Welcome to the most difficult entry in the entire Blogging from A to Z Challenge. X is the letter that leads to cheats (like finding a house in FairfaX), tweet-style entries (X-treme anything), and words that are unrelated to the blog’s subject (wouldn’t you all like an entry on Xylophones? Hint: they’re supposed to be made of wood).

But no, we’re going to rise to this challenge properly, even if we have to go all the way back to 2010 to comply!  It was either that or another one of our tl;dr essays on the subject of how odd Xenophobia looks to residents of the Real Bay Area.  You can let us know whether we made the right choice with the property listings by speaking up in comments.

72 LORELEI Ln
Menlo Park, CA 94025
$780,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,120 Sq. Ft.
$696 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 5,130 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Aug 24, 2010
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Flood Park Area
MLS#: 81033951

Charming remodeled 3 bedroom/ 2 full bathroom home, inspired by the California and Silicon Valley lifestyle, on a quiet cul-de-sac in a wonderful Menlo Park neighborhood. Notice the professionally designed xeriscape in the front yard that utilizes California native and drought resistant vegetation. Check out the no-mow front lawn (it is very cool). Hardwood floors, open beamed ceilings.

Yes, dear readers, our entry for today is Xeriscaping.  Xeriscaping is landscaping with drought-resistant or desert-native plants. The point of xeriscaping is to conserve water and reduce yard waste, and it’s also one of those trendy terms we find on this parody site (of late neglected). And we’ve covered many a house with those kind of front yards! So now that we went back to 2010 to find the only use of the word in any Bay Area home listing anywhere (and they had to turn it into a fracking noun while they were at it), let’s come up with a more recent offering more suitable to the needs of the current home buyer.

201 RIO CHICO Dr
San Jose, CA 95111
$440,000

6 Beds
3 Baths
1,769 Sq. Ft.
$249 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1959
Lot Size: 5,100 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 63 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: South San Jose
MLS#: 81305376

This is an excellent opportunity for an investor or a large family. This house needs a little TLC and is located near schools, shopping and freeways. Thank-you for showing.

Xeriscaping without all the fuss, and no pretentious neighbors anywhere near this location, location, location to say you’re doing it wrong!  Or to imply that it is not very cool. We apologize for the City-owned parking strip with greenery.  Thank you for showing.

We’ve made comments about certain property listings where the photos seem more suited to an art gallery than a home website. Today’s house, though, is in a class by itself for serious WTFness. This San Jose museum masterpiece is so moved miles more than the masonry mainstream that it was nominated by two different Burbed readers within 24 hours: z2amiller and mtv-renter.

Grab your AudioTour listening device, slip on your headphones, and enjoy these curated images from a Cambrian townhouse available right now through your favorite real estate professional.  Or pick your least favorite realtard just to make ‘em have to look at it.

5692 HOLLYLEAF Ln
San Jose, CA 95118
$485,000

HOA Dues: $329/mo.
2 Beds
2 Baths
1,102 Sq. Ft.
$440 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1973
Lot Size: 2,120 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 9 days
HOA Dues: $329/month
Style: Traditional
Community: Cambrian
MLS#: 81308592
Property Type: Townhouse
View: Green Belt, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

This home is a work of art! Upon entering you will be amazed at the artistry of the tile floors and walls These amazing mosaics were designed by a true artist. This colorful home features a remodeled kitchen with granite counters updated appliances copper sink double pane windows 2 spacious patios 2 car garage and a great location in the complex across from a green belt Must See one of kind Home!

Tile? That roof above looks just fine for a place in California.  Although somebody please give this listing agent some punctuation.

Ooooookay, the patio is just a touch on the loud side.  Things are about to get louder, so click on through. Warning, eye protection is strongly recommended.

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We get some interesting comments from people who don’t agree with our definition of what the Real Bay Area (RBA) is. Many seem to think that if an area is wealthier than its surrounding community, that, in and of itself, is sufficient for RBAhood.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

The whole point of the RBA is that it is not only expensive, it is that you will pay a crapton of money to live there and the sellers can ask over three million yet treat you with complete and utter disdain. You will also end up with a house that isn’t even worth photographing. Today’s property illustrates this perfectly.

1801 WAVERLEY St
Palo Alto, CA 94301
$3,295,000

5 Beds
3.5 Baths
2,982 Sq. Ft.
$1,105 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1932
Lot Size: 9,000 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 7 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Old Palo Alto
MLS#: 81307920
Style: Colonial
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Upcoming Open Houses

Saturday, Mar 23: 1:30-4:30 pm
Sunday, Mar 24: 1:30-4:30 pm

Prime Old Palo Alto!Old world charm meets modern amenities! Lovely 5 bedroom, 3.5 bath home. 2 master suites; one on each floor. Large family room adjacent to spacious kitchen. This home features a huge 9000 +/- sf lot. It is perfect for large gatherings & extended family visits. Updated kitchen and baths with tile counters and newer appliances.

Yes, this is a vintage home (just slipping in under our definition to earn the “old house” tag) in a desirable part of Palo Alto, but it isn’t being marketed as a teardown. It’s just that the agent obviously has better things to do than pull out the iPhone and snap a dozen listing photos.

Good thing there’s Google Streetview!  Isn’t this place just fabulous?

Guess you’ll never know unless you show up at the Open Houses this weekend.  Also, many sections of Streetview around this house have been blurred out. Perhaps this home is owned by a highly-placed Googler.  This view around the corner from Tennyson was the best we could do.

But you’ve seen plenty of properties on Burbed showcasing Palo Alto. (Heck, we’ve visited Waverley Street so often they ought to rename it Burbed Boulevard.)  We were trying to make a point about the difference between RBA and not-so-RBA.  Let’s see what you could get for pretty much the same amount of money over the Bay and through the Caldecott.

6 GREAT OAKS Cir
Orinda, CA 94563
$3,350,000

3 Beds
3.5 Baths
4,350 Sq. Ft.
$770 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1949
Lot Size: 2.32 Acres
On Redfin: 541 days
Type: Detached
Stories: 1
Community: Glorietta
MLS#: 40544806
Style: Contemporary
View: Other
County: Contra Costa

Original Frank Lloyd Wright designed home built in 1949. The stunning grounds were landscaped by Henry Matsutani who did the Japanese Tea Gardens in Golden Gate Park. Incredible opportunity to own a bit of history/ a work of art. All showings subject to screening process. Call agents for details.

That’s right.  If you’re willing to spend the same amount in Orinda, you can own a house actually designed by Frank Lloyd fucking Wright. Not only that, the landscaping is by the same master gardener behind the Japanese I-shit-you-not Tea Garden.  In Golden goddamned Gate Park. Which we think even Silicon Valley software dweebs have heard of. Plus the Orinda house is on more than two acres.

It’s also been for sale for a year and a half and has had two major price reductions.

But in Old Palo Alto, you get a house on nine thousand feet, and you will like it.  And if you don’t plenty of others will, because this house has only been on the market for a week, and after the Open House you know the sellers will be receiving all seventy-nine offers the following Tuesday, and decide which of the no-contingencies-extra-cash-please-with-homemade-brownies-and-a-Tesla-Model-S begging letters they will accept.

And THAT, my friends, is the Real difference between the Real Bay Area and the Rest.

Thanks to the fun folks at Redfin Forums for inspiring today’s article.

That’s right, there is no unit above or better than this Mountain View maisonette.  Read on to find out why!  Warning: sale may have closed already.  Our thanks to Burbed reader LomaLuvr.

1939 Rock St #17
Mountain View, CA 94043
$325,000

HOA Dues: $299/mo.
1 Beds
1 Baths
697 Sq. Ft.
$466 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1963
Lot Size: 2,917 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 7 days
HOA Dues: $299/month
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara
Property Type: Townhouse
Stories: 1-3 (Low Rise)
Community: Rengstorff
MLS#: 81306070

Rebuilt in 2006 * Charming1 bedroom Condo * Closed to Google * Quiet 19 units community * No unit Above * Gorgeous Kitchen w/ Granite Countertop, Cherry Cabinet, SS Microwave & Refri. w/ Tile Fl. * Family Rm w/ Recess Lights & Crown Molding * Master Bedrm. w/ Ceiling Fans & Closet * Private Backyard * Cheerful Bathrm w/ Tiles, Vanity, Granite countertop, SS faucet * Indoor Laundry * One covered & One Guest Parking

Nothing like a rebuilt place that where you can take one look at the kitchen and say, yup, rebuilt in 2006.  Definitely 2006.  Added bunus: kitchen cabinetry matches the landscaping.  Only in the Bay Area do we have homes so Special that they’re staged with that degree of fit and finish.

All this, and closed to Google too!

That’s right, who doesn’t love a pink house?  Especially a pink house in San Jose!  How about East San Jose, because that’s what Burbed reader Tracy Tea House has found for us.  And once more, you are TOO LATE.  Seriously, would you get off your butt and buy another house? Do you want to be PRICED OUT FOREVER in Bubble 4.0?

50 PICKFORD Ave
San Jose, CA 95127
Listed for $324,950
Sold for $391,000 on 11/28/2012

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,381 Sq. Ft.
$283 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1930
Lot Size: 10,000 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Nov 28, 2012
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara
Style: Craftsman
Community: Alum Rock
MLS#: 81239001

BANK OWNED REO! Excellent opportunity to own a home with lots of upside potential. Property has two garages, both have had permits pulled but never finaled. Property needs lots of work and is to be sold in its present “AS IS” condition. Home is in fairly good condition inside but you will need to replace some doors and windows. Some kitchen appliances are missing.

Opportunity! Potential! Fairly good condition! Unfinaled permits! Bank Owned REO! (What other kinds of REO are there?) What are you waiting for, don’t walk, don’t run, rent a helicopter and FLY over there right now!  Let’s listen in on Tracy’s nomination speech:

Pink and dismal. So much more than “some of the appliances are missing.” How about the sheet rock? Stinking Pink, tiny halls, open toilets, this bank owned house has it all.

Is this the “RBA?” I like the three pictures of the street in the wild west of East San José.

Wild West is right, they even show the broken windows.  We don’t know where Tracy got the above shot because it’s not on Redfin, and ZipRealty wanted us to sign in (As If, ZipR!)

Enjoy the pictures.  We included a bunch, because we never know when some real estate site will make us sign in.  The street, the open toilet, and many more right after the break.

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After wasting everyone’s time far far away from the RBA yesterday, the least we can do is finish strong for the week.  And what could be stronger than a house full of curb appeal for an amazing low price?  How about a house full of Burbed appeal for an amazing price you can’t have, because the listing got canceled?  We’ll leave it to you to figure out if this is a new way to say Pending/Do Not Show.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Dr. Jim for sending this one in.

3284 Ramona St
Palo Alto, CA 94306
$1,449,000

Loan Payment:  $4,966/mo
Bedrooms:  3
Bathrooms:  2
Size:  1,601 sqft
$/Sqft:  $905/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  1950
Lot Size:  6,250
Days on Movoto:  38 days
Neighborhood:  Midtown
MLS#:  81237014
Status:  Cancelled

Great Location Midtown home on one of the most saught after street in Palo Alto, home has good bones and sq ft. Bring your imagination to make this your dream home with few upgrades, North East facing lot with lots of sun light. Walking distance to El Carmelo Elem and JL Stanford middle.

The house has good bones, which you can dig up in the back yard.

And it also has sq. ft., namely 1601 of them.  But that’s not why Dr. Jim brought this princely palace to our attention:

Midtown Palo Alto crapshack for $1.45 million. And horrible ad copy to boot!

Oh dear, has Dr. Jim no poetry in his soul? Doesn’t he understand you have to to bring your imagination to make this your dream home with few upgrades?  And if you want a dream home with many upgrades, you should bring your stock portfolio.

Seriously, does nothing please you people?  It’s on a North East facing lot with lots of sun light.  That’s like two lots in one in only 6,250 sq. ft. to go with the good bones.

Bunus: The toilet is so awesome they show it twice.  Check it for additional good bones.

Mor Bunus: Check out the Movoto logo in the listing above.  The graphic designer let us know exactly what s/he thinks of the house!

Listings tend to fall into certain kinds of categories here at Burbed.  There’s your all around crapshack, usually sold for the land value and no pictures inside.  There’s your overbuilt flip that’s wrong for the neighborhood.  There’s your overbuilt “dream home” that’s wrong for any neighborhood, and its cousin, the nightmare home whose builder ran out of money. Burbed reader Tracy Tea House has found us something else entirely over in East San Jose: winner of the wtf tag.

1764 Mount Kenya Dr
San Jose, CA 95127
Not for Sale

Zestimate $434,672
Rent Zestimate $2,549/mo
Est. Mortgage $1,507/mo

Beds: 5
Baths: 2
Sqft: 1,884
Lot: 5,662 sq ft / 0.13 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1961
Construction quality: 6.0
County: Santa Clara
Last remodel year: 1961
Legal description: TRACT 2450 MT PLEASANT BOOK 132 PAGE1 7 LOT 792
Lot depth: 105
Lot width: 54
Parcel #: 64724054
Per floor sqft: 1,884
Total rooms: 7
# Stories: 2.0
Structure type: Other
Unit cnt: 1
Zillow Home ID: 19786732

Split level home with so much potential. Three bedrooms upstairs and two downstairs. Open floor plan with large living room. Inside laundry. Downstairs bedrooms may be locked but rest of the house is view-able. Large separate storage room outside, detached workshop. Some double-pane windows. Home needs front and back landscaping, has nice decorative stone wall. Good handyman special.

We’re not going to let a little thing like the house not being for sale stop us.  Besides, Movoto’s got it for $350,000.

Here’s what Tracy had to say when sending in this Alum Rock redoubt:

Do not drink before viewing these pictures!

Oh wow. Wrong in so many ways, but the picture of the kitchen is a first for me! This house just hit the market for 350K

What, you’ve never seen green cabinets before?  Oh, you mean this one.

We don’t think we’ve ever seen one of those in a kitchen before either.  Guess putting it outside isn’t that good an idea.

Bunus: Check out the (five years) old listing photos currently on Redfin.

And — holy cow, it’s Friday already.  How about something aspirational for those of you with some seriously studly stock options?  Check out this little lulu in Los Altos!  Thanks very much to long-time Burbed reader/first-time caller RM for this find.

1380 HOLLY Ave
Los Altos, CA 94024
$3,495,000

6 Beds 
6.5 Baths 
4,559 Sq. Ft.
$767 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2009 
Lot Size: 0.28 Acres 
On Redfin: 20 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Mountains, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara
Stories: 2
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81238438

Quality built architect designed custom home. Features top rated Los Altos School. incl. Oak Ave School. Close to schools and park. Easy access to hwy 85,Foothill & 280.Gourmet Kitchen Overlooking rear Patio, Great master suite. Two Bedroom suites on main floor & Two Mirror Image Suites in Basements. Spacious Livingroom w/ Vaulted ceilings. 4 car garage two car attached two detached oversized.

This was built in 2009?  Srsly?  Just a casual glance gave me all these 1974 tingles.  Now, let’s hear from RM on why this house belongs on the front page.

This is a very odd house for sale in my neighborhood. Garage in the center of the house, two basement bedroom suites, and a giant detached garage in the back, with no paving for the driveway to the back. (And no pictures.) Lap pool combined with swimming pool in a very constrained space.

Check out the google maps for a good overhead view of the oddness. And confetti colored tile in the kitchen and baths. Whoever buys it will be really sorry if they do not remove the redwood by the front driveway, or if they pay $3,495,000.

Wait, there’s a pool?  Is it in the Basements?

When did “confetti tile” become A Thing?  Didn’t we ran a house recently that had the same fascinating design choice?  Well, there was this.

Alas, this Quality built architect designed custom home is 441 square feet too small to merit the ginormous tag.

Here’s a find from Burbed reader hikelife.  Did you always want to live in a million dollar mansion?  If you have that million you could live in Sunnyvale instead!

1354 LA BELLA Ave
Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$1,000,000

3 Beds 
1 Baths 
1,034 Sq. Ft.
$967 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1950 
Lot Size: 9,576 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 1 day
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara
Stories: 1
Community: Sunnyvale
MLS#: 81239620

Unbelievable

Does this house look familiar?  It should, because it showed up in comments yesterday.  We’ll let you use that worthwhile section to admire how hard this agent is working for that $60,000 commission.  A word and a photo, both!

We’ll leave you with a peek at the actual house (which would have raised the agent’s commission to $80,000).

Super bunus!  Ginormous trash bin!

Today’s featured home is an architectural aristocrat among stupendous school districts.  Translation: wtf?  Thanks very much to Burbed reader wahnny for sending this Cupertino castle in!

7367 RAINBOW Dr
Cupertino, CA 95014
$995,000

3 Beds 
2.5 Baths 
1,523 Sq. Ft.
$653 / Sq. Ft.
Status: Pending Without Release
Built: 1995 
Lot Size: 1,742 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 20 days
HOA Dues: $150/month
Stories: 3
County: Santa Clara
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: Cupertino
MLS#: 81234699

This is one of the only two single family homes in this five unit complex. 17 years new. Comtemporary floor plan and bright, sunny natural lighting. New carpets. Newer paint. Crown molding. Hardwood floor in living and family room. Granite kitchen counter top. Private back yard. Award winning Cupertino school Regnart Elementary, Kennedy Middle and Monta Vista High.

Here’s what wahnny had to say about why this building block became Burbed:

Just came across this gem in Cupertino.

Asking price is just under $1million for a “17 year new” 3-story 1500+sqft cube house on 1700+ sqft lot.  Not exactly a “crapshack”, but it does seem pretty cramped (small rooms) and probably noisy too (close to highway, major thoroughfares).  Perhaps a small price to pay for access to the “award winning Cupertino schools”, and/or bee-line to Apple Inc.

It can’t be that bad.  The lot is 200 square feet bigger than the house, and there is some green amid all that low-maintenance cement. Plus, fewer windows means less work cleaning them and less sun damage to your drapes and artwork.  We’d say this detached home features all the benefits of townhouse living, right down to the HOA fees!

And wahnny must have been exaggerating for comic effect about the thoroughfare and highway nearby. 

See?  We know it wasn’t that bad! There’s a handy offramp as a buffer zone!