May 11, 2011

Lots of Instant Equity, or Instant Submarining, in Pleasanton

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Shocked East Coaster for today’s find, which, alas, doesn’t have any marble columns.  It does have some other interesting features, like digits.  Lots and lots of digits.

1630 Laguna Hills Ln, Pleasanton, CA  94566


Bedrooms: 6
Bathrooms: 4
Sqft: 4,000
Lot size: 12,444 sq ft / 0.29 acres
Property type: Single Family
Year built: 2003
Parking type: —
Cooling system: —
Heating system: —
Fireplace: —
Days on Zillow: 7
MLS number: 40513130
Listing website: Keller Williams – Pl…

An Absolute Masterpiece with Upgrades Galore! This Exquisite Single-Story Residence Offers: 4 bedrooms plus office and 4 full baths, 3 car garage.Exceptional architectural design and quality craftsmanship is evident throughout this 4000 sq ft Former Model. Must see!

Well, no wonder Burbed’s newest contributor calls him/her/itself Shocked East Coaster.  And at these prices, I’m not surprised!  Here’s what SEC has to say about this listing:

a super affordable $828,477/month

Must be something in the water

By the way, love your site. I am new to the bay area real estate craziness( market) and I truly can’t believe the prices out here.

imageWell, if you use Zillow instead of Redfin, I guess that’s what happens.  The latter site also has 9 photos instead of just 1, and the sky is much much much more dramatic.

They didn’t magic up any marble columns, though, just this sky that matches Princess Eugenie’s hat.

Comments (36) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:15 am

May 5, 2011

Huge Yard for income also

Today’s featured listing is from Burbed reader Tuno!  Thanks very much for this this fab find, the kind of listing that this site is famous for!

442 1st Ave, Redwood City, CA 94063


BATHS: 1.5
SQ. FT.: 810
$/SQ. FT.: $271
LOT SIZE: 6,975 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
VIEW: Neighborhood
COMMUNITY: Dumbarton
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81054683
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 170 days

Huge Yard. Smaller home and its rented right now. Great income property they rent out part of the yard for income also. 2 bedroom 1 bath needs some love.

Here’s what tuno had to say about today’s house:

just an amazingly crappy crapshack that sold for 501K (!!!!!) in 2004.  it is so very, very awful.  and I *like* awful little houses.  but *yuck*.  and they claim as a selling point that part of the *yard* is presently being rented out!!!

They rent out… part of the yard… for income also.  And this is a 2/1.5 right?  Well 2/1 of that 2/1.5 needs some love.  That means there’s a perfectly content half bathroom.  And the inside pictures aren’t that bad as crapshacks go.  But the outside!  Ahhhh, and remember, this yard is working for you!


Look how many vehicles are parked here, obviously the property owner is making so much in rent he’s buying extra trucks and boats!  Remember: 1. Buy a house.  2. Rent some or all of it out.  3. Profit!!!!!!

Want to make even more money? TIME-SHARE!  Like fifty bucks to park in your yard during a big event near your house.  Or five hundred dollars to helpfully inform the cops the “bad guy” they’re looking for just headed toward the airport.  Rent your house, and then rent it during your tenants’ vacation or work hours; PROFIT MORE!

Comments (16) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:09 am

May 4, 2011



Portola Valley,CA94028


BATHS: 1.5
SQ. FT.: 1,580
$/SQ. FT.: $474
LOT SIZE: 0.39 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: Bi/Split Level
VIEW: Canyon
COMMUNITY: Alpine/Uplands (Los Trancos)
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81110302
STATUS: Active 




ON REDFIN: 48 days
This is a classic! Nice lot, great potential. View of Foothill Park and located on Los Trancos Creek. A magical setting! Great PV Schools and neighborhood. Spacious home with a family room off the Kitchen. LR with FP. Large lot! Lots of extra room on the lower level would be great for a utility room, workshop, extra bedroom? Make sure you see the lower level. DO NOT GO ON DECK. .. DO NOT GO ON DECK



Thanks to Burbed reader Herve for this find!
Herve was wondering this:
If the deck can collapse, why would I want to see the lower level?

I don’t think it says anywhere that the deck is going to collapse. I think that’s an assumption. And you know what happens when you assume: you make real estate prices fall.

Rather, I think the agent is trying to prevent you from developing TMJ… you know from when you jaw drops from standing on the deck and at the stunning view. It’s for liability reasons… I’m sure you can understand.

Oh, and by the way – this house comes with great private schools. You won’t be able to find private schools like that anywhere else!


Comments (10) -- Posted by: burbed @ 5:58 am

April 29, 2011

You won’t find anything like this available for sale within 20 miles

A couple of weeks ago we featured this, um, charming house in Palo Alto.  Within 7 days, the price went up $150k, because if house was featured here, it was obviously worth far more than that lazy realtard had suggested!  Obviously he/she just wanted a quick commission and didn’t care how little money the bank netted after eating the first mortgage, the second mortgage, the HELOC, the hazardous cleaning team, and the poo guy.

But after making the front page of Burbed,  the Beautiful Eichler with Pool got a more upscale description: “Live down the street from $7,495,000 home.”

So without any further ado, here is the $7.5M house!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for mentioning this house in comments.

1535 EDGEWOOD Dr, Palo Alto, CA 94303



BATHS: 5.5
SQ. FT.: 7,743
$/SQ. FT.: $968
LOT SIZE: 0.43 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
COMMUNITY: Green Gables
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81117522
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 4 days

Incredible Hampton Style home with all the bells and whistles. Great North Palo Alto location, large lot and terrific Palo Alto schools. A rare opportunity to get a move-in home of first class quality and design. Designed and built for family living, you won’t find anything like this available for sale within 20 miles, let alone in Palo Alto.

imageWe’ve already discussed that a homedebtor can list a house for whatever s/he wants, but it’s what a buyer will pay for it that determines the “value.”  Back in the heady days of Pay Option ARMs and OPM and PPM (whoops, that refers to how much poo per million in the swimming area), a buyer would look at the asking price and offer 15% above that. Then they’d hope the homemade cookies, the family photo, and the offer to hand-wax the seller’s Porsche for the next five years would lead to an offer being accepted.  Now, with the housing market in freefall, anything goes, which unfortunately includes agents too lazy to include the full nine pictures on Redfin when six will do.  Just six pictures, for a house with an asking price of $7.5 million.

imageSo, is this house actually worth $7.5M?  Don’t forget that it’s “down the street” from the Beautiful Eichler, let alone in Palo Alto.  0.7 miles “down the street.”

The good news is that for an extra $6.5 million, you aren’t next to a freeway exit ramp, so you have a better chance of pretending you’re in the Hamptons.  The bad news is you’re next to East Palo Alto instead. 

I mean next to EPA, not “down the street” from itRight behind the back yard on the other side of the creek is Collective Roots, a nonprofit that teaches sustainable gardening and food system change (I think that’s PC for eating stuff that was actually alive).  It’s educational, which means lots of East Palo Alto kids visit their site, which is behind this house.

Let’s take a good look at what kind of neighborhood you get for $7.5 million.


Yeah, you won’t find another $7.5 million place next to this much high-density housing within 20 miles!

Comments (38) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:07 am

April 19, 2011

Break the Windows of this Stoned Home

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy for today’s featured house!

3121 PRUNERIDGE Ave, Santa Clara, CA 95051


SQ. FT.: 1,760
$/SQ. FT.: $386
LOT SIZE: 6,900 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY:Santa Clara
MLS#: 81104472
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 76 days


Here’s what Tracy had to say about this listing:

“Subject: Stoned home.  I think the realtor was smoking when they wrote this one…”

Oh come on, just because the Realtard spelled “excellent” two different ways in the same paragraph, note that he got one of them right.  Plus he didn’t make any capitalization errors by the clever tactic of using only capitals.  That’s innovative thinking!  Best of all this is NOT A SHORT OR REO PROPERTY, which is good news.  I hate it when I buy a house and find out it’s actually in Brazil.

Perhaps this issue is that the house is within a “STONE’S THROW” OF MAYWOOD PARK.  Don’t worry about neighborhood hooligans breaking your windows and hiding in the park.  As you can see, the house is conveniently situated on a busy street, so there will be plenty of witnesses to any rock-throwing attempts.


Plus I question whether the house is really a STONE’S THROW from the Park.  There’s a piece of property in the way, so a park-based vandal would have to loft the stone over several houses as well as all that Pruneridge Avenue traffic to hit the front windows of this place.

imageAlso, from where the house sits, I can tell you without having to look it up that it has Santa Clara schools!  Now we know residents of The Mission City love their utilities because they’re cheap.  So you’ll love these schools too, they make the house much cheaper than the ones across the street in that effete Cupertino Union district.

Pride of ownership: make sure the utilities match the schools and the carpets match the drapes.  Need I say more?  It’s got HARDWOOD underneath!

Comments (10) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:01 am

April 15, 2011

As seen on Flip This House: Outstanding Remoldel

Thanks to Burbed reader Sam for this “very unique” find in San Carlos.

790 BUCKLAND Ave, San Carlos, CA 94070


SQ. FT.: 1,965
$/SQ. FT.: $534
LOT SIZE: 7,565 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: Bi/Split Level
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81113908
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 14 days

Wow!!This is a Tremendous 4bed 3 bath home. Unmatched features and wide open floor plan make this home “fit for a King” Heated bathroom floors, heated towel racks, remote control digitally controlled shower. Electrolox Icon Stanliess steele appliances with build in espresso machine makes this kitchen one of a kind. All new windows, floors, doors, Outstanding remoldel.

imageHere’s what Sam had to say about this listing:

I guess the listing agent forgot that in 2011 the “recently flipped” moniker isn’t a feature. Flip This House is sooooo 2006. But hey, it’s “fit for a King”: it has heated towel racks! It also has “Stanliess steele”. I don’t know what that is, but I’m pretty sure it would make a good porn star name.

Well, we got good news and bad news for you, Sam.  The bad news is this listing recently changed, maybe when the buyers accepted that pending without release offer.  Maybe they took away that “recently flipped” comment you mention that I didn’t find, what with my keeping your email sitting around for 2 weeks.  But the good news is that we don’t have to scratch our heads wondering what’s wrong with this place.  Redfin’s doing the heavy lifting for us!


Very unique!  I love very unique!  Nonconforming and weird is good too!  We’re going to love working with our Redfin overlords.  Meanwhile, check out the Google Streetview of this place!  I guess Spring Bounce means equity is rising. Something is rising, because the place doesn’t look exactly level.


But wait, there’s more!  Look at the listing history, OMFG!  This must be what Sam mean about recently flipped.  Plus a bonus foreclosure, this place has it all.


Don’t worry, Zillow’s got us covered on those missing listing prices.  Hoo-boy, can you say “Price Reduction”?



Cheer up!  The house was pending back in September, 2010, and that deal fell through.  It could happen again and YOU could be the next owner!

Whoever does buy it, please replace that rug with something that doesn’t look like the hardwood floor cut open and rotated 90 degrees.  Even Stanliess steele would look better.  But nothing beats a remote control digitally controlled shower.

Comments (11) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

April 11, 2011

malty million$$$ home in a lather

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy for this bubbly find in Saratoga!  Just the pick-me-up for Spring Bounce.  Cheers!

20615 Leonard Rd, Saratoga CA 95070


BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 2,142
$/SQ. FT.: $839
LOT SIZE: 0.74 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch, Traditional
VIEW: Green Belt, Mountains
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81112417
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 18 days

location. location. location. Area of malty million$$$ home (homes up to $4,700,000 sold in the street). Huge and beautiful 3/4 of acre(32200 square feet 161 by 200) land close to down town and schools and shopping. make your appointment. beautifully situated on top of very quiet street. Home was remodel 20 years ago and still needs some work. Fix it now or simply move to it and fix it lather.

imageDefinitely location, location, location if they’re selling malty million$$$ home in the street.  Sound’s like every day is St. Patrick’s day with this view of the Green Belt, wow, you think they have any red pixels left in that camera?  And on-street sales, definitely a big brew party.  make your appointment.

imageYou have a choice: fix it now or simply move to it and fix it lather.  Just make sure you got the fridge plugged in so you can pre-chill your mug.

Judging from the tile in this kitchen I think a remodel 20 years ago means they got a close-out on this stuff.  This design screams 1988.  And 8s are lucky!

What I really like about this listing is how the agent is barely literate, but tries to pull a fast one on us.


As you can see from the map, the house is fifth on the right from a major arterial that was once a state highway.  But how about this for deceptive? 

(homes up to $4,700,000 sold in the street)

Wow, there’s a $4.7M sale on that street (excuse me, sold in the street)?  Could it be… the ginormous parcel where the road curves a bit?  Ya think?  Maybe the house isn’t worth sparge and the value is in the land?  If you want a malty million dollar house, hop to it and buy both neighbors’ places, scrape ‘em, profit!  You’ll be at lager-heads with the remaining neighbors, but don’t let it ale you.

Comments (41) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:14 am

April 7, 2011

Awesome Spanish Villa in San Jose

burbed guest editorHowdy again from your newest guest editor, sonarrat. Today, I’d like to talk with you a little bit about style and fashion. San Jose is known worldwide as an innovative city. We have more patents per capita than anywhere else in the world and are a Mecca for the high-tech industry. What we’re not known for, though, is having a strong cultural influence. The downtown movie theater is struggling, our music scene is fledgling at best, and for such a large city, the options for truly great dining are very limited. However, today’s house has a spark of the creative, the daring, and the unconventional. That’s why I’ve chosen to feature it today.

2052 Alameda Way, San Jose, CA 95126

Beds: 4
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 2,414
$/Sq. Ft.: $373
Lot Size: 7,498 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Spanish
Stories: 2
View: Mountains, Neighborhood
Year Built: 1925
Community: Central San Jose
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81112924
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 8 days

Awesome Spanish Villa. A Little of Past, A lot of Contemporary Features & Upgrades. You’ll Love to Entertain in Designer Kitchen: Solid Copper Counter Tops, Viking Professional Range, Top Custom Cabinets of Solid Honduran Mahogany, Tasteful Island of Honed Emperado Dark Marble, Shaw’s Orig. Sink (Ireland), Honed Travertine Floors. Mahogany Cased Custom Windows. .. too many features to list. Come By!

Are you excited yet? Overwhelmed? Maybe a little woozy? Let’s break this listing down. It’s a Spanish villa just steps from El Royal Road, so you know what to expect: fussy shrubberies, broad-leaved trees, windows that will cost more to replace than your BMW, and, of course, a white deer. Fascinating. In terms of old-world touches, we have a throwback to the 1800’s in the form of a copper countertop. In France, hammered copper used to be quite a favored material in the kitchen. It was cheap and easy to mold using simple hand tools; no hot work was required. However, one does have to question the utilitarian value and the durability of a polished copper counter. Will it turn green like an old penny? Not to matter: the impermanence of the material is part of its character.

Despite the name, most Honduran mahogany is now harvested from South Asia due to the American market being crippled by restrictions in the 1990s. This Fijian Honduran mahogany contrasts boldly with the yellow, white, stainless steel, cream, marble, glass, and darker woods in the kitchen. You may call it confused; I call it inspired.

Unfortunately, while the bathroom begs an explanation – that sink appears to be perfectly shaped so that the door won’t hit it – the listing agent decided to stop listing features at this point. In fact, he neglected to mention the house’s best feature, so I’d like to just point it out: you don’t have to keep this wonderful house all to yourself. In fact, the whole wide world comes right to your backyard. What better way to inspire a new generation of San Joseans to follow you off the beaten path than to put your individuality on display? I salute you, house!

Comments (18) -- Posted by: sonarrat @ 5:00 am

March 29, 2011

The importance of a comma

burbed guest editorLet’s give a warm welcome to longtime Burbed reader sonarrat, Burbed’s newest regular blogger!

Please, save your rotten tomatoes and rioting until the end. To celebrate the interment, er, I mean introduction of our new contributor, let’s make a day trip to beautiful scenic Santa Cruz.


1165 Thompson Ave, Santa Cruz, CA 95062

Beds: 3
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 1,317
$/Sq. Ft.: $235
Lot Size: 0.34 Acres
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Traditional
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1948
Community: Live Oak
County: Santa Cruz
MLS#: 81056459
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 114 days

Non-Conforming Residential located on a parcel zoned M-1 Light Industrial. This property is located directly across from the ProBuild Door & Window Design Company. This property is eligible under the Freddie Mac First Look Initiative through 12.15.2010. Seller is offering a 2 year home warranty limitations, do apply ask for details.

imageLionel Hutz: All right, gentlemen, I’ll take your case, but I’m going to have to ask for a thousand-dollar retainer.
Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says “No money down”.
Lionel Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up… (scribbles) “Works on contingency basis? No, money down!”
Bart: So, you don’t work on a contingency basis?
Lionel Hutz: No, money down! Oops, it shouldn’t have this Bar Association logo here either.

A comma can be a powerful thing. Let’s ignore the home warranty limitations for now, though, and focus on the property. We have some of the Burbed standbys: the low-maintenance lawn, garage pre-boarded for the next tsunami, and your very own dumpster, which has the added effect of harboring wildlife! This is truly the perfect house for Santa Cruz’ tender-hearted liberal sensibilities. You also have the possibility of using the house as a workshop, seeing how it has M-1 zoning.  And look at the instant equity!

The last sale was for $425,000, before The Bubble even began. Clearly, then, that must be the baseline, because there could never have been any real estate bubble in California before The Bubble. No, The Bubble was a one-off that has never happened before and will never happen again!

Comments (27) -- Posted by: sonarrat @ 6:00 am

March 16, 2011

Beautiful Specious Home

What, it’s Wednesday already, and no submissions from Burbed reader sonarrat yet?  Better fix that oversight right now now.

4094 GIBRALTAR Dr, Fremont, CA 94536


SQ. FT.: 884
$/SQ. FT.: $270
LOT SIZE: 1,312 Sq. Ft.
TYPE: Townhouse
STYLE: Cape Cod
COUNTY: Alameda
MLS#: 40495747
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 131 days

Open Home Sat & Sun 1:30 – 4:30 Beautiful specious home with crown moldings and oak laminated floors throughout. Plenty of double pane windows. Gourmet kitchen with beautiful cherry wood cabinetry, granite tile countertops and stainless steel appliances. Inside full size washer and dryer.

Here’s what sonarrat had to say about this, um, place:

If ever there was a perfect Freudian slip, it would be this listing.

Yes, even over in Fremont, better known as Six Cities in Search of an Offer, lower-end housing has succumbed to the obligatory stainless and granite.  This place features all the charm of a Motel 6 coupled with the convenience of monthly homeowner’s association fees ($211).  But hey, you get Common Hot Water for those HOA dues!  Plus pink roses poorly Photoshopped right outside your lot line!

So let’s check out the neighbors!


Diversity rocks!  If you want an integrated neighborhood, you got it! Integrated with apartments, townhouses, single-family houses, a park and what appear to be a bunch of scattered cargo containers.  Maybe they were dropped here by some hurried vessel captain who couldn’t find Alviso?

Better grab this one fast, as it’s been temporarily de-listed, no doubt by canny sellers who know it will lead to multiple offers over asking!  Hurry!

Comments (11) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am