We are done with the April blogging challenge, so let’s get back to what made Burbed what it is: ridiculously overpriced crapboxes! And what better place to find it than in our very favorite city, Palo Alto?  Thanks much to Burbed reader Pizzawillcome for this, um, thing you could seek shelter in if you absolutely had to.

3375 STOCKTON Pl
Palo Alto, CA 94303
$1,299,900

4 Beds
2 Baths
1,716 Sq. Ft.
$758 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1958
Lot Size: 6,400 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 52 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: South Palo Alto
MLS#: 81307408

Classic Eichler home with central atrium. Nice backyard. Large utility room can also function as a den, office, or playroom.

Here’s why Pizza sent in this house:

I didn’t pull the trigger on this one, and now it is back! Same pictures as a month ago. Gotta burb-alert it now.
Unfolded laundry on the couch and floor, littered stuffed animals and toys. When I get bored with overly staged houses, I think of this one.

Fortunately, the Redfin agent has some useful comments to share as well!

Original condition! That’s excellent news! None of those second-rate replacements of vintage pressboard walls.  But these photos just sell the house, don’t they?

And note how the use of light draws your attention in to all the details.

That is, if you can see them. This technique seems to work just as well in the outdoor shot of the yard, demonstrating just what kind of a professional we’re dealing with.

So, if a house is for sale in the Real Bay Area, but it’s on a street named for somewhere that is Most Certainly Not In The Real Bay Area, how high will the overbids be?

Yes, you heard right, today we have an actual house for sale for less than $300 big ones.  That means you have no more excuses for not becoming a homedebtor.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader holyzoo for passing along this palace in Pacifica!

627 Edgemar Ave
Pacifica, CA 94044
$289,000

Loan Payment: $1,022/mo
Bedrooms: 3
Bathrooms: 1&1/2
Size: 1,000 sqft
$/Sqft: $289/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 1950
Lot Size: 5,104
Days on Movoto: 14 days
Neighborhood: Pacific Manor
MLS#: 81303817
Status: Active

This is a total fixer upper. The house needs everything! Swimming pool full of rancid water. Considered uninhabitable . Sewer lateral needs to be replaced. This is a contractor special. The house needs all new systems and total restoration. Large termite report calls for further inspections. Holes in walls. Wood floors ruined.

Did you hear that? This house has EVERYTHING!  Let’s check in with the zed.

Yeah, I know it’s totally not RBA, but how often do you actually see a listing for under $300k?

I think we’ll be heading to the open house just to feel thankful we don’t have cancer or gangrene.

Speaking of the open house, let’s see how open the walls are.

Wait a minute, wait a minute… Remember when we last saw floors like this?  Sure you do.

Now, we are definitely not saying that this house could have allegedly been a hypothetical meth lab.  And we are definitely not saying that this house could have been used for any non-normal innocent suburban purposes whatsoever OH PLEASE DON’T SUE US PLEASE DON’T THROW US INTO THAT BRIAR PATCH JACKPOT JURY PROCESS. 

But we are saying that it’s a good thing the nearest fire station is, we swear we are not making this up, only 88 yards from this house.

Have a look at some more pictures, including one that is very definitely NSFW, after the break.

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Today’s featured property is brought to you by Burbed reader wahnny.  It’s perfect for a quick little mini-vacay, because it’s an easy drive from Google, Facebook, Apple, or wherever you should be working this weekend.  Just plop down the cash (easily found behind the couch cushions or by redeeming a couple of stock options), pitch your tent, and enjoy!  Plus, you could build a house on it!

2155 Tucker
Scotts Valley, CA 95066
$140,000

— Beds
— Baths
— Sq. Ft.
Built: —
Lot Size: 4.74 Acres
On Redfin: 9 days
Property Type: Residential Land (Single Family)
Community: Scotts Valley North
MLS#: 81304038
View: Mountains
County: Santa Cruz

Perfect vacation spot with a self sufficient little cabin. Off the grid with spring fed water. A wonderful tree house, a zip line, a foot bridge PLUS your own beach on Soquel Creek (year round water) Great place to get away, enjoy the peace and quiet. Read a book, go for a hike, let you kids enjoy the the outdoors! Can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.

Here’s why wahnny sent in this delightful home away from home (that is, if by home, we actually meant a place that doesn’t have a house for grown-ups on site).

Just came across this offbeat/offgrid Scotts Valley getaway.  What an interesting use of children, to help sell property.  And deep in the woods no less!

Unlike the "mini-San Simeon" property, this one actually has a zip line, as well as other fun structures (cabin, treehouse), and isn’t as far from civilization/paved roads.  And it has "beach" access (to the creek) too!

Given its relative proximity to the RBA, relative RBA pricing, and r3ltrd copyspeak, it’s quite clear who this would appeal to!

Every rule we’ve ever heard about staging a property for sale says to take family photos out of the house, because the buyers want to visualize themselves in the house. If they see pictures of your family, then that makes it harder for them to see themselves living there.  Obviously either the agent never heard of this rule, or she has some really obstinate sellers.  Why?  This property features a bunch of family snaps instead of the usual listing photos.

And whoever’s idea this was, they really want you to admire the family.  The pictures of the grounds that left the wife and kiddies out are not the sharpest prints in the drawer. 

Just wait until you meet “can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.”  We double dog dare you to share in the road maintenance with someone you can’t see.

Bunus: Be sure to check out the listing history.

Extra-super-bunus: Last sale (at $190K in 2007) and the older photos are still available for your viewing pleasure.  You can tell this one on the right is from the old set, because it’s actually focused.

Burbed just doesn’t give the East Bay enough love, so we’re always delighted when our readers send us something from Alameda or Contra Costa County.  Today’s featured listing is from one of the more rarified regions of CCC, but you’ll see that there’s nothing Real about this Bay Area bonanza.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Kim in the East Bay for this Danville domicile!

898 La Gonda Way
Danville, CA 94526
$619,500

3 Beds
1 Baths
1,112 Sq. Ft.
$557 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1953
Lot Size: —
On Redfin: 67 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Single-Family Home
County: Contra Costa
Community: Danville/San Ramon |
MLS#: 403322

Single family home on large level lot with 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, living room with fireplace, dining area, large kitchen, huge yard, 2 car garage parking.

 

Are we lost? This looks like something not from Danville, but maybe Connecticut.  Bricks, autumn foliage, and what could pass for aluminum siding; all we need are some shooting ranges in those woods over the back fence.  And that spare prose is pure Yankee, other than the outburst about the huge yard.  So huge the lot size isn’t even provided (9583 sf, even that’s more East Coast than East Bay).

Maybe we’re not lost but this house is. The price has been reduced twice, and the agent couldn’t be bothered to clean up before taking the listing pix.  Even the dog carrier stays.

Did we mention location, location, location?

Let’s finish out our workweek (not that Real Bay Area denizens ever would take a day off) with a place on the way to almost anywhere you’d like to go this weekend.  That is, if you didn’t have a job and were free to go somewhere besides work.  You never know, you might get a Sunday off when you meet your next milestone! (Just kidding!)

785 5TH Ave
San Bruno, CA 94066
$379,000

2 Beds
1 Baths
780 Sq. Ft.
$486 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1930
Lot Size: 6,633 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 1 day
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: Belle Air
MLS#: 81302815
Stories: 1
County: San Mateo

Two Bedrooms One bathroom House on a large lot. Currently occupied by Month to month tenants. Need TLC. Close to Freeway and transportation.

Needs Toilet Lid Crushed?  Unfortunately no crapper shots, but we have some winners anyway.  Can’t quite decide if the kitchen merits a Good Housekeeping Tag of Approval or not.

And when this agent said close to freeway, she meant it.  Dang, this place is close to absolutely EVERYTHING.

You could even make extra money taking overflow parking during Thanksgiving!  No wonder the front yard is so durable.

Bunus: Save $10,000 from August, 2011 asking price!

Here’s a cheery little story just to remind you that you’re all only one abandoned hellhole of a house away from losing Real Bay Area status, and it can happen anywhere!

 

Dumping ground: Burlingame neighbors tire of long-vacant home

January 08, 2013, 05:00 AM By Bill Silverfarb, SM Daily Journal staff

Daily Journal Neighbors want action taken against the owners of a vacant home in Burlingame who have not maintained the property for years. (photos, Bill Silverfarb)

A long-vacant home in Burlingame’s Lyon Hoag neighborhood has turned into dumping ground and neighbors in the area are sick of it.

The home, at 139 Channing Road, sits in the middle of million-dollar homes but neighbors fear their own property values will be negatively impacted by the property — which they say looks like an overrun junk yard.

The listed owners, Michael James O’Brien and John Quillian O’Brien, moved out of the home several years ago after a death in the family and have not maintained the property, neighbors told the Daily Journal.

Bruce Bettencourt, who lives right next door to the house with his wife, has called Burlingame code enforcement at least “100 times” over the years about rats, garbage, junk and overgrown vegetation on the property, he told the Daily Journal.

He has found dead raccoons on the property and fears it has also become a nesting ground for rats.

Dead raccoons plus live rats! Usually we get our housing fun from real estate listings.  But you can learn a lot from reading the news sites as well!  Let’s see what we can find out about this house.

139 Channing Rd
Burlingame, CA 94010
$694,000 Trulia Estimate

1 bed
1 bath
1,000 sqft
Single-Family Home
Public Record
Neighborhood: Lyon Hoag

Listing Details
Description provided by Trulia
This is a Single-Family Home located at 139 Channing Road, Burlingame CA. 139 Channing Rd has 1 bed, 1 bath, and approximately 1,000 square feet. The property has a lot size of 5,750 sqft and was built in 1922. The average list price for similar homes for sale is $3,020,488 and the average sales price for similar recently sold homes is $1,106,052. 139 Channing Rd is in the Lyon Hoag neighborhood in Burlingame, CA. The average list price for Lyon Hoag is $1,035,000.

Public Records for 139 Channing Rd
Official property, sales, and tax information from county (public) records as of 09/2012:

Single Family Residential
1 Bedroom
1 Bathroom
1,000 sqft
Lot Size: 5,750 sqft
Built In 1922
A/C: Central
Heating: Central
Parking: Detached Garage
Parking Spaces: 1
4 Rooms
County: San Mateo
Tax Rate Code Area: 4-001

While you can’t see much from the street, here’s an abandoned car from the view over the back fence.  If you check out the Streetview pictures, you’ll find trash cans in front of the house next door, but we don’t think that’s what the neighbor called the code enforcement office about.

You’d think that San Mateo County would want their $16,000 in back taxes.  You’d think they’d bring some kind of fines against the owners for abandoning their (live) dogs in the house.  Supposedly John Quillian,  Michael O’Brien’s stepson, recently told the city he’s planning on moving back in.

Why doesn’t the city or county force a sale of this property?.  Not only would that lead to  a new owner cleaning up what’s turning into a health hazard, but it will be good news for the local agencies as well.

139 Channing Road
Burlingame, CA 94010

Owner: MICHAEL JAMES OBRIEN & JOHN QUILLIAN OBRIEN
Land value: $94,608
Building value: $111,812
Total value for property: $206,420
Assessments for tax year: 2009
Last sale: $120,000
Date of last sale: 10/24/1979

We’re continuing the DEALS DEALS DEALS with yet another region full of cheap housing. Today’s victim: Santa Cruz County!  But wait, you may rudely point out. Santa Cruz County is not part of the Bay Area.  It does not have any part of it touching the Bay.

Oh yeah?  What’s Monterey Bay, chopped liver?  Plenty of people commute to Silicon Valley from Santa Cruz County.  Maybe even Googlers.  Presenting, the cheapest house in all of Santa Cruz County!

575 HAZEL BRAKE
San Lorenzo Valley, CA 95006
$115,000

2 Beds 
1 Baths 
900 Sq. Ft.
$128 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1943 
Lot Size: 0.45 Acres 
On Redfin: 1 day
Status: Active
Property Type
Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Boulder Creek
MLS#: 81241767
Style: Cabin
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Cruz

DO NOT visit property with out an Agent; stairway, deck and house could be dangerous. This is a major fixer-upper, however it is in a great neighborhood. Bracken Brae has hiking trails, picnic grounds, private water system and roads with lovely river access just for owners.

When a property listing starts out with a warning like DO NOT visit property, we know it’s going to be good. And unlike the places we found earlier this week, this one has more than 2500 square feet of land.  It also has more than one picture, which means more work for us. 

At left is Picture number two.  Out of 24. Believe us when we say this is one of the cheerier views.

Also, catch the not-so-subtle reminder that rentards aren’t deserving of anything: lovely river access just for owners.  This is like Foothills Park, except living in Palo Alto is nowhere as exciting. For this dangerous listing, DO NOT go anywhere (especially stairway, deck and house) with out an Agent. DO NOT even look at these photos.

This agent deserves some kind of award, for either Whole Truth In Real Estate Photography, or for skipping the worse views that weren’t included.

We do enjoy a few inside jokes here at Burbed, and sometimes our new readers may not understand all the mysterious terms.  If you ever wondered what we mean by the acronym DHO (which even has its own tag), today you’re going to find out!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Divasm for this beautilicious battlement in Belmont!

16 ELDER Dr
Belmont, CA 94002
$1,229,500

4 Beds 
2.5 Baths 
2,490 Sq. Ft.
$494 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1974 
Lot Size: 0.26 Acres 
On Redfin: 108 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Belmont Woods
MLS#: 81227108
Style: Ranch
View: Bay, Green Belt, Mountains, Canyon, Marina, City Lights
County: San Mateo

Sweeping views of SF skyline, Bridges, East bay. Public rooms on main level:L shaped living/dining rm w/ vaulted ceilings, kitchen w/ granite counters, family rm w/ vaulted ceilings and Fplc. Kitchen/family rm opens to deck. Bedrooms including master suite on lower level open to deck. New in 2006-roof, gutters, decks, driveway, garage door, copper plumbing, carpets, granite counters, water heater. Lot is 11,480 sqft

Here’s what Divasm had to say when passing this place along:

This house worried me at first – more than half of the photos (13 of 23), including the first 9, are all of the exterior. Three of them feature the family minivan, and pic 6 is of a random stone walkway. So I thought, it must be horrible inside – you know, a contractor’s dream, etc. But it’s not, it seems well taken-care of, actually, It’s just that the current owners seemed to not want to bother with this pesky “staging” thing.

I think the agent probably tried suggesting that maybe they remove some personal things while he took photos – like the dishes in the sink, for example – and they declined. So there they are, sitting in the kitchen at the table, apparently watching the television, which seems to be on some sort of news program from what I can tell.

What’s also weird is the listing history. It appears to have been listed July 19 at 1,295,000, sold on August 17 for 13,000, then Pending Without Release on August 22, now it’s back at $1,229,500. Is the real estate agent as incompetent at MLS history as he is at managing his sellers? He must be, otherwise there would be 8′s in the price.

But what I really want to know is if that CHO comes with the house…maybe they are the live-in staff. That explains why it says “Public Rooms on main level” in the copy – because your maid and butler stay there (where do they sleep, the minivan?). If so I’m going to need their resumes and references before I buy the house.

If you clicked on the DHO tag, you might have figured out it meant somebody got caught in a listing photo. We have to go back to this house with not one but two Dudes Hanging Out to find the birth of this Burbed meme.

It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Time for more listing #winning!  Let’s start the work week with this Castro Valley catastrophe, which will have someone feeling castrated about yet another home selling shortly.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader JL for sending this house in, especially because we really need more East Bay listings.  To poop on!

If you’ve had an eye on a home of dubious virtue, and you’re thinking it belongs on Burbed, please send it to one of the email addresses in the upper right corner.  You’ll be glad you did!

4777 NOREE Ct
Castro Valley, CA 94546
$499,000

4 Beds 
2 Baths 
2,125 Sq. Ft.
$235 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1971 
Lot Size: 5,002 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 46 days
Status: Active
Type: Detached
Stories: 2
County: Alameda
Style: Contemporary
Community: Castro Valley
MLS#: 40589048

Roomy and inviting upper valley home in the Vannoy Elementary area. Large livingroom with fireplace plus a dining area. Bedroom and full bath on ground level. Large kitchen overlooks attached FR and rear decks. Inside laundry. Attached two car garage. Storage galore!! Quiet cul-de-sac location.

Here’s why JL nominated this house for some good ol’ Burbed lovin’.

Lovely staging. Needs more flags! Love the confederate flag on the bed of this one.

Wow, that is indeed a Confederate flag.  Should we tip the owner that California entered the Union as a Free State?  Maybe that’s why they took it down while they looked for another wall that didn’t have so many flags on it.

So, come to this listing for the standards, stay for the Burbed Housekeeping Seal of Approval! 

Evident pride of ownership starts in slowly with this listing but continues to build as you make your way through the photos.  Click on through to see what we mean.

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We’ve featured a lot of flips on Burbed.  Today’s front-paged fortress is a flip, but that isn’t what brought it to our attention.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this luscious LOLapalooza in Los Altos!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,498,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,700 Sq. Ft.
$881 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81236495
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara

Stunning one-of-a-kind home with custom details and top of the line finishes. Sits on huge corner lot, with room to expand in the future. Mahogany doors, windows and cabinets, travertine patios and flooring, hardwood planked flooring, marble bathroom surrounds, luscious backyard with fountain and room for entertaining. Great schools, close to freeways. This will be your dream estate!

“Dream estate” may be overstating things a little, especially when you get a look at the outside of the house.  Okay, overstating it a lot.  The inside of the redone house looks nice, but the outside is kind of meh.

But as far as the before pictures, go, this is a dream Burbed property.  Voilà!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,025,000
Sold 6/22/12 for $1,015,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,698 Sq. Ft.
$598 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Jun 22, 2012
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara
Style: Ranch
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81217356

Fixer in beautiful neighborhood. Good bones within this 3 bedroom, 2 bath home that sits on a 10,000 + sq ft lot. Built in the ’50′s it has some charming features that just aren’t found in new construction today. Opportunity abounds.

Let’s listen in as Swan explains further:

Here’s a link to a house in Los Altos which sold last spring.  I meant to send it in as it deserves the Burbed Housekeeping Seal of Approval.  Love the wheelchair.  Love the basketballs on the floor.  Love the peeling paint on the outside of the house.

Of course someone bought the house, flipped it, and wants $1.5 million for it.

Definitely cleaned up and better looking than before.  However, if you look at street view of the old house, and the realtard’s pictures of the new house, don’t you think they re-used the garage door?  Really?  For all that effort, they couldn’t buy a new garage door?

The (old) Streetview peek is on the left.  Here’s an extreme close-up of the garage doors… after the break.  Plus more photos!

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