piece of crap, you can send it in to Burbed so we have more material.
• Take a real estate class – Real estate is a fascinating field, with its own language, customs, paperwork and buzzwords.  Not only will you learn something about the homebuying process, you will be able to pepper your Burbed comments with useful phrases such as “leverage” and “negative equity.”
• Choose a trade-up area – Even if you already own a home, there’s probably someplace more Special than where you live.  Find one of those places and learn about it.  Follow new listings that appear from your designated “new” neighborhood.  Figure out how much it will take to trade to this new neighborhood and then justify your staying put in comments.
• Create your home budget – Calculate how much discretionary income you have.  Take your gross paycheck, subtract all required payments out such as taxes, utilities, coffee and sushi.  You can list discretionary expenses such as clothing and movie money, but don’t include them in your budget.  Is your number positive?  Take the rent out too. Once you buy a home you won’t be paying rent to a landlord anymore when you can rent your money from a bank!
• Determine how much home you can afford – Did you create your budget in the previous resolution?  Of course you didn’t.  Why don’t you go back and do that one for real?
• Make an offer – Learn about the homebuying process by working with an agent, visiting homes, and submitting an offer to buy property.  The key to not having to actually buy a house is to only submit lowball offers.  In a healthy market, a lowball offer is usually more than 12% under asking price.  In today’s market, the wishing prices are usually much more than 12% over actual market prices, so you are going to only offer 25% or more under asking.  Otherwise, you’re in danger of having your offer accepted. In the event it is, remind the seller’s agent that she won’t be earning her full commission.  If your (buyer’s) agent objects to your approach, assure her that Suzanne researched this.

Well?  What are you waiting for?  It’s 2011! The time to buy is NOW!

Whatever traditions you and your family celebrate, we wish you peace, and joy, and happiness, and low interest rates, and RBA home prices doubling every ten years like they’re supposed to.

So, what gifts did you get that you loved, or loathed, or what did you give to your loved ones?  Or best of all, what did you want that you didn’t get, so you’re going to buy it for yourself when the stores re-open?

Did anyone get a house?  And if you did, was it one of the featured DEALS on Burbed?

And if you didn’t get a house for the holidays, it’s not too late.  We’ll be starting up our after-Christmas Clearance Sale on Monday, because the bank said everything must go!

Last Thursday we presented this photo of a Bank of America branch in Palo Alto, and asked you to write a better caption.  Thank you to everyone who participated.  The entries which received at least one vote are:

#9, RealEstater

Welcome to Palo Alto, Mr. Obama! (vote by #10*)

#17, bob

Early Wednesday morning workers at a local Bank Of America were surprised to find a lone bicycle wheel parked in one of their bike racks. After a careful cross examination the wheel told Police that it suffered serious depression from living in the East Bay and one night simply couldn’t take it anymore and thus freed itself from it’s owner’s bike and rolled itself all the way to Palo Alto where it had always wanted to live. His snobby friends had told him Palo Alto was where all the “Cool, rich, and successful bicycles and wheels lived” The wheel told officials he’d only stopped to rest at the bank but fell asleep.(#22, 82*)

#80, Alex

Dude, where’s my bike?
(or the adult version – bitches, where’s my bike?)  (#91)

The Winner

#2, ymous

“The primary assets of Bank of America bank are seen in Palo Alto, Calif., Monday, Oct. 18, 2010. Bank officials stressed that they had secured the complete bicycle with “a really good lock” over the weekend, and that despite losing everything but the front wheel of the second bicycle in a theft on Friday afternoon, they were “confident” it would fetch a solid price at auction.(AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)  (#16, 22*, 57, 79, 82*) 

* asterisks mean a commenter voted for more than one entry.

Congratulations, ymous, for a creative and popular caption!  You may nominate which zip code or actual property listing should be featured by emailing [email protected] or posting in comments.  Also a golf clap to our second-place finisher bob, who knows that the second-best offer gets nothing, but the second best caption gets a zip or listing suggestion anyway.

Update: Please vote for your favorite caption in comments.  We’ll announce a winner on Monday.

We’ll return to our regular programming of insanely priced houses, terrible listing copy, ugly home photography, and endless lists of zip codes tomorrow.  Today, we’re going to take a little break.

burbed reader Herve sent in the photo at right. It accompanied a Yahoo Finance story about Bank of America having a $7.7 billion dollar loss, due to some “special charge” they made concerning debit and credit card reform rules changes.  Yes, it can be Special in the banking biz, too.  Note the photo caption:

The exterior of Bank of America bank is seen in Palo Alto, Calif., Monday, Oct. 18, 2010. Bank of America has lost $7.65 billion during the third quarter due to a one-time charge related to credit and debit card reform legislation passed over the summer.(AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)

Your mission is to write a better caption for this photo.  All the elements are there.  Huge bank loss due to Specialness, or the government’s fault, or something.  In Palo Alto.  And a bike parked outside with a spare tire.

Needless to say, real estate references are strongly encouraged.  The fact that B of A did better than expected “due mainly to a sharp drop in losses tied to defaulting loans,” should get you started.  Feel free to refer to the article or just completely make something up.  Show your True Bay Area Spirit!

First Prize: Your choice of Bay Area zip code or for sale listing featured in burbed.  (Not valid in East Bay.  Kidding!)

Second Prize: Due to budget cuts, there is only one prize.  But you will win the respect of your friends, family and co-workers, plus your entry will be indexed by web robots for years to come!

Judging: The winner will be chosen by consensus of whoever shows up.  If there is no clear decision, the moderator will toss a bike tire and see which side of El Camino it rolls to.

That’s a Jerry Garcia quote, but he wasn’t talking about his house.  Maybe someone will like it (the house, not the quote).  Maybe you could own it.  But unfortunately the previous owner sold all the Garcia fixtures to raise money for charity.  So you cannot have The Jerry Garcia Toilet.

55 El Mirador Dr Nicasio, CA 94946
$3,995,000

Beds: 5
Baths: 6
Sq. Ft.: 7,189
$/Sq. Ft.: $556
Lot Size: 10.47 Acres
Property Type: Residential, Detached, Single Family
Style: Spanish/Mediterranean
Stories: 2
View: Canyon, Forest/Woods, Hills, Mountains, Panoramic, Ridge, Valley
Year Built: 1989
Community: Nicasio
County: Marin
MLS#: 21025911
Source: BAREIS
Status: Active
On Redfin: 32 days

Former Estate of Jerry Garcia. Gated, private – situated on top of a sunny ridge with beautiful views. 5bd/5 full and 2 1/2 baths, 6 car garage, Artist Studio that was Jerry’s, pool w/ waterfall, organic garden, children’s playground, Fabulous for entertaining in this exquisite mediterranean estate with access to the outside grounds from most rooms. Close to SF.

Jerry Garcia, the lead guitarist of The Grateful Dead, owned this house at his death in 1995.

Alas, the estate doesn’t even have a Deadhead name like Terrapin Station or (Crap) Box of Rain.  And while the current owner claims to have lots of stories about Garcia and the remaining members of the band, none of them were included in the listing.

And do check that listing out, as it is so overflowing with houseporn you’ll doubt Jerry ever had anything to do with this place.  Here’s just a sample of the purple prose that awaits when you read the property features:

The Master Suite is elegantly appointed with dark teak flooring, wood-burning fireplace, Fortuni chandelier, four door access to a paver deck overlooking the pool and back patio offering views to the East and South. This elegant sleeping area has two entrances. The Master Bath brings together function and form with his and hers sinks marble tops Elgin fixtures, and ample mirrors. Further in are private toilet and bidet with telephone accessibility. The master also offers full length glass enclosed Sauna with one-way glass enclosure to the outside grounds. The walk-in marble shower is also fully enclosed and contains two facing shower heads enclosed in a marble finish and with length size bench. The water pressure would make a power washer jealous. The Master Closet is a room in and of itself. One would be hard pressed to fill this closet and itis a room that has to be seen to understand how true that is.

It is easier to fill a large closet if you own a lot of crap.  Perhaps the agent doesn’t understand how true that is.  So, you think the above language is overdone?  There’s also clunky language:

Along with the stunning architecture and overall design of the house itself, the grounds boast impeccable landscaping.  Its rolling lawns, along with mature palm trees mix spectacularly with the surrounding native forest. Its 73,000-gallon swimming pool and enormous spa are complemented by palms, lawns, and rose gardens adjoining a spacious sun drenched patio area beneath sunlit skies during the day and moonlit skies at night.

It’s a good thing this isn’t one of those ordinary properties that has moonlit skies during the day and sunlit skies at night.  I hate when that happens.

But the agent got one thing right.  Two photos of the hot tub,  (George HW Bush wrote an apology to Marin County residents, saying he’d never use the phrases “Marin County” and “hot tub” in the same sentence again.)

This is the perfect place to celebrate Proposition 19 passing, in a Marin County hot tub, formerly owned by Jerry Garcia.