Let’s take a drive North again, courtesy of Burbed reader Tom Paine.  Tom’s got a real winner for us today, that is if by winner I meant something that is the exact opposite of winner.  So let’s check out this bitchen Bolinas back four thousand!

0 Birch Rd
Bolinas, CA  94924
$14,990

BEDS:  -
BATHS:  -
SQ. FT.:  -
LOT SIZE:  4,008 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Lots & Land, Single Family
COMMUNITY:  Bolinas
COUNTY:  Marin
MLS#:  21214547
SOURCE:  BAREIS
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  26 days

Flat lot in Bolinas:Not a buildable site under the current water moratorium and County Septic rules and zoning. For further info:Bolinas Public Utility District at Marin County Planning Environmental Health dept.

Here’s what Tom thinks about buying this lot.

I wonder if you can park your RV there for longer than 24 hours?

Ah, yes, a little slice of property in paradise!  Unfortunately we can’t tell you which slice, as there are several 4,000 square foot lots on Birch near Poplar.  But we can show you how awesome the area is!

And when you look for some of the lots, they look even better!

Booyah!  So are you going to let a little thing like zoning issues and no septic and no water meter stop you from buying here?

Here’s another San Jose Special from one of our frequent correspondents, Burbed reader Tracy Tea House!  Thanks very much for this Berryessa beauty, which has been snapped up by some lucky buyer. 

11260 CANYON Dr
San Jose, CA 95127
Listed for $699,000; Sold for $640,000 on 6/16/2012

BEDS:  3
BATHS:  3
SQ. FT.:  2,952
$/SQ. FT.:  $217
LOT SIZE:  0.48 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT:  1964
COMMUNITY:  Berryessa
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81213632
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Sold

WOW!WHAT A GREAT VALUE * GORGEOUS SWEEPING VIEW OF THE GOLF COURSE AND CITY LIGHT * ENJOY IT ON THE LARGE DECK * PRIVATE POOL AREA * IN DOOR SAUNA ROOM * HUGE BED ROOMS * HUGE LIBRIRY AND OFFICE * SUPER PRIVATE AND SERENE LOCATION * SURROUNDED BY MULTI MILLION DOLLAR HOMES * 3 MUNITES DRIVING TO 680

Here’s what Tracy had to say when submitting this property to our attention:

Something is probably truly wrong with this house! But what? We fell in love with the massive decks, tiki torches, groovy pool, amazingly large rooms, with indoor sauna and all over swag. The tee is directly out the back door and people are literally hitting golf balls feet from the deck. I think my dogs would have gone crazy!

Now the down sides. Shorty short sale, the price is very, very low, considering, and there are water problems. Some obvious, but I suppose, some hidden much deeper, with the big hill above. The house was pending shortly after we looked at it, and fell out, so its back on the market. A true treasure? Or a California size boondoggle?

All this, and only 3 MUNITES DRIVING TO SAN JOSE.  Are MUNITES more or less time than MINTUES?  We know, the unit of time used on the WORLD RENOWN SAN FRANCISCO PENINSULA are MINTUES.  But if you know the way to San Jose, you can conquer both time and space.

Don’t believe us?  Look at all 25 pictures of this listing and figure out what’s missing.  Go ahead, we’ll wait.

Did you figure it out?  Here’s a hint, courtesy of teh Google.

Yes, 25 pictures (several of the same exact tree), and not one of what the house itself looks like.  No wonder you have to ENJOY IT ON THE DECK instead.  At least you would be SURROUNDED BY MULTI MILLION DOLLAR HOMES.

Um.  Thank you, Zillow.  Opportunities to play with the Red Arrows are always appreciated.

Too bad the realtard didn’t find a dictionary in the HUGE LIBRIRY.

Usually Burbed doesn’t visit the same city two days in a row, but today’s a holiday, and we need to celebrate!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Overheard in San Carlos for passing along this celebration.

248 CHESHAM Ave
San Carlos, CA 94070
$1,650,000

BEDS:  4
BATHS:  2
SQ. FT.:  2,420
$/SQ. FT.:  $682
LOT SIZE:  10,760 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT:  2009
COMMUNITY:  Beverly Terrace
COUNTY:  San Mateo
MLS#:  81224328
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  5 days

Stunning masterpiece. 4 bedrooms plus additional Zen space. Kitchen is a chefs dream. G. E. profile double oven with warming drawer, two dishwashers, Thermador side by side Refrigerator/freezer, Viking 5 burner cooktop. Property has Home Works lighting system. Custom sound system with source and volume control. Radiant Heat system with 7 thermostatically controlled zones. True Gem.

Here’s what OSC had to say about this purposed property.

HDR on LSD.

Where was I that day when the sky turned this color?   The sky was so intense that it literally ate the roof off of this house.

Fortunately if you go inside things won’t get any less exciting, although we can’t promise anywhere as much Cherenkov radiation.  How about… More cowbell!

Happy July 4^th  everyone.  Enjoy another round of the colorful bursts from this fine listing as you enjoy your the day off.  Don’t worry, the work will be waiting for you tomorrow.  And so will we.

It’s always fun to revisit a house that’s previously been given some Burbed love.  Today’s house is a foreclosure with an unpermitted garage conversion, exactly what you’d expect to find in Old Palo Alto.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Wendie for today’s cognitive dissonance.

633 COLERIDGE Ave
Palo Alto, CA 94301
$1,888,000, Reduced from $1,988,000 on 6/7/12
Reduced from $2,198,000 on 5/15/12

BEDS:  4
BATHS:  4
SQ. FT.:  2,235
$/SQ. FT.:  $845
LOT SIZE:  6,696 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Country English
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT:  1941
COMMUNITY:  Old Palo Alto
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81221385
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  25 days

Amasing 4 bd 4 ba in old town palo alto . newly remodeled with new presidential comp roof, new paint and fixtures, refinished hardwood floor, double pane windowes, stainles still appliances , lots of closets. garage had been converted to a family room and aditional room including full bath by the previous owner , permit unknown. this may not been included in sf. huge price reduction.

Here’s what Wendie had to say about this house:

Didn’t you highlight this house a few months ago as a short sale? I think it was listed as 1.2 back then….

Why yes, we certainly did mention this house, but it was last September, and it was on bank auction list.

But back then the agent wasn’t mentioning all the excitement in the former garage!  And this house is just full of excitement.  A huge price reduction!  A foreclosure last October!  Yes, a foreclosure, not just in the Real Bay Area, but in Old Palo Alto.  Who knew that Larry Page could walk to a foreclosure in his own neighborhood?  (We would have said Steve Jobs, what with all the “walk to Steve Jobs’ house” comments about this neighborhood, but he could not walk to this house when it foreclosed as he passed away one week earlier.)

And if the garage and the price and famous dead neighbors isn’t enough excitement about this house for you, here is the icing on the cake.  You’d be buying the house from the agent herself.

Be sure to read all contracts carefully, because based on that listing copy, this may not be one of those agents who pays attention to silly little details.  Annoying little details such as spelling or capitalization or prices or whether a contract is actually signed.  And if you’re not a detail person either, then the two of you are a match made in heaven.  Or at least Old Palo Alto, which is practically the same thing.

Let’s finish the week on an up note, with this super structure from the seventies!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader hsjb for this luscious listing in Los Altos.

1450 REDWOOD Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,695,000

BEDS:  4
BATHS:  3
SQ. FT.:  2,502
$/SQ. FT.:  $677
LOT SIZE:  9,317 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood, City Lights
YEAR BUILT:  1975
COMMUNITY:  Highlands
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81223371
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  7 days
This is the home you have been waiting for. Beautiful 4bd/3ba with views. Beautiful light filled rooms with new hardwood floors and carpet. The home has high lofted ceilings with views from the upper floor. 3 bd 2 ba upstairs, 1 bed and full bath downstairs. Equisite English Gardens and sparkling pool with blue/black bottom. PRIVATE back yard. Two new decks off both floors. Don’t miss it.

Here’s why hsjb thought this home was Burbed-worthy:

While you’re on this home…check out the discrepancy of the pool size in two pictures. Image 20 makes it look HUGE! Image 22 makes it look puny!

Poltergeist in the bedroom?  Call 1–800–GHOSTBUSTERS!  Meanwhile, did you notice who is selling this property?  This place must be “corporate owned,” because the agent’s name is, I kid you not, Kimberly Clark.  That’s Kimberly Clark.  Makers of these fine paper products which have a lot in common with real estate agents.

They both need frequent changing, for the same reason.

Should you buy today’s house?  Depends. 

How much do you love freeways?

What’s that?  Burbed readers want to know about more houses close to Google?  Then you’ll have many thanks for Burbed reader mabel du, with this momentous manse in Mountain View. And it was submitted along with a Guest Post to go with it.  Oh, you can’t buy this house.  It’s Pending.  We told you: Mountain View is hot, hot, hot!  So thanks for getting us all excited for nothing.

Please give mabel du a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!

152 THOMPSON Ave
Mountain View, CA  94043
$819,000

BEDS:  3
BATHS:  2
SQ. FT.:  1,280
$/SQ. FT.:  $640
LOT SIZE:  5,300 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Modern/High Tech
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT:  1955
COMMUNITY:  Thompson
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81221321
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN:  19 days

Charming, updated home in Monta Loma. Close to Downtown Mountain View, Palo Alto & Google. Light filled living room with hardwood floors and fire place. Spacious updated kithen with view of back yard and open to the dinning area. Beautifully landscaped yard with pavers, great for entertaining. Master bedroom with hardwood floors, updated bath and the view of the back yard. Just move in and enjoy.

Yipppee!  Another entry from Monta Loma.  Don’t know where that is???  Here’s all you need to know:   “Close to Palo Alto, Google and other companies.“

F@#k Mountain View!  This house is sooooo close to the land of your dreams:  Utopia, fairies & unicorns.  And it comes with a free choo-choo just yards away.  And by ‘yards’ I mean a mere 4 houses or about 200′.   Wait a sec, my math is off…  First you have to hop over Central Expressway (not so expressy at 8:00am or 5:00pm, tho), then you get your choo-choo.

 

Please allow me to translate realtor-speak “Beautifully landscaped yard with pavers, great for entertainment“ = There’s not one f@#king blade of grass.  Just what every family with kids or pets desires – warm, inviting bricks to play on.  Better stock up on band aids for the skinned knees, and plastic glassware when you entertain on your new, cold, hard reality  (tho, it’ll be about 110* in the summer on that heat sink).

 

 “… and the view of the back yard.”  Nothing is more comforting than staring out a window at an expanse of pavers.  Why not just move into a condo?  You’d have numerous options to select from in Utopia Palo Alto.  Well… there must be at least a couple PA condo options for $819k.

 

I don’t have time for a full rant about “updated bath“ other than:  Two bathrooms, two pedestal sinks…  I can hear the ghosts of Christmas past yelling “Great!  Where’s the f@#king extra roll of toilet paper???”

 

All this for not so much money in the RBA.  Wait…  is Mountain View even in the RBA anymore?  According to this realtor, not so much.  F@#k Mountain View, all you Googlers who really want to live in PA!  

Ever thought about building you very own family compound?  Now you can!  These neighboring homes are for sale, so why not buy both?  Thanks very much to Burbed reader amer_icongrl for sending us these San Mateo specials.  And we promise, these are Real Special.

3815 EDISON St
San Mateo, CA 94403
$599,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,040
$/SQ. FT.: $576
LOT SIZE: 5,490 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1946
COMMUNITY: Westwood Knolls
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81222217
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 5 days

CHARMING WESTWOOD KNOLLS HOME! LOCATED ON THE WORLD RENOWN SAN FRANCISCO PENINSULA, WITHIN MINTUES FROM SCHOOLS, SHOPPING CENTERS, TRANSPORTATION AND THE SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT! THIS HOME FEATURES GLEAMING HARDWOOD FLOORS, AN UPDATED EAT IN KITCHEN WITH GRANITE COUNTER TOPS, FRENCH DOORS LEADING OUT TO A PRIVATE PATIO AND AN ATTACHED GARAGE! HURRY! THIS HOME WON’T LAST LONG!

..but wait, there’s more!

3821 EDISON St
San Mateo, CA 94403
$596,600

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,040
$/SQ. FT.: $574
LOT SIZE: 5,490 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1946
COMMUNITY: Westwood Knolls
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81219113
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 27 days

Great starter home on the west side featuring two bedrooms and one bath. Nice large deck, yard, views and more. This is your oppportunity. .. don’t miss it

We’ve got plenty about both houses… after the break.

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Fire up your tardis and set the controls for two days ago, because there was an Open House on this Evergreen estate and you probably missed it!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this bodacious botch-up.

3545 EDGEMAN Ct
San Jose, CA 95148
$6,399,999

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,699
$/SQ. FT.: $2,371
LOT SIZE: 0.26 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1987
COMMUNITY: Evergreen
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81219851
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 22 days

Evergreen High School. Open house this Saturday, June 16, 2012, from 2-4pm. PRICE REDUCED 60K. BUYERS RUSH TO SEE THIS PROPERTY. EXCELLENT SCHOOLS. SPACIOUS 4 BEDROOM WITH 1 BEDROOM DOWNSTAIRS. AMAZING DEAL WILL NOT LAST. This is a shortsale with 1 lender only. Will close fast. PLEASE DO NOT CALL. FOR ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE EMAIL alexiatnguyen@gmail. com

Here’s what Swan has to say about THAT:

Really?  $6.3 million in Evergreen?  I think it will be around for awhile.

Talk about a typo.  Listed for $699K  on May 31, price changed to $6,399,999 on June 15.  That’s some price change!

Hope you get to see this before they correct it!

Correct it?  They’re lining up the armored cars for the outsized overbidding that’s going to result from this masterly marketing maneuver.  And it’s not as if this home price history hasn’t already experienced the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat.

It’s participated in the run-up, peak, and bust of the previous real estate bubble, 3 sales within five years!  Now, after staying with the same owners for almost 20, it will be selling shortly.  Or at least it would if the realtard had counted how many nines she entered.

So here’s one last look at the house, courtesy of Google Streetview. Place your bets on how quickly the new price ends up in that trash bin.

Update: This amazing deal did not last.

Here’s a find in the East Hills of San Jose, in Almost-But-Not-Quite-Evergreen.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House for this disappearing domicile.  Yes, disappearing, the listing went Pending-Do Not Show the day we wrote this and we had to search for it on literally SEVEN different real estate sites until we found one that hadn’t pulled the pix fast enough.  Today’s Thank-goodness-somebody-out-there-is-lazy real estate website is SAWBUCK.

3157 Markwood Court
San Jose, CA 95148
$586,000

Bedrooms : 5
Bathrooms : 3
Lot Size : 0.29 ac
Finished Sq Ft : 2,253 sq. ft.
Type : Detached Single Family
Style : Traditional
Year Built : 1976
Subdivision : Evergreen
Stories : 2
MLS# : 81220317
WalkScore™ : 38 (Car-Dependent)

Diamond in a rough. Good location, near schools, EastRidge Mall. No warranty on Swimming pool/spa. Big lot. Two separate storages with no permit at rear. A lot of potential for this property. As-is sale.

Here’s why Tracy sent this Evergreen edifice in:

Not only does it have the favorite phrase Diamond in the rough.” The pictures are “works of art.” From the sideways one, the stairway cage or the coiled hose… Classic… especially the non-warrantied swimming pool. 

Humm I wonder what is wrong right with it??

That’s “Diamond in A rough” not “diamond in THE rough.”  Perhaps they left a word or two out after rough.

Tracy also notes that the listing copy used to end with “Price reflect deferred maintenance on property.” instead of the current “As-is sale.”  We’ve added both the as-is and needs work tags. 

The pictures, all of them. are indeed works of art, if by “art” we actually mean “seriously, WTF?”  We’ve got every one of them for you (in case Sawbuck feels the need to abide by MLS rules) after the break.

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Have you ever realized that you aren’t spending enough of your time parking all of your cars?  Why not buy a house that fixes that terrible lack in your life?  After all, pure parking pleasure requires just the right property, and perhaps this is the perfect palace!  Thanks much to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for this beauty of a building in Belmont!

820 EL CAMINO REAL
Belmont, CA 94062
$669,000, reduced from $709,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,200
$/SQ. FT.: $304
LOT SIZE: 3,250 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Mediterranean
STORIES: 2
VIEW: City Lights
COMMUNITY: Belmont Country Club
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81211546
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 76 days

Single family home locate on commercial zoon, city may allow home office use for light industry. Interest party need to confirm with city ordiance. 3 bedroom 2 bath upstairs (one master), two additioanal bedroom 1 bath downstairs done with permit. Spacious garage park up to 4 cars tandem.

Today’s featured house convenient to, well, everything (how much more central can you get than the Street of Kings?).  Plus, by only including one photo the agent has made it easy for you to review this listing as quickly as possible.  Not only that, this house is even more Special than you think.  It’s been on Burbed before!

Wow, you can buy it for less than its 2009 asking price, despite it being in the middle of a red-hot market.  And that’s an old asking price, because the home was delisted the day before it appeared here back in 2009. 

Also we just had to sneak in this really old listing picture from when it sold in 2000.  For $535,000.  Think of how much this place is really worth now!  And there’s more good news!  The Redfin agent has done the legwork so you don’t have to.

This location is perfect.  If you don’t already have four cars, step next door and buy them.

Don’t like what they’re selling next door?  No problem at all!  Just head across the street to the CalTrain station and check out what’s chillin’.

Look, you’re a busy person.  This house has a four car garage.  That works out to 25 years per covered parking space.  Now that’s a DEAL.