You’ve heard of eBay, right?  If you have something to sell, you can put a picture or five of your item on eBay and wait for the overbids to start racking up.  But sometimes, you just want to have the silly thing sold without the annoyance of setting a minimum bid or being sued for someone sniping someone else’s bid, or finding out your high bidder is expecting you to ship 100 jigsaw puzzles to Estonia for the $8 shipping fee you cleverly padded onto the final asking price.

We’ve covered houses going up for auction before, but this is the first one we’ve seen with another eBay feature.  Thanks very much to Michael Boltonestater for this wonderful wealthsink in Woodside.

320 HARCROSS Rd
Woodside, CA 94062
$12,950,000

BEDS: 7
BATHS: 8
SQ. FT.: 10,010
$/SQ. FT.: $1,294
LOT SIZE: 5 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: French
STORIES: 3
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1929
COMMUNITY: Woodside Hills
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81124548
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 383 days

AUCTION June 14 Starting Bid $7.9M Buy It Now for $12,950M “Le Soleil” a spectacular, c1920′s French Chateau, majestically set on 5+/- acres of exquisitely-landscaped grounds within sought-after-Woodside in the heart of Silicon Valley. Restored and renovated w/ modern amenities the estate features 7BDS, 7BATHS expansive terraces, tennis court, pool/spa and vineyards. Near 2 international airports

Yes, you did read that correctly.  “Buy it now for $12,950M”  Funny, “Mary & Brent” doesn’t sound particularly French.

But the price in the listing copy isn’t the only thing French about “Le Soleil.”  Because it’s just as French to not particularly care if the auction went ahead last week, or got delayed until October.  Remember, the French word for mañana is lendemain, but it doesn’t have quite the same sense of urgency.

This has got to be the first “Was $21M” house we’ve ever seen with postage-stamp-sized MLS photos.  Every single exterior shot is under 200 pixels.  Maybe they are postage stamps and we’ll be seeing them on wedding invitations all summer.

As to real property that you can Buy it Now on eBay?  Here’s something we swear we are not making up.

Okay, you can put this one on your American Express card, but is it near 2 International airports?

Bet you’ll never think about the northern Marin city of Novato in the same way after you read this.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for this noteworthy news item from the North Bay!

Picasso lithograph stolen from Novato mansion recovered

KTVU.com and Wires, Monday June 11th, 2012

NOVATO, Calif. — A Pablo Picasso lithograph worth $30,000 that was stolen from a Novato mansion owned by former Ukrainian Prime Minister Pavlo Lazarenko was recovered Sunday morning, a Novato police sergeant said.

The framed lithograph, titled "Femme au Chignon," was found around 8:20 a.m. propped against a fence along a curb on Burning Tree Drive by neighbors who were driving to a hiking trail, Sgt. Jennifer Welch said.

"It was placed there to be found," Welch said.

The lithograph is believed to have been taken from the furnished but unoccupied residence at 100 Obertz Lane that is owned by Lazarenko, who was serving time in a federal prison in Los Angeles for conspiracy and money laundering.

What a great story!  Stolen art, a foreigner with suitcases full of cash, and he’s in jail for not doing a better job hiding the suitcases.  Out of control teenfest!  But most important: Show-off mansion!

Holy crap, this HOUSE has almost a half acre of living space!  The tag “ginormous” we use for homes over five thousand square feet simply doesn’t do this one justice.  And while Redfin thinks you want the lot size in square feet, Zillow has the sense to translate it into acres: 11.21 of them.

ZEstimate: $5,052,500.  Rent ZEstimate: $7,045 a month.  That’s a little more house than you can get for that amount in Palo Alto.

Just how many suitcases did the former prime minister have with him?  It better have been worth the nine years in prison.

As regular readers of this site already know, homes in the Real Bay Area don’t need to convince buyers of their value.  No matter how inept the Realtard representing it, even a turkey of a home within RBA limits will go pending quickly.

This isn’t the case for homes far, far away from the RBA. Thanks to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for this example of how to sell a house that has the misfortune of not being anywhere near Google or Facebook.

1501 GUTHRIE Dr
INVERNESS, IL 60010
$1,149,000 (Reduced from $1,490,000)

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 5
SQ. FT.: 6,757
$/SQ. FT.: $170
HOA DUES: $17/month
LOT SIZE: 1.03 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family, 2 Stories
STYLE: Traditional
EXPOSURE: East, West
YEAR BUILT: 2001
COMMUNITY: Inverness
COUNTY: Cook
MLS#: 08047047
SOURCE: MRED
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 46 days

Wide open floor plan with granite, stainless, and maple kitchen w/ viking range and commercial hood. Hardwood floors throughout much of the home. !st flr. Theater, office, and sun room! Dining room is perfect for large dinner parties. All bedrooms with private baths and walk-in’s. luxurious master suite with sitting room, and high end master bath with vaulted ceilings, cherry cabinets, and marble. Huge deck.

What can you do if you own a ginormous housing tumor in flyover country and no longer wish to have it sap your precious bodily fluids?  You list it for sale and more than 30 days go by, which means, according to Jim the Realtor, that the price is more than 10% too high.  In this case, probably way more than 10%, as you’ve already cut it 23% without any takers.  It could mean that nobody wants your expensive mistake.

Clearly, more drastic marketing measures are needed.  Have a look at them by clicking on through.

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Like any long-running blog, Burbed has developed a few inside jokes.  One of them is our fondness of the most important element in classical architecture.  That’s right.  Mawbul Kawlums.  (And if you haven’t seen this video yet, please go watch it, because it’s a classic.  Ha ha!  Classic, get it?) 

Ever since we featured this empty spec house, Burbed readers have asked for more homes in KawlumVision.  Today’s featured listing says “Break out the red arrows!”

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this super structure in Saratoga at an even more super price!

13815 PIERCE Rd
Saratoga, CA 95070
$6,988,000

BEDS: 6
BATHS: 5.5
SQ. FT.: 8,000
$/SQ. FT.: $874
LOT SIZE: 1.87 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Mediterranean
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Mountains
YEAR BUILT: 2008
COMMUNITY: Saratoga
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81215397
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 13 days

This elegant 8000+/- sf Italian Villa on 1.5+/- view acres will awaken all your senses. The elaborate paver driveway with 3 entrances leads you to a beautifully designed front steps and door. Great curb appeal! The 3 levels include an excellent open floor plan with 6 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms, Brasilian Cherry hardwood floors, marble bathrooms, spiral staircase, Best Anderson windows and More!

Here’s why Swan shared this home with all of you:

I am in mawbul kawlum heaven!

Kawlums in front, kawlums at the garage, kawlums in the entry hall, kawlums in the master bath, kawlums in back, kawlums at the gazebo!

Are there enough red arrows in the world for this home?

This house may very well have broken the Burbed KawlumVision generator, because there actually are kawlums hiding behind other kawlums.  We assure you that every single red arrow in the big picture above is pointing to a unique kawlum. It’s just that some of them are shy.

You can see the wallflower kawlums from this slightly different angle of the façade, available from this home’s virtual tour. Plus it also has the aforementioned garage kawlums. 

The MLS listing has 14 yummy pictures, many of them with kawlums to drool over.  But if you can’t get enough kawlumnage, plus more eye-popping “They put that in there?” you simply must check out the tour as well.  And bring your red arrows.

Remember, nothing says “Rich people live here” like mawbul kawlums.  Well, that and a $7 million listing price.

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Kir for passing along this nugget from her blog Inside Los Gatos.  While this is a commercial property, there’s no reason why it couldn’t be returned to its original purpose as an ostentatious trophy home.

Pride of Ownership Retail Investment | Los Gatos

115 N. Santa Cruz Avenue
Los Gatos, CA 95030
$4,900,000

Building Size: 7,300 SF
Price/SF: $671.23
Property Type: Retail
Property Sub-type: Free Standing Bldg
Property Use Type: Net Lease Investment with 10+ years left on lease
Cap Rate: 5.14%
Occupancy: 100%
Tenancy: Single
Lot Size: 17,987 SF

Highlights

• Iconic Historic Building – One of Los Gatos’ Most Well Known Landmarks
• Irreplaceable Downtown Los Gatos Location
• 100% Leased to Experienced Restaurant Operators
• New 10 year Lease w/Scheduled Increases
• Minimal Landlord Obligations
• Recent Extensive Renovations

Here’s what Kir had to say about this place over on Inside LG:

Coggeshall Mansion is For Sale

One of our readers sent me a real estate flyer about the Coggeshall Mansion. I was going to post it in my "Where to Build a School" column, but decided it would be just too ridiculous of an idea; however, I want to share the fact that you can own a piece of historic downtown Los Gatos.

The history of the Coggeshall Mansion is interesting, to say the least. The house was originally built for Mary G. Coggeshall, a wealthy widow with two children. According to Alastair Dallas, "Once a grand home, one of many along N. Santa Cruz Ave., the Coggeshall Mansion was built in 1891 and converted into the Place Mortuary in 1917. When it re-opened as the Chart House restaurant in 1976, the bar in the back was called the Embalming Room. After the Chart House closed, the restaurant was known as Trevese from March 2007 to Fall 2009…" Now, Palacio inhabits the mansion.

Hooked on Los Gatos has a 1949 flyer depicting the Place Funeral Home. You can check it out HERE. In fact, many of the locals swear the mansion is haunted.

So not only is the former home being sold at a premium as commercial in-town property, it comes with “bunus” ghosts.  Here’s some more on the hauntings mentioned above.

Unfortunately the link above is to yet another Google product called “knol” that’s being abandoned for insufficient awesomeness. That means the link above may not work after May 1st.  Sorry about that. 

Here are the links given in that article about the ghosts, like the one who runs up huge bar tabs or the little girl who turns wine bottles hiding the label, or the little boy running outside the building.

This house/restaurant/funeral parlor is definitely for someone who had a huge pile of stock option cash dumped in their lap who wants to one-up all those Facebook poseurs househunting in Palo Alto and Hillsborough.

Thanks very much to Kir for allowing us to reprint articles that mention real estate.

It’s been far too long since we’ve heard from Burbed reader dollarbin.  Let’s check in with this palace in Palo Alto!

2783 RANDERS Ct
Palo Alto, CA 94303
$3,248,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 5
SQ. FT.: 5,255
$/SQ. FT.: $618
LOT SIZE: 8,712 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 3
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 2010
COMMUNITY: Midtown
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81146955
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 147 days

Elegant newly constructed (2010)3 level executive estate in midtown Palo Alto in a cul-de-sac * One of a kind quality & workmanship with mahogany paneling & hand carved custom doors * Gourmet kitchen with S/S appliances, granite counters, custom cherry cabinets & a breakfast bar * Brazilian teak flooring & imported marble floors throughout * Includes library, exercise & media rooms.

Here’s what dollarbin had to say, when passing this parcel along:

Anybody send you this one yet?

Who says Palo Alto is free of McMansions? I had given up the dream of spending less than $700/sq ft in Palo Alto, but this Spec House misadventure proves it saves to buy in bulk. Plus it has a totally classy fountain burbling in the front yard.

This listing caught my eye because I noticed they have a flyer sign out on Colorado Ave that actually lights up at night, so I looked up the Redfin knowing it would be full of win.

Wait… spec house misadventure?  How can anyone have a misadventure when they’ve lit your way there?  Although the price history may tell us a thing or two.

And here we thought the misadventure was the .60 FAR or the 11 HDR.  So let’s help this poor spec house.  What is keeping it from generating dozens of overbids?

Bunus: Mawbul kawlums are rectangular!  Break out the red arrows!

Update 10:41 am: Two more kawlums lurking on the right of this picture, noted by Burbed reader SEA.  Mawr red arrows, please!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for finding this luscious living situation in Los Gatos, one of Silicon Valley’s few celebrity domiciles!

300 SANTA ROSA Dr
Los Gatos, CA 95032
$5,000,000

BEDS: 6
BATHS: 6.5
SQ. FT.: 7,500
$/SQ. FT.: $667
LOT SIZE: 1.19 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Modern/High Tech, Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Canyon, Valley
YEAR BUILT: 1986
COMMUNITY: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81207180
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 38 days

This exquisite 7500 sq/ft, 6 bedroom, 6.5 bath home on 1.19 acres nestled in the Los Gatos Mountains, combines post-modern style with majestic natural views. It is a natural abode for light and warmth. Recently re-designed and renovated, this home was originally built by Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, Inc. and retains several of his most unique design elements.

Here’s why nomadic sent us this natural abode for light and warmth:

The former Wozniak house.  Featured on burbed many moons ago, and now listed for $5M.  Look at its history.

We don’t have anywhere as many celebrities in Silicon Valley, but Woz is one of the few that we ought to look into a house he had built.  So let’s have a look at how this house was marketed back in the early end of the bubble days of 2008, right after the break!

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It’s time for a weekend getaway!  Burbed reader Tracy has just the spot: yet another installment in our collection of castles for sale!

10180 CINNABAR HILLS Rd
San Jose, CA 95120
$1,699,900

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 3.5
SQ. FT.: 5,740
$/SQ. FT.: $296
LOT SIZE: 12.53 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 3
VIEW: Mountains, Lake, Valley, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 2009
COMMUNITY: Almaden Valley
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81203188
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 20 days

3 story Almaden Castle on the top of Mountains. 3 years old. Custom built. 180 degree view. Endless Opportunity and freedom to add your own finishing touches, arrange your wine cellar in the basement. Master bedroom on the top floor. Patio, deck, balconies. Two garages 2 car each. Gated community. Top rated Almaden schools: Graystone, Bret Harte, Leland. Fresh air and no one above you, only eagles

Freedom!  Freedom like the eagles above you, no one else!  Freedom to add your own finishing touches!  Freedom to arrange your wine cellar in the basement!  That’s realtard-speak for the owner ran out of their own freedom, I mean money.  Their misfortune is your opportunity!  Endless Opportunity!

Here is your Endless Opportunity to add your finishing touches to the kitchen.  Can you figure out what is missing from these pictures?

You can enjoy nine more pictures than Redfin provides, as this castle has its very own website.  On the right is one of several extra photos showing the Endless Opportunity you will have getting all the electrical plates, switches, and outlets to blend in a bit more unobtrusively with the paint scheme.

Nothing like living in a three story castle with no one above you.  That means your family has to live in the dungeon.

Here’s some news from the exciting and ever-fragrant community of Milpitas!

State suspends license of contractor in fatal trench collapse

By Joe Rodriguez, Posted: 02/03/2012 08:34:27 PM PST
Photos by ABC7 News

State officials Friday suspended the license of the contractor building a home in Milpitas where an immigrant carpenter was buried alive over the weekend when a trench collapsed over him.

The Contractors State License Board said it suspended U.S.-Sino Investment, based in Fremont, after discovering the builder claimed to have no employees when it filed paperwork in 2008. Agency spokesman Rick Lopes said the employee list was necessary to meet state requirements for workers’ compensation insurance.

The owner of the company, Richard Liu, is believed to be in China and could not be reached Friday for comment.

We have to go back to some earlier articles to find out a little more about the home in question.  It turns out that you need a state permit, not just a mere city Mother-May-I, to dig trenches deeper than five feet. 

Furthermore city inspectors had issued a stop-work order three days before the tragic accident, because the trench was not shored. The recent rains made it even more unstable, plus the construction work by the contractor was also considered poor quality.

Why do you think a 5800 sf house foundation needs a 12 foot trench?  Were they building their own wine caverns?  Given that it was in Milpitas, shouldn’t it have been corn syrup caverns instead?

Anyway, here is the property in question:

Notice anything interesting about this 2010 sale?  Not only did the agent provide both ends of the deal, but that name ought to sound a tad familiar.  If it doesn’t, go back and read the third paragraph of the Merc’s article above.

Criminal charges are being considered against the contractor, but then again, building a 5800 sf “small mansion” seems to require additional karma loss.

This San Francisco house was briefly mentioned in the zip code series this past weekend, and really deserves an appearance of its own.  It’s not just a really expensive house in San Francisco, it looks like it comes with a huge number of challenges opportunities waiting to happen!

2250 Vallejo St, San Francisco, CA 94123
$7,950,000

BEDS: 0
BATHS: 12
SQ. FT.: -
LOT SIZE: -
PROPERTY TYPE: Single-Family Home
VIEW: Panoramic, Bay, Golden Gate Bridge
YEAR BUILT: 1902
COMMUNITY: Pacific Heights
COUNTY: San Francisco
MLS#: 390207
SOURCE: San Francisco MLS
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 50 days

Large, Italianate view mansion. Four floors of occupancy. Formerly occupied as 11 units and presently vacant. Conditional Use Authorization obtained in 2009 to merge 11 units to 2 units (home with apartment). Although most original details remain, the home requires extensive remodelling in order to enjoy the 2013 America’s Cup.

This looks like a house that needs an in-person visit, what with the MLS not specifying how large the house or the lot is, or showing very many pictures either.  When there are more snaps of the view than the house, you know it isn’t going to be “turnkey.”  Instead, get your work gloves ready, because you’ll be spending the next year and a half fixing up this place in order to enjoy the 2013 America’s Cup.

Wouldn’t it just be easier to watch it on television?

Anyway, the public records say the home is 7335 square feet on a 6187 sf lot.  No bedrooms but 12 bathrooms, formerly 11 units rented out.  Given how tight the rental market is in SF, how do you think the tenants were cleared out?  Arson?  Blackmail?  Cockroaches?  Dynamite?

Here’s a couple comments on this home from Socketsite, back in 2009 when another Pacific Heights home that had been chopped into apartments failed to sell and was withdrawn from the market.

Posted by: Jake at March 27, 2009 2:51 PM

This would have been a great house if left alone.
The problem is that there was a period from the
thirties to the fifties when large houses were treated as white elephants. Many of them have been returned to their architecturally natural use.

Including… I am pleased to report, the James Francis Dunn mansion on Vallejo, for which the Planning Commission, in a moment of unusual enlightenment, approved, Thursday, a “dwelling unit merger” of eleven to two units!

Hooray for common sense! Commissioner Borden observed that the purpose of denying mergers was to preserve affordable housing, and apartments on this street would not be affordable by any measure.
The building is owned by the Rossi family, who as they noted, contributed a Mayor to SF.

Posted by: Conifer at March 28, 2009 11:02 PM

Holy Crap! I can’t believe that unit merger went through! I thought it would be DOA so I never bothered to check the commission’s decision. It was absolutely the right decision. 2250 is arguably THE most beautiful home on Vallejo St and should never have been chopped up.

James Francis Dunn is not the owner but the architect of this house, and he designed a number of “French Renaissance” apartment buildings throughout San Francisco.  This book on Pacific Heights homes states that building an actual house was a departure for Dunn, and features this nice line drawing above.

The SF Chronicle article on Dunn’s designs describes this house in a footnote: “2250 Vallejo St., in Pacific Heights, originally a single-family house, is a playful take on Italian Renaissance with beautiful proportions and detailing.”

That’s a lot of Frenchified talk for what’s really important.  KAWLUMS!  And finding an agent who can’t spell remodeling but can walk you through an eight million dollar transaction.  Best of all, this “architectural pastry” has the icing on its street name: associated with a large, prolonged bankruptcy.