March 23, 2011

Very Vital Venture Value in Vibrant, Vigilant Vallejo

imageHope everyone enjoyed yesterday’s Vallejo field trip, because we’re returning to the first California city to declare bankruptcy!  Despite managing to stay current on its bond debt, any place of comedy gold such as homeowners pouring cooking oil on their fences to repel excess prostitutes has to have real estate worthy of the Burbed treatment.

And fortunately for you, Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer has found just the place.  You are going to love this one.

745 Georgia St, Vallejo, CA 94590
$769,999

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BEDS: 7
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 3,382
$/SQ. FT.: $228
LOT SIZE: 6,500 Sq. Ft.
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Victorian
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1908
COMMUNITY: Vallejo Heights
COUNTY: Solano
MLS#: 40148113
SOURCE: EBRD
STATUS: Pending
ON REDFIN: 222 days

Located in the heart of Vallejo, this 3382 sq. ft home has 7 bedrooms and 2.5 baths in the Heritage Area of downtown. Extra rooms downstairs can serve as study and/or work rooms. Recently renovated, this home has hardwood floors. Escrow#502-7525 in Placer Title Vallejo

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer has to say about this house:

$770k to live in Vallejo.  Still within walking distance of the hookers.  It sold for 766, then foreclosed for under 300k.  Then bought for even less, now flipped back on the market for more than the peak pricing.
W…T…F…

imageWalking distance of the hookers?  That’s not a bug, that’s a feature!  Can you say… bordello?  Come on, this place has 7 bedrooms, plus extra rooms downstairs that can definitely serve as study and/or work rooms.  The property history came from BAREIS, wink wink nudge nudge.  The agent all but spells it out: this home has hardwood floors.

Just imagine all the work you could get done in this one featured room alone, at left! Century-old brickwork ensures nobody leaves without payment in full.

Now look at this location, location, location for a high-traffic business!

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imageConvenient to Highway 29, on a corner for easy access, plus you can put in a discrete exit for your high-powered clients.

See the lucky guy in the mirror on the left?  Bet he didn’t know about the home’s built-in videocam system, clearly the inspiration for Vallejo’s plans to deal with aggressive street business.  So not only will the city’s police efforts drive traffic to your (closed) doors, you can generate a second line of income by selling souvenir photos!  Your clients will be delighted to pay premium rates for exclusive copies, too!

Don’t let a little thing like this place going pending after 222 days stop you!  Obviously it’s not really in contract, since the listing history isn’t updated.  That’s just a marketing trick to make you get more excited, wondering how firm the other offer really is.  You need to batter down the agent’s door and make your best overbid so you can start doing Vallejo business now!

Comments (13) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:04 am






March 22, 2011

All the Prestige of the Belvedere Name, All the Hookers of a Vallejo Address

burbedguestbloggerVallejo isn’t a place we’ve spent a lot of time in on this site, but that’s about to change.  Despite being not even remotely part of the Real Bay Area (RBA), Vallejo has many fascinating features.

Please welcome Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer to the front page as today’s Guest Blogger, here to educate you about what pleasures await you in beautiful, thriving Vallejo.  Let’s all give sfbubblebuyer a warm, RBA welcome!


imageimageFear not, would be social climbers! That elusive island living on Belvedere might be closer than you think! Or at least the illusion of it! Now you can associate yourself with the name Belvedere while still maintaining easy access to ample hookers! That’s right, a new luxury condominium complex, The Belvedere, has opened and is accepting wild eyed, mouth frothing bids!

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You heard right! When people ask where you live, you can smugly smile and say “Belvedere…” with only a small, plaintive, almost suicidal cry from the back of your brain saying “…in Vallejo….”

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As an added bonus, you won’t have to worry about pesky cops pulling you over in your fancy sports car! After declaring bankruptcy and laying off a large percentage of their police force, you’d have to be firing rockets out of your microbus at a fleeing DeLorean before the cops take notice.

Never fear, however! You’ll be at the CLASSY end of Vallejo, where you won’t have to smell the cooking oil home owners have been pouring on their fences to keep the prostitutes from leaning against them at all hours of the day. (But to be honest, why would the prostitute object to being pre-lubed?) No, you’ll be near Costco and Kohl’s! A brisk 5 minute walk and you’ll be buying croissants in bulk to decorate your new granite smeared kitchen!

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I’m sure it won’t be long before you are living the TRUE Belvedere luxury lifestyle, and the money you save by living in a crime infested hellhole town that embraces the free market in ALL its forms means you can hire this guy:

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Comments (15) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am