Just because we’re doing the Blogging from A to Z Challenge doesn’t mean we Have to Hold off our Hallowed Habits. One of them is that we welcome contributions from our readers. Heck, we Harangue our readers if they don’t play along. So, today we are Heaving up another letter of the alphabet, and Having a different poster Handle it.

We Hope you enjoy today’s Happening post from Burbed reader bublidoo!  Please give bublidoo a Healthy, Hot Real Bay Area Homecoming with today’s Holy $#*@! House.

1161 Highland Ter
Fremont, CA 94539
$5,493,000

6 Beds
9.5 Baths
9,967 Sq. Ft.
$551 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2009
Lot Size: 1.64 Acres
On Redfin: 79 days
Type: Detached
Stories 2
Community: Mission
MLS#: 40601026
Style: Custom
View: Bay, City Lights, Hills, Panoramic, Pasture, Ridge, San Francisco, Water
County: Alameda

Panoramic View, Custom Home, Like Living in Taj Mahal, Elevator, 6 Bedrooms-9.5 Bathrooms, Banquet Hall w/ Stage-Seat over 100, All Bedrooms have Full Bathrooms, $150,000 /Crystal Lights and Chandeliers, Stainless Steel Garage & Exterior Doors, Credit Available for Personalizing Your Finishing Touch.

Let’s Hear from bublidoo Her/Himself!

Figured eventually you’ll get to H.

This has got to be the butt-ugliest way to spend nearly 5.5 Million bucks. HDR [check] Cawlumns [check]. Granite on the wall [check]. More bathrooms than bedrooms [check] "Living like in Taj Mahal" [check]. Yeah, that’s right … sooooo much bling it makes a baroque castle look sparse.

But the HDR … OMG, the HDR! The first pic … OMG, seriously, I thought it’s so synthetic looking it must be from a first person shooter or something. This has gotta be the highest DR evar.

More pictures Here, because you gotta Have some kawlums!

Today’s house shows the importance of architectural design rules, such as balancing all the elements on each wall.  In this case, perhaps they were followed a bit too literally.  Our thanks to Burbed reader holyzoo for this superlative structure in South San Francisco!  Pending?  But of course!

Please enjoy this Guest Post, and give holyzoo a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!

114 B St
South San Francisco, CA 94080
$575,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,270 Sq. Ft.
$453 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1953
Lot Size: 6,144 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 29 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: Bi/Split Level
County: San Mateo
Style: Contemporary
Community: South San Francisco (Industrial)
MLS#: 81304306

A great home in lovely South San Francisco. This lovely home is located on a large corner lot. 3 large bedrooms, 2 full baths. including a mastersuite, Large spacious kitchen, dining area off the kitchen, nice size living room, 4 car attached garage, lots of light thru out the home. very private location, perfect place to park a lot of cars.

Well I have lenders jumping through hoops to see how much of a shovel I can have them hand me.  So far it looks pretty sweet.

So the search continues to see if something can persuade us. 

Which leads to this bizarre anomaly. 

It’s a bargain at $595k for a 3/2 1270sq/ft. SFH that looks like an apartment, no?

There’s an open house this weekend and we are there.  The listing agent gets crafty – "very private location, perfect place to park a lot of cars", or dead bodies?

Let’s see if we can even figure out how you get to the house?

Here’s the bird’s dropping, er, I mean, bird’s eye view.   Say you need a new roof?  Mr. Roofing is a turd throw away. 

Now from the street named end, looks like a dead end to me.

Then from the 1st street past someone else’s teardown, I think we have solved the mystery?  Just *sneak* past the neighbors with my entourage of cars daily and nightly and see if they dare screw with ME!

These guys had no clue how to get there either. 

Today is a very special day if you love romance and lovers and all that twaddle.  Our featured home was suggested by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House, who thought it was perfect for February 14th. We went along with it because we really weren’t up to finding yet another pink house for this year.  Thanks very much and please give Tracy a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!

And also some chocolate.  This stupid Hallmark Holiday does have an upside.

1048 Arlington Ln
San Jose, CA 95129
$1,598,000

4 bed, 3 bath
2,415 sqft
Single-Family Home
10 Days on Trulia
187 views
Status: For Sale
MLS/Source ID: NON
4 Bedrooms
3 Bathrooms
2,415 sqft
Single-Family Home
Built In 2007
Lot Size: 8,712 sqft
Zip: 95129
Neighborhood: West Valley

Beautiful Home in Top Cupertino School – Rebuilt in 2007

1048 Arlington Ln Rebuilt in 2007. 2415 SF of living space on a 7068 SF lot Hardwood flooring and recessed lighting throughout home. Fireplace in family room. Custom Cherry wood Kitchen cabinet and granite counters. All New Appliances. Master Suite with Sunken Jacuzzi Tub. Top Cupertino Schools.

Maybe a good house for Valentine’s Day as the Realtor is really trying hard to romance this house. Let’s go picture  by picture shall we?

Number one, bleak and dismal, focus on the stained and cracked concrete.

Number two, the desk will not fit in this small room so we will try to make you a believer by turning it diagonal.. Problem solved!

Number three, we are really proud of the stock door, and the paint. Pictures 3-5 are making the most of it.

Pic six, how to show the shower and tub in same photo? We wouldn’t want to waste an extra shot that could involve the commode. And, what makes the Jacuzzi sunken?

But my favorite is the last one. Like a set from a film in the San Fernando Valley. Imagine, an empty room, a bed, a bottle of wine and two glasses. And practically new remodeled 2007, and trying to get that back.

We haven’t had a guest post for a while, so we’re going to sleep in while Burbed reader Dr. Jim takes over today’s column.  Thanks very much!  Please give Dr. Jim a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome to the front page as today’s guest blogger!

And now we’re going back to bed.

451 PORTOLA Rd
Portola Valley, CA 94028
$6,495,000

4 Beds
5 Baths
4,200 Sq. Ft.
$1,546 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1912
Lot Size: 1.13 Acres
On Redfin: 88 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: Tri-Level
Community: Brookside/Willowbrook Area
MLS#: 81240340

Stunning historic estate originally built by Herbert E. Law completely renovated with state of the art contemporary finishes. Turreted castle main residence (3 br) incl. 1000 sq. ft new construction, stone guest cottage, 1200 sq. ft workshop. 1.2 flat ac. in prime PV, western views, pool, bocce court, enclosed rose garden, diamond plaster top quality appliances incl. La Cornue stove, Miele appl.

Check it out: 

They expect to make $4,645,000 profit on a house that they bought 1.5 years ago for $1,850,000!  That’s $1106/sf for remodeling.  And the cottage and workshop were there already.  Granted, the land is valuable, but that’s already accounted for in the original purchase price.  Let’s say they spent a ridiculous million dollars on renovation.  That’s still a 28% ROI, which is wildly ambitious.

A couple of notes on the listing copy: (1) This is not the Herbert E. Law estate, this is the former GATEHOUSE for the Law estate (Villa Lauriston).  (2) A La Cornue oven, oh boy!  It looks like the $35,000 model (Chateau 120).  If they had put in a $299 Kenmore range, I suppose they would be asking $6,460,299.  Not really much difference.

Thank goodness for the Internet.  Just a few years ago, prior sale info was more difficult to obtain.  I think part of the current real estate slump is due to all of the information on the web: people are no longer being duped as readily by realtors.

Good morning, Burbed readers!  It’s time for another wonderful week of wigwam winning, only we’re too danged wiped out to do anything about it.  That’s where our readers come in!

Burbed reader mabel du has graciously sent in a real estate find, complete with a very appropriate set of commentary.  That means mabel du is today’s Guest Blogger, so we’re going back to bed.  Please give mabel du a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome with this guest post: a hella-fine hacienda in Half Moon Bay.  And somebody, please get this blogger a keyboard that includes a SHIFT key.

Want to see your name in lights as one of our Guest Bloggers?  Send in your best (by which we mean worst) property listing with your best (by which we really do mean best) writeup!

337 Mirada Rd
Half Moon Bay, CA 94019
For Sale $3,375,000

Zestimate® $2,872,044
Est. Mortgage $11,733/mo
Beds: 2
Baths: 3.5
Sqft: 5,200
Lot: 7,840 sq ft / 0.18 acres
Type: Multi Family
Year built: 1993
On Zillow: 59 days
MLS #: 81228527
County: San Mateo
Elementary school: El Granada Elementary School
High school: Half Moon Bay High School
Legal description: –
Neighborhood name: Miramar City of Naples
Parcel #: –
Per floor sqft: 5,200
Zillow Home ID: 2130285115

Break away from the crowd and live your dream. Work and live on the ocean while minutes from town. Unobstructed ocean view, private mixed-use building. first floor for retail, second floor for large work space. third floor portion of 200 sqft offers 180 degree ocean and white sand beach views. 2 beds, 2 baths, with state of the art kitchen.

 

and now, for something completely different.  as in, not in Mountain View (still the reigning center of the universe).

someone’s been trying to unload this fortress/prison/ugly thang for 4 years, and have run through a few realtors in their misguided attempt to make a profit in a declining market.  i hear concrete prices are way up;  might make more sense to try that route instead of the overpriced beach fortress with a view.

nice views?  yep.  nice house?  not so much.

sold in 2005 for $3.1 mill at the top of the market.  i’m sure the current owner is completely confused as to why this concrete monster hasn’t sold for a profit – in the past 4 years of listings.

redfin – Special pictures

check out pic #20 – hello mr. chair!   thanks to realtor elizabeth for providing a picture of a chair.  now THAT makes me want to drop $3.4 mil on this concrete blob.

pic# 23 – is that another shot of lonely mr. chair?  (That’s the deck photo right above the Price History  —ed.)

wait a sec, mr. chair found himself a mrs.,  and they both pop up in random inside (pic #18) and outside shots.  nice staging (i.e. cheap)…

poor mr. chair has been running laps in that place.

Let’s finish up the week on the Peninsula.  Burbed reader Wendie has a very special find for us, a bodacious bunker in Burlingame!  Thanks Wendie!  Meanwhile, we’re going to continue linking to different sites and we’d love to know which ones you prefer, and why.  Wendie sent in a link to mlslistings.com and the home isn’t there anymore.  Fortunately, we found it on Movoto!

Please give Wendie a big, warm, RBA welcome as today’s Guest Blogger with this excellent guest post!

50 Howland Hill Ln
Burlingame, CA 94010
$3,200,000

Loan Payment:  $12,222/mo
Bedrooms:  6
Bathrooms:  5&1/2
Size:  6,461 sqft
$/Sqft:  $495/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  2001
Lot Size:  21,375
Days on Movoto:  63 days
MLS#:  81226232
Status:  Active
Open House:  Sun 01:00pm – 04:00pm

Quality, details, exquisite finishes make this 6BR., 5.5BA, 2FR, 3 car garage,custom built home by Edward Neale truly remarkable. 5611 sf of living space on floors 1 & 2 plus approx 1000 sf of living space on lower level with wine rm, entertainment area featuring a wet bar, separate dining rm,a theatre inspired lounge area plus patios & decks off public rooms. Private lane close to 280/101/SF.

Here’s why Wendie sent this in:

Something about this house seems to scream “Winchester’ to me! Maybe its the “boat” bed. Clearly, that is an adult version of….what? The toddler race car bed that every 3 year old boy in America has?  But clearly, this is not for a little boy. Who would even THINK to want to sleep in that weird bed?

And then the wine cellar…seems very unorganized..no rhyme or reason to it…..and why would the realtor take a photo of the front hall with THE FRONT DOOR OPEN?

Shut the damn door so we can see the entire room!!

Moving onto the kitchen…its huge with an equally large island in the middle…yet NO overhang of the granite so you can put some chairs there and eat at the island. Why not?

And last but not least, what’s up with the backyard? How many separate areas can there be?

Seems like the perfect house for 3 or 4 separate families who never want to bump into one another….

It’s been at least a few days since we featured a house in Mountain View.  Fortunately, this grave error is about to be rectified with a guest post!  Today Burbed reader mabel du will be your guest blogger.  Please give mabel du, Burbed’s very own e.e. cummings, a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome.

Once again, we have a Mountain View property (it’s hot there, I tell you, hot! hot! hot!) that was completely removed from the well-behaved listing sites.  We’ll assume this is another case of Pending/Do Not Show, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect Listing Photos Online.  Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for certain not-so-well-behaved websites, so we can bring you the pix.  Today’s listing laggard is Sawbuck.  Thanks for taking your time!

Update 12 noon: For those without Sawbuck sign-ins, we’ve added a few more photos at the end so you can appreciate teh awesome.

2379 Jane Lane
Mountain View, CA 94043
$799,000

Status: Contract (19 Days)

Bedrooms : 3
Bathrooms : 2
Lot Size : 0.11 ac
Finished Sq Ft : 1,104 sq. ft.
Type : Detached Single Family
Style : Eichler
Year Built : 1955
Subdivision : Thompson
Stories : 1
MLS# : 81231454
WalkScore™ : 72 (Very Walkable)

1344 Sq.Ft.4 bedrooms, Garage converted to sound room/bedroom with private entrance(permits uk)Light and bright with many windows. Remodeled Kitchen and baths, new tile floors in bathrooms, new laminate floor:kitchen & LivingRoom & DiningRoom, new carpet in bedrooms.New Dual pane windows,outside and inside paint.Spa and large storage shed. Monta Loma elementary a block away, Close to Costco/Google

here’s a dilly.  nothing particularly spectacular about the house, but the realtor’s comments?  they’re oh-so-educational.  clearly, the buying public it too stoopid to know what the rooms are, so the realtor titled each picture.

i’d never have guessed what that there room was with all the cabinets and appliancey stuff, but she helped me understand with the label “kitchen”.  and the education continues for each room.  except…

except for the mysterious “Garage converted to sound room/bedroom with private entrance(permits uk)”  curious and curiouser – what could it possibly be???

interesting that her text description doesn’t match to the stats posted on the same page;  4 bedrooms vs 3;  1344 sq ft  vs  1104 sq ft.  but her comment “(permits uk)” pretty much answers the question, in weird circular logic.  assuming “uk” equals ‘unknown’ and not a weird worm hole back to jolly ol’ england.

Update: Added some more photos.  —ed.

Does seeing all those houses next to each other make you want to get away to your own private retreat?  Somewhere with elbow room for just you and the trees? 

Today Burbed reader wahnny has a place for you in Gilroy.  Hope you think nines are lucky!  And let’s have a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome for wahnny who is today’s Guest Blogger!

0 LAND ONLY (Unable to map)
Gilroy, CA 95020
$99,999

BEDS:  -
BATHS:  -
SQ. FT.:  -
LOT SIZE:  3.23 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Residential Land (Single Family)
VIEW: Mountains, Neighborhood
COMMUNITY:  Morgan Hill/Gilroy/San Martin
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81226637
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  24 days

Magic Springs Drive. Also includes APN #810-03-004 for total of 4.36 acres. Beautiful and private creekside retreat among the giant redwoods and ferns. Over 20k put into bridge, foundation and engineered plans. No permits. Underground phone line and community spring fed water. Perfect for recreational getaway.

With all the recent chatter about “value in land only”, I thought this might make for an interesting, if not cautionary, tale.

This 4+acre property is nestled deep within a magical forest west of Gilroy.  Since it has no street address, Redfin can’t map it, but the Santa Clara County GIS can (via APN 810-03-022).

The property last sold for $800K during the peak of the bubble years.  Apparently, the seller planned to build a dream house there, investing over $20K towards improvements, but then gave up (the ogre/county wouldn’t permit it?). 

With hopes dashed, the seller resigned to sell the property, but seemed conflicted on asking price (at one point asking twice what was paid for it).  Currently, the seller has settled on a less fanciful price of $100K.

It just goes to show that RBA dreaming can only be truly realized in the RBA.

Here’s the denouement of a Burbed perennial, and best of all, it’s even in Mountain View!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader mabel du for giving this turkey one more roast with this fine guest post.

And speaking of birds, soon we’re going to have to talk Mountain View and Chik-Fil-A, but we did enough politics yesterday next door in Los Altos.  So please give mabel du a real, warm, RBA welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!

1755 PEACOCK Ave
Mountain View, CA 94043
Sold for $475,000 on 4/13/2012

BEDS:  -
BATHS:  -
SQ. FT.:  -
LOT SIZE:  6,200 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Residential Land (Single Family)
VIEW: Neighborhood
COMMUNITY:  North Shoreline
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81138265
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Sold

Sale price includes building plans for 4 bedroom 3 bath home

Do you prefer a bath or a shower?

This flipper-to-be sure took a bath in his bubblicious real estate gamble.  A fun bubble bath?    Not so much.

Plans to feather his nest ran afowl when he ate more than $200k to unload this rotten egg, and that ain’t chicken scratch.   Buyers didn’t flock in as hoped, so after hovering for years on a wing and a prayer he finally ended the drag and landed a buyer.

Purchased for in 2007 for $674K, dropped more cash to remove the previous crapshack, finally sold for $475 in 2012.  I don’t think that’s how RE investments are supposed to work, certainly not in the RBA.

To wax nostalgic on this oldie but goodie, let’s revisit previous Burbed entries for this 4H fowl failure:

Sept 8, 2011: This Peacock is looking a little less proud

 Click to see the other entries:  (more…)

It’s been so long since we’ve featured a house like today’s property, and this site used to run almost nothing else.  Blame it on all the flippers out there trying to install granite in absolutely every building.

Today’s home hails from amazing Alum Rock, and was discovered by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House, who is our guest blogger this fine day.  We’re headed for Zillow, (Redfin link here) so hold on!  And before we go, be sure to give Tracy a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome for this guest post!

1761 E San Antonio St
San Jose, CA 95116
For Sale: $285,000

Zestimate®: $271,085
Est. Mortgage: $1,020/mo
See current rates on Zillow
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sqft: 937
Lot: 9,583 sq ft / 0.22 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1920
Parking: –
Cooling: –
Heating: –
Fireplace: –
On Zillow: 30 days
MLS #: 81224183

Brokered And Advertised By: Altas Realty Listing Agent: Clem Garcia

There’s something about a North  East San José crap shack from 1920 that just gets my juices flowing. I start imagining the history, who lived there, what this part of California was like back then, so much closer to the time of  original settlement.

Then, I start thinking of the toxics, asbestos, old leaky containers and old buried tanks in the 9000 sf yard. Suddenly, the idea of tearing it down and building a flip doesn’t sound too bad… But, people are living there, in all  937 sf of it and they want almost 300K for it????

Still the pictures are intriguing. There is dirt, trash, chain link, Plywood fences, artful shadows, and so much more  in the mystery RV.  Then there are the “normal” houses nearby… How has this one remained all these years, and who will come on the scene to change it. Ok, I’m hooked I’ll add it to my many saved shacks, and send it to madhaus and burbed who I know will appreciate the art of this sale.